Mom took apart my 6yr olds legos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did ask her and her response was “how was I supposed to know!” She told me she would write him a note an apologize. Admitting to a mistake is not something my mom really does. My dad was pretty upset with her too. He offered to help my son sort them out and start putting some back together.

Ugh. Your mom needs some coaching. She needs to make the apology in person. Have her write the note but then make her say it in person. A 6 year old needs to hear this from his grandmother. A note will not cut it. And she needs to be the one to help him re-sort the pieces.

Your son wants his pieces sorted.
He doesn't care less about the apology without that action.

Really? He can sort them. They're his Legos.

So fragile.

Clearly you've never valued Legos or had a young child who was capable of following Lego directions. We're talking about a six year old. That's young for building entire sets, and he's understandably devastated.

But sure, next time you labor on something for hours only to have it destroyed casually by someone, we'll be sure to tell you to get over it!

I have kids, yes. And the Minecraft sets are not large ones. He can sort and rebuild them. Unless grandma also threw away the instructions.

[Anonymous]

This is definitely something that my grandmother would have done. They just don’t see “toys” as the product of hard work, let alone as a work of art or creative endeavor. The “how should I have known?” and just trying to help (passive aggressive, you aren’t keeping the whole house to her standards) combined with scolding him for not cleaning up lead me to believe that it might be something that can be fixed, although not likely. Also, emphasize that you view the children’s bedrooms and playroom as their space to “decorate” with any projects they start/complete. The only time that those rooms would need “cleaning” outside of the regular schedule would be if the kids failed to tidy up loose pieces when they were done, but that since she doesn’t know the storage system, it’s always safer and better for the kids if she just calls them to tidy up theirs mess.

In the short-term, I’d explain that this was the equivalent of taking out every stitch in several embroidered pillows and mixing it all up (it made a huge impact on my grandmother). To your DS, this represents both his effort and his creative accomplishment, and he enjoys seeing the sets he built. She doesn’t have to agree that it’s art, but she does need to acknowledge that she hurt your DS. She has two requirement and two options: she will apologize to your son and acknowledge that she hurt him, then she can elect to sort the pieces by set (with or without his help, his choice, not hers), or she can go purchase all the sets she mixed up again. After the sets are sorted or purchased, she WILL offer him the choice of whether he wants her help to rebuild.

I will say this: my grandmother understood much, much better once she helped rebuild one small set. She was comparing it to cross-stitch, so at least she sees that there is a reason that the child was upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did ask her and her response was “how was I supposed to know!” She told me she would write him a note an apologize. Admitting to a mistake is not something my mom really does. My dad was pretty upset with her too. He offered to help my son sort them out and start putting some back together.

Ugh. Your mom needs some coaching. She needs to make the apology in person. Have her write the note but then make her say it in person. A 6 year old needs to hear this from his grandmother. A note will not cut it. And she needs to be the one to help him re-sort the pieces.

Your son wants his pieces sorted.
He doesn't care less about the apology without that action.

Really? He can sort them. They're his Legos.

So fragile.

Funny how this didn’t come into play when grandma decided to destroy them.

What if the grandson had decided to undo all of grandma’s cross stitch because it looked messy? Or if he’d decided to put her (hand wash only) China in the dishwasher to be helpful and damaged ALL of it? Would you still be saying the grandma was being “fragile” for being upset? Would the grandson be exempt from apologizing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is definitely something that my grandmother would have done. They just don’t see “toys” as the product of hard work, let alone as a work of art or creative endeavor. The “how should I have known?” and just trying to help (passive aggressive, you aren’t keeping the whole house to her standards) combined with scolding him for not cleaning up lead me to believe that it might be something that can be fixed, although not likely. Also, emphasize that you view the children’s bedrooms and playroom as their space to “decorate” with any projects they start/complete. The only time that those rooms would need “cleaning” outside of the regular schedule would be if the kids failed to tidy up loose pieces when they were done, but that since she doesn’t know the storage system, it’s always safer and better for the kids if she just calls them to tidy up theirs mess.

