Would you get an amnio? Ambiguous genitalia at 20 week US

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so invested in this pregnancy. You’re doing an amazing job and all of your children are lucky to have you. Looking forward to following along in these last weeks. The longest month is lways the last month of pregnancy!

I love seeing this thread pop back up with an update from OP! You have quite the cheering squad here! Best of luck!

Thank you all! I really do appreciate it. This board is a welcome place to talk about things openly because I'm apparently still figuring out how not to be a total weirdo when people speak to me in person. A co-worker just caught me off guard and asked if we'd found out what we're having (my department is throwing me a little shower), and my answer was something like "Uhhh, that's a complicated question . . . ummmm, the short answer is just, no, we're keeping things neutral." Dear lord, the look on her face.

I know it's a standard question, and I feel terrible for making her uncomfortable (also I'm sure my response raised a hell of a lot more questions than it answered . . . welcome to my world, I guess.) I normally just say "nope, we don't know" when people ask, but the trouble at work is that early on (after the NIPT but before the ultrasound) I told some people it's a girl, so now there's a weird mix of information out there. I'll certainly be glad to be done with *this* particularly brand of awkwardness in a few weeks. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so invested in this pregnancy. You’re doing an amazing job and all of your children are lucky to have you. Looking forward to following along in these last weeks. The longest month is lways the last month of pregnancy!

I love seeing this thread pop back up with an update from OP! You have quite the cheering squad here! Best of luck!

Thank you all! I really do appreciate it. This board is a welcome place to talk about things openly because I'm apparently still figuring out how not to be a total weirdo when people speak to me in person. A co-worker just caught me off guard and asked if we'd found out what we're having (my department is throwing me a little shower), and my answer was something like "Uhhh, that's a complicated question . . . ummmm, the short answer is just, no, we're keeping things neutral." Dear lord, the look on her face.

I know it's a standard question, and I feel terrible for making her uncomfortable (also I'm sure my response raised a hell of a lot more questions than it answered . . . welcome to my world, I guess.) I normally just say "nope, we don't know" when people ask, but the trouble at work is that early on (after the NIPT but before the ultrasound) I told some people it's a girl, so now there's a weird mix of information out there. I'll certainly be glad to be done with *this* particularly brand of awkwardness in a few weeks. Yikes.

OP again, I suppose I should add - having had this experience, I will literally never ask any pregnant person what they're having ever again.

[Anonymous]

OP here, volunteering an update just because I wanna complain. I've now reached the point where I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions constantly for having the audacity to do strenuous activities such as "take a step" or "go outdoors." So close, yet so very far.

One thing I'm noticing though is that as my due date approaches, the genitalia issue seems to be on my mind more than it has been for a while - I've found myself going back down the Google rabbit hole and all that, and I think I'm afraid that somehow even after the baby is born the doctors won't be able to determine a reason why this happened. I also read somewhere that the testing to determine what's going on and how best to raise the baby (gender-wise) can take a week after the birth, and it's difficult to think of going a week without being able to give him/her a name or tell people anything, or know anything. For some reason also, lately, the baby "feels" like a girl to me all of a sudden, if that makes sense? Like in the same way I "felt" my son was a boy before we found out for sure. I know my feelings aren't facts and I'm not sure I believe in any kind of special mother's intuition, and most likely I'm just latching onto the the only definitive information I have which is the presence of XX chromosomes. But on the other hand, maybe it's not so crazy to think I'd have some special intuition or insight into a person that's literally growing inside my body? I dunno, I suppose I'm rambling a bit. And then there's also the small corner of my brain that's holding on to hope that this has all been some absurd ultrasound mistake and everything will look totally normal when the baby is born. I just hope I can get myself into some sort of peaceful headspace between now and the birth.

[Anonymous]

When is your due date again, OP? I can't imagine the stress and worry, but you are handling it with such grace that I know any uncertainty will be handled the same way you are doing it now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, volunteering an update just because I wanna complain. I've now reached the point where I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions constantly for having the audacity to do strenuous activities such as "take a step" or "go outdoors." So close, yet so very far.

