Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My 2 year old (month away from 3) has been kicking, biting, punching and smacking me a lot lately. Sometimes he does this to his dad, but it's mostly at me. I was trying to get my older child ready for her ballet class and my 2 year old was wailing on my back. I can usually ignore/redirect this behavior, which the pediatrician tells me is normal, but tonight he hit me right at the base of my spine with his little fist and really hurt me. I lost it. I turned around, slapped him, and said "YOU WILL NOT HIT ME ANYMORE". I just lost it and now I feel like shit. My son cried, of course. Wanted daddy. Now he's here sitting on my lap like nothing happened.
I have 3 children and I've never lost it like that before. Ever. I just cannot take the hitting and laughing at my attempts to discipline anymore. I want to apologize to my son, but I'm afraid even bringing up hitting will spark his interest and it will just get him going again. How do I stop feeling like shit and how do I make it up to my son? |
Anonymous
| I would let it go. I think he's too young for an apology and explanation to do any good, and he sees to have warmed to you quickly again. Maybe he got the message that hitting's not acceptable! Here's hoping... |
Anonymous
| Uhhhh, he'll be fine. May be he won't hit you anymore. |
Anonymous
| Sounds ok. No harm no foul. Doubt he'll remember when he's 22. |
Anonymous
I know, I think this too. But getting him to stop hitting with hitting... I just feel like a mom failure. I used exactly what I'm trying to get my child to stop doing. Are there any tips for stopping the hitting without losing your mind? |
Anonymous
My nanny says she fake cries when he hits and he seems to feel bad and stops. Of course when I try this he just giggles and keeps hitting. Darn kid. |
Anonymous
| I hate the hitting worse than anything else; it's my personal trigger (my husband gets more upset from screaming.) I've overreacted a few times so I understand where you're coming from OP. With my second child I've been very rigorous about timeouts, especially for hitting, even before he could fully grasp the concept. Too much Supernanny watching, I guess - I do the whole routine (don't get angry, put them in a consistent spot, explain why, give a hug and kiss when the timeout is done and the apology is given.) Maybe he is a more pliabler personality than his older sibling was, but it does seem to work. Now, 9 times of out 10, all I have to do is say the word time out and he walks over to the stairs and sits on the step and immediately starts apologizing. We still have occasional hitting, but it's not nearly as bad as with the first child. |
Anonymous
I've tried that technique and it actually is some strange call for all 3 kids to jump in. Like roll on the floor with daddy time, only beat mommy upside the head because it's funny when she cries time! |
Anonymous
| I am just shocked that a 3 year old is doing all of this. You really have to discipline your child. Your built up frustration is from not being able to properly discipline. A 3 year old should be fully capable of not biting, punching and kicking mommy. He knows he can get away with it from you, so he does it. If I can beat someone and get away with it, you bet I would do it. |
Anonymous
Not the OP, but you are spectacularly unhelpful. |
Anonymous
Mental image, kids biting mommy's nipples while nursing. EVERYONE says to flick them in the mouth so they'll learn NOT to bite. If your kid is hitting and nothing else you've done to discipline him has worked, then I'm surprised you lasted this long before smacking him. I would have spanked him MONTHS ago if the redirection and ignoring or timeouts or whateverthehellelseyoudid hadn't worked. Call me a bad mom or whatever, I've never had to spank my child (knock on wood) but if nothing else I did kept him from physically abusing me I would. |
Anonymous
I appreciate your feedback, I really do. I just want you to know that my kids are lovely are are disciplined. In case you didn't read my first post, I did say that our pediatrician said this is very normal behavior for a 34 month old, especially for a 34 month old who is the youngest of three children. I've discussed the behavior with a profession, and my child isn't doing anything that other kids his age do, he's just doing it more. I'm sorry I said he "beat" me. We're not talking about a teenager attacking me, it's a 35 pound preschooler. What set me off today was the fact my back was turned and I was ignoring the behavior as not to feed it with negative attention. Again, his little fist hit me just at the base of my spine and it hurt. I view it more of a 3rd child trying really hard to get attention in a very negative way. But please be assured, my older two never behaved this way, and my almost 3 year old is a very sweet child and does not do this in any other situation or at school. Now, do you have any advice as to how to stop feeling so bad? Nothing you said really helped at all, could you try again? |
Anonymous
Actually, while this PP may sound abrasive, I think she has an important point for OP. While OP's son may be behaving normally (according to his pediatrician and, I'm guessing, other parents of boys that age), he is behaving in a way that OP cannot tolerate. It is not acceptable to her, and she did have built-up frustration because clearly trying to redirect this kind of behavior is not working for either of them. You need to find a consistent way to discipline your son, OP, that helps YOU maintain your sanity. He will be fine. You know you don't want to hit him or lose control of yourself, so you just have to decide on what the consequence is going to be, every single time he hits. Every kid is different this way, and since my 2 yr old is not one of those who laughs at me when I try to discipline her, I doubt I can give you the best advice for consequences. But I would say an almost-3-yr-old is way past redirecting or ignoring this kind of behavior, at least by a year. Those are very good techniques for a 1 yr old, but I don't think "normal kid behavior" is a reason not to discipline-- after all, most of what we discipline is absolutely normal kid behavior, testing of limits and so forth. You are not a bad mommy. I think a good action plan is what helps a lot of us who might be prone to this kind of moment: knowing, and repeating over and over, exactly what the consequence for this kind of behavior will be. Hopefully some moms who have a kid like yours will be able to helpfully share consequences/discipline that have worked for them. Personally I like a combination of quality "time-in" (harder with 3 kids, I know) and time-outs, with an effort to approve of good behaviors in an admiring (but not with overly gushing praise) voice more than you scold bad. But like I said, that's what works for my 2 yr old and you might be able to figure out something different for yours. But remember, it's not just about him: it's about you, taking care of yourself and not allowing behaviors in your household that you cannot tolerate-- you want to feel loving and affectionate towards your child, and you want other people to appreciate him too, and it's challenging to love a child who is constantly taking advantage of your good nature. |
Anonymous
I am sorry, I am not going to pat you on your back and tell you that you did a great job. You lost it, we get it. Your child will be just fine, however, look at the bigger picture, which is that you really need better ways to handle your frustration and discipline. Hitting and then saying sorry afterwards, does not work with kids, so why should it work with you, as an adult? Sorry if I did not make you feel better, but you can not expect 100 percent positive reactions to your post. |
Anonymous
|
I don't think it's normal for a child to be hitting you. It's just wrong and because some alleged expert says it's okay doesn't make it okay. It doesn't matter whether the kid is your eldest or youngest, hitting mommy is never acceptable. You do need to act on this. Would it be okay if the child was hurting a sibling? Or a pet? I'm thinking 'no' So why is hitting mom okay???
I think you did exactly the right thing and you should not feel guilty at all. Even when my kids were really little, they knew when they had crossed the line and a response is in order. What you demonstrated today was that mommy has a breaking point too. Darn fine lesson and one it seems your child needs. We don't smack as a matter of course in our house and I try to avoid yelling - but if I do either as an impulse (usually due to safety concerns like a child running in the carpark or heading towards the water) it sure as hell makes an impression. In terms of agression, my youngest was a hair puller for a while. I got fed up and told her siblings to pull her hair back. The issue went away in less than a day. I know it's not PC to say this but I believe that it's healthy for a small person to know that "chances are the biter will get bit." In terms of practical advice: pour yourself a glass of wine, repeat "I am a good mommy" 20 times. I think it's great that you're worried about what you did. I also support what you did. |