If you are a working mom, why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find sitting around while kids nap painfully boring.

They sleep 10 hours a night and 4 hours a day.

If I work 8 hours I only miss 4 hours of their life. I think it’s weird to want to be with your kids every.single.minute.

I think even SAHM’s agree that is why they are so into independent play. So they aren’t even with their kids every.single.minute.

I don’t clean.

I love to cook though.

I don’t want to be sick of my kids. I treasure all my time with them. I’m the crazy mom that will do the “carpool” but not ask you to drive. I love getting home from work and doing play dates. I love the zoo at 5pm-8pm.

My H feels the same way.

You wouldn't be "bored" for the four hours a day they were sleeping if you stayed home with them. You'd be grateful for the four hours of rest, peace and quiet. You have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, some people like to be intellectually stimulated. And sitting at home while a kid naps isn't great for that. Maybe you have no idea what you're talking about.

Meh, I like to be mentally stimulated as well - but as someone who has been both a full time sahm and someone who currently works full time with high schoolers - the amount of stress of working far exceeds the amount of mental stimulation occurring. I actually get far more mental stimulation helping my kids with their homework than I do with a full day of my job or when I had more Time for reading when my kids napped. I actually read A TON when my kids were young and I wasn't working. I reread and read all the classics and loved every second of it. Less time to do that now.

People walking around complaining that being a mom to young children isn't "mentally stimulating" enough for them are missing the point. Your job is to use YOUR brain to stimulate THEIR brains. Not just to walk around pompously talking about how boring you find nap time.

I agree with you, but apparently many parents feel that their children are better off spending that time with underpaid, undereducated, under dedicated and often constantly changing daycare workers. Not to say that some daycare workers and situations aren't okay but I much preferred to be my children's primary influence when they were birth to about age 4 with some half day preschool thrown in. I didn't find it boring at all, I had plenty to do to stimulate my mind and theirs and to keep life interesting. Then when they were in school full time I pursued my career. It worked out great, my kids are grown now and they are my evidence that I did the right thing for my family. Certainly not for everyone obviously but kind or ridiculous to assume all SAHMs are going to be bored while the baby takes a nap.

It baffles me that you think the kind of woman with a career worth going back to, who is successful in her field, doesn’t vet her childcare providers. The only point I agree with is that they’re underpaid and that’s why I make it my business to give extremely generous gifts. Undereducated? My daughter’s infant teacher didn’t have a college degree, you’re right. She did have grandchildren, humor, kindness and endless patience. Underdedicated? Not if you’re in a place that values their staff and treats them well. Same about “constantly changing”.

Honestly your views on the people, primarily women, who work in childcare say quite a lot about you. If you want to be hostile to my choice to return to work— or insecure about your choice to stay home— that’s cool. But bashing women who work in childcare in this high cost of living area is a pretty ugly look.

Your anecdotal evidence based on your own childcare providers doesn't actually prove much. I have worked at a daycare center, provided home daycare and know a number of daycare workers. I'm not bashing women who work in childcare centers, I'm talking about who is actually the typical daycare provider (not all) and they are underpaid, they are under educated and staff changes often which indicates under dedicated. I'm not making this up. You can deny it, or you can say your nanny makes great money and has a advanced degree but that doesn't change the demographics of typical daycare providers in this country.

I'm pretty sick of some working moms who act like any idiot can properly care for infants and toddlers. I disagree. For my own kids I felt it was important to provide their early childcare myself. My husband wanted to do it too but he made more money than me so he reluctantly agreed to work but he definitely wanted to stay home with our kids when they were little. I had no problem establishing a career once they were in school.

I think society is paying a price for so many kids being raised by subpar daycare workers. Not ALL kids, but definitely a significant number. You can take that as hostility toward you if you want but I have zero insecurity about my decision to stay home with my kids before they started school. They are adults and they are all the proof I need that I did the right thing.

DP. I’m pretty sick of sanctimommy’s like you that think your anecdotal evidence trumps someone else’s. It’s great that your kids are doing well, but there is no evidence that the kids of working moms aren’t doing equally well. You clearly are one of those women with some serious issue with and animosity towards working women. What is your damage?

Daycare providers are underpaid. I’ll give you that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find sitting around while kids nap painfully boring.

They sleep 10 hours a night and 4 hours a day.

