Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment

[Anonymous]

I've only had to spank my kids twice, and it was 100% not violent and probably the hardest thing I ever had to do as a parent. But like all discipline tools, you discipline because in your heart hopefully you think that is the best way to keep your kids safe and raise them to be happy, productive and well adjusted. I get that others don't agree with spanking, but to think every spanking episode is a rage-fueled violent beating is silly. More like a regretful, calm, smack on the bottom ten times, then tell them that neither one of us wants to have to go through this again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids don't hit me. They all tried it..once...and I reacted pretty much how you did. I didn't slap them in the face, but I calmly spanked them. Guess what? Right, they don't hit me. You can listen to all the "don't punish violence with violence bleeding heart waa waa crap", or you can do what I did, and raise respectful children who don't hit their parents. I didn't spank my kids except a few times when it was necessary for their safety, or when they crossed a major line, like hitting. They also got spanked when they hit each other. When done in a calm and methodical way, spanking is a useful tool.

Wow there is a whole lot of hitting going on in your house. Your kids aren't learning anything. You hit, they hit, you all hit. You cannot teach a child not to hit by hitting them. It's not bleeding heart crap. It's basic logic and common sense. And guess what - I also am raising respectful children who don't hit their parents. And I somehow am managing to do it without being physically violent with them. Fascinating, isn't it?

NP here. I have no problem with how you parent you kid/ brat/ whatever. But just because someone spanks their child does not make them "physically violent" you asshole.

NP here. Yes, it does. It's fine if that's what you want to do and that's your parenting style, but don't delude yourself that spanking isn't violent. Of course it is, and for some people this works for them. I'm actually not judging it one way or the other. I personally was spanked, and it was violent, I can attest to that.. Am I scarred by it? No. Do I spank my kids? No, I don't. So that's where I'm coming from - I can literally see both sides. But I know violent acts when I see it, and this idiot PP a few posts above saying she calmly spanks her kid is delusional, and so are you if you don't think spanking someone is violent.

I was spanked too and it WAS NOT violent. FWIW I have no idea if I will ever spank my kids but for you to say it is always 100% violent is not true. Sure some crazies take it to the extreme but NO a quick smack for shock value is not violent. Whipping a child with a paddle yes that is. There IS a difference. I am not arguing with you since it sounds like thats what you want but you are wrong.

No, I'm not wrong. Spanking is hitting, period. Thinking there is any true difference between "whipping" and "smacking" - really? There is no difference. A quick smack for shock value is violent. Your little attempt at semantics doesn't change anything. Nor does your announcing that you're not arguing with me make you not actually arguing with me. I found that hilarious actually. "I'm not responding to this, I'm just going to respond to this." But hey, parent how you want. What works for you in your household, great. But I'm not going to let a public comment that smacking isn't violent go unchallenged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've only had to spank my kids twice, and it was 100% not violent and probably the hardest thing I ever had to do as a parent. But like all discipline tools, you discipline because in your heart hopefully you think that is the best way to keep your kids safe and raise them to be happy, productive and well adjusted. I get that others don't agree with spanking, but to think every spanking episode is a rage-fueled violent beating is silly. More like a regretful, calm, smack on the bottom ten times, then tell them that neither one of us wants to have to go through this again.

It's funny the assumptions people make. No one is saying that it's rage fueled. Where are you people coming up with this?
And there no such thing as calmly hitting someone 10 times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've only had to spank my kids twice, and it was 100% not violent and probably the hardest thing I ever had to do as a parent. But like all discipline tools, you discipline because in your heart hopefully you think that is the best way to keep your kids safe and raise them to be happy, productive and well adjusted. I get that others don't agree with spanking, but to think every spanking episode is a rage-fueled violent beating is silly. More like a regretful, calm, smack on the bottom ten times, then tell them that neither one of us wants to have to go through this again.

It's funny the assumptions people make. No one is saying that it's rage fueled. Where are you people coming up with this?
And there no such thing as calmly hitting someone 10 times.

why do you think I was not calm? what do you think I was doing when I was spanking my child? seriously, I don't understand your confusion. are you calm when you knead bread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've only had to spank my kids twice, and it was 100% not violent and probably the hardest thing I ever had to do as a parent. But like all discipline tools, you discipline because in your heart hopefully you think that is the best way to keep your kids safe and raise them to be happy, productive and well adjusted. I get that others don't agree with spanking, but to think every spanking episode is a rage-fueled violent beating is silly. More like a regretful, calm, smack on the bottom ten times, then tell them that neither one of us wants to have to go through this again.

It's funny the assumptions people make. No one is saying that it's rage fueled. Where are you people coming up with this?
And there no such thing as calmly hitting someone 10 times.

why do you think I was not calm? what do you think I was doing when I was spanking my child? seriously, I don't understand your confusion. are you calm when you knead bread?

