Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Agree with this poster. A 3 year old should NOT be hitting and kicking you. Totally unacceptable.

OP, you are not handling it and you are letting him get away with it, which is why he continues to do it.

I am seriously shocked that some of you think this is acceptable and normal behavior.

I'm not shocked. That's what the anus lickers do. If Doctor Know-It-All says that a good anus licking is good for the digestive tract, then they are first in line to lick the doctors crack.

Or they are just lazy so it's easier to see this as normal and acceptable behavior. Heaven forbid they have to discipline their future entitled psycho.

[Anonymous]

OP- you are not the only one with this problem. My 2.5 yo does the same crap and I am so f'ing fed up. We have been battling his hitting and biting for about 9-12 months now. We have done the Super Nanny style time outs consistently this whole time, but it hasn't helped.

One time he smacked me in the face. The combination of pain and anger made me slap him back hard on his wrist. You know what he did? Looked me square in the eye with a straight face and slapped me back.

If I had a dollar for every time my husband and I have said the words, "no hitting. Hitting hurts," I'd be rich. I'm at a loss and am hoping (as you are, OP) that someone has a magic answer.

Those of you who say that it's the parents' faults for not taking control don't get it. I cannot be any sterner or in his face about my expectations than I already am. And, well, I explained how unhelpful hitting him back was.

[Anonymous]

My kids don't hit me. They all tried it..once...and I reacted pretty much how you did. I didn't slap them in the face, but I calmly spanked them. Guess what? Right, they don't hit me. You can listen to all the "don't punish violence with violence bleeding heart waa waa crap", or you can do what I did, and raise respectful children who don't hit their parents. I didn't spank my kids except a few times when it was necessary for their safety, or when they crossed a major line, like hitting. They also got spanked when they hit each other. When done in a calm and methodical way, spanking is a useful tool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids don't hit me. They all tried it..once...and I reacted pretty much how you did. I didn't slap them in the face, but I calmly spanked them. Guess what? Right, they don't hit me. You can listen to all the "don't punish violence with violence bleeding heart waa waa crap", or you can do what I did, and raise respectful children who don't hit their parents. I didn't spank my kids except a few times when it was necessary for their safety, or when they crossed a major line, like hitting. They also got spanked when they hit each other. When done in a calm and methodical way, spanking is a useful tool.

Now you are a bad mommy. How do you possibly hit a child for their safety?

[Anonymous]

You're human, it happens. Don't beat yourself up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 2 year old (month away from 3) has been kicking, biting, punching and smacking me a lot lately. Sometimes he does this to his dad, but it's mostly at me. I was trying to get my older child ready for her ballet class and my 2 year old was wailing on my back. I can usually ignore/redirect this behavior, which the pediatrician tells me is normal, but tonight he hit me right at the base of my spine with his little fist and really hurt me. I lost it. I turned around, slapped him, and said "YOU WILL NOT HIT ME ANYMORE". I just lost it and now I feel like shit. My son cried, of course. Wanted daddy. Now he's here sitting on my lap like nothing happened.

I have 3 children and I've never lost it like that before. Ever. I just cannot take the hitting and laughing at my attempts to discipline anymore. I want to apologize to my son, but I'm afraid even bringing up hitting will spark his interest and it will just get him going again.

How do I stop feeling like shit and how do I make it up to my son?

Now you know that it won't kill him. He was hitting you and you did precisely what you should have done, you stopped him. If he does it again, tell him again, and again, until he gets the message that his hitting you, or anyone else, is not acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids don't hit me. They all tried it..once...and I reacted pretty much how you did. I didn't slap them in the face, but I calmly spanked them. Guess what? Right, they don't hit me. You can listen to all the "don't punish violence with violence bleeding heart waa waa crap", or you can do what I did, and raise respectful children who don't hit their parents. I didn't spank my kids except a few times when it was necessary for their safety, or when they crossed a major line, like hitting. They also got spanked when they hit each other. When done in a calm and methodical way, spanking is a useful tool.

You realize there's no such thing, right? I'm not judging you for spanking. I'm judging you for being a sanctimonious ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. What kind of consequence do you normally give him for the hitting/violent behavior?

What works best is removing him from the situation, placing him in a "quiet time" in his bedroom. What works even better is taking a favorite toy away from him. What does not work is asking him to stop or giving him a firm "no". He just thinks it is a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, that would be my advice -- read "123 Magic." It was really great for us.

