What's wrong with a kid being "overscheduled"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unstructured play is so overrated

Care to elaborate? Didn't you have this as a kid? Didnt like it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the folks that highly value unstructured kid-led playtime (I think it's important too!), but have been disappointed that kids are not outside roaming the neighborhood for your kid to play with, what have you done from there? Just given up and your unscheduled kid plays alone every day? Have you texted parents of classmates and their friends and asked them for a playdate? (Do your kids have friends?) Invite them over -- I don't believe you that no one has time for some playdates. My kids do lots of activities and so do most of their friends (we like it this way, thanks) and we arrange playdates all the time. My kids have several a week. Surely you have the bandwidth to do this since you are not dealing with EC activities. You could even also sign them up for a few afternoons of school aftercare (I'm not even kidding) -- it's typically just unstructured playtime.

Aftercare at school is not the same thing at all. School has rules and guidance for what kids do and how. At our school, the paras yell at kids for climbing up the slide instead of sliding down. Very different from 2 or 3 kids tooling around outside unsupervised and having to think, argue, cooperate, decide, keep track of time, etc.

Also, jeez, don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. My point is that there are plenty of way to get your kid unstructured playtime even if you don't have some idyllic neighborhood that you have created in your head and even if it doesn't look precisely how you describe.

That is my point. You seem to think my desire to have kids play together on their own is some weird, old fashioned ideal. Um it’s the easiest thing to do. You let two kids of a similar age outside in the yard and let them play. It’s just hard for me to do as the parent of an only child in a town full of extremely scheduled young children. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with aftercare. Im saying that doesn’t address the issue at hand.

NP here, and I live in an unsafe area of a city, where the nearest playground has a halfway house across from it and people smoke crack on the benches at the perimeter of the playground. We don't have a yard. I have to make a plan with someone else for a specific day and time, and take my kid on mass transit to go meet them to play.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, parents of only children are both the people most guilty of overscheduling AND the people who complain the most about others overscheduling. If you give your first born a sibling you will be 100 times less invested in this topic and feel less pressured to keep up with the Patels, the Changs, and the Joneses in the activities arms race.

[Anonymous]

Keeping up with the joneses is a big reason for overscheduling ime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unstructured play is so overrated

Care to elaborate? Didn't you have this as a kid? Didnt like it?

Yes! I loved egging neighbors houses, spin the bottle, smoking cigarettes, and creating mayhem!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

What do your kids think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unstructured play is so overrated

Care to elaborate? Didn't you have this as a kid? Didnt like it?

Yes! I loved egging neighbors houses, spin the bottle, smoking cigarettes, and creating mayhem!

Um... you do realize that, that didnt need to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

What do your kids think?

They aren't over the playground yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

What do your kids think?

They aren't over the playground yet.

You will get there.

[Anonymous]

I've seen preteens and even teens at the playgrounds and parks. It's just another place to hang and look at screens. I see a group gathering to play Pomemom Go a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the folks that highly value unstructured kid-led playtime (I think it's important too!), but have been disappointed that kids are not outside roaming the neighborhood for your kid to play with, what have you done from there? Just given up and your unscheduled kid plays alone every day? Have you texted parents of classmates and their friends and asked them for a playdate? (Do your kids have friends?) Invite them over -- I don't believe you that no one has time for some playdates. My kids do lots of activities and so do most of their friends (we like it this way, thanks) and we arrange playdates all the time. My kids have several a week. Surely you have the bandwidth to do this since you are not dealing with EC activities. You could even also sign them up for a few afternoons of school aftercare (I'm not even kidding) -- it's typically just unstructured playtime.

Aftercare at school is not the same thing at all. School has rules and guidance for what kids do and how. At our school, the paras yell at kids for climbing up the slide instead of sliding down. Very different from 2 or 3 kids tooling around outside unsupervised and having to think, argue, cooperate, decide, keep track of time, etc.

Also, jeez, don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. My point is that there are plenty of way to get your kid unstructured playtime even if you don't have some idyllic neighborhood that you have created in your head and even if it doesn't look precisely how you describe.

Hmm... having had two kids in and out of aftercare, I am not sure its problem was too much "structure"! Sometimes quite the opposite--to the point that I think it works much better for extraverted kids that do well with little supervision--and might help a kid who wanted more casual hanging out.

That is my point. You seem to think my desire to have kids play together on their own is some weird, old fashioned ideal. Um it’s the easiest thing to do. You let two kids of a similar age outside in the yard and let them play. It’s just hard for me to do as the parent of an only child in a town full of extremely scheduled young children. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with aftercare. Im saying that doesn’t address the issue at hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

What do your kids think?

They aren't over the playground yet.

You will get there.

Of course, I dont want it to be too soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, parents of only children are both the people most guilty of overscheduling AND the people who complain the most about others overscheduling. If you give your first born a sibling you will be 100 times less invested in this topic and feel less pressured to keep up with the Patels, the Changs, and the Joneses in the activities arms race.

Its not just parents of only children, the ones with multiple just try to dump their kids on the only parents for transportation. Why wouldn't you support your child's interests?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the folks that highly value unstructured kid-led playtime (I think it's important too!), but have been disappointed that kids are not outside roaming the neighborhood for your kid to play with, what have you done from there? Just given up and your unscheduled kid plays alone every day? Have you texted parents of classmates and their friends and asked them for a playdate? (Do your kids have friends?) Invite them over -- I don't believe you that no one has time for some playdates. My kids do lots of activities and so do most of their friends (we like it this way, thanks) and we arrange playdates all the time. My kids have several a week. Surely you have the bandwidth to do this since you are not dealing with EC activities. You could even also sign them up for a few afternoons of school aftercare (I'm not even kidding) -- it's typically just unstructured playtime.

Aftercare at school is not the same thing at all. School has rules and guidance for what kids do and how. At our school, the paras yell at kids for climbing up the slide instead of sliding down. Very different from 2 or 3 kids tooling around outside unsupervised and having to think, argue, cooperate, decide, keep track of time, etc.

Also, jeez, don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. My point is that there are plenty of way to get your kid unstructured playtime even if you don't have some idyllic neighborhood that you have created in your head and even if it doesn't look precisely how you describe.

That is my point. You seem to think my desire to have kids play together on their own is some weird, old fashioned ideal. Um it’s the easiest thing to do. You let two kids of a similar age outside in the yard and let them play. It’s just hard for me to do as the parent of an only child in a town full of extremely scheduled young children. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with aftercare. Im saying that doesn’t address the issue at hand.

It’s not hard to put your kid in an activity or two. If you can post here you clearly have free time. My only should not do activities just to be your child’s playmate because you refuse for your kid. My parents refused me activities and they were super selfish. I’m not doing that to my child.

It's not that easy for some ppl to just put their kids in activity or two. I'm sorr y your parents refused you, maybe they had reasons, beyond they were selfish. Maybe not all kids want to be in activities

Why isn't it? Most counties and DC have low-income waivers. If you were willing, you'd find a way. Not all kids do, but the parents here haven't even tried them and are bashing other parents for having their kids in activities to justify not having them in activities and bragging about unsupervised play dates for young kids...speaks volumes.