Childhood friend will stay with me for a week. What do you think will happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay it’s all down to insults now.
I guess I wanted to know if there’s something like seeing a person through the lens of youth.
Like, I’ve caught this look once from someone (not this guy) I haven’t seen in 10-15 years which seemed like he still saw me as attractive. It was a brief encounter so I didn’t give it thought but now I remembered.

I know many here want to see me as a desperate woman waiting to jump at the guy, but no, I am not. I will be friendly and a good houseguest. No I won’t visit him in his bedroom at night
In fact we will both be mostly working and I don’t WFH so it’s probably dinners together and some talking and that’s it.
I don’t think you guys need to worry about the wife that much. So far the guy has been immaculate in how he behaved, with me at least.

You sound sadder and sadder with each post. Is this really what you thought your life would be like in your 40s?

I know I don’t have to engage with you but really, my life is fine!
I don’t have any heartache or anxiety like I used to when I was in relationships. I don’t need anything from men except seх, and even that I can live without.
I’ve been in all sorts of relationships and even a marriage and being alone is what’s best for me after all. I wish I could easily get hot men for sex but as I said I can do without.
I know you won’t believe me but I don’t really care, I am past validation from DCUM of all things.
I wanted to use it as a magic 8 but I should’ve known better

Your continuous and multiple responses actually do make it seem like you care quite a bit!

As I said I have a boring life and it’s entertaining to think about it.
I don’t care as in I am not offended by triggered women’s responses.
It’s food for thought though

I don't know what you mean by "triggered women" but my husband has never cheated on me and I've never worried that he would, so I'm pretty sure I don't meet your definition of triggered, whatever it is. I do, however, think you're gross for entertaining sleeping with a married man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the male perspective you are looking for, OP. I'm going to get dragged for saying this, but I hear (understand) you.

To answer your question: Yes, he has likely thought about the two of you being together again. Those thoughts have intrigued him enough to strategically set up this week's stay at your place.

He knew you'd say yes to crashing at your place. He has picked up that you think he's hot. When you said yes to him staying, in his mind, you confirmed what he suspected. Unfortunately, his being married can't compete with nature. It's cliche, but there's something to the adage, "what's love got to do with it."

Here's how this will likely play out:

He's betting that you will make the first move--especially since you're ok with him staying with you.

If you don't make the first move, he will, eventually at some point during the week. And when he does, it will take a lot of will power not to give in (on both your parts).

I appreciate your honesty and candor. And I totally understand why you are excited. Life gets boring for all of us--married, or not. Hell, I got excited just imagining how that week could play out!

My advice. Try to resist the temptation and don't do it. One way that could help is to "take care of yourself" a lot before he gets there.

Hey, thanks so much for writing this!

I can’t promise I’ll take your advice but I am grateful for what you wrote.
Also, I hope you are a little excited to know that yes there are women like me, we exist. I promise I am not “sad and lonely” and I am not desperate for a “relationship”.
I am just too much like a man for my own good, I’d say. And I want what I want, that or nothing.

Ah, well just tell his wife that and I'm sure she'll understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be an adult. Set the boundaries you want to set. Communicate. If it gets flirty, decide what you want to do but accept it would be just sex with nothing else.

Unless he has other business in town, then yes he would likely enjoy being invited into your bed. If he is coming just into see you and hang out with you, he is hoping for Netflix and chill

He does have other business in town (not just coming to see me or the area).
I won’t say no if he makes the move, but I am not going to make the first move because he is so much better looking I feel self-conscious, plus I don’t want to hear the “but I’m married”.

Ew. But he is married. I mean, never mind that it's gross, why disrespect yourself like that? No one respects someone they sleep with if they're married to someone else. No matter what he may say to you...

First,
I don’t think it’s true.
Second,
I don’t really care about his respect

And you have no self respect either, clearly.

[Anonymous]

My guess:

The guy knows you have the hots for him and is telling himself he won’t make a move but he’s open to the possibility if you do. Which you will, even if you’re telling us you won’t.

So yes you two will sleep together and then he’ll go back home to his wife. Doesn’t matter if you’re overweight and/or not beautiful, most guys aren’t turning down free sex, married or otherwise. Not saying I agree with it, just keeping it real.

[Anonymous]

Late 40s trash.

[Anonymous]

Don't you have any other prospects? Go on Tinder or Bumble and set up some dates while he is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A guy who can't afford a hotel (or who doesn't have a respectable job that pays for a hotel) is not a guy who can afford to have a side piece.

His job paid for a hotel. He is lying. Once he bags OP he’s leaving and will stay at that hotel his job paid for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just out of curiosity, I have a boring life so this event mildly excites me.
Here are the facts.
- a childhood friend is coming to stay with me for a week.
-we will be in my apartment alone
- we had a fling in our 20s and I was his first
-he is athletic and I am not, I am somewhat overweight but not obese. In short he is better looking
- we have stayed more or less in touch and have met briefly a few years ago
-he did not show any romantic inclinations during those meetings
- he is married
-I am not going to flirt with him (obviously)
- he was the one who asked if he could “crash on my couch”
- we are both in our late 40s

What does DCUM think? Is he going to try to sleep with me or no?