If I work 8 hours I only miss 4 hours of their life. I think it’s weird to want to be with your kids every.single.minute.

I think even SAHM’s agree that is why they are so into independent play. So they aren’t even with their kids every.single.minute.

I don’t clean.

I love to cook though.

I don’t want to be sick of my kids. I treasure all my time with them. I’m the crazy mom that will do the “carpool” but not ask you to drive. I love getting home from work and doing play dates. I love the zoo at 5pm-8pm.

My H feels the same way.

You wouldn't be "bored" for the four hours a day they were sleeping if you stayed home with them. You'd be grateful for the four hours of rest, peace and quiet. You have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, some people like to be intellectually stimulated. And sitting at home while a kid naps isn't great for that. Maybe you have no idea what you're talking about.

Meh, I like to be mentally stimulated as well - but as someone who has been both a full time sahm and someone who currently works full time with high schoolers - the amount of stress of working far exceeds the amount of mental stimulation occurring. I actually get far more mental stimulation helping my kids with their homework than I do with a full day of my job or when I had more Time for reading when my kids napped. I actually read A TON when my kids were young and I wasn't working. I reread and read all the classics and loved every second of it. Less time to do that now.

People walking around complaining that being a mom to young children isn't "mentally stimulating" enough for them are missing the point. Your job is to use YOUR brain to stimulate THEIR brains. Not just to walk around pompously talking about how boring you find nap time.

I agree with you, but apparently many parents feel that their children are better off spending that time with underpaid, undereducated, under dedicated and often constantly changing daycare workers. Not to say that some daycare workers and situations aren't okay but I much preferred to be my children's primary influence when they were birth to about age 4 with some half day preschool thrown in. I didn't find it boring at all, I had plenty to do to stimulate my mind and theirs and to keep life interesting. Then when they were in school full time I pursued my career. It worked out great, my kids are grown now and they are my evidence that I did the right thing for my family. Certainly not for everyone obviously but kind or ridiculous to assume all SAHMs are going to be bored while the baby takes a nap.

It baffles me that you think the kind of woman with a career worth going back to, who is successful in her field, doesn’t vet her childcare providers. The only point I agree with is that they’re underpaid and that’s why I make it my business to give extremely generous gifts. Undereducated? My daughter’s infant teacher didn’t have a college degree, you’re right. She did have grandchildren, humor, kindness and endless patience. Underdedicated? Not if you’re in a place that values their staff and treats them well. Same about “constantly changing”.

Honestly your views on the people, primarily women, who work in childcare say quite a lot about you. If you want to be hostile to my choice to return to work— or insecure about your choice to stay home— that’s cool. But bashing women who work in childcare in this high cost of living area is a pretty ugly look.

DP. You’re the pot calling the kettle black.

Nope. She’s not. She’s spot on about this very judgmental woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find sitting around while kids nap painfully boring.

They sleep 10 hours a night and 4 hours a day.

If I work 8 hours I only miss 4 hours of their life. I think it’s weird to want to be with your kids every.single.minute.

I think even SAHM’s agree that is why they are so into independent play. So they aren’t even with their kids every.single.minute.

I don’t clean.

I love to cook though.

I don’t want to be sick of my kids. I treasure all my time with them. I’m the crazy mom that will do the “carpool” but not ask you to drive. I love getting home from work and doing play dates. I love the zoo at 5pm-8pm.

My H feels the same way.

You wouldn't be "bored" for the four hours a day they were sleeping if you stayed home with them. You'd be grateful for the four hours of rest, peace and quiet. You have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, some people like to be intellectually stimulated. And sitting at home while a kid naps isn't great for that. Maybe you have no idea what you're talking about.

Meh, I like to be mentally stimulated as well - but as someone who has been both a full time sahm and someone who currently works full time with high schoolers - the amount of stress of working far exceeds the amount of mental stimulation occurring. I actually get far more mental stimulation helping my kids with their homework than I do with a full day of my job or when I had more Time for reading when my kids napped. I actually read A TON when my kids were young and I wasn't working. I reread and read all the classics and loved every second of it. Less time to do that now.

People walking around complaining that being a mom to young children isn't "mentally stimulating" enough for them are missing the point. Your job is to use YOUR brain to stimulate THEIR brains. Not just to walk around pompously talking about how boring you find nap time.

