Do you consider race when looking for a neighborhood to live in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We have an AA couple + kids on our block in CC. I'm a white person, so I don't get it 100%, but I think I understand the concerns (fear of random stops by the locals cops, being a suburban pioneer, how will the other kids treat my kids, etc.), and I have no doubt that they are rational. But in honesty I don't think you would be treated significantly differently than other neighbors. (Its not like we're all hosting daily evening neighborhood BBQs and hosting swingers evenings.)

I'm the one who first posted doubts about CC. It's a whole host of things, not just how neighbors treat you. I'm not trying to be facetious or snarky, but you're right that you don't get it 100% - I"m not sure it's possible for you to know or think about all the ways discriminatory behavior can happen. One PP mentioned fear of her husband getting harassed for jogging through his own neighborhood. My husband and I went to a party at a friend's house and the caterer, thinking I was part of her staff, jumped on me for using the guest bathroom. It's these seemingly insignificant "oops" moments, some innocuous and some pretty harmful, that can add up. My main concern is unconscious bias from teachers and school administrators. Small things with big impact that are hard to talk about, harder to prove, but factor into decisions about where to live. Especially if I'm paying ballpark $1 million for a house.

OMG how did u handle that? that reminded me of that crazy story Melody Hobson Princeton Grad and Billionaire George Lucas wife told about hosting a fundraiser for a black politician and showing up only to be taken to the back room by a "manager" and questioned why she wasn't in the proper attire for the event. Women thought Melody was there as part of the wait staff

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We have an AA couple + kids on our block in CC. I'm a white person, so I don't get it 100%, but I think I understand the concerns (fear of random stops by the locals cops, being a suburban pioneer, how will the other kids treat my kids, etc.), and I have no doubt that they are rational. But in honesty I don't think you would be treated significantly differently than other neighbors. (Its not like we're all hosting daily evening neighborhood BBQs and hosting swingers evenings.)

I'm the one who first posted doubts about CC. It's a whole host of things, not just how neighbors treat you. I'm not trying to be facetious or snarky, but you're right that you don't get it 100% - I"m not sure it's possible for you to know or think about all the ways discriminatory behavior can happen. One PP mentioned fear of her husband getting harassed for jogging through his own neighborhood. My husband and I went to a party at a friend's house and the caterer, thinking I was part of her staff, jumped on me for using the guest bathroom. It's these seemingly insignificant "oops" moments, some innocuous and some pretty harmful, that can add up. My main concern is unconscious bias from teachers and school administrators. Small things with big impact that are hard to talk about, harder to prove, but factor into decisions about where to live. Especially if I'm paying ballpark $1 million for a house.

OMG how did u handle that? that reminded me of that crazy story Melody Hobson Princeton Grad and Billionaire George Lucas wife told about hosting a fundraiser for a black politician and showing up only to be taken to the back room by a "manager" and questioned why she wasn't in the proper attire for the event. Women thought Melody was there as part of the wait staff

She is not just his wife
She is President of a Capital Management company, author, and TV personality

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We have an AA couple + kids on our block in CC. I'm a white person, so I don't get it 100%, but I think I understand the concerns (fear of random stops by the locals cops, being a suburban pioneer, how will the other kids treat my kids, etc.), and I have no doubt that they are rational. But in honesty I don't think you would be treated significantly differently than other neighbors. (Its not like we're all hosting daily evening neighborhood BBQs and hosting swingers evenings.)

I'm the one who first posted doubts about CC. It's a whole host of things, not just how neighbors treat you. I'm not trying to be facetious or snarky, but you're right that you don't get it 100% - I"m not sure it's possible for you to know or think about all the ways discriminatory behavior can happen. One PP mentioned fear of her husband getting harassed for jogging through his own neighborhood. My husband and I went to a party at a friend's house and the caterer, thinking I was part of her staff, jumped on me for using the guest bathroom. It's these seemingly insignificant "oops" moments, some innocuous and some pretty harmful, that can add up. My main concern is unconscious bias from teachers and school administrators. Small things with big impact that are hard to talk about, harder to prove, but factor into decisions about where to live. Especially if I'm paying ballpark $1 million for a house.