So cool OP. What a cool post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the male perspective you are looking for, OP. I'm going to get dragged for saying this, but I hear (understand) you.

To answer your question: Yes, he has likely thought about the two of you being together again. Those thoughts have intrigued him enough to strategically set up this week's stay at your place.

He knew you'd say yes to crashing at your place. He has picked up that you think he's hot. When you said yes to him staying, in his mind, you confirmed what he suspected. Unfortunately, his being married can't compete with nature. It's cliche, but there's something to the adage, "what's love got to do with it."

Here's how this will likely play out:

He's betting that you will make the first move--especially since you're ok with him staying with you.

If you don't make the first move, he will, eventually at some point during the week. And when he does, it will take a lot of will power not to give in (on both your parts).

I appreciate your honesty and candor. And I totally understand why you are excited. Life gets boring for all of us--married, or not. Hell, I got excited just imagining how that week could play out!

My advice. Try to resist the temptation and don't do it. One way that could help is to "take care of yourself" a lot before he gets there.

Hey, thanks so much for writing this!

I can’t promise I’ll take your advice but I am grateful for what you wrote.
Also, I hope you are a little excited to know that yes there are women like me, we exist. I promise I am not “sad and lonely” and I am not desperate for a “relationship”.
I am just too much like a man for my own good, I’d say. And I want what I want, that or nothing.

🤮

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have integrity and would never hook up with a guy who is married. I am a girl's girl, and would never be that person. If he made a move on him I'd rebuff him and tell him it's best he go stay in a hotel. We would no longer be friends, because I'd have lost respect for him.

PS. Being overweight doesn't automatically make you less good looking than someone skinny. There are plenty of ugly women and guys who are fit.

Might be worth adding that we are from a culture where a woman’s looks mean a lot!

Are you from a culture that is ok with having affairs with married men?

It’s generally more acceptable than here but also frowned upon.

I’m sorry I’m trying to figure out what culture this is

[Anonymous]

Trap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is lonely and sad. Tell him you’ve changed your mind and cannot accommodate his trip logistics. Do not let him stay or visit your home, no drinks out. Stop playing mind games with yourself.

I don’t expect drinks out but it’s highly likely he will be on his best behavior so why not take him in?

So you’re also lacking of any self awareness. Cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess:

The guy knows you have the hots for him and is telling himself he won’t make a move but he’s open to the possibility if you do. Which you will, even if you’re telling us you won’t.

So yes you two will sleep together and then he’ll go back home to his wife. Doesn’t matter if you’re overweight and/or not beautiful, most guys aren’t turning down free sex, married or otherwise. Not saying I agree with it, just keeping it real.

Yep, and then you won’t understand why he’s not answering your cute texts and nudes. Mostly the latter part because you think that you’re above having any feelings about it. That it’s a one off. I say this because you’re thinking too much about it beforehand. It’s IS sad and desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just out of curiosity, I have a boring life so this event mildly excites me.
Here are the facts.
- a childhood friend is coming to stay with me for a week.
-we will be in my apartment alone
- we had a fling in our 20s and I was his first
-he is athletic and I am not, I am somewhat overweight but not obese. In short he is better looking
- we have stayed more or less in touch and have met briefly a few years ago
-he did not show any romantic inclinations during those meetings
- he is married
-I am not going to flirt with him (obviously)
- he was the one who asked if he could “crash on my couch”
- we are both in our late 40s

What does DCUM think? Is he going to try to sleep with me or no?

Yes he’s going to try to sleep with you.

Married 40s don’t “crash in the couch” of some former fling’s apartment.

Is he broke and unemployed? Be ready for some divorce drama story from him too.

"My wife and I are separated and she just doesn't understand me the way you do."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just out of curiosity, I have a boring life so this event mildly excites me.
Here are the facts.
- a childhood friend is coming to stay with me for a week.
-we will be in my apartment alone
- we had a fling in our 20s and I was his first
-he is athletic and I am not, I am somewhat overweight but not obese. In short he is better looking
- we have stayed more or less in touch and have met briefly a few years ago
-he did not show any romantic inclinations during those meetings
- he is married
-I am not going to flirt with him (obviously)
- he was the one who asked if he could “crash on my couch”
- we are both in our late 40s

What does DCUM think? Is he going to try to sleep with me or no?

He is a man-child loser.

He is a decent guy. Most likely he isn’t planning to hit on me. The couch was a figure of speech as we go back to college years

If you go back to college years, why does the title say "childhood friend"?

Something doesn't ring true here. Nobody describes their college years as childhood.

Known each other since HS, would hang out a lot in college years and that’s when we would crash on couches in general. It doesn’t matter, don’t get too hung up on the timeline

Kind of like how you aren't getting to hung up about him being married. It doesn't matter, right op.