I agree with you, but apparently many parents feel that their children are better off spending that time with underpaid, undereducated, under dedicated and often constantly changing daycare workers. Not to say that some daycare workers and situations aren't okay but I much preferred to be my children's primary influence when they were birth to about age 4 with some half day preschool thrown in. I didn't find it boring at all, I had plenty to do to stimulate my mind and theirs and to keep life interesting. Then when they were in school full time I pursued my career. It worked out great, my kids are grown now and they are my evidence that I did the right thing for my family. Certainly not for everyone obviously but kind or ridiculous to assume all SAHMs are going to be bored while the baby takes a nap.

It baffles me that you think the kind of woman with a career worth going back to, who is successful in her field, doesn’t vet her childcare providers. The only point I agree with is that they’re underpaid and that’s why I make it my business to give extremely generous gifts. Undereducated? My daughter’s infant teacher didn’t have a college degree, you’re right. She did have grandchildren, humor, kindness and endless patience. Underdedicated? Not if you’re in a place that values their staff and treats them well. Same about “constantly changing”.

Honestly your views on the people, primarily women, who work in childcare say quite a lot about you. If you want to be hostile to my choice to return to work— or insecure about your choice to stay home— that’s cool. But bashing women who work in childcare in this high cost of living area is a pretty ugly look.

Your anecdotal evidence based on your own childcare providers doesn't actually prove much. I have worked at a daycare center, provided home daycare and know a number of daycare workers. I'm not bashing women who work in childcare centers, I'm talking about who is actually the typical daycare provider (not all) and they are underpaid, they are under educated and staff changes often which indicates under dedicated. I'm not making this up. You can deny it, or you can say your nanny makes great money and has a advanced degree but that doesn't change the demographics of typical daycare providers in this country.

I'm pretty sick of some working moms who act like any idiot can properly care for infants and toddlers. I disagree. For my own kids I felt it was important to provide their early childcare myself. My husband wanted to do it too but he made more money than me so he reluctantly agreed to work but he definitely wanted to stay home with our kids when they were little. I had no problem establishing a career once they were in school.

I think society is paying a price for so many kids being raised by subpar daycare workers. Not ALL kids, but definitely a significant number. You can take that as hostility toward you if you want but I have zero insecurity about my decision to stay home with my kids before they started school. They are adults and they are all the proof I need that I did the right thing.

DP. I’m pretty sick of sanctimommy’s like you that think your anecdotal evidence trumps someone else’s. It’s great that your kids are doing well, but there is no evidence that the kids of working moms aren’t doing equally well. You clearly are one of those women with some serious issue with and animosity towards working women. What is your damage?

Daycare providers are underpaid. I’ll give you that.

[Anonymous]

Because I am not independently wealthy and need to provide for our family. (I am the breadwinner.) But if money were no object, I would have loved to stay home for at least a few years, and then maybe work part time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find sitting around while kids nap painfully boring.

They sleep 10 hours a night and 4 hours a day.

If I work 8 hours I only miss 4 hours of their life. I think it’s weird to want to be with your kids every.single.minute.

I think even SAHM’s agree that is why they are so into independent play. So they aren’t even with their kids every.single.minute.

I don’t clean.

I love to cook though.

I don’t want to be sick of my kids. I treasure all my time with them. I’m the crazy mom that will do the “carpool” but not ask you to drive. I love getting home from work and doing play dates. I love the zoo at 5pm-8pm.

My H feels the same way.

You wouldn't be "bored" for the four hours a day they were sleeping if you stayed home with them. You'd be grateful for the four hours of rest, peace and quiet. You have no idea what you're talking about.

Well, some people like to be intellectually stimulated. And sitting at home while a kid naps isn't great for that. Maybe you have no idea what you're talking about.

Meh, I like to be mentally stimulated as well - but as someone who has been both a full time sahm and someone who currently works full time with high schoolers - the amount of stress of working far exceeds the amount of mental stimulation occurring. I actually get far more mental stimulation helping my kids with their homework than I do with a full day of my job or when I had more Time for reading when my kids napped. I actually read A TON when my kids were young and I wasn't working. I reread and read all the classics and loved every second of it. Less time to do that now.

People walking around complaining that being a mom to young children isn't "mentally stimulating" enough for them are missing the point. Your job is to use YOUR brain to stimulate THEIR brains. Not just to walk around pompously talking about how boring you find nap time.

