If you are a working mom, why?
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Anonymous
Funny how my opinion makes me judgmental... just me, right? No other judging going on on this thread, right? |
Anonymous
I’m not that poster but you were pretty much the worst. I say that as a former SAHM. |
Anonymous
Wow. A genuine apology on DCUM. Well done! |
Anonymous
I feel like you are judging me very harshly and I say that also as a former SAHM and also a WOHM. |
Anonymous
The trouble with trying to backtrack on Internet forums is that the quote function is right there. So, let’s review how you chose to “not bash” women in childcare centers, shall we? “many parents feel that their children are better off spending that time with underpaid, undereducated, under dedicated and often constantly changing daycare workers.” Everyone agrees with you that childcare workers in the United States are underpaid. Where I found your comments to be absolutely disgusting was in calling them “underdedicated”. Particularly in the pandemic, childcare workers who were caring for the children of doctors and nurses were risking their lives and staying on the job when, in many cases, unemployment benefits would have been giving them more money then their salaries. That is remarkably dedicated and did they get a word of praise from media, as doctors, nurses and grocery store clerks did? I sure didn’t hear it. Now if we want to take your personal anecdata I absolutely believe you that you worked in daycare centers providing subpar care, and provided home daycare that was subpar. Your sample size of one bad daycare provider is accepted. I will also believe you that you were underpaid, undereducated and underdedicated, as you would be the most relevant expert on that fact. I also have to quibble with your idea that “many mothers” believe that “any idiot” can take care of an infant. Do fathers all undergo brainwashing on the day that childcare is chosen? Does my MBA-wielding husband somehow lose his ability to do analyses that day? Remarkable. |
Anonymous
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In some fields of work, women are still fighting for a seat at the table and respect. I was a military officer when I had my children. If every female military member quit when they had children, we’d have very few female senior leaders. Our military wouldn’t care about women’s well-being. The ideas and life experience women being to the table are an important piece of building the fighting force of the future.
I also knew I wanted to work. I love what I do and our mission. My kids are all happy and well adjusted young adults. It wasn’t always easy, but incredibly rewarding. |
Anonymous
I feel like you are being severely judgmental toward me, I can only assume it comes from a place of insecurity about your own decisions. I'm sure you see at least a kernel of truth in what I said but feel compelled to argue with it anyway and attack me personally, as others also have, even though none of you have one iota of knowledge about me, my background, my actual experiences or my relationship with my own children (which another PP was quite sure she could characterize accurately) which makes perfect sense to me because I'm quite sure many working parents have many misgivings about who is caring for their children when they are infants and toddlers. I notice nobody has argued at all with the concept that our society is paying a heavy price for all the children who are being cared for in subpar daycare situations during their critical first years. Hard to argue with that. Especially since there is evidence everywhere. |
Anonymous
The reason I’m not engaging with your “society is going to pay a heavy price!” malarkey is because, as pointed out elsewhere in this thread, society is literally held together by mothers who work. They’re your grandchild’s heart surgeon, if god forbid they need it. They’re our nurses. They’re our teachers. They’re our lawyers and our diplomats and our scientists. When you show up at your doctors office in pain, do you want someone to care for you or not? Do you want someone to answer 911 when you call, or not? You are not some kind of a victim just because people are telling you that you’re wrong. |
Anonymous
I’m not that PP, but a hint for you: If you don’t want to be on the receiving end of what you consider “severely judgmental” posts (and I cannot roll my eyes enough at your ridiculous whining), don’t say idiotic things. Nobody is engaging with you on your “heavy price” nonsense because everyone knows it’s abject nonsense, and not worth the time of day. I recognize you, in any event. You haunt the threads like this, lashing out with your ignorance at vulnerable new mothers. You are entirely predictable and while your ravings don’t affect me (my kids are nearly grown and I have been both a SAHM and a WOHM), it’s beyond comprehension to me that you do what you do. Do you really think your actions make people think you are rational? That hey, maybe the crazy ranting lady is right and daycare is the worst evil ever? I’ve been reading your posts for awhile and I’ve personally come to the conclusion that you are just very, very angry at new mothers. Maybe they are better mothers than you and that makes you furious? Idk but just know that you are really not coming across as remotely balanced or reasonable. You mostly sound like an absolute nightmare of a MIL to anyone with common sense. |
Anonymous