In the short-term, I’d explain that this was the equivalent of taking out every stitch in several embroidered pillows and mixing it all up (it made a huge impact on my grandmother). To your DS, this represents both his effort and his creative accomplishment, and he enjoys seeing the sets he built. She doesn’t have to agree that it’s art, but she does need to acknowledge that she hurt your DS. She has two requirement and two options: she will apologize to your son and acknowledge that she hurt him, then she can elect to sort the pieces by set (with or without his help, his choice, not hers), or she can go purchase all the sets she mixed up again. After the sets are sorted or purchased, she WILL offer him the choice of whether he wants her help to rebuild.

I will say this: my grandmother understood much, much better once she helped rebuild one small set. She was comparing it to cross-stitch, so at least she sees that there is a reason that the child was upset.

Oops, forgot to clarify: in my situation, child had left a few completed and one in progress set on my dresser, so that I could see them. But I could definitely see her going into the playroom to clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did ask her and her response was “how was I supposed to know!” She told me she would write him a note an apologize. Admitting to a mistake is not something my mom really does. My dad was pretty upset with her too. He offered to help my son sort them out and start putting some back together.

Ugh. Your mom needs some coaching. She needs to make the apology in person. Have her write the note but then make her say it in person. A 6 year old needs to hear this from his grandmother. A note will not cut it. And she needs to be the one to help him re-sort the pieces.

Your son wants his pieces sorted.
He doesn't care less about the apology without that action.

Really? He can sort them. They're his Legos.

So fragile.

Funny how this didn’t come into play when grandma decided to destroy them.

What if the grandson had decided to undo all of grandma’s cross stitch because it looked messy? Or if he’d decided to put her (hand wash only) China in the dishwasher to be helpful and damaged ALL of it? Would you still be saying the grandma was being “fragile” for being upset? Would the grandson be exempt from apologizing?

Huh? I'm saying that you people who think Grandma should sort the pieces are nuts.

And this is a good time to teach DS how to handle being upset appropriately. Not making it into a bigger issue than it already is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Your mom has to separate out all the pieces into their respective sets. Then she’ll understand how much painstaking effort it is on the part of a SIX year old to put these together. Hand her the booklets, pour the legos on the dining room table, and tell her that’s her consequence. Other people can help, but she has to make a sincere effort before you let her off the hook.

This. Wow. I (the adult) would be livid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did ask her and her response was “how was I supposed to know!” She told me she would write him a note an apologize. Admitting to a mistake is not something my mom really does. My dad was pretty upset with her too. He offered to help my son sort them out and start putting some back together.

Ugh. Your mom needs some coaching. She needs to make the apology in person. Have her write the note but then make her say it in person. A 6 year old needs to hear this from his grandmother. A note will not cut it. And she needs to be the one to help him re-sort the pieces.

Your son wants his pieces sorted.
He doesn't care less about the apology without that action.

Really? He can sort them. They're his Legos.

So fragile.

Funny how this didn’t come into play when grandma decided to destroy them.

What if the grandson had decided to undo all of grandma’s cross stitch because it looked messy? Or if he’d decided to put her (hand wash only) China in the dishwasher to be helpful and damaged ALL of it? Would you still be saying the grandma was being “fragile” for being upset? Would the grandson be exempt from apologizing?

Huh? I'm saying that you people who think Grandma should sort the pieces are nuts.

And this is a good time to teach DS how to handle being upset appropriately. Not making it into a bigger issue than it already is.

You’re missing the point. Would it still be no big deal to you if the grandson had destroyed something valuable to his grandmother?

[Anonymous]

It is the perfect situation to teach your kid to be upset but move on. Yes it sucks but he will get over it. Then you can refer back to it later about how he learned that it isn’t the end of the world. I never paid for those sets expecting them never to be touched again. Waste of money IMO.

[Anonymous]

Before we jump on grandma- remember that this is generational. When our parents were kids legos were just legos- not fancy sets with instructions. Maybe she didn't know the difference?