I agree with you, but apparently many parents feel that their children are better off spending that time with underpaid, undereducated, under dedicated and often constantly changing daycare workers. Not to say that some daycare workers and situations aren't okay but I much preferred to be my children's primary influence when they were birth to about age 4 with some half day preschool thrown in. I didn't find it boring at all, I had plenty to do to stimulate my mind and theirs and to keep life interesting. Then when they were in school full time I pursued my career. It worked out great, my kids are grown now and they are my evidence that I did the right thing for my family. Certainly not for everyone obviously but kind or ridiculous to assume all SAHMs are going to be bored while the baby takes a nap.

It baffles me that you think the kind of woman with a career worth going back to, who is successful in her field, doesn’t vet her childcare providers. The only point I agree with is that they’re underpaid and that’s why I make it my business to give extremely generous gifts. Undereducated? My daughter’s infant teacher didn’t have a college degree, you’re right. She did have grandchildren, humor, kindness and endless patience. Underdedicated? Not if you’re in a place that values their staff and treats them well. Same about “constantly changing”.

Honestly your views on the people, primarily women, who work in childcare say quite a lot about you. If you want to be hostile to my choice to return to work— or insecure about your choice to stay home— that’s cool. But bashing women who work in childcare in this high cost of living area is a pretty ugly look.

Your anecdotal evidence based on your own childcare providers doesn't actually prove much. I have worked at a daycare center, provided home daycare and know a number of daycare workers. I'm not bashing women who work in childcare centers, I'm talking about who is actually the typical daycare provider (not all) and they are underpaid, they are under educated and staff changes often which indicates under dedicated. I'm not making this up. You can deny it, or you can say your nanny makes great money and has a advanced degree but that doesn't change the demographics of typical daycare providers in this country.

I'm pretty sick of some working moms who act like any idiot can properly care for infants and toddlers. I disagree. For my own kids I felt it was important to provide their early childcare myself. My husband wanted to do it too but he made more money than me so he reluctantly agreed to work but he definitely wanted to stay home with our kids when they were little. I had no problem establishing a career once they were in school.

I think society is paying a price for so many kids being raised by subpar daycare workers. Not ALL kids, but definitely a significant number. You can take that as hostility toward you if you want but I have zero insecurity about my decision to stay home with my kids before they started school. They are adults and they are all the proof I need that I did the right thing.

DP. I’m pretty sick of sanctimommy’s like you that think your anecdotal evidence trumps someone else’s. It’s great that your kids are doing well, but there is no evidence that the kids of working moms aren’t doing equally well. You clearly are one of those women with some serious issue with and animosity towards working women. What is your damage?

Daycare providers are underpaid. I’ll give you that.

The thing is that the santimommies’ kids usually hate them, especially once they are adults and out from under their thumbs. But sanctimommies can never see that, because they are narcissists. I guarantee that the sanctimonious anti-daycare PP above has a shallow, surface-level-only relationship with her kids, but she also lacks the self-reflective skills to see that. It’s sad to watch the pattern. Even sadder is watching it repeat in the next generation.

I stayed home when my kids were young so don’t start with your anti-daycare nonsense with me. I just cannot stand ignorant santimommies, as they are usually awful parents.

[Anonymous]

Definitely it's a question phrased as the age-old debate.

I feel lucky every day to do the work I do! I truly look forward to it and it involves issues that are a huge passion of mine. Being a mom inspired me more to make the world a better place in this way for the future generations.

I also used to work way more hours before I was a mom, but now I just work 40 a week pretty much. My salary is nearly half our income.

I am in a field where one can't take years off and expect to get a job again. Nor would I want that as I enjoy the structure, the intellectual stimulation, and the adult interaction.

I also appreciate the security, having familiarity with divorces and health issues, etc.

For all of the reasons, I work and am thankful to have the opportunities I do, in a field our moms and grandmothers generations weren't able to get into much.

[Anonymous]

I like financial independence. I have a multi-million dollar retirement fund and my children’s college funds were fully funded before starting school with leftovers for grad school. If you choose to stay home, please make sure you have a fully funded, independent retirement fund that puts you at least a million by age 60, 62. I have that plus social security, plus a pension, plus health insurance until I die.

I also really liked my job and had a lot of time to spend with the kids. Enough for all of us.

