Mom took apart my 6yr olds legos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a good learning lesson for you and your son. Forgiveness, accepting family’s faults, moving on, etc.

+ infinite ....
this ... it is more important to maintain relations with grandparents than to be right even though OP was/ is right to be upset. Grandparents come from another generation before widely available therapy and brilliant agony aunts such as Carolyn Hax.

The grandma apologized although it was not something she did often, the grandad berated her and offered to help rebuild and firm boundaries have been established .... now forgiveness and moving forward with love and legos is what is likely to serve the child best ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a good learning lesson for you and your son. Forgiveness, accepting family’s faults, moving on, etc.

+ infinite ....
this ... it is more important to maintain relations with grandparents than to be right even though OP was/ is right to be upset. Grandparents come from another generation before widely available therapy and brilliant agony aunts such as Carolyn Hax.

The grandma apologized although it was not something she did often, the grandad berated her and offered to help rebuild and firm boundaries have been established .... now forgiveness and moving forward with love and legos is what is likely to serve the child best ...

No, she wrote a note and wanted her daughter to read it her grandson... and only after OP I stated that she apologize. If this is the tenor of the relationship going forward (adult is always right, will not apologize for mistakes, kid shouldn’t react even when upset that the adult did wrong), no, it’s not a healthy dynamic for the child. Personally, I would make it clear that all contact would be cut between kids and my mother if a similar episode happens again. My job is to protect and reach—I refuse to teach a child that they are at fault when someone else does something wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP is long gone but this is a very awkward situation. Grandma didn’t accidentally take this complex project apart to clean it. That’s clear. It puts everyone in an awkward position. Obviously the child is upset and has a right to be. Grandma has been caught at her malicious/ or attention seeking act and being defensive. Mom is caught in the middle. Child is caught in the middle. Very awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a good learning lesson for you and your son. Forgiveness, accepting family’s faults, moving on, etc.

+ infinite ....
this ... it is more important to maintain relations with grandparents than to be right even though OP was/ is right to be upset. Grandparents come from another generation before widely available therapy and brilliant agony aunts such as Carolyn Hax.

The grandma apologized although it was not something she did often, the grandad berated her and offered to help rebuild and firm boundaries have been established .... now forgiveness and moving forward with love and legos is what is likely to serve the child best ...

No, she wrote a note and wanted her daughter to read it her grandson... and only after OP I stated that she apologize. If this is the tenor of the relationship going forward (adult is always right, will not apologize for mistakes, kid shouldn’t react even when upset that the adult did wrong), no, it’s not a healthy dynamic for the child. Personally, I would make it clear that all contact would be cut between kids and my mother if a similar episode happens again. My job is to protect and reach—I refuse to teach a child that they are at fault when someone else does something wrong.

Yes but a little compassion goes a long way. Older generations did not have access to all the psychological information we have now. Healthy Boundaries are very important but maintaining inter generational family relationships can be incredibly important for children as they mature. It seems too harsh to cut the mother off rather than give her a chance to modify her behavior.

It is not a matter of teaching children they are at fault but encouraging children to understand, forgive and love family members despite their faults. The mother already stood up for her son. That’s really good. But I believe that the child is better served by encouraging generosity and compassion towards his grandmother (while protecting him from unfair treatment) than by fostering resentment and self righteous indignation. Love and family connection carries wounds and we need to help young people to not cut off important relationships too quickly.

This connects to a broader social trend of ghosting. Many young people grow up with a superficial sense of social connectivity through social media and seem to think it is fine to ghost people whenever there is the slightest awkward encounter. I believe that this trend is not healthy. I could be wrong but that is my feeling.

[Anonymous]

PP is nuts. This is not about millennial ghosting or previous generations not having access to mental health services. If my parents came to my house and tried to be helpful by taking my bed apart to clean under it and then left the pieces of my bed in another room mixed in with other beds they had taken apart, I would be pissed. If my dad decided he did not like the cords of my wall mounted TV and dismantled the entire AV system and put everything in the garage so it looked neater, I would rightly be angry. And asking for an apology is the LEAST of what should happen. A normal person who thought they legit were helping would immediately apologize in person, not a damn note or text, and offer to make it right.