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a time when legos were just legos, but if I saw that someone built a little house with them I wouldn't go ahead and pull it all apart. That is something a toddler would do. Grandma actually put effort into ruining what he built.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before we jump on grandma- remember that this is generational. When our parents were kids legos were just legos- not fancy sets with instructions. Maybe she didn't know the difference?

But this isn’t Grandma’s house. She had no business “cleaning up” the kids’ playroom this way. It isn’t her house and those aren’t her Legos, so she shouldn’t have touched them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did ask her and her response was “how was I supposed to know!” She told me she would write him a note an apologize. Admitting to a mistake is not something my mom really does. My dad was pretty upset with her too. He offered to help my son sort them out and start putting some back together.

Ugh. Your mom needs some coaching. She needs to make the apology in person. Have her write the note but then make her say it in person. A 6 year old needs to hear this from his grandmother. A note will not cut it. And she needs to be the one to help him re-sort the pieces.

Your son wants his pieces sorted.
He doesn't care less about the apology without that action.

Really? He can sort them. They're his Legos.

So fragile.

Clearly you've never valued Legos or had a young child who was capable of following Lego directions. We're talking about a six year old. That's young for building entire sets, and he's understandably devastated.

But sure, next time you labor on something for hours only to have it destroyed casually by someone, we'll be sure to tell you to get over it!

I have kids, yes. And the Minecraft sets are not large ones. He can sort and rebuild them. Unless grandma also threw away the instructions.

NP. You’re missing the teaching point here. The lesson would go much further if grandma would eat crow and just help her grandson rebuild what SHE broke. Unbelievable. The grandma is wrong. Nice grandpa. Bad grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before we jump on grandma- remember that this is generational. When our parents were kids legos were just legos- not fancy sets with instructions. Maybe she didn't know the difference?

Does grandma live in a cave? Any grandma who spends time w grandkids in this generation knows about the fancy sets of this generation. Unless they’re flaming narcissists, which it sounds like grandma might be since according to OP, apologies don’t come easily to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we jump on grandma- remember that this is generational. When our parents were kids legos were just legos- not fancy sets with instructions. Maybe she didn't know the difference?

But this isn’t Grandma’s house. She had no business “cleaning up” the kids’ playroom this way. It isn’t her house and those aren’t her Legos, so she shouldn’t have touched them.

This wouldn’t be a big deal if grandma would just help rebuild something a six year old boy worked for DAYS ON. I’d she isn’t here to make memories that are good ones, she can see her way out of the house so we can enjoy the rest of our holiday together. Time for a lesson about respecting your adult child’s house too, and lovingly helping to right a wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did ask her and her response was “how was I supposed to know!” She told me she would write him a note an apologize. Admitting to a mistake is not something my mom really does. My dad was pretty upset with her too. He offered to help my son sort them out and start putting some back together.

Ugh. Your mom needs some coaching. She needs to make the apology in person. Have her write the note but then make her say it in person. A 6 year old needs to hear this from his grandmother. A note will not cut it. And she needs to be the one to help him re-sort the pieces.

Your son wants his pieces sorted.
He doesn't care less about the apology without that action.

Really? He can sort them. They're his Legos.

So fragile.

Clearly you've never valued Legos or had a young child who was capable of following Lego directions. We're talking about a six year old. That's young for building entire sets, and he's understandably devastated.

But sure, next time you labor on something for hours only to have it destroyed casually by someone, we'll be sure to tell you to get over it!

I have kids, yes. And the Minecraft sets are not large ones. He can sort and rebuild them. Unless grandma also threw away the instructions.

NP. You’re missing the teaching point here. The lesson would go much further if grandma would eat crow and just help her grandson rebuild what SHE broke. Unbelievable. The grandma is wrong. Nice grandpa. Bad grandma.

Grandma is too old to learn new tricks. You're only going to teach your DC the wrong lesson if that's what you focus on.