So you're calmly being violent. OK. I got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've only had to spank my kids twice, and it was 100% not violent and probably the hardest thing I ever had to do as a parent. But like all discipline tools, you discipline because in your heart hopefully you think that is the best way to keep your kids safe and raise them to be happy, productive and well adjusted. I get that others don't agree with spanking, but to think every spanking episode is a rage-fueled violent beating is silly. More like a regretful, calm, smack on the bottom ten times, then tell them that neither one of us wants to have to go through this again.

It's funny the assumptions people make. No one is saying that it's rage fueled. Where are you people coming up with this?
And there no such thing as calmly hitting someone 10 times.

Um please look up the definition of rage. Ok better yet here it is:

rage (rj)
n.
1.
a. Violent, explosive anger. See Synonyms at anger.

Rage = violent. Skanking does not equal rage or violence. Thank you for your time.

[Anonymous]

^^^ Oops hahaaha SPANKING not SKANKING!

[Anonymous]

I'm not a spanker, because I'm not convinced it would work and I am kind of a softie. But I think if you don't get the difference between the calm, not rageful spanker and the "whip with a paddle" example, you're missing an important difference.
I was spanked on rare occasions -- only if I was violent with my brother or once when I yelled "f__ you" at my mom. I can say that it didn't scar me at all, but it did let me know that my parents were really serious -- more serious than the other times I was disciplined in other ways.
My mom, however, was paddled and on occasion smacked with a belt on the bottom. That was violent. And she was psychologically scarred by it.
You might disagree with spanking, but lumping it with the other examples which are -- truly -- violent.
I think I agree that it's not effective enough to merit possibly confusing the kid. But I absolutely do not think the non-rageful smack on the bottom is violent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not clear on why people don't understand that spanking does not take place in a rage or as violence. I would never ever hit my kids when I was angry (or slap a kid like the OP). But sure, if they are bad, I spank them on their bottom about as calmly (or more calmly really) then I am right now reading the newspaper. Why do you think it is like a barfight or like spousal abuse? Bizarre. I tell them I love them 100% unconditionally, and that I only do this because I love them and don't want them to get hurt.

That is bone chillingly awful behavior on your part. You have many bad bad bad bad mommy moments if this is how you parent. I have never said this to anyone on this board, but honestly, you suck as a parent.

Agree. I grew up in a home where there was real violence, against my mother and my siblings and me, and your comments turn my stomach. It sends a mixed message that it's okay to hit if you're the one in power, and that it's acceptable for someone to hit you if they say they love you afterwards. Yuck.

clearly your violent upbringing is clouding your thinking and perspective, and I understand that. We are not violent at all, and there is no rage or psychoness. But if my kid runs into the street, then I 100% do spank them calmly and tell them I am doing that only because I love them and don't want them to get hurt. My father did the same to me, and he doesn't have a violent bone in his body and never even raised his voice to me in 40 years. I knew he loved me and hated spanking me.

I agree. Chill out people. Just because you give your 3 year old a swat on the behind if they truly deserve it, does not mean they live in some violent abusive home. Sheesh.
When my almost 2 year old tried the hitting thing with me I smacked his hand back and told him "no." He only tried one more time and never again.
Some of you are so damn soft and then you wonder why your kids are out of control and abusive to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids don't hit me. They all tried it..once...and I reacted pretty much how you did. I didn't slap them in the face, but I calmly spanked them. Guess what? Right, they don't hit me. You can listen to all the "don't punish violence with violence bleeding heart waa waa crap", or you can do what I did, and raise respectful children who don't hit their parents. I didn't spank my kids except a few times when it was necessary for their safety, or when they crossed a major line, like hitting. They also got spanked when they hit each other. When done in a calm and methodical way, spanking is a useful tool.

Wow there is a whole lot of hitting going on in your house. Your kids aren't learning anything. You hit, they hit, you all hit. You cannot teach a child not to hit by hitting them. It's not bleeding heart crap. It's basic logic and common sense. And guess what - I also am raising respectful children who don't hit their parents. And I somehow am managing to do it without being physically violent with them. Fascinating, isn't it?

NP here. I have no problem with how you parent you kid/ brat/ whatever. But just because someone spanks their child does not make them "physically violent" you asshole.

NP here. Yes, it does. It's fine if that's what you want to do and that's your parenting style, but don't delude yourself that spanking isn't violent. Of course it is, and for some people this works for them. I'm actually not judging it one way or the other. I personally was spanked, and it was violent, I can attest to that.. Am I scarred by it? No. Do I spank my kids? No, I don't. So that's where I'm coming from - I can literally see both sides. But I know violent acts when I see it, and this idiot PP a few posts above saying she calmly spanks her kid is delusional, and so are you if you don't think spanking someone is violent.