OMG how did u handle that? that reminded me of that crazy story Melody Hobson Princeton Grad and Billionaire George Lucas wife told about hosting a fundraiser for a black politician and showing up only to be taken to the back room by a "manager" and questioned why she wasn't in the proper attire for the event. Women thought Melody was there as part of the wait staff

She is not just his wife
She is President of a Capital Management company, author, and TV personality

Never heard of her, so had to look her up--she's amazing! Apparently she inspired Sheryl Sandberg to write Lean In. Thanks, DCUM!

http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2015/03/mellody-hobson-ariel-investments-fighting-stereotype

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We have an AA couple + kids on our block in CC. I'm a white person, so I don't get it 100%, but I think I understand the concerns (fear of random stops by the locals cops, being a suburban pioneer, how will the other kids treat my kids, etc.), and I have no doubt that they are rational. But in honesty I don't think you would be treated significantly differently than other neighbors. (Its not like we're all hosting daily evening neighborhood BBQs and hosting swingers evenings.)

I'm the one who first posted doubts about CC. It's a whole host of things, not just how neighbors treat you. I'm not trying to be facetious or snarky, but you're right that you don't get it 100% - I"m not sure it's possible for you to know or think about all the ways discriminatory behavior can happen. One PP mentioned fear of her husband getting harassed for jogging through his own neighborhood. My husband and I went to a party at a friend's house and the caterer, thinking I was part of her staff, jumped on me for using the guest bathroom. It's these seemingly insignificant "oops" moments, some innocuous and some pretty harmful, that can add up. My main concern is unconscious bias from teachers and school administrators. Small things with big impact that are hard to talk about, harder to prove, but factor into decisions about where to live. Especially if I'm paying ballpark $1 million for a house.

How awful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We have an AA couple + kids on our block in CC. I'm a white person, so I don't get it 100%, but I think I understand the concerns (fear of random stops by the locals cops, being a suburban pioneer, how will the other kids treat my kids, etc.), and I have no doubt that they are rational. But in honesty I don't think you would be treated significantly differently than other neighbors. (Its not like we're all hosting daily evening neighborhood BBQs and hosting swingers evenings.)

I'm the one who first posted doubts about CC. It's a whole host of things, not just how neighbors treat you. I'm not trying to be facetious or snarky, but you're right that you don't get it 100% - I"m not sure it's possible for you to know or think about all the ways discriminatory behavior can happen. One PP mentioned fear of her husband getting harassed for jogging through his own neighborhood. My husband and I went to a party at a friend's house and the caterer, thinking I was part of her staff, jumped on me for using the guest bathroom. It's these seemingly insignificant "oops" moments, some innocuous and some pretty harmful, that can add up. My main concern is unconscious bias from teachers and school administrators. Small things with big impact that are hard to talk about, harder to prove, but factor into decisions about where to live. Especially if I'm paying ballpark $1 million for a house.

OMG how did u handle that? that reminded me of that crazy story Melody Hobson Princeton Grad and Billionaire George Lucas wife told about hosting a fundraiser for a black politician and showing up only to be taken to the back room by a "manager" and questioned why she wasn't in the proper attire for the event. Women thought Melody was there as part of the wait staff

She is not just his wife
She is President of a Capital Management company, author, and TV personality

Never heard of her, so had to look her up--she's amazing! Apparently she inspired Sheryl Sandberg to write Lean In. Thanks, DCUM!

http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2015/03/mellody-hobson-ariel-investments-fighting-stereotype

So where the other black people at that event, including the AA politician, treated the same way? Or were there no other AA people in attendance except for Melody?

My point is, how can you assert that her race is what caused her to be mistaken as the wait staff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We have an AA couple + kids on our block in CC. I'm a white person, so I don't get it 100%, but I think I understand the concerns (fear of random stops by the locals cops, being a suburban pioneer, how will the other kids treat my kids, etc.), and I have no doubt that they are rational. But in honesty I don't think you would be treated significantly differently than other neighbors. (Its not like we're all hosting daily evening neighborhood BBQs and hosting swingers evenings.)

I'm the one who first posted doubts about CC. It's a whole host of things, not just how neighbors treat you. I'm not trying to be facetious or snarky, but you're right that you don't get it 100% - I"m not sure it's possible for you to know or think about all the ways discriminatory behavior can happen. One PP mentioned fear of her husband getting harassed for jogging through his own neighborhood. My husband and I went to a party at a friend's house and the caterer, thinking I was part of her staff, jumped on me for using the guest bathroom. It's these seemingly insignificant "oops" moments, some innocuous and some pretty harmful, that can add up. My main concern is unconscious bias from teachers and school administrators. Small things with big impact that are hard to talk about, harder to prove, but factor into decisions about where to live. Especially if I'm paying ballpark $1 million for a house.