I don't see myself as any kind of victim, however apparently on DCUM the worst insult or comment you can make is that someone makes you or others feel judged. So I thought I'd try it too since others are trying to attack me by saying I am extremely judgmental. Just pointing out, all of you are as well. Also, I have no problem whatsoever with women in every possible job or career. I just also think our children deserve the best quality care when they are infants and toddlers and i also think many women today refuse to see that. I think women and I guess men too prioritize having a bigger house, a better car, vacations, etc.. as well as prioritizing their careers, over what is best for their kids at that young age. I believe infants and toddlers deserve to be cared for primarily by someone who loves and adores them more than anything else in the world and wants the absolute best for them. I get that many parents these days have decided that nannies and daycare workers can do that just as well as parents. I disagree. So there's my opinion, feel free to skewer me for it as many will do. I can handle it. |
Anonymous
Glad to hear you read and recognize my posts! I certainly don't hate new mothers, that's a laughable conclusion for you to come to. I just hope something I say will influence just a few of them to consider caring for their infants and toddlers themselves rather than putting them in daycare. Maybe nothing I say has that effect but so many of you say the opposite that I feel like someone has to speak up for what I believe, and I'm sure you know many others agree with me. I can see where I might not come across as "balanced or reasonable" to someone who is entirely convinced that it does babies no harm to go to daycare and probably they are better off than home with a parent. Once you decide that you really don't want to hear the other side of that issue anymore. To try to insult me by saying I'm a bad MIL cracks me up. Ultimate DCUM! |
Anonymous
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Reflecting on the mommy wars:
- Most women don’t have a choice. They work because they need the money, or they stay home because daycare is too expensive/complicated. It’s not a real choice. - SAHM who bash WOHM still rely on WOHMs in a major way. - WOHM who bash SAHM think it’s fine to be a childcare professional as long as you get a W2. It’s low status to watch your own children yet it’s fine to watch their children. - It’s nearly impossible to find a part time professional job that pays enough to be profitable after childcare. A lot of judgment might end if more part time work and part time children was available. Not everyone can work from home. |
Anonymous
| I have what I think is a prestigious job I worked hard for and I want my kids to be proud of me. Our families are poor immigrants so having money to give our kids what they bees and want is important to me. |
Anonymous
OK, then the next time you go to the doctors office, ask the receptionist if she has children. If she says yes, offer to wait until a receptionist that doesn’t comes on duty. You don’t mind a few hours in the waiting room extra, right? When you go to the dentist make sure not to benefit from a mother whose child is being denied the best quality care— because obviously that would be hugely hypocritical, right? Make sure you only schedule appointments with male dental hygienists and practitioners. It sounds like you’re aged past this but the United States has a serious, serious shortage of OB/GYNs. Make sure you’re not taking up the time of any of them with young children please— I’m sure a few extra months waiting for routine screening is not going to kill you. On the other hand mammography is almost entirely carried out by women so if you want mothers out of that field…we’ll that just might kill you! Personally I’m profoundly grateful for whatever childcare arrangement the ER doctor had when we rushed my father in on Christmas a few years ago. Because we still have my father. I know several of his ICU nurses had young children because we talked about them. My family is blessed by them, again, because we still have my father. I don’t know where you think a bunch of childless, fully trained ICU nurses is going to magically appear from to provide this “no working mothers of young children!” Fantasy of yours, but while you’re so upset by it, you should take the first step and see how your own life would be different without them. |
Anonymous
It is not true that these professions and professional worker's positions would not be filled if parents planned for and found a way to provide their own childcare when their children are very young. It is simply no longer a priority for many young parents and I think that's a mistake. I have a lot of sympathy for those who literally cannot survive without two incomes and I think they are the people who deserve the best in paid childcare, but that typically is not the case. People with means are the ones who get the best paid childcare for their children. As a result many of the workers you describe as well as service workers are left with whatever daycare they can afford. Doctors and lawyers are paying high wages for nannies and elite daycare, but what about the rest? Do you seriously think those childcare situations are the best for those children? Part of the problem is that young parents don't value their own ability to provide the best start for their kids and are being led to believe that daycare providers can do a better job. Therefore they often don't plan accordingly so that they would at least have the opportunity to stay home for a few years, whether it's one parent or shared by both. I know young parents, especially mothers, who are stunned by how much they want to stay home with their babies but did not consider that possibility when planning their families and future lives and careers. |