One thing I'm noticing though is that as my due date approaches, the genitalia issue seems to be on my mind more than it has been for a while - I've found myself going back down the Google rabbit hole and all that, and I think I'm afraid that somehow even after the baby is born the doctors won't be able to determine a reason why this happened. I also read somewhere that the testing to determine what's going on and how best to raise the baby (gender-wise) can take a week after the birth, and it's difficult to think of going a week without being able to give him/her a name or tell people anything, or know anything. For some reason also, lately, the baby "feels" like a girl to me all of a sudden, if that makes sense? Like in the same way I "felt" my son was a boy before we found out for sure. I know my feelings aren't facts and I'm not sure I believe in any kind of special mother's intuition, and most likely I'm just latching onto the the only definitive information I have which is the presence of XX chromosomes. But on the other hand, maybe it's not so crazy to think I'd have some special intuition or insight into a person that's literally growing inside my body? I dunno, I suppose I'm rambling a bit. And then there's also the small corner of my brain that's holding on to hope that this has all been some absurd ultrasound mistake and everything will look totally normal when the baby is born. I just hope I can get myself into some sort of peaceful headspace between now and the birth.

Pretty sure everyone who reads your posts is deeply affected by your wisdom in the face of uncertainties, OP, when wisdom does not mean knowledge. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, volunteering an update just because I wanna complain. I've now reached the point where I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions constantly for having the audacity to do strenuous activities such as "take a step" or "go outdoors." So close, yet so very far.

One thing I'm noticing though is that as my due date approaches, the genitalia issue seems to be on my mind more than it has been for a while - I've found myself going back down the Google rabbit hole and all that, and I think I'm afraid that somehow even after the baby is born the doctors won't be able to determine a reason why this happened. I also read somewhere that the testing to determine what's going on and how best to raise the baby (gender-wise) can take a week after the birth, and it's difficult to think of going a week without being able to give him/her a name or tell people anything, or know anything. For some reason also, lately, the baby "feels" like a girl to me all of a sudden, if that makes sense? Like in the same way I "felt" my son was a boy before we found out for sure. I know my feelings aren't facts and I'm not sure I believe in any kind of special mother's intuition, and most likely I'm just latching onto the the only definitive information I have which is the presence of XX chromosomes. But on the other hand, maybe it's not so crazy to think I'd have some special intuition or insight into a person that's literally growing inside my body? I dunno, I suppose I'm rambling a bit. And then there's also the small corner of my brain that's holding on to hope that this has all been some absurd ultrasound mistake and everything will look totally normal when the baby is born. I just hope I can get myself into some sort of peaceful headspace between now and the birth.

Well, kids can be trans even if their "assigned gender" is unambiguous at birth! So no parent these days really can be sure. No matter what you think about trans issues or what the testing supposedly shows about the best gender to chose, it seems pretty clear you are in that space where you are going to need to be very open & non-judgmental about your child's gender. This isn't to say that you should raise your child "as a boy" or "as a girl" depending on the best guidance you get, but that it's going to always be a question mark no matter what. And that's just fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, volunteering an update just because I wanna complain. I've now reached the point where I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions constantly for having the audacity to do strenuous activities such as "take a step" or "go outdoors." So close, yet so very far.

One thing I'm noticing though is that as my due date approaches, the genitalia issue seems to be on my mind more than it has been for a while - I've found myself going back down the Google rabbit hole and all that, and I think I'm afraid that somehow even after the baby is born the doctors won't be able to determine a reason why this happened. I also read somewhere that the testing to determine what's going on and how best to raise the baby (gender-wise) can take a week after the birth, and it's difficult to think of going a week without being able to give him/her a name or tell people anything, or know anything. For some reason also, lately, the baby "feels" like a girl to me all of a sudden, if that makes sense? Like in the same way I "felt" my son was a boy before we found out for sure. I know my feelings aren't facts and I'm not sure I believe in any kind of special mother's intuition, and most likely I'm just latching onto the the only definitive information I have which is the presence of XX chromosomes. But on the other hand, maybe it's not so crazy to think I'd have some special intuition or insight into a person that's literally growing inside my body? I dunno, I suppose I'm rambling a bit. And then there's also the small corner of my brain that's holding on to hope that this has all been some absurd ultrasound mistake and everything will look totally normal when the baby is born. I just hope I can get myself into some sort of peaceful headspace between now and the birth.