I was spanked too and it WAS NOT violent. FWIW I have no idea if I will ever spank my kids but for you to say it is always 100% violent is not true. Sure some crazies take it to the extreme but NO a quick smack for shock value is not violent. Whipping a child with a paddle yes that is. There IS a difference. I am not arguing with you since it sounds like thats what you want but you are wrong.

No, I'm not wrong. Spanking is hitting, period. Thinking there is any true difference between "whipping" and "smacking" - really? There is no difference. A quick smack for shock value is violent. Your little attempt at semantics doesn't change anything. Nor does your announcing that you're not arguing with me make you not actually arguing with me. I found that hilarious actually. "I'm not responding to this, I'm just going to respond to this." But hey, parent how you want. What works for you in your household, great. But I'm not going to let a public comment that smacking isn't violent go unchallenged.

There is a HUGE difference between a smack on the hand and whipping someone. You are a complete moron! Seriously there is a huge difference…and you are arguing without knowing what the hell you are talking about. Maybe if you made sense I would want to read and try and agree but you are acting like a fool!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've only had to spank my kids twice, and it was 100% not violent and probably the hardest thing I ever had to do as a parent. But like all discipline tools, you discipline because in your heart hopefully you think that is the best way to keep your kids safe and raise them to be happy, productive and well adjusted. I get that others don't agree with spanking, but to think every spanking episode is a rage-fueled violent beating is silly. More like a regretful, calm, smack on the bottom ten times, then tell them that neither one of us wants to have to go through this again.

It's funny the assumptions people make. No one is saying that it's rage fueled. Where are you people coming up with this?
And there no such thing as calmly hitting someone 10 times.

why do you think I was not calm? what do you think I was doing when I was spanking my child? seriously, I don't understand your confusion. are you calm when you knead bread?

So you're calmly being violent. OK. I got it.

I wasn't being violent either. I wasn't furious and I wasn't angry, and I was not trying to injure. You just don't get it. In my opinion, an effective discipline is to spank my child on his/her bottom ten times in situations where they need my immediate attention. i.e., running into the road, etc. I don't raise my voice to my kids (hardly ever), don't curse, am not mad or angry. The 2 times I had to do it I felt really bad because I love my kids more than anything on this planet. It sucked. But yes I was calm. And yes I know it stung their bottom and got their attention. Afterwards I told them that I sincerely hoped neither one of us would have to do that again, and I haven't had to. My kids are great. Also, I love my parents, talk to them at least twice a week. All of you anti-spanking hysterics, I wonder if you are the same who post about cutting off contact with your parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just shocked that a 3 year old is doing all of this. You really have to discipline your child. Your built up frustration is from not being able to properly discipline. A 3 year old should be fully capable of not biting, punching and kicking mommy. He knows he can get away with it from you, so he does it. If I can beat someone and get away with it, you bet I would do it.

Mental image, kids biting mommy's nipples while nursing. EVERYONE says to flick them in the mouth so they'll learn NOT to bite. If your kid is hitting and nothing else you've done to discipline him has worked, then I'm surprised you lasted this long before smacking him. I would have spanked him MONTHS ago if the redirection and ignoring or timeouts or whateverthehellelseyoudid hadn't worked. Call me a bad mom or whatever, I've never had to spank my child (knock on wood) but if nothing else I did kept him from physically abusing me I would.

OMG, I have NEVER heard of flicking a nursing child in the mouth for biting. EVERYONE DOES NOT SAY THIS. I DON'T!!!! When my DD bit, I said "No, no", shook my head at her, pulled her off my breast immediately, then returned her a few seconds later. It only took 2 times for her to understand that if she bit nursing would be interrupted, and she stopped biting. And smacking, I won't even address...

What the hell is a 'flick', anyway? They say we have one adulthood and 2 childhoods, it'll be interesting to see what your DC feels deserves a 'flick' or a smack when you're in a nursing home.

OP is right to feel badly that she hit her DC -- difficult moments happen to us all, she is not a bad parent because she slipped and hit her DC once. If she didn't feel badly, THAT would make her a bad parent.

[Anonymous]

I'm actually not anti-spanking. I just want people to call it what it is and not hide behind semantics.
It's smacking, it's slapping, it's hitting, it's all of these things we would never call it if we weren't trying to escape something about what it actually is. And even you said you felt bad about it. Why is that?
And no, I haven't cut off contact with my parents. Have no idea why you would think that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually not anti-spanking. I just want people to call it what it is and not hide behind semantics.
It's smacking, it's slapping, it's hitting, it's all of these things we would never call it if we weren't trying to escape something about what it actually is. And even you said you felt bad about it. Why is that?
And no, I haven't cut off contact with my parents. Have no idea why you would think that.

why would I feel bad about it? because it hurts. do you feel bad when you put your kid in the corner and they are crying? probably. same thing.