OMG how did u handle that? that reminded me of that crazy story Melody Hobson Princeton Grad and Billionaire George Lucas wife told about hosting a fundraiser for a black politician and showing up only to be taken to the back room by a "manager" and questioned why she wasn't in the proper attire for the event. Women thought Melody was there as part of the wait staff

She is not just his wife
She is President of a Capital Management company, author, and TV personality

Never heard of her, so had to look her up--she's amazing! Apparently she inspired Sheryl Sandberg to write Lean In. Thanks, DCUM!

http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2015/03/mellody-hobson-ariel-investments-fighting-stereotype

So where the other black people at that event, including the AA politician, treated the same way? Or were there no other AA people in attendance except for Melody?

My point is, how can you assert that her race is what caused her to be mistaken as the wait staff?

In her own words

https://www.ted.com/talks/mellody_hobson_color_blind_or_color_brave#t-338255

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this thread is really long, but what neighborhood does the OP live in? U dont have to be specific but I"m curious. Its it Potomac or Bethesda? The same thing is happening in DeSoto texas. black middle class people flock to that area and now real estate agents are telling whites & Asians to steer clear. So what will happen? Housing prices will fall as well as property value because the pool of potential buyers gets cut in half because of the "racial steering" that going on SMH

I'm so curious as to where OP is too, Potomac was my first thought. In addition to racism, I wonder if there's also some jealousy/disbelief involved in the AA family buying the nicest house on the block.

Op here: Potomac is correct. From what I am gathering from folks responses, it appears this issue is extremely complex. I wouldn't go as far as to say a white family who buys in a white neighborhood for schools with higher test scores in racist. It also seems unreasonable to ask these white folks to send their kid to a "lower" functioning school for the sake of diversity. However I would question the definition of lower functioning based solely on test scores which seems to be an American obession right now. What I don't get though is the " flight" part. Is going to BCC vs Northwood or Blair really going to be detrimental to your childs future? Statistically the more financial resources you have the more likely your child will perform better in school. No need to run away because brown folks are coming.

The only reason my family moved to Potomac is because my job is 2 miles away. When we lived in Detriot, briefly we did the same thing and my kids went to PS. My kids are far from perfect but they are still alive and perform ok academically and most of all, love learning about new people and cultures. They are also pretty street smart more so than me for sure.
In a world where we are more connected than ever, I feel exposure is everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this thread is really long, but what neighborhood does the OP live in? U dont have to be specific but I"m curious. Its it Potomac or Bethesda? The same thing is happening in DeSoto texas. black middle class people flock to that area and now real estate agents are telling whites & Asians to steer clear. So what will happen? Housing prices will fall as well as property value because the pool of potential buyers gets cut in half because of the "racial steering" that going on SMH

I'm so curious as to where OP is too, Potomac was my first thought. In addition to racism, I wonder if there's also some jealousy/disbelief involved in the AA family buying the nicest house on the block.

Op here: Potomac is correct. From what I am gathering from folks responses, it appears this issue is extremely complex. I wouldn't go as far as to say a white family who buys in a white neighborhood for schools with higher test scores in racist. It also seems unreasonable to ask these white folks to send their kid to a "lower" functioning school for the sake of diversity. However I would question the definition of lower functioning based solely on test scores which seems to be an American obession right now. What I don't get though is the " flight" part. Is going to BCC vs Northwood or Blair really going to be detrimental to your childs future? Statistically the more financial resources you have the more likely your child will perform better in school. No need to run away because brown folks are coming.

The only reason my family moved to Potomac is because my job is 2 miles away. When we lived in Detriot, briefly we did the same thing and my kids went to PS. My kids are far from perfect but they are still alive and perform ok academically and most of all, love learning about new people and cultures. They are also pretty street smart more so than me for sure.
In a world where we are more connected than ever, I feel exposure is everything.

This is how most Americans SHOULD THINK. But we are obsessed with "Test Scores" and "Ivy League Schools" it seems. The Phrase "Yale or Jail" comes to mind. Whites in this country suffer from Serious entitlement issues. They are the majority and majority rules, so anytime they feel they are not in that position they flee. Not only that racist real estate agents will steer families away from neighborhoods with a black population even if the family wants to buy in that neighborhood. How many black families live around ur area now? Is it a significant number or are ur neighbors totally overreacting

[Anonymous]

Bravo OP

My work is done here.... if more people thought like you the world would be a better place

[Anonymous]

"yale or jail"? card-carrying white person here and I've never heard that phrase. I even went to ritzy private schools growing up.

