what's the worst affair story you've heard of where the marriage recovered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love all of the replies of what you would do in this situation. I would have responded the same way a few years ago, until it happened to me.

I am divorcing, my kids know about the OC and want nothing to do with him. They may change their minds when they are older but that will be their father's relationship to facilitate.

No one wins in this situation.

Hugs to you. I'm very sorry.

How old are your kids?

Thanks. They are 12 and 15.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love all of the replies of what you would do in this situation. I would have responded the same way a few years ago, until it happened to me.

I am divorcing, my kids know about the OC and want nothing to do with him. They may change their minds when they are older but that will be their father's relationship to facilitate.

No one wins in this situation.

Hugs to you. I'm very sorry.

How old are your kids?

Thanks. They are 12 and 15.

All the best to you. And the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do Do with a Child of the Affair
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8122_affairchild.html

So a marriage is more important than the well-being of a completely innocent child?

Got it.

Yes. It sounds awful but the situation is awful, and there are no good options in it. The therapist's position is that recovering from infidelity starts, as a precondition, from complete severance of ties with the affair partner, and that the marriage cannot recover as long as the wayward spouse maintains contact with the AP. When affairs produce a child, and the wayward spouse wants to maintain contact with the child (which necessarily means contact with the AP parent), the marriage has very low odds of recovering because few marriages can withstand the pressure of constant contact with the AP and ongoing reminder of infidelity. Bluntly speaking, the betrayed spouse cannot begin recover until the AP is completely out of the picture.

Preserving the marriage protects the children of marriage and the wife, who are completely innocent as well. So, the choices are between the wellbeing of an innocent child of the affair, and the wellbeing of the innocent children of marriage + wife. The therapist votes for protecting the innocent children of marriage + wife.

Why is there so much emphasis on "preserving" an already broken/messed up marriage, as if that's automatically the best thing? Some broken unions don't need to be "preserved", they need to be put out of their misery.

[Anonymous]

That's true. They don't. The advice is for the couples who decide they do want to try and rebuild the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's true. They don't. The advice is for the couples who decide they do want to try and rebuild the marriage.

The 'advice' includes actual recommendations for women to manipulate the legal system to stop a biological father from having contact with their child.

If a marriage to a cheating a hole is worth selling your soul for then whatever go for it I fuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love all of the replies of what you would do in this situation. I would have responded the same way a few years ago, until it happened to me.

I am divorcing, my kids know about the OC and want nothing to do with him. They may change their minds when they are older but that will be their father's relationship to facilitate.

No one wins in this situation.

Hugs to you. I'm very sorry.

How old are your kids?

Thanks. They are 12 and 15.

All the best to you. And the kids.

x 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's true. They don't. The advice is for the couples who decide they do want to try and rebuild the marriage.

The 'advice' includes actual recommendations for women to manipulate the legal system to stop a biological father from having contact with their child.

If a marriage to a cheating a hole is worth selling your soul for then whatever go for it I fuss.

Much better for the kid to grow up in an intact family than to deal with a confusing visiting daddy situation and risk the breakdown of the family. For the dubious pleasure of contact with biofather?

You know how women who get pregnant from affairs with married men are told, "you made your bed, now enjoy it"? This is the men's version of it. You sleep with a married woman, you risk not having access to your child. Plus it's a rare man who gets a married woman pregnant with the intention of actually parenting the child. Chances are, it's a combination of recklessness and stupidity on the part of both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my Mom's friend. She wasn't too close to her but was good friends with her friends.

This woman, her husband and teenaged daughter moved somewhere in SE Asia, maybe Thailand. After a few years, they move back to DC and they've 'adopted' a baby. Everyone thought it was weird to suddenly adopt when you have a teenager. The rumor mill was it was the daughter's baby (she would have been 12-13 when the baby was born).

But as it turns out, it was the DH's with his Thai mistress. The DW adopted it and raised it as her own. Last I heard she and DH were still together.

Was this in Bethesda? I heard of a similar family with an adopted Asian child. Father worked overseas then all of a sudden they had this kid....

This was in Northern VA in the late 80's, early 90's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's true. They don't. The advice is for the couples who decide they do want to try and rebuild the marriage.

The 'advice' includes actual recommendations for women to manipulate the legal system to stop a biological father from having contact with their child.

If a marriage to a cheating a hole is worth selling your soul for then whatever go for it I fuss.

Much better for the kid to grow up in an intact family than to deal with a confusing visiting daddy situation and risk the breakdown of the family. For the dubious pleasure of contact with biofather?

You know how women who get pregnant from affairs with married men are told, "you made your bed, now enjoy it"? This is the men's version of it. You sleep with a married woman, you risk not having access to your child. Plus it's a rare man who gets a married woman pregnant with the intention of actually parenting the child. Chances are, it's a combination of recklessness and stupidity on the part of both.

