Saw my DH on our nanny cam.

[Anonymous]

You're not overthinking this. I too agree something is up, although it hasn't necessarily reached that point that can't be shown on primetime network television.

I can comfortably say that I have never in 14 years of marriage invited a single male over to my home when DH was out, then sat with him on a couch inches away from each other.

[Anonymous]

NO! No PI, people who do that intrinsically do not trust their spouses but look for the evidence to do???? I don't know, more money in the divorce.

You have a nanny cam. You looked at it. Your husband was chummy with a neighbor that he talk about as being cute? Bring it up. Say you are insecure about it. Ask about your marriage with him, not his relationship with her. It is really about the two of you, not him and her. You will know if you are being bullshitted. You will know if things are not good, almost everyone does. WE just need to be brave enough to say uncle and talk or get counseling or whatever.

There is a chance he was JUST flirting (we ALL have) and he desperately loves you and will be embarrassed and even angry. Tread lightly and speak about YOUR feelings, it will keep him off the defensive.

Good luck, it made my stomach sink to read your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not overthinking this. I too agree something is up, although it hasn't necessarily reached that point that can't be shown on primetime network television.

I can comfortably say that I have never in 14 years of marriage invited a single male over to my home when DH was out, then sat with him on a couch inches away from each other.

Word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO! No PI, people who do that intrinsically do not trust their spouses but look for the evidence to do???? I don't know, more money in the divorce.

You have a nanny cam. You looked at it. Your husband was chummy with a neighbor that he talk about as being cute? Bring it up. Say you are insecure about it. Ask about your marriage with him, not his relationship with her. It is really about the two of you, not him and her. You will know if you are being bullshitted. You will know if things are not good, almost everyone does. WE just need to be brave enough to say uncle and talk or get counseling or whatever.

There is a chance he was JUST flirting (we ALL have) and he desperately loves you and will be embarrassed and even angry. Tread lightly and speak about YOUR feelings, it will keep him off the defensive.

Good luck, it made my stomach sink to read your post.

UM. OP, you are independent of your DH. Act independently. No matter what vows were taken. I think this response is VERY idealistic. If I saw what you did, I would be VERY upset, and getting ready for a divorce. But make sure first, get the PI.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I called him on my way home from work tonight to chat while I drove and managed to swift the conversation to this neighbor. I said something like "I think so and so it out of town because I haven't seen her car all week." and he agreed. I am sick to my stomach. I have barely spoken to him all night and I am in tears. Now what?

[Anonymous]

OP: what is your gut telling you? I highly advise you to follow it and act in your and your child(ren)'s interests right now. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I called him on my way home from work tonight to chat while I drove and managed to swift the conversation to this neighbor. I said something like "I think so and so it out of town because I haven't seen her car all week." and he agreed. I am sick to my stomach. I have barely spoken to him all night and I am in tears. Now what?

Is the nanny cam in real time or is it taped? I would just confront it at this point. I would ask him why she was in your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I called him on my way home from work tonight to chat while I drove and managed to swift the conversation to this neighbor. I said something like "I think so and so it out of town because I haven't seen her car all week." and he agreed. I am sick to my stomach. I have barely spoken to him all night and I am in tears. Now what?

again, why give him the opportunity to lie. It makes your relationship and your own feelings worse in the end. Please talk to him about this and don't put yourself through more agony than you have to.

[Anonymous]

Op you need to talk to him directly about the situation...I would do it sooner rather than later!! If he's not mentioning it, he likely knows it was wrong...even if nothing is giong on....I would be extrememly hurt and angry as well. It is definitely better to know the truth than live in a state of uncertainty. I wish u the best!

[Anonymous]

OP, don't do a thing tonight. PLEASE!

Hang in there tonight. Tomorrow is another day. I would not confront him tonight. First, he'll probably lie again. Second, you'll give him a head's up that you may be on to him.

Please get the nanny cam tape out of your house. Bring it to work if you need to. Then please find a trusted friend or relative and confide in them. Talk it through - all the possible reasons for the tape and his lies AND all the consequences of each. What should you do in each situation: a flirtation, a tawdry affair, a love affair.

I'm sorry to sound so dire, but you must protect yourself first.

Please hang in there tonight. I promise that tomorrow, no matter what, things will seem clearer.

I learned this all the hard way and I'm worried for you.

[Anonymous]

OP-

Your husband is a DUMB-ASS. What an idiot to cozy up to a single lady in your own house right under the nose of the nanny cam. Slick Rick.

I'm sorry, but there is no way around it, your DH is up to no good, if he has not crossed the line, he will eventually. If its not the neighbor, it will be someone else.

[Anonymous]

21:35 here again. I hope you're okay. Just let us know tomorrow. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

I totally agree - don't act on your anger tonight. Have a couple of glasses of wine to help you sleep, fake it through the night. Serve these questions cold in the light of day.

I disagree with those who say don't give him the oppy to lie: why not see if he does lie? It's agony either way. If you confront him, you'll wonder if he would have lied anyway. If you ask him and he outs it, then you still wonder if he's lying. That's the whole point. At this stage, trust is already compromised. I know that sick feeling in your stomach. It's almost never wrong, and I'm so sorry to say that... My DH cheated on me on two occasions and I always had that same sick, being lied to feeling in my stomach. He ONLY admitted it was true when I found proof of the affair, and threatened to out the woman to her husband.

You're going to need support and counseling, IMO no matter how this turns out. You don't trust your DH, and it seems he's already lied to you about this woman being out of town (unless it's an old image on the tape). Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I called him on my way home from work tonight to chat while I drove and managed to swift the conversation to this neighbor. I said something like "I think so and so it out of town because I haven't seen her car all week." and he agreed. I am sick to my stomach. I have barely spoken to him all night and I am in tears. Now what?

Well... I wish I could turn back the clock for you because this attempt to draw honestly out of him just lost your opportunity to calmly raise the issue this time. As I see it, you have two choices:

(1) sit at work and watch the nanny cam constantly until you catch him again (and therefore have another way to raise it); or

(2) wait until tomorrow, and just call him on it. Tell him that when you made the comment tonight about her being out of town you were giving him an opening and he blew it. You saw them on the nanny cam, you didn't like what you saw, and you like even less that he lied. Be prepared for him to be ANGRY because (a) he will probably say you spied, (b) he won't like being accused (defensive), and (c) he won't like that he got caught lying and will try to turn it around on you.

The thing is, this isn't something that's going to blow over on its own. I wouldn't spend the money on a PI. You saw it with your own eyes. Who knows? Maybe it's nothing. Maybe she swung by for whatever reason. Maybe he didn't feel comfortable telling you because he THOUGHT you'd suspect something, even if nothing was going on. OR, maybe something is totally going on and you need to know about it.

Side note-- does he always work from home? Was the nanny THERE (just assuming you have a nanny if you have a nanny cam)?

[Anonymous]

don't confront him, don't ask anything now. just get more info.