Pretty sure everyone who reads your posts is deeply affected by your wisdom in the face of uncertainties, OP, when wisdom does not mean knowledge. Thank you.

TBH OP doesn't really seem to have taken advantage of all the resources on trans/inter-sex issues. I mean, why are you holding back on a name? There are plenty of great unisex names. So even if you to the best of the ability assign a certain gender, your child may not have to change their name. Lee, Alex, Charlie, Jules, Jordan, Sage, Rory ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, volunteering an update just because I wanna complain. I've now reached the point where I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions constantly for having the audacity to do strenuous activities such as "take a step" or "go outdoors." So close, yet so very far.

One thing I'm noticing though is that as my due date approaches, the genitalia issue seems to be on my mind more than it has been for a while - I've found myself going back down the Google rabbit hole and all that, and I think I'm afraid that somehow even after the baby is born the doctors won't be able to determine a reason why this happened. I also read somewhere that the testing to determine what's going on and how best to raise the baby (gender-wise) can take a week after the birth, and it's difficult to think of going a week without being able to give him/her a name or tell people anything, or know anything. For some reason also, lately, the baby "feels" like a girl to me all of a sudden, if that makes sense? Like in the same way I "felt" my son was a boy before we found out for sure. I know my feelings aren't facts and I'm not sure I believe in any kind of special mother's intuition, and most likely I'm just latching onto the the only definitive information I have which is the presence of XX chromosomes. But on the other hand, maybe it's not so crazy to think I'd have some special intuition or insight into a person that's literally growing inside my body? I dunno, I suppose I'm rambling a bit. And then there's also the small corner of my brain that's holding on to hope that this has all been some absurd ultrasound mistake and everything will look totally normal when the baby is born. I just hope I can get myself into some sort of peaceful headspace between now and the birth.

Pretty sure everyone who reads your posts is deeply affected by your wisdom in the face of uncertainties, OP, when wisdom does not mean knowledge. Thank you.

TBH OP doesn't really seem to have taken advantage of all the resources on trans/inter-sex issues. I mean, why are you holding back on a name? There are plenty of great unisex names. So even if you to the best of the ability assign a certain gender, your child may not have to change their name. Lee, Alex, Charlie, Jules, Jordan, Sage, Rory ...

There is no right or wrong way to manage this. You have no right to judge OP. OP, thank you for sharing your hopes and concerns with us. I have been following your journey and continue to send positive thoughts your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When is your due date again, OP? I can't imagine the stress and worry, but you are handling it with such grace that I know any uncertainty will be handled the same way you are doing it now!

I'm due early September, so a little over 3 weeks to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, volunteering an update just because I wanna complain. I've now reached the point where I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions constantly for having the audacity to do strenuous activities such as "take a step" or "go outdoors." So close, yet so very far.

One thing I'm noticing though is that as my due date approaches, the genitalia issue seems to be on my mind more than it has been for a while - I've found myself going back down the Google rabbit hole and all that, and I think I'm afraid that somehow even after the baby is born the doctors won't be able to determine a reason why this happened. I also read somewhere that the testing to determine what's going on and how best to raise the baby (gender-wise) can take a week after the birth, and it's difficult to think of going a week without being able to give him/her a name or tell people anything, or know anything. For some reason also, lately, the baby "feels" like a girl to me all of a sudden, if that makes sense? Like in the same way I "felt" my son was a boy before we found out for sure. I know my feelings aren't facts and I'm not sure I believe in any kind of special mother's intuition, and most likely I'm just latching onto the the only definitive information I have which is the presence of XX chromosomes. But on the other hand, maybe it's not so crazy to think I'd have some special intuition or insight into a person that's literally growing inside my body? I dunno, I suppose I'm rambling a bit. And then there's also the small corner of my brain that's holding on to hope that this has all been some absurd ultrasound mistake and everything will look totally normal when the baby is born. I just hope I can get myself into some sort of peaceful headspace between now and the birth.

