Reply to Please don’t let your children eat common allergens while playing on public playground equipment

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]New poster here, also with a child with both anaphylactic nut allergy and a hard time gaining weight.

OP you have to do the work yourself, and I’m sorry.  Parents—particularly mothers— have very full plates and they can’t take any of your burden onto themselves.  But you can find ways to help people help you.

I always go to the park or library with a loaded bag— epis and Benadryl yes but ALSO spare, protein heavy, nice snacks. Horizon makes yogurt pouches, for example. It is much, much easier to approach a parent who is giving her kid a larabar (my child is allergic to cashew) and ask if she wouldn’t mind putting it away when I can *also* show that I realize having a hangry or hypoglycemic kid is a burden for her that *I* have thought of by offering something else.  You have to come out of yourself a little bit and it’s so hard because you’re worried about your baby, but the way you’re going to find your people is to show that you care about other babies as well. Hang in there it will get easier!

(And, make sure you’re seeing an allergist who is aggressive on treating allergies— we went from 3 life threatening allergens to 2 which was HUGE for our quality of life)[/quote]

Thank you for being sane. I really think a lot of the pushback OP is getting is not because people don't want to do reasonable things to keep her kid safe, but because her post (and those from some of the people in the same position) seem to ignore that a lot (most?) parents, especially moms, are truly doing the best they can. I don't have a kid with allergies but I do have a special needs kid. I absolutely do whatever I can to keep other kids safe, whenever I'm aware of an allergy I do what I need to do to make sure we don't unintentionally expose the child, and we of course wash up after eating anything at the playground and also remind our kid about not walking around with food or trying to share her snacks.

But yes, my main objection to OP was just the idea that I need to be thinking about her kid in 100% of my decisions. I just can't do that. If someone at the playground told me that a snack we had posed a danger to their kid, of course I'd put it away. But yes, it would be great to be offered an alternative because especially for non-peanut allergies, I might be limited in what I have with me (it's incredibly hard to pack snacks for kids that don't contain at least one of the common allergens).

As a parent of a kid with SN, I know about the balance of advocating for your child while also recognizing that there are limits to what you can ask of others, and that sometimes you need to ready to remove your kid from a situation, or take extra steps to help others accommodate your child. It's hard. But it's good to remember everyone is trying and most people are stretched thin, and most of the time people aren't going out of their way to make your life difficult, they are just doing their best. Giving a little good will is a great way to get some back.[/quote]

Aww thanks I’ve never been called sane on DCUM before!

Really there’s a whole lot of “no win” here for parents. Give your kid a snack at the playground— wrong. Don’t give your kid a snack on the playground— bet that same mom is saying you’re wrong for having a kid have a hanger tantrum. Keep your kid home at all snack times— why isn’t your kid getting more fresh air and exercise?!??

Our kids will only learn empathy if they see it. I can be terrified (and I deeply sympathized with the poster who experienced watching doctors save her child, I did too and my heart will never recover) and still spare a drop of empathy for the mother who has to take her kids Bamba away even though it’s his favorite snack and now he’s going to melt down in public, and I can plan to be empathetic by having something to offer her to make her day that 2% easier even while
she does something to make my day 5000% easier. Yeah the kid won’t die if he doesn’t eat bambas.  But I won’t die if I give a mom a different snack for her kid, either, and hey look my kid is learning about sharing her snacks safely![/quote]

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