Is it a status symbol to marry young?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're headed to med school at ~22, especially as a woman (because of fertility), you may not have much time to date again for a long time.

The fear lingering needs to stop. This isn’t true.

maybe or maybe not but in my own experience- physician couples are obsessed with heaving that 1st kid before 30, everyone else had kids in their early 30s but if the physicians were married before 30, they popped out a kid before they hit 30. I remember 2 of my friends were fellows and the grandmas basically raised the first kid. One of them, the parents were doing fellowships in separate cities bit they still thought it was worth it to have the 1st kid before 30. We make fun of them b/c the advice they give other people is . oh no its fine to wait.. but then privately they don't wait.

[Anonymous]

First pregnancy after 30 can lead to health issues for motger and child but first hurdle is getting pregnant. Most fertility docs recommend freezing eggs in your 20's to avoid fertility issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying young is like a tattoo, bad judgment. Neither position people for a good future.

This. The only people I know who marry early who have money have daughters who struggle academically and the parents don't think they will ever manage a job. No one in my umc neighborhood wants their kids to marry until at least their later 20s.

+1 Marrying young usually means: 1) family is very religious and wants daughter locked down early, 2) daughter has plateaued with respect to career/academic ambitions, and better to have her locked down early, or 3) daughter is pregnant (because she was not locked down early.)

What a weird comment. Nobody's career potential is "plateaued" in 20's.

Uh, what? Millions of Americans "plateau" in high school every year. Lots of college-educated people can't hack it in the working world.

I know 5 women who went to Harvard undergrad (children of very wealthy legacies) who had dropped out of the work force by late 20s and never worked again because they got married. Nevermind that some of them didn't even have kids for another 4-5 years, but that it was just expected that women in their circles didn't work once they got married. As one does in Texas, the Upper East Side, and Newport.

TBH, I wish they had given those spots at Harvard to first gen kids who would've hustled after earning that degree.

There are many reasons to get education and making a living is only one of those. Education is never wasted, even if you are wealthy enough to not have to hustle for an employer. Most people starting college at 17/18 have no idea if their degree, major or track would indeed become become their career or not.

[Anonymous]

I always wished my mom was educated, not for earning a pay check but for her own sake and to help educate us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying young is like a tattoo, bad judgment. Neither position people for a good future.

This. The only people I know who marry early who have money have daughters who struggle academically and the parents don't think they will ever manage a job. No one in my umc neighborhood wants their kids to marry until at least their later 20s.

+1 Marrying young usually means: 1) family is very religious and wants daughter locked down early, 2) daughter has plateaued with respect to career/academic ambitions, and better to have her locked down early, or 3) daughter is pregnant (because she was not locked down early.)

Not necessarily. My boss's daughter is 25, starting med school, BF is 24 with an MBA and a consulting job. They have to move to California for her school, they figured if he is uprooting his life to move with her, it should be a stronger bond.

They are not young, 25 is normal.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't get the debate around this, except to say that it sees to be a lot of harpies trying to justify their own decisions/struggles.

Divorce rates aren't near as common as people like to say on DCUM. For example, for people with college and graduate degrees, divorce rates are pretty low, actually. I'd assume this is most of DCUM.

Fertility obviously benefits from getting married before 30 (in a traditional sense).

And financial - the BIG REASON on DCUM - is senseless to me. For a 25 year old young professional making $50K, it makes MORE sense to pool your resources: apartment rent, one (or no) car, share food, take trips together, etc... than it goes to try to do this alone or with a roommate. Most young professionals are trying to grow their wealth over time: wouldn't it be more enjoyable to do that with a partner you love, eating in and saving money instead of constant dating?

The biggest objection I can see to marrying "too young" is if a young adult is obsessed with marriage or to immature/inexperienced to see the world as it is and is settling or making a very bad decision. But for most 25-28 year olds who have been to school (sometimes for a grad degree), are tired of nightlife, and have a stable partner whom they love (perhaps one they didn't meet at 12) then why wouldn't you wish them the best and be happy they found "the one" in good time?

I hope my 13 year old DS has an enriching teen and young adult life, and can meet and be with his life partner on the closer side of 30 and they can work together to build whatever it is they choose to build, as opposed to grinding relentlessly toward some emotionally void, ever-moving made up goal post alone until he's 36 or 40.

But your mileage may vary.

A lot of sour grapes/closeted grass-is-greener stuff here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get the debate around this, except to say that it sees to be a lot of harpies trying to justify their own decisions/struggles.

Divorce rates aren't near as common as people like to say on DCUM. For example, for people with college and graduate degrees, divorce rates are pretty low, actually. I'd assume this is most of DCUM.

Fertility obviously benefits from getting married before 30 (in a traditional sense).

And financial - the BIG REASON on DCUM - is senseless to me. For a 25 year old young professional making $50K, it makes MORE sense to pool your resources: apartment rent, one (or no) car, share food, take trips together, etc... than it goes to try to do this alone or with a roommate. Most young professionals are trying to grow their wealth over time: wouldn't it be more enjoyable to do that with a partner you love, eating in and saving money instead of constant dating?

