Wife won’t sleep with me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried to work through your issues at all? Have you had multiple discussions about why she’s so unhappy? Are YOU happy in the relationship (aside from sex life)? Why should she sleep with you if you DGAF that she’s unhappy? If there’s no emotional intimacy at all? You sound selfish.

This is where we are and my h has made zero effort to contribute to family operations because he makes a lot more- even though I work more hours. F him.

[Anonymous]

Something to consider

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/oct/13/a-strong-libido-and-bored-by-monogamy-the-truth-about-women-and-sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

DCUM, where people are assumed to have 60k/year to spend 😂

Setting up a second residence where you can take care of two middle schoolers is going to cost $5k/month.

If you can afford a divorce, you can afford to hire household help.

So the solution to one of the two spouses not doing anything is to hire out the fathering, cooking, maintenance, support capabilities to a third party?!
That keeps the love and sex going!? lol

Doesn’t sound sexy or attractive to me. A dud is a dud. Every animal avoids procreating with a dud. Once the dud exposes themselves of course.

No. The solution is for NEITHER spouse to do laundry, cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, errands, grocery shopping, swapping out clothes that are too small, household organization, lawn care, vacation planning, etc. You don’t hire out 1/2 of it. You hire out ALL of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

DCUM, where people are assumed to have 60k/year to spend 😂

Setting up a second residence where you can take care of two middle schoolers is going to cost $5k/month.

If you can afford a divorce, you can afford to hire household help.

With the money of the spouse already pulling her weight? His wife works. For all we know, she out-earns him (that “long game” is taking quite a long time if the kids are in middle school) So she gets to fork over $60k that belongs in her retirement so her lazy husband can keep on being lazy? Never change DCUM.

She’s gonna fork it out in child support and spousal support if he files for divorce. Plus she’s never going to see any part of this business he’s playing the long game in.
She’s better off staying married and hiring out the chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you haven't done anything at home (cue 2 middle schoolers) for decades, your wife is resentful beyond belief and you're wondering why there's no sex? It's because she doesn't see you as a man. You're a man-child that is there to "go to work to play long game" and then expect mommy, i.e. wife, to do everything else. So she has adjusted accordingly: she's a mom to 3 "kids", one of them adult-sized.

+1

No one wants to bang a whiny loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been more than a few years and we both work, now have two middle schoolers and did a big move to the area two years back.

I get frisky and initiate but she does not reciprocate. Once she got sad and said it’s because she is too hurt, something about how I’m not helping run the family and then I get angry when it’s brought up. I work very hard and am playing the long game at work. We also take great family vacations.

But is no sex a grounds for divorce? Sounds like she also is unhappy but about other stuff.

Do you know exactly what she's unhappy about? Get her list and fix everything on the list. Do it yourself, outsource, go to therapy. This can't be a real post. I gave my exH my list and asked for couples counselling. He told me it was all too much work. I said, no problem, and filed for divorce the next day. Either you do the chores and emotional work, or divorce her for what you think is lack of sex.

PS How have you let this go on for literally years? Got someone on the side?

Bravo. And good riddance to that loser!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

DCUM, where people are assumed to have 60k/year to spend 😂

Setting up a second residence where you can take care of two middle schoolers is going to cost $5k/month.

If you can afford a divorce, you can afford to hire household help.

So the solution to one of the two spouses not doing anything is to hire out the fathering, cooking, maintenance, support capabilities to a third party?!
That keeps the love and sex going!? lol

Doesn’t sound sexy or attractive to me. A dud is a dud. Every animal avoids procreating with a dud. Once the dud exposes themselves of course.

No. The solution is for NEITHER spouse to do laundry, cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, errands, grocery shopping, swapping out clothes that are too small, household organization, lawn care, vacation planning, etc. You don’t hire out 1/2 of it. You hire out ALL of it.

Sorry, who parents and raises the kids and makes the serious decisions? The unskilled mow & blow guy or instacart delivery person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

DCUM, where people are assumed to have 60k/year to spend 😂

Setting up a second residence where you can take care of two middle schoolers is going to cost $5k/month.

If you can afford a divorce, you can afford to hire household help.