[Anonymous]

real estate agents are telling whites & Asians to steer clear

If any real estate agent is doing this you need to report them to HUD and to their broker. That is flat out illegal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"yale or jail"? card-carrying white person here and I've never heard that phrase. I even went to ritzy private schools growing up.

Duh that's why you've never heard the phrase

[Anonymous]

I'm one of the PPs above who posted about choosing a diverse neighborhood and school.

The experiences of Hobson and the other PP are awful and humiliating. As a white person, I can sympathize. But I also see it as my duty to take action, and one important way to do that is through the choices I make as a parent. Thinking about the white people who made those mistakes, it is my fervent hope that because of where and how they've been raised, my white children will not bring that kind of unconscious bias into their adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this thread is really long, but what neighborhood does the OP live in? U dont have to be specific but I"m curious. Its it Potomac or Bethesda? The same thing is happening in DeSoto texas. black middle class people flock to that area and now real estate agents are telling whites & Asians to steer clear. So what will happen? Housing prices will fall as well as property value because the pool of potential buyers gets cut in half because of the "racial steering" that going on SMH

I'm so curious as to where OP is too, Potomac was my first thought. In addition to racism, I wonder if there's also some jealousy/disbelief involved in the AA family buying the nicest house on the block.

Op here: Potomac is correct. From what I am gathering from folks responses, it appears this issue is extremely complex. I wouldn't go as far as to say a white family who buys in a white neighborhood for schools with higher test scores in racist. It also seems unreasonable to ask these white folks to send their kid to a "lower" functioning school for the sake of diversity. However I would question the definition of lower functioning based solely on test scores which seems to be an American obession right now. What I don't get though is the " flight" part. Is going to BCC vs Northwood or Blair really going to be detrimental to your childs future? Statistically the more financial resources you have the more likely your child will perform better in school. No need to run away because brown folks are coming.

The only reason my family moved to Potomac is because my job is 2 miles away. When we lived in Detriot, briefly we did the same thing and my kids went to PS. My kids are far from perfect but they are still alive and perform ok academically and most of all, love learning about new people and cultures. They are also pretty street smart more so than me for sure.
In a world where we are more connected than ever, I feel exposure is everything.

This is very important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We have an AA couple + kids on our block in CC. I'm a white person, so I don't get it 100%, but I think I understand the concerns (fear of random stops by the locals cops, being a suburban pioneer, how will the other kids treat my kids, etc.), and I have no doubt that they are rational. But in honesty I don't think you would be treated significantly differently than other neighbors. (Its not like we're all hosting daily evening neighborhood BBQs and hosting swingers evenings.)

I'm the one who first posted doubts about CC. It's a whole host of things, not just how neighbors treat you. I'm not trying to be facetious or snarky, but you're right that you don't get it 100% - I"m not sure it's possible for you to know or think about all the ways discriminatory behavior can happen. One PP mentioned fear of her husband getting harassed for jogging through his own neighborhood. My husband and I went to a party at a friend's house and the caterer, thinking I was part of her staff, jumped on me for using the guest bathroom. It's these seemingly insignificant "oops" moments, some innocuous and some pretty harmful, that can add up. My main concern is unconscious bias from teachers and school administrators. Small things with big impact that are hard to talk about, harder to prove, but factor into decisions about where to live. Especially if I'm paying ballpark $1 million for a house.

OMG how did u handle that? that reminded me of that crazy story Melody Hobson Princeton Grad and Billionaire George Lucas wife told about hosting a fundraiser for a black politician and showing up only to be taken to the back room by a "manager" and questioned why she wasn't in the proper attire for the event. Women thought Melody was there as part of the wait staff

She is not just his wife
She is President of a Capital Management company, author, and TV personality

Never heard of her, so had to look her up--she's amazing! Apparently she inspired Sheryl Sandberg to write Lean In. Thanks, DCUM!

http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2015/03/mellody-hobson-ariel-investments-fighting-stereotype

So where the other black people at that event, including the AA politician, treated the same way? Or were there no other AA people in attendance except for Melody?

My point is, how can you assert that her race is what caused her to be mistaken as the wait staff?

How can you assert that it was not. It is amazing to me that plenty of folks can come on here and write about their experiences, or IRL tell someone about their experience and for the most part it is taken for face value that the person writing/speaking has an accurate assessment of the situation that they were, you know, actually in! However, when a POC tries to say they were in situation that was racist/offensive/insensitive, their perspective is picked apart 500 ways to Sunday.
It.Is.Tiresome