The biggest objection I can see to marrying "too young" is if a young adult is obsessed with marriage or to immature/inexperienced to see the world as it is and is settling or making a very bad decision. But for most 25-28 year olds who have been to school (sometimes for a grad degree), are tired of nightlife, and have a stable partner whom they love (perhaps one they didn't meet at 12) then why wouldn't you wish them the best and be happy they found "the one" in good time?

I hope my 13 year old DS has an enriching teen and young adult life, and can meet and be with his life partner on the closer side of 30 and they can work together to build whatever it is they choose to build, as opposed to grinding relentlessly toward some emotionally void, ever-moving made up goal post alone until he's 36 or 40.

But your mileage may vary.

A lot of sour grapes/closeted grass-is-greener stuff here.

Great analysis!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s smart because you can get a divorce in before you have kids.

That’s usually not the plan, they want to establish career, buy a house, pay off student loans and have fun together. Mostly college sweethearts with six figure jobs.

+1
This was me. I married at 27, got a 6 figure job , bought a house, and my first child at 31. DH was 30 and already had a job. I'm 45 now, still happily married. I wasn't ready younger because I wanted to finish my PhD . If I didn't do a PhD, maybe I would have been ready at 24.

I worry my (rich and cautious) daughters will wait until they are in their 30s to marry and fertility is an issue. One wants to go to med school (HS now) so maybe marrying before med school if she finds the right person is the right decision.

[Anonymous]

If I had married somebody I dated in my early 20's I'd be divorced by now. So no, not a status symbol.
Instead we met at 25, married at 28 and are still married at 47.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get the debate around this, except to say that it sees to be a lot of harpies trying to justify their own decisions/struggles.

Divorce rates aren't near as common as people like to say on DCUM. For example, for people with college and graduate degrees, divorce rates are pretty low, actually. I'd assume this is most of DCUM.

Fertility obviously benefits from getting married before 30 (in a traditional sense).

And financial - the BIG REASON on DCUM - is senseless to me. For a 25 year old young professional making $50K, it makes MORE sense to pool your resources: apartment rent, one (or no) car, share food, take trips together, etc... than it goes to try to do this alone or with a roommate. Most young professionals are trying to grow their wealth over time: wouldn't it be more enjoyable to do that with a partner you love, eating in and saving money instead of constant dating?

The biggest objection I can see to marrying "too young" is if a young adult is obsessed with marriage or to immature/inexperienced to see the world as it is and is settling or making a very bad decision. But for most 25-28 year olds who have been to school (sometimes for a grad degree), are tired of nightlife, and have a stable partner whom they love (perhaps one they didn't meet at 12) then why wouldn't you wish them the best and be happy they found "the one" in good time?

I hope my 13 year old DS has an enriching teen and young adult life, and can meet and be with his life partner on the closer side of 30 and they can work together to build whatever it is they choose to build, as opposed to grinding relentlessly toward some emotionally void, ever-moving made up goal post alone until he's 36 or 40.

But your mileage may vary.

A lot of sour grapes/closeted grass-is-greener stuff here.

I have to agree with all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are college educated, by the end of college or grad school you have seen the whole field of potential partners. There is nothing of value that can be gained from waiting longer, the pool just gets smaller and smaller. Smart and observant people pair off early.

I’m college educated and don’t date at all in college. There is very much the norm for many women who have a bachelors degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are college educated, by the end of college or grad school you have seen the whole field of potential partners. There is nothing of value that can be gained from waiting longer, the pool just gets smaller and smaller. Smart and observant people pair off early.

Maybe for men, but for women, early marriage usually means less time to figure out who you are as a person. It's good to be single and just casually dating or not dating at all so you can spend some time just being free to do what you want.

This is a stereotype but men generally do just fine being who they want to be and doing what they want to do after they are married and before kids, and generally speaking they are better about being their own person and maintaining their own identity after they have kids too.

I did exactly what i wanted. I focused on my career, i pursued hobbies, i had girl trips galore and he hung out with his friends, we traveled a ton. By being together we had a lot more money, structure and stability to do things we always wanted to do. Started having kids in early 30s.

This only works if you snag a good partner you are compatible with. It is bad advice to tell women to drop a guy like this because you met too early and you need to find yourself.

Yikes. There are two types of women in this world. Daughters of Eve and daughters of Lilith.

Every woman is not desperate nor desire being tethered to a man or even woman.

Some women such as myself desire being sovereign and some women are like you… lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are college educated, by the end of college or grad school you have seen the whole field of potential partners. There is nothing of value that can be gained from waiting longer, the pool just gets smaller and smaller. Smart and observant people pair off early.

Spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always wished my mom was educated, not for earning a pay check but for her own sake and to help educate us.

I did too, for her. Not for us, she raised 5 educated and successful children. However, if my daughter (or son) didn't want to or had to ever work, I would've made my best to educate them.

[Anonymous]

The opposite.