At the nail salon the other day, my sister was trying on colors, went to hang her coat up, and got nail polish on the owners coat. She immediately apologized and offered three times to pay to have it cleaned or replaced. That is what someone who makes a mistake does. They don’t blame the owner for hanging his coat up. It is totally reasonable to forgive when someone is sorry but it ok to cut toxic people out of your life. It does not mean never seeing grandma again, but some time and space and maybe only at her house where she can clean whenever she wants is healthy boundary setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP is nuts. This is not about millennial ghosting or previous generations not having access to mental health services. If my parents came to my house and tried to be helpful by taking my bed apart to clean under it and then left the pieces of my bed in another room mixed in with other beds they had taken apart, I would be pissed. If my dad decided he did not like the cords of my wall mounted TV and dismantled the entire AV system and put everything in the garage so it looked neater, I would rightly be angry. And asking for an apology is the LEAST of what should happen. A normal person who thought they legit were helping would immediately apologize in person, not a damn note or text, and offer to make it right.

At the nail salon the other day, my sister was trying on colors, went to hang her coat up, and got nail polish on the owners coat. She immediately apologized and offered three times to pay to have it cleaned or replaced. That is what someone who makes a mistake does. They don’t blame the owner for hanging his coat up. It is totally reasonable to forgive when someone is sorry but it ok to cut toxic people out of your life. It does not mean never seeing grandma again, but some time and space and maybe only at her house where she can clean whenever she wants is healthy boundary setting.

This is not an equivalent example. Your sister is your generation not an older generation and a customer is not an important long term social relation as is a grandparent to a child.

Please use logic rather than juvenile name calling.

[Anonymous]

I'm a grandma who doesn't or wouldn't do anything like this, nor would any of my friends. Mom has an issue that you need to resolve. I'm hoping she will "get it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a good learning lesson for you and your son. Forgiveness, accepting family’s faults, moving on, etc.

+ infinite ....
this ... it is more important to maintain relations with grandparents than to be right even though OP was/ is right to be upset. Grandparents come from another generation before widely available therapy and brilliant agony aunts such as Carolyn Hax.

The grandma apologized although it was not something she did often, the grandad berated her and offered to help rebuild and firm boundaries have been established .... now forgiveness and moving forward with love and legos is what is likely to serve the child best ...

No, she wrote a note and wanted her daughter to read it her grandson... and only after OP I stated that she apologize. If this is the tenor of the relationship going forward (adult is always right, will not apologize for mistakes, kid shouldn’t react even when upset that the adult did wrong), no, it’s not a healthy dynamic for the child. Personally, I would make it clear that all contact would be cut between kids and my mother if a similar episode happens again. My job is to protect and reach—I refuse to teach a child that they are at fault when someone else does something wrong.

Yes but a little compassion goes a long way. Older generations did not have access to all the psychological information we have now. Healthy Boundaries are very important but maintaining inter generational family relationships can be incredibly important for children as they mature. It seems too harsh to cut the mother off rather than give her a chance to modify her behavior.

It is not a matter of teaching children they are at fault but encouraging children to understand, forgive and love family members despite their faults. The mother already stood up for her son. That’s really good. But I believe that the child is better served by encouraging generosity and compassion towards his grandmother (while protecting him from unfair treatment) than by fostering resentment and self righteous indignation. Love and family connection carries wounds and we need to help young people to not cut off important relationships too quickly.

This connects to a broader social trend of ghosting. Many young people grow up with a superficial sense of social connectivity through social media and seem to think it is fine to ghost people whenever there is the slightest awkward encounter. I believe that this trend is not healthy. I could be wrong but that is my feeling.

Weird, because most grandparents have normal relationships with other humans even though they didn't have "access to psychological information " either.

This has absolutely nothing to do with ghosting. Bizarre you accuse a PP of false equivalency and then do this