These situations are messy enough. That said, the marriage counselor in the article is correct about severing relations with the other person. Often, the outside woman gets pregnant to have permanent ties with the man, and manipulate him forever. Best to cut that out and have a third party send a check for child support. Zero contact. Complete shut down. If she wants her kid to have a father figure, she should have a good relationship with a man, who is unmarried, and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's true. They don't. The advice is for the couples who decide they do want to try and rebuild the marriage.

The 'advice' includes actual recommendations for women to manipulate the legal system to stop a biological father from having contact with their child.

If a marriage to a cheating a hole is worth selling your soul for then whatever go for it I fuss.

Much better for the kid to grow up in an intact family than to deal with a confusing visiting daddy situation and risk the breakdown of the family. For the dubious pleasure of contact with biofather?

You know how women who get pregnant from affairs with married men are told, "you made your bed, now enjoy it"? This is the men's version of it. You sleep with a married woman, you risk not having access to your child. Plus it's a rare man who gets a married woman pregnant with the intention of actually parenting the child. Chances are, it's a combination of recklessness and stupidity on the part of both.

These situations are messy enough. That said, the marriage counselor in the article is correct about severing relations with the other person. Often, the outside woman gets pregnant to have permanent ties with the man, and manipulate him forever. Best to cut that out and have a third party send a check for child support. Zero contact. Complete shut down. If she wants her kid to have a father figure, she should have a good relationship with a man, who is unmarried, and move on.

I know right! These horrible sperm thieves... Always finding ways to trick men into leaving their sperm in places where babies grow!

How about men take a little responsibility for keeping their sperm to themselves, PP? If they don't want to be "manipulated forever".... maybe they should keep their pants zipped? Wear a condom? Make sure the person they are banging is, I dunno, their wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's true. They don't. The advice is for the couples who decide they do want to try and rebuild the marriage.

The 'advice' includes actual recommendations for women to manipulate the legal system to stop a biological father from having contact with their child.

If a marriage to a cheating a hole is worth selling your soul for then whatever go for it I fuss.

Much better for the kid to grow up in an intact family than to deal with a confusing visiting daddy situation and risk the breakdown of the family. For the dubious pleasure of contact with biofather?

You know how women who get pregnant from affairs with married men are told, "you made your bed, now enjoy it"? This is the men's version of it. You sleep with a married woman, you risk not having access to your child. Plus it's a rare man who gets a married woman pregnant with the intention of actually parenting the child. Chances are, it's a combination of recklessness and stupidity on the part of both.

These situations are messy enough. That said, the marriage counselor in the article is correct about severing relations with the other person. Often, the outside woman gets pregnant to have permanent ties with the man, and manipulate him forever. Best to cut that out and have a third party send a check for child support. Zero contact. Complete shut down. If she wants her kid to have a father figure, she should have a good relationship with a man, who is unmarried, and move on.

I know right! These horrible sperm thieves... Always finding ways to trick men into leaving their sperm in places where babies grow!

How about men take a little responsibility for keeping their sperm to themselves, PP? If they don't want to be "manipulated forever".... maybe they should keep their pants zipped? Wear a condom? Make sure the person they are banging is, I dunno, their wife?

I agree with you. I'm only pointing out what needs to be done to preserve the entire family. I don't care what the other person is thinking, they need to be out of the picture to allow the family to heal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's true. They don't. The advice is for the couples who decide they do want to try and rebuild the marriage.

The 'advice' includes actual recommendations for women to manipulate the legal system to stop a biological father from having contact with their child.

If a marriage to a cheating a hole is worth selling your soul for then whatever go for it I fuss.

Much better for the kid to grow up in an intact family than to deal with a confusing visiting daddy situation and risk the breakdown of the family. For the dubious pleasure of contact with biofather?

You know how women who get pregnant from affairs with married men are told, "you made your bed, now enjoy it"? This is the men's version of it. You sleep with a married woman, you risk not having access to your child. Plus it's a rare man who gets a married woman pregnant with the intention of actually parenting the child. Chances are, it's a combination of recklessness and stupidity on the part of both.

These situations are messy enough. That said, the marriage counselor in the article is correct about severing relations with the other person. Often, the outside woman gets pregnant to have permanent ties with the man, and manipulate him forever. Best to cut that out and have a third party send a check for child support. Zero contact. Complete shut down. If she wants her kid to have a father figure, she should have a good relationship with a man, who is unmarried, and move on.

I don't believe in abandoning a child to punish an AP. It's not about her. It's about the baby, who needs and deserves a father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's true. They don't. The advice is for the couples who decide they do want to try and rebuild the marriage.

