I don't think I can be friends with moms who drive huge SUVs

[Anonymous]

NP. I’m sure they don’t want to be friends with you either. This seems like a mutually agreeable outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The funniest thing about this thread is all the people patting themselves on the back for their perceived virtue, and castigating others for their lack of virtue, really and truly believe that individual changes matter one iota with respect to climate change. They don't. If it makes you feel better, fine, but if you really believe that driving an Accord as opposed to a Suburban changes anything at all, you don't have two brain cells to rub together.

I disagree. The thread isn't even just about SUVs and the environment. The thread is about how it's hard to be friends with people who engage in this kind of competitive consumerism and lifestyle. It's not that people drive SUVs, it's that ALL the families in this particular group drive the same SUVs. Their kids do the same activities to the same degree. They wear the same clothes. The go on the same vacations.

I don't want to be friends with people like that either. Because they are communicating to me that they value not only these specific things (large vehicles, travel sports, conspicuous consumption) but also that they value being part of the group that does it. And that makes me nervous. If I became friends with those women, would I suddenly feel like I needed an SUV or to dress my kids a certain way or to travel to certain places just to fit in? I don't want to do things just to fit in. On the other hand, I also don't want to constantly be the outlier in a group, the one person who doesn't do the thing that everyone else does. It's fine to be an outlier sometimes, everyone is. It sucks to be a permanent outlier, "the weird one."

Which is why I value a community where you don't see that kind of sameness. I bet if OP encountered a group of moms at the grocery store and one or two of them had SUVS, one one of them was talking about travel soccer while the others clearly didn't do it, where they were dressed differently for their various lives/jobs/hobbies, she wouldn't have had this reaction, even if she doesn't like SUVs in general. Maybe the two moms with SUVs have big families, maybe one of them is a florist and needs it for transport, who knows.

But when EVERYONE is doing the same thing, you know that some people are just doing it because it's what people do. It's off-putting. I wouldn't want to be friends with them either, and I have friends who drive SUVs, and friends who's kids are in travel sports. But I also have friends who aren't, and I can't imagine a situation where I would be around a group of moms I know and we'd all be driving the same car, talking about the same activity, wearing the same clothes, etc. First off, that sounds boring. But also I just seek out more diversity in my relationships than that.

You are calling everyone weak-minded and conformist, and yet you are so afraid that you won't be able to resist the clarion call of the white SUV that you refuse to befriend people who drive them? Who is the sheep, yeesh

I didn't call anyone weak-minded and conformist, those are your words. I explained what I view to be the problem with a very homogenous group, and the pressures it puts on newcomers to conform. I, like almost all humans, want to fit in -- it's part of our social drive. But a homogenous group requires conformity to fit in, whereas a divers group does not. Thus I prefer a diverse group, where I will experience less pressure to change my behavior to match the rest of the group, because everyone has accepted a certain degree of difference as normal.

It's interesting to me that you read my post (or at least part of it), and assumed I was saying that everyone except me is weak-minded and conformist. I wonder why your brain incorrectly leapt to that conclusion even though I don't say that anywhere in my post.

OP here. Thanks for responding, and thanks to others for sharing their perspectives. I didn't think about tall people. I still don't believe an escalade is necessary. I have friends with mid-sized SUVs. I also forgot about the obesity problem in the US. SUVs are more comfortable for people like that. A lot of Americans go into debt buying these cars too. That's a form of oppression. After I finished college in a rural part of the US, I sold the prius and moved to DC. I used public transportation until we had our first child. Dh bought a small car behind me, but I wanted to be carless. We aren't in the DC suburbs. We moved to another part of the US, and living in the city was unsafe, so we moved to the suburbs. I still need to understand the difference between rec sports and travel. Would a rec team only play with kids in Arlington, for example? And a travel team plays with kids in Maryland and VA? I thought these parents were flying to Texas every month or something like that. That doesn't sound bad if they are getting away every few months.

Very good point. It's called capitalism. People actually think they *need* an escalade.

[Anonymous]

LOL! We have one child and have a "large" 3 row SUV. Because I'm her Girl Scout troop leader and she's in a big car pool for school (LD school). It is also our only vehicle as we live walking distance to metro (Vienna). Don't assume you know everything about these people OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL! We have one child and have a "large" 3 row SUV. Because I'm her Girl Scout troop leader and she's in a big car pool for school (LD school). It is also our only vehicle as we live walking distance to metro (Vienna). Don't assume you know everything about these people OP!

Blah, blah, blah. You lost me at one kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do a lot of things for the environment, but we also need to carpool. Our Subaru Outback won’t suffice much longer for the reason that we have 2 kids. We can’t car pool except to bring 1 more kid. There are not a ton of 1 kid families and those families don’t always have space in their cars for our two.