[Anonymous]

I was forced to be a SAHM for 4 years due to a military move. I did all the SAHM activities to keep myself and my toddler sane. Once we moved back, I couldn't wait to get back to work.

I was working at a coffee shop a few days ago and saw so many SAHMs wandering around aimlessly with their kiddos, and at that moment I felt so grateful to have a career. It's NOT for me.

[Anonymous]

Both my DH and I would choose not to work in our current jobs if we didn’t have to. Working for a living, for most people, is not some magical passion project— it’s work. It’s nice how many of you have jobs you love but it’s not the norm. Agree with the PP who said that most jobs are more stressful than intellectually stimulating. I actually think the balance on my current job points the other way, and I’m very lucky in that way. But my job is not very fulfilling, even if it does offer me some good mental puzzles to untangle. If I didn’t have a child (which I find enormously fulfilling) I’d probably be looking to change careers in search of something more meaningful.

All of which is to say: I think it’s totally valid to ask anyone, man or woman, why do you work? And the answer for most of us will be: because I need the money. I was extremely fortunate to be able to take off a little over 18 months when my DD was born, and then to work PT after that, in order to solve the very real and frustrating childcare problem others have discussed on this thread. The childcare we could afford was not great, especially for a baby. So DH and I both sacrificed so I could stay home for a while. I found it plenty intellectually stimulating and loved it. I never found myself feeling bored during naps— I used that time to read and work on actual passion projects I never have time for when I’m working. I was privileged to get that opportunity, which was hard work AND fulfilling. Now that I’m working for money again, I miss how fulfilling my work was during that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like financial independence. I have a multi-million dollar retirement fund and my children’s college funds were fully funded before starting school with leftovers for grad school. If you choose to stay home, please make sure you have a fully funded, independent retirement fund that puts you at least a million by age 60, 62. I have that plus social security, plus a pension, plus health insurance until I die.

I also really liked my job and had a lot of time to spend with the kids. Enough for all of us.

I work but this is ridiculous. I have known some women who SAHM simply because they are great at it and live it— it is their calling. None of them had what you describe here, but they also wouldn’t have it if they worked. Most people don’t make this much money. I don’t!

These are always the most annoying comments in these threads to me. The women who never really had to make any hard choices because they are so privileged, lecturing everyone else on what to do. You are rich! Your choices aren’t relevant to 99.9% of women. Please take what I’m sure is an excellent, high paid nanny and your well funded retirement snd college funds and go be quiet somewhere else. No idea if you’re an actual troll or just totally tone dead, but your comments are not useful to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was forced to be a SAHM for 4 years due to a military move. I did all the SAHM activities to keep myself and my toddler sane. Once we moved back, I couldn't wait to get back to work.

I was working at a coffee shop a few days ago and saw so many SAHMs wandering around aimlessly with their kiddos, and at that moment I felt so grateful to have a career. It's NOT for me.

Sanctimommy works both ways...I dont have a dog in this fight, as I e both worked and stayed home, but really? Judging moms for literally taking a coffee
Break? You really can't win if you are a mom.

[Anonymous]

I have worked in three different daycares in the last 30 years. Two while in college and one in 2011. Only for six months when we moved to MD to help with costs until I got a different job that allowed me to be more with my kids. A higher-paying job.

My coworkers at the last daycare in MD were all dedicated and took great care of the kids. As did I. Sadly, I cannot say that for the first two, in the 1990s. While those in the first one cared and worked hard, there were too many kids, and afternoon care was all high schoolers who chatted about boys and did not watch kids. Biting was an hourly occurrence there.
In the second one in CO, I worked till 1 pm and then went to my college classes. They were awful, the rest of the staff there. Director's daughter was in my group after me, and she ordered me to splash water on the kids' faces to keep them awake longer before nap time (we are talking 12-18-month-olds) so she could have an easy time when her shirt started. Director seconded her instructions to me. They were both uneducated and total trash people.
One morning I came to work and was told that one my the kids was roaming in the kitchen downstairs when his parents came to pick him up. Nobody noticed, and a mad rush ensued to locate the kid when the parents came. All ended well.
I quit shortly after both happened, ordering me to splash kids and kids being lost and me being ordered to work with severe strep throat.
However, my experience at a lower-cost daycare in MD in 2011 was significantly better, and I think the change I saw in standards from 1990 to 2011 was encouraging.

