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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like a good learning lesson for you and your son. Forgiveness, accepting family’s faults, moving on, etc.

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+ infinite .... 
this ... it is more important to maintain relations with grandparents than to be right even though OP was/ is right to be upset. Grandparents come from another generation before widely available  therapy and brilliant agony aunts such as Carolyn Hax.

The [b]grandma apologized[/b] although it was not something she did often, the grandad berated her and offered to help rebuild and firm boundaries have been established .... now forgiveness and moving forward with love and legos is what is likely to serve the child best ... [/quote]

No, she wrote a note and wanted her daughter to read it her grandson... and only after OP I stated that she apologize.  If this is the tenor of the relationship going forward (adult is always right, will not apologize for mistakes, kid shouldn’t react even when upset that the adult did wrong), no, it’s not a healthy dynamic for the child.  Personally, I would make it clear that all contact would be cut between kids and my mother if a similar episode happens again.  My job is to protect and reach—I refuse to teach a child that they are at fault when someone else does something wrong.[/quote]

Yes but a little compassion goes a long way. Older generations did not have access to all the psychological information we have now. Healthy Boundaries are very important  but maintaining inter generational family relationships can be incredibly important for children as they mature. It seems too harsh to cut the mother off rather than give her a chance to modify her behavior.

It is not a matter of teaching children they are at fault but encouraging children to understand, forgive and love family members despite their faults. The mother already stood up for her son. That’s really good. But I believe that the child is better served by encouraging generosity and compassion towards his grandmother (while protecting him from unfair treatment) than by fostering resentment and self righteous indignation. Love and family connection carries wounds and we need to help young people to not cut off important relationships too quickly.

This connects to a broader social trend of ghosting. Many young people grow up with a superficial sense of social connectivity through social media and seem to think it is fine to  ghost people whenever there is the slightest awkward encounter. I believe that this trend is not healthy. I could be wrong but that is my feeling. [/quote]

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