If you want to fit 3-5 kids + sports gear, you will need an SUV or minivan.

So in Europe and the rest of the world why are they able to do this without the need for a HUGE suv?

I live in Germany. I’ve also lived in Luxembourg, Belgium, and France in the last decade. Guess what.. they’re all driving SUVs and the market for American branded trucks and vans is HUGE.

No they aren't, most Europeans are baffled by giant vehicles and are very concerned about the state of the world their children will grow up in, and they live those values. They are more secure too.

NP. I have lived in Switzerland for the last 2.5 years and all the new cars I see are SUVs. We drive one too.

[Anonymous]

Big fat Americans need beg fat cars to be "comfortable".

Their grandchildren aren't going to be comfortable but oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big fat Americans need beg fat cars to be "comfortable".

Their grandchildren aren't going to be comfortable but oh well.

Yes, and big fat houses in the suburbs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We recently moved to the suburbs, and they are everywhere. Some of the kids are in travel lacrosse and soccer and they are in FIRST grade. They all have the same exact huge white SUV. It was hilarious the other day because a few of them ran into each other at the grocery store and were talking obnoxiously about their vacations while standing in line at Aldi. Anyway, once I got to the parking lot, they were all talking and loading their groceries. They all have the exact type of car a HUGE white SUV. My first car in high school was a Prius. Dh wants an SUV but I am adamant about having a sedan. We have two kids, and it's fine. Do these people not care about global warming? We had an earthquake a week ago, killing thousands of people. Driving these huge cars is such a waste and global warming contributes to more earthquakes. I went from living in an apartment to this. It's such a big change.

OMG, you are me! We went from a small house to an apartment and now a huge house in the burbs. Things are different here! Everyone has a freaking large SUV with a BMW/LEXUS/ blah blah sign on their car.

It's almost like the people who buy huge houses in the burbs don't care about their carbon footprint

We don't. Plain and simple.

Yep, thanks for confirming

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big fat Americans need beg fat cars to be "comfortable".

Their grandchildren aren't going to be comfortable but oh well.

So what? Should I shove my fat butt into a Civic to make you happy? Not going to happen, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you cared about the environment, you'd still be living in an apartment in the city where you can walk everywhere. Hypocrite.

THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Never mind. Your parents were definitely early adopters if they were buying the first-gen Prius in 1997.

Which also means they were INCREDIBLY wealthy. Interesting that OP hasn't brought socioeconomic class into this - I suspect she's just angry others can afford a lifestyle she doesn't believe they're entitled to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently moved to the suburbs, and they are everywhere. Some of the kids are in travel lacrosse and soccer and they are in FIRST grade. They all have the same exact huge white SUV. It was hilarious the other day because a few of them ran into each other at the grocery store and were talking obnoxiously about their vacations while standing in line at Aldi. Anyway, once I got to the parking lot, they were all talking and loading their groceries. They all have the exact type of car a HUGE white SUV. My first car in high school was a Prius. Dh wants an SUV but I am adamant about having a sedan. We have two kids, and it's fine. Do these people not care about global warming? We had an earthquake a week ago, killing thousands of people. Driving these huge cars is such a waste and global warming contributes to more earthquakes. I went from living in an apartment to this. It's such a big change.

OMG, you are me! We went from a small house to an apartment and now a huge house in the burbs. Things are different here! Everyone has a freaking large SUV with a BMW/LEXUS/ blah blah sign on their car.

It's almost like the people who buy huge houses in the burbs don't care about their carbon footprint

We don't. Plain and simple.

Yep, thanks for confirming

Never hid this fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you cared about the environment, you'd still be living in an apartment in the city where you can walk everywhere. Hypocrite.

THIS.

Ok, not op here but I’m choosing to raise my kid in the city, in an apartment, and rarely drive because I think we all need to do our part to reduce our reliance on fossil fuels.

I also think giant SUVs are a pox on humanity.

So now what’s your excuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Never mind. Your parents were definitely early adopters if they were buying the first-gen Prius in 1997.

Which also means they were INCREDIBLY wealthy. Interesting that OP hasn't brought socioeconomic class into this - I suspect she's just angry others can afford a lifestyle she doesn't believe they're entitled to.

OP here. We were middle class. Prius was 22k. Bought the car my senior year which was 2008

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL! We have one child and have a "large" 3 row SUV. Because I'm her Girl Scout troop leader and she's in a big car pool for school (LD school). It is also our only vehicle as we live walking distance to metro (Vienna). Don't assume you know everything about these people OP!

Blah, blah, blah. You lost me at one kid.

As a parent of one kid, most parents of multiple kids expect you to do the driving/hard work as they complain they cannot with multiple kids.