Saw my DH on our nanny cam.

[Anonymous]

My DH always comments on this one single woman who lives a couple houses down. No big deal. I get that he's married, not dead. But the other day my DH was working from home and I happened to check the nanny cam to see if they were up from a nap before I called. I saw my DH being "cozy" on the sofa with this woman. I mean there was nothing x rated, but it the body language was very comfortable and they were inches apart talking. Rather than over reacting, I hinted around to him about "Oh.. what did you do today?" and he hasn't mentioned that this woman came over. Frankly, why was she there? Am I over thinking this? What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I'd talk to him. Without over-reacting. Without tiptoeing around and trying to give him opportunities to mention it on his own. You saw something. You found it odd. Period. What does he have to say?

[Anonymous]

is he not aware that there's a nanny cam up?

[Anonymous]

Can you tell him a neighbor saw her over at the house? I wouldn't give away the nanny cam vantage. That is just me though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:is he not aware that there's a nanny cam up?

OP here. We both are but forget to turn in off when we're around. The transmitter is in the basement and it's a hassle. We have the same issue with our baby monitor.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I would continue to monitor the nanny cam and see what else turns up. Definitely do not tell him you saw him on the nanny cam. I like the neighbor idea, except he might ask which neighbor and then you'd be caught lying yourself.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he is not trying to hide anything if he is aware there is a nanny cam. Could it be that he is looking for attention from you?? I personally would be annoyed if DH commented on the looks of a single women and then saw her in my house without my presence. That's just me though....

[Anonymous]

17:50 again. also, don't give him the opportunity to lie. Giving him the opportunity is likely going to add to another issue you will be concerned about in the future. I have found it makes DH irate if I try to set him up and don't ask him straight out. I think communication is a HUGE part of successful marriage.

[Anonymous]

If you want your marriage to be about trust and honesty, why not tell him the truth? No acusations, no drama. Just describe what you saw on the monitor, let him know how it made you feel, and then give him the floor to explain.

Also FWIW, PPs advice about not "giving up" the nanny cam and introducing a lie about a neighbor feels way off base to me. Lies beget lies . . . and if you can't talk plainly with your husband about what you saw and how you feel without relying on lies, well, it's probably time to take the next step to counseling.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want your marriage to be about trust and honesty, why not tell him the truth? No acusations, no drama. Just describe what you saw on the monitor, let him know how it made you feel, and then give him the floor to explain.

Also FWIW, PPs advice about not "giving up" the nanny cam and introducing a lie about a neighbor feels way off base to me. Lies beget lies . . . and if you can't talk plainly with your husband about what you saw and how you feel without relying on lies, well, it's probably time to take the next step to counseling.

Good luck!

Depends on the marraige. Depends on the man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want your marriage to be about trust and honesty, why not tell him the truth? No acusations, no drama. Just describe what you saw on the monitor, let him know how it made you feel, and then give him the floor to explain.

Also FWIW, PPs advice about not "giving up" the nanny cam and introducing a lie about a neighbor feels way off base to me. Lies beget lies . . . and if you can't talk plainly with your husband about what you saw and how you feel without relying on lies, well, it's probably time to take the next step to counseling.

Good luck!

I agree. I'd personally be pretty upset and suspicious- what is a single woman doing in my house when i'm not there? op didn't mention any big friendship .. it just doesn't look good (even if he's not cheating- he seems to be crossing a line).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want your marriage to be about trust and honesty, why not tell him the truth? No acusations, no drama. Just describe what you saw on the monitor, let him know how it made you feel, and then give him the floor to explain.

Also FWIW, PPs advice about not "giving up" the nanny cam and introducing a lie about a neighbor feels way off base to me. Lies beget lies . . . and if you can't talk plainly with your husband about what you saw and how you feel without relying on lies, well, it's probably time to take the next step to counseling.

Good luck!

I agree. I'd personally be pretty upset and suspicious- what is a single woman doing in my house when i'm not there? op didn't mention any big friendship .. it just doesn't look good (even if he's not cheating- he seems to be crossing a line).

This is a tough situation. On one hand, it seems to be too much work and drama to try to figure out a way to get him to admit that the neighbor was over - and if it really was innocent - then you look crazy going thru all these hoops. On the other hand, you have to question why is a single woman who he has admitted is very attractive over at your house for no reason while you are at work and not even mentioned by your spouse casually. I'm of the school that you don't put yourself in a situation where something "could happen". I think your best bet is to just be upfront and say - I know there wasn't anything going on - but I was uncomfortable in that situation and get him to see your point of view if there was the hot single guy next door and he by pure chance sees you chatting it up with him on the nanny cam on the sofa and you never mentioned that so and so came by and there really is no reason for so and so to even be stopping by, how would he feel. Again that you don't think anything is going on - but there is a definite thing to not putting yourself in a situation where there is even a possibility - it's like if you were going out with all your single friends who are trying to pick up guys even though you are married. Or always having lunch and talking to the male co-worker just the two of you and talking with him outside of work - this would be suspect behavior if you are happily married. If there are issues with the marriage - this may be the opening to talk about it. Anyway, maybe I watch too much Lifetime and listen to various stories too many times, but it seems that men don't look too far when they remarry after a divorce or death of the spouse or have an affair it is the co-worker, the neighbor, the friend of the wife etc. more times than not.

let us know how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Hire a PI, get more evidence. Then decide what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire a PI, get more evidence. Then decide what to do.

I agree. I am sorry to say this -- but something is up. Don't be naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH always comments on this one single woman who lives a couple houses down. No big deal. I get that he's married, not dead. But the other day my DH was working from home and I happened to check the nanny cam to see if they were up from a nap before I called. I saw my DH being "cozy" on the sofa with this woman. I mean there was nothing x rated, but it the body language was very comfortable and they were inches apart talking. Rather than over reacting, I hinted around to him about "Oh.. what did you do today?" and he hasn't mentioned that this woman came over. Frankly, why was she there? Am I over thinking this? What would you do?

That bastard, and that bitch!! Why do so many single women prey on married men? Ego boost I guess.
Sorry for the rant.
Anyway, you have every right to know more about this. I would plain and simple tell him what you saw (try to be calm when bringing it up) and ask what she was doing at your house in a non-confrontational way.
He'll of course deny that was anything untoward. Tell him he can do whatever he wants (because most people do in the end), but if he cheats, you'll take him to the cleaners. That's what I remind my husband of -- I'm not here to control him, but for every action, there are consequences.