I have read it, own it actually. Worked well with my two older children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The advice is: Today you decide that this behavior is not acceptable and you will not tolerate it anymore. Then find whatever method of discipline will work with your child:
time-out
take away a toy
take away a privilege

you need to be firm and consistent.

I am sad for you OP, not because you lost it with child but because your 3 year old hits you on a regular basis.

i basically agree with this poster. you haven't told us what you've tried with regards to discipline, but as you know, kids are different and what worked really well with your other kids, just isn't working for this LO. you need to experiment with some things and find something the thing that will unlock him.

here are the things i'd try: less attention, even negative attention, in which you move away and ignore for 30 seconds. reward chart for using words and not hands to express feelings. removal of a most favorite toy, keep in visible but out of the way place. i'd even go so far to buy him a toy he really wants, just to have a leverage for the behavior to take away. you can do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Agree with this poster. A 3 year old should NOT be hitting and kicking you. Totally unacceptable.

OP, you are not handling it and you are letting him get away with it, which is why he continues to do it.

I am seriously shocked that some of you think this is acceptable and normal behavior.

I'm not shocked. That's what the anus lickers do. If Doctor Know-It-All says that a good anus licking is good for the digestive tract, then they are first in line to lick the doctors crack.

Or they are just lazy so it's easier to see this as normal and acceptable behavior. Heaven forbid they have to discipline their future entitled psycho.

I'm sorry, I just do not understand your potty mouth post. What does anus licking have to do with a 3 year old hitting? Are you suggesting I lick someone's anus? Do you speak to your mom with that mouth?

Seriously, I spoke to a child psychologist, Dr. Alvord (http://www.alvordbaker.com/), about it, as well as the Director of our preschool who is also a Child Psychologist. Kids hit. It is normal, while not acceptable, behavior. Why get your panties in a twist and call people lazy? If I were lazy all three of my children would have issues across the board and be poorly behaved tyrants which is not the case. I have an issue with one behavior and that mean I am a lazy anus licker?

Thanks for that opinion. Appreciate you took the time to post here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The advice is: Today you decide that this behavior is not acceptable and you will not tolerate it anymore. Then find whatever method of discipline will work with your child:
time-out
take away a toy
take away a privilege

you need to be firm and consistent.

I am sad for you OP, not because you lost it with child but because your 3 year old hits you on a regular basis.

i basically agree with this poster. you haven't told us what you've tried with regards to discipline, but as you know, kids are different and what worked really well with your other kids, just isn't working for this LO. you need to experiment with some things and find something the thing that will unlock him.

here are the things i'd try: less attention, even negative attention, in which you move away and ignore for 30 seconds. reward chart for using words and not hands to express feelings. removal of a most favorite toy, keep in visible but out of the way place. i'd even go so far to buy him a toy he really wants, just to have a leverage for the behavior to take away. you can do it!

We've done all the things the PP mentions. This one has a strong personality and while the repercussions may work for a short time, the hitting almost immediately returns. Like within hours....

[Anonymous]

No real advice, OP, just commiseration. I too have a strong-willed kid who, while younger than yours, is a biter and hitter. It's hard- I feel your pain (literally and figuratively!).

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine to set boundaries, even if those boundaries make the kid cry. Just think of how terrible his life would be 10, 20 years from now if you never set boundaries. (Not saying that you don't set boundaries, just making a philosophical point.) I would suggest taking a PEP class or getting some coaching so you can come up with specific strategies to nip this behavior and prevent you from having your anger build up. Hang in there, you are doing fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids don't hit me. They all tried it..once...and I reacted pretty much how you did. I didn't slap them in the face, but I calmly spanked them. Guess what? Right, they don't hit me. You can listen to all the "don't punish violence with violence bleeding heart waa waa crap", or you can do what I did, and raise respectful children who don't hit their parents. I didn't spank my kids except a few times when it was necessary for their safety, or when they crossed a major line, like hitting. They also got spanked when they hit each other. When done in a calm and methodical way, spanking is a useful tool.

You realize there's no such thing, right? I'm not judging you for spanking. I'm judging you for being a sanctimonious ass.

of course you can calmly spank. that is how I spank. zero anger.