The 'advice' includes actual recommendations for women to manipulate the legal system to stop a biological father from having contact with their child.

If a marriage to a cheating a hole is worth selling your soul for then whatever go for it I fuss.

Much better for the kid to grow up in an intact family than to deal with a confusing visiting daddy situation and risk the breakdown of the family. For the dubious pleasure of contact with biofather?

You know how women who get pregnant from affairs with married men are told, "you made your bed, now enjoy it"? This is the men's version of it. You sleep with a married woman, you risk not having access to your child. Plus it's a rare man who gets a married woman pregnant with the intention of actually parenting the child. Chances are, it's a combination of recklessness and stupidity on the part of both.

These situations are messy enough. That said, the marriage counselor in the article is correct about severing relations with the other person. Often, the outside woman gets pregnant to have permanent ties with the man, and manipulate him forever. Best to cut that out and have a third party send a check for child support. Zero contact. Complete shut down. If she wants her kid to have a father figure, she should have a good relationship with a man, who is unmarried, and move on.

I know right! These horrible sperm thieves... Always finding ways to trick men into leaving their sperm in places where babies grow!

How about men take a little responsibility for keeping their sperm to themselves, PP? If they don't want to be "manipulated forever".... maybe they should keep their pants zipped? Wear a condom? Make sure the person they are banging is, I dunno, their wife?

I agree with you. I'm only pointing out what needs to be done to preserve the entire family. I don't care what the other person is thinking, they need to be out of the picture to allow the family to heal.

The entire family now includes the half-sibling and the half-sibling's mother. You are preserving a false little fantasy world, not the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's true. They don't. The advice is for the couples who decide they do want to try and rebuild the marriage.

The 'advice' includes actual recommendations for women to manipulate the legal system to stop a biological father from having contact with their child.

If a marriage to a cheating a hole is worth selling your soul for then whatever go for it I fuss.

Much better for the kid to grow up in an intact family than to deal with a confusing visiting daddy situation and risk the breakdown of the family. For the dubious pleasure of contact with biofather?

You know how women who get pregnant from affairs with married men are told, "you made your bed, now enjoy it"? This is the men's version of it. You sleep with a married woman, you risk not having access to your child. Plus it's a rare man who gets a married woman pregnant with the intention of actually parenting the child. Chances are, it's a combination of recklessness and stupidity on the part of both.

These situations are messy enough. That said, the marriage counselor in the article is correct about severing relations with the other person. Often, the outside woman gets pregnant to have permanent ties with the man, and manipulate him forever. Best to cut that out and have a third party send a check for child support. Zero contact. Complete shut down. If she wants her kid to have a father figure, she should have a good relationship with a man, who is unmarried, and move on.

I don't believe in abandoning a child to punish an AP. It's not about her. It's about the baby, who needs and deserves a father.

I'm not talking about punishing the kid, but rather saving the marriage and the kids in the marriage from the psychological burden of that child being in their lives. The kid will suffer less than the spouse who was cheated on. The kids in the marriage would also suffer a lot if the father is confusing contact with that child/mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's true. They don't. The advice is for the couples who decide they do want to try and rebuild the marriage.

The 'advice' includes actual recommendations for women to manipulate the legal system to stop a biological father from having contact with their child.

If a marriage to a cheating a hole is worth selling your soul for then whatever go for it I fuss.

Much better for the kid to grow up in an intact family than to deal with a confusing visiting daddy situation and risk the breakdown of the family. For the dubious pleasure of contact with biofather?

You know how women who get pregnant from affairs with married men are told, "you made your bed, now enjoy it"? This is the men's version of it. You sleep with a married woman, you risk not having access to your child. Plus it's a rare man who gets a married woman pregnant with the intention of actually parenting the child. Chances are, it's a combination of recklessness and stupidity on the part of both.

These situations are messy enough. That said, the marriage counselor in the article is correct about severing relations with the other person. Often, the outside woman gets pregnant to have permanent ties with the man, and manipulate him forever. Best to cut that out and have a third party send a check for child support. Zero contact. Complete shut down. If she wants her kid to have a father figure, she should have a good relationship with a man, who is unmarried, and move on.

I know right! These horrible sperm thieves... Always finding ways to trick men into leaving their sperm in places where babies grow!

How about men take a little responsibility for keeping their sperm to themselves, PP? If they don't want to be "manipulated forever".... maybe they should keep their pants zipped? Wear a condom? Make sure the person they are banging is, I dunno, their wife?

I agree with you. I'm only pointing out what needs to be done to preserve the entire family. I don't care what the other person is thinking, they need to be out of the picture to allow the family to heal.

The entire family now includes the half-sibling and the half-sibling's mother. You are preserving a false little fantasy world, not the family.

Exactly. lol How do you sever a relationship with your daughter's parent. Crazy!