Most people use daycares as they simply must. To most, daycares take most of the income, but there is no other option. I can tell you that I cared for those kids as I did my own, heck probably better, yet there were 12, 12-18 months olds to two of us, and often things were chaotic but not because we did not care. I was paid 9 dollars per hour in 2011 in MoCo. So, think about that.
And to pp saying you have to have some insane savings to stay at home? What???
Do you understand that such options are not available to the most population? What an ignorant person!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was forced to be a SAHM for 4 years due to a military move. I did all the SAHM activities to keep myself and my toddler sane. Once we moved back, I couldn't wait to get back to work.

I was working at a coffee shop a few days ago and saw so many SAHMs wandering around aimlessly with their kiddos, and at that moment I felt so grateful to have a career. It's NOT for me.

Sanctimommy works both ways...I dont have a dog in this fight, as I e both worked and stayed home, but really? Judging moms for literally taking a coffee
Break? You really can't win if you are a mom.

+1 Exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was forced to be a SAHM for 4 years due to a military move. I did all the SAHM activities to keep myself and my toddler sane. Once we moved back, I couldn't wait to get back to work.

I was working at a coffee shop a few days ago and saw so many SAHMs wandering around aimlessly with their kiddos, and at that moment I felt so grateful to have a career. It's NOT for me.

Sanctimommy works both ways...I dont have a dog in this fight, as I e both worked and stayed home, but really? Judging moms for literally taking a coffee
Break? You really can't win if you are a mom.

+1

I’ve also done both (working now) and the thought of people judging me in either situation based on nothing more than seeing me living my life is really obnoxious (though I’m sure it happens).

Also, I loathe the trope about SAHMs being boring or bored. I’m sure some are, but guess what? Lots of working moms are boring and/or bored too. Most jobs are boring! I agree with the Betty Draper-ism that only boring people are bored. When I was a SAHM, I read a lot more than I do now, for instance. I also became proficient in Spanish thanks to daily Duo Lingo and forcing myself to use it with the nannies at the playground. I learned a ton about childhood development and also learned about a bunch of subjects in order to do educational activities with my kid (we’d do “studies” on bugs, space, art, buildings, etc.). I found it a lot more intellectually stimulating than my current job, which is actually still more interesting than a lot of jobs because I do a lot of research and am constantly learning new things.

Either way, there are days you would catch me staring vacantly into space at a coffee shop, thinking about something really mundane like whether my kid needs new sandals. Life is like that sometimes— it is not cause for pity or judging someone’s life choices. FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like financial independence. I have a multi-million dollar retirement fund and my children’s college funds were fully funded before starting school with leftovers for grad school. If you choose to stay home, please make sure you have a fully funded, independent retirement fund that puts you at least a million by age 60, 62. I have that plus social security, plus a pension, plus health insurance until I die.

I also really liked my job and had a lot of time to spend with the kids. Enough for all of us.

I work but this is ridiculous. I have known some women who SAHM simply because they are great at it and live it— it is their calling. None of them had what you describe here, but they also wouldn’t have it if they worked. Most people don’t make this much money. I don’t!

These are always the most annoying comments in these threads to me. The women who never really had to make any hard choices because they are so privileged, lecturing everyone else on what to do. You are rich! Your choices aren’t relevant to 99.9% of women. Please take what I’m sure is an excellent, high paid nanny and your well funded retirement snd college funds and go be quiet somewhere else. No idea if you’re an actual troll or just totally tone dead, but your comments are not useful to anyone.

I wrote the post and upon re-reading agree. What I should have done is just answered the question without the details. Also, the OP did not ask for advice which I gave anyway, which wasn’t helpful. However, if I had chosen anyway to plow ahead with the advice, I should have just said to please think ahead to retirement. The percentage of elderly women in poverty or at least tough circumstances is incredibly high in this country, particularly if a divorce occurs anywhere in the mix. And FWIW, my children were in daycare, and my overall income has been well below any DCUM high standards. The assets were accumulated with literally $55,000 in inheritance money and 30 years of saving. I’m sitting here in clothes from Target and come from a modest financial background. It is possible to look out for one’s retirement without being wealthy out of the gate. Having said all that, I do apologize for the tone deaf nature and to anyone I offended. It’s often why I step away from this forum for months or even years at a time. I’m not happy with myself for having contributed to that environment. I will think carefully before posting next time.