Pretty sure everyone who reads your posts is deeply affected by your wisdom in the face of uncertainties, OP, when wisdom does not mean knowledge. Thank you.

TBH OP doesn't really seem to have taken advantage of all the resources on trans/inter-sex issues. I mean, why are you holding back on a name? There are plenty of great unisex names. So even if you to the best of the ability assign a certain gender, your child may not have to change their name. Lee, Alex, Charlie, Jules, Jordan, Sage, Rory ...

There is no right or wrong way to manage this. You have no right to judge OP. OP, thank you for sharing your hopes and concerns with us. I have been following your journey and continue to send positive thoughts your way.

of course there's a wrong way to manage this - to be so panicked about shoving a child into a gender category that you create a very unhappy kid, possibly with harmful surgery. OP's child is going to be born into a world where talking about intersex , trans, and all kinds of non-binary stuff is totally normal, so this is all going to need to be addressed up front with them, with no need to panic.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, just another stranger reading your story and wishing you well. Please feel free to tell me to eff off if this is inappropriate, but have you decided what to do name-wise? Like a female name, or one that is gender-neutral (since I recognize that you don't know exactly what you will be dealing with - or if it's even anything abnormal at all!)

Agree with someone who posted earlier - this baby is lucky to have you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, volunteering an update just because I wanna complain. I've now reached the point where I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions constantly for having the audacity to do strenuous activities such as "take a step" or "go outdoors." So close, yet so very far.

One thing I'm noticing though is that as my due date approaches, the genitalia issue seems to be on my mind more than it has been for a while - I've found myself going back down the Google rabbit hole and all that, and I think I'm afraid that somehow even after the baby is born the doctors won't be able to determine a reason why this happened. I also read somewhere that the testing to determine what's going on and how best to raise the baby (gender-wise) can take a week after the birth, and it's difficult to think of going a week without being able to give him/her a name or tell people anything, or know anything. For some reason also, lately, the baby "feels" like a girl to me all of a sudden, if that makes sense? Like in the same way I "felt" my son was a boy before we found out for sure. I know my feelings aren't facts and I'm not sure I believe in any kind of special mother's intuition, and most likely I'm just latching onto the the only definitive information I have which is the presence of XX chromosomes. But on the other hand, maybe it's not so crazy to think I'd have some special intuition or insight into a person that's literally growing inside my body? I dunno, I suppose I'm rambling a bit. And then there's also the small corner of my brain that's holding on to hope that this has all been some absurd ultrasound mistake and everything will look totally normal when the baby is born. I just hope I can get myself into some sort of peaceful headspace between now and the birth.

Pretty sure everyone who reads your posts is deeply affected by your wisdom in the face of uncertainties, OP, when wisdom does not mean knowledge. Thank you.

TBH OP doesn't really seem to have taken advantage of all the resources on trans/inter-sex issues. I mean, why are you holding back on a name? There are plenty of great unisex names. So even if you to the best of the ability assign a certain gender, your child may not have to change their name. Lee, Alex, Charlie, Jules, Jordan, Sage, Rory ...

There is no right or wrong way to manage this. You have no right to judge OP. OP, thank you for sharing your hopes and concerns with us. I have been following your journey and continue to send positive thoughts your way.

of course there's a wrong way to manage this - to be so panicked about shoving a child into a gender category that you create a very unhappy kid, possibly with harmful surgery. OP's child is going to be born into a world where talking about intersex , trans, and all kinds of non-binary stuff is totally normal, so this is all going to need to be addressed up front with them, with no need to panic.

OP here. PP, thanks so much for being a representative for the "you're a terrible parent for being concerned about this at all" contingent. It's extremely helpful to me since I definitely needed assistance feeling shitty and insufficiently progressive for not immediately taking in stride a thus-far unexplained condition that's created uncertainty about something that, apart from rare cases, is actually usually pretty clear during pregnancy/after birth. If you're finished making snide and incorrect assumptions about what resources I've looked into and how I'm planning to harm my child and make them miserable, I'll be sure to take your thoughts under advisement, so no need to go on.

[Anonymous]

Glad you spoke your mind to that PP. OP, your strength and grace are an inspiration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, volunteering an update just because I wanna complain. I've now reached the point where I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions constantly for having the audacity to do strenuous activities such as "take a step" or "go outdoors." So close, yet so very far.

One thing I'm noticing though is that as my due date approaches, the genitalia issue seems to be on my mind more than it has been for a while - I've found myself going back down the Google rabbit hole and all that, and I think I'm afraid that somehow even after the baby is born the doctors won't be able to determine a reason why this happened. I also read somewhere that the testing to determine what's going on and how best to raise the baby (gender-wise) can take a week after the birth, and it's difficult to think of going a week without being able to give him/her a name or tell people anything, or know anything. For some reason also, lately, the baby "feels" like a girl to me all of a sudden, if that makes sense? Like in the same way I "felt" my son was a boy before we found out for sure. I know my feelings aren't facts and I'm not sure I believe in any kind of special mother's intuition, and most likely I'm just latching onto the the only definitive information I have which is the presence of XX chromosomes. But on the other hand, maybe it's not so crazy to think I'd have some special intuition or insight into a person that's literally growing inside my body? I dunno, I suppose I'm rambling a bit. And then there's also the small corner of my brain that's holding on to hope that this has all been some absurd ultrasound mistake and everything will look totally normal when the baby is born. I just hope I can get myself into some sort of peaceful headspace between now and the birth.

Pretty sure everyone who reads your posts is deeply affected by your wisdom in the face of uncertainties, OP, when wisdom does not mean knowledge. Thank you.

TBH OP doesn't really seem to have taken advantage of all the resources on trans/inter-sex issues. I mean, why are you holding back on a name? There are plenty of great unisex names. So even if you to the best of the ability assign a certain gender, your child may not have to change their name. Lee, Alex, Charlie, Jules, Jordan, Sage, Rory ...

There is no right or wrong way to manage this. You have no right to judge OP. OP, thank you for sharing your hopes and concerns with us. I have been following your journey and continue to send positive thoughts your way.

of course there's a wrong way to manage this - to be so panicked about shoving a child into a gender category that you create a very unhappy kid, possibly with harmful surgery. OP's child is going to be born into a world where talking about intersex , trans, and all kinds of non-binary stuff is totally normal, so this is all going to need to be addressed up front with them, with no need to panic.

Oh come on-- you're telling me that if you were in this situation, you wouldn't be hoping that it was a girl or boy and that the baby wouldn't be intersex or that you wouldn't in some position where you would have to make a choice? Stop. OP is handling this with grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, volunteering an update just because I wanna complain. I've now reached the point where I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions constantly for having the audacity to do strenuous activities such as "take a step" or "go outdoors." So close, yet so very far.

One thing I'm noticing though is that as my due date approaches, the genitalia issue seems to be on my mind more than it has been for a while - I've found myself going back down the Google rabbit hole and all that, and I think I'm afraid that somehow even after the baby is born the doctors won't be able to determine a reason why this happened. I also read somewhere that the testing to determine what's going on and how best to raise the baby (gender-wise) can take a week after the birth, and it's difficult to think of going a week without being able to give him/her a name or tell people anything, or know anything. For some reason also, lately, the baby "feels" like a girl to me all of a sudden, if that makes sense? Like in the same way I "felt" my son was a boy before we found out for sure. I know my feelings aren't facts and I'm not sure I believe in any kind of special mother's intuition, and most likely I'm just latching onto the the only definitive information I have which is the presence of XX chromosomes. But on the other hand, maybe it's not so crazy to think I'd have some special intuition or insight into a person that's literally growing inside my body? I dunno, I suppose I'm rambling a bit. And then there's also the small corner of my brain that's holding on to hope that this has all been some absurd ultrasound mistake and everything will look totally normal when the baby is born. I just hope I can get myself into some sort of peaceful headspace between now and the birth.

Go with what feels right to you, OP. You are going to love this baby no what what it's gender is. I didn't name either of my kids for a few days, and I have a friend who waited weeks. If you are worried about it, maybe just choose a gender neutral name?