So the solution to one of the two spouses not doing anything is to hire out the fathering, cooking, maintenance, support capabilities to a third party?!
That keeps the love and sex going!? lol

Doesn’t sound sexy or attractive to me. A dud is a dud. Every animal avoids procreating with a dud. Once the dud exposes themselves of course.

No. The solution is for NEITHER spouse to do laundry, cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, errands, grocery shopping, swapping out clothes that are too small, household organization, lawn care, vacation planning, etc. You don’t hire out 1/2 of it. You hire out ALL of it.

Sorry, who parents and raises the kids and makes the serious decisions? The unskilled mow & blow guy or instacart delivery person?

Both parents.
You think that because our family meals are made by a housekeeper and I don’t mow my own lawn, I’m not a mother to my kids?

[Anonymous]

Actually listen to what she is saying maybe? There are reasons for how she feels. I barely sleep with my husband bc he won’t contribute financially. People don’t just decide to be celibate based on nothing

[Anonymous]

I think this all boils down to the fact that men have zero idea how to lead anymore. I can lead, and I do, but I don't want to do it 90% of the time. It's like in bed, take turns! Be a team! Have fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

DCUM, where people are assumed to have 60k/year to spend 😂

Setting up a second residence where you can take care of two middle schoolers is going to cost $5k/month.

If you can afford a divorce, you can afford to hire household help.

So the solution to one of the two spouses not doing anything is to hire out the fathering, cooking, maintenance, support capabilities to a third party?!
That keeps the love and sex going!? lol

Doesn’t sound sexy or attractive to me. A dud is a dud. Every animal avoids procreating with a dud. Once the dud exposes themselves of course.

No. The solution is for NEITHER spouse to do laundry, cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, errands, grocery shopping, swapping out clothes that are too small, household organization, lawn care, vacation planning, etc. You don’t hire out 1/2 of it. You hire out ALL of it.

Yesh!
He should go do that, go “hire out,” train, manage and pay for “all of it”: drivers, cooks, cleaners, tutors, coaches, landscapers, repairmen, car maintainers, therapists, health advisors, financial advisors, vacation planners, etc.

Any other adult stuff he should be doing but won’t?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

DCUM, where people are assumed to have 60k/year to spend 😂

Setting up a second residence where you can take care of two middle schoolers is going to cost $5k/month.

If you can afford a divorce, you can afford to hire household help.

So the solution to one of the two spouses not doing anything is to hire out the fathering, cooking, maintenance, support capabilities to a third party?!
That keeps the love and sex going!? lol

Doesn’t sound sexy or attractive to me. A dud is a dud. Every animal avoids procreating with a dud. Once the dud exposes themselves of course.

No. The solution is for NEITHER spouse to do laundry, cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, errands, grocery shopping, swapping out clothes that are too small, household organization, lawn care, vacation planning, etc. You don’t hire out 1/2 of it. You hire out ALL of it.

Yesh!
He should go do that, go “hire out,” train, manage and pay for “all of it”: drivers, cooks, cleaners, tutors, coaches, landscapers, repairmen, car maintainers, therapists, health advisors, financial advisors, vacation planners, etc.

Any other adult stuff he should be doing but won’t?

You can hire one person to cook, clean, drive kids, do laundry, and call repairmen. You can hire another person to do lawn care and seasonal yard clean-up.
I honestly don’t know many people who do their own car maintenance, and a lot of people use financial planners and travel agents.

It’s crazy to wreck your marriage over misplaced guilt hiring out household chores.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you aren't as good in bed as you think you are. Maybe she's got a side piece. Maybe you've gained weight. Endless possibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A Housekeeper is Cheaper than a divorce.

Hire someone to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and errand running. Get a lawn service.
It will be expensive, but even if it costs $60k/yr, it’s cheaper than setting up two separate households.

DCUM, where people are assumed to have 60k/year to spend 😂

Setting up a second residence where you can take care of two middle schoolers is going to cost $5k/month.

If you can afford a divorce, you can afford to hire household help.

With the money of the spouse already pulling her weight? His wife works. For all we know, she out-earns him (that “long game” is taking quite a long time if the kids are in middle school) So she gets to fork over $60k that belongs in her retirement so her lazy husband can keep on being lazy? Never change DCUM.

She’s gonna fork it out in child support and spousal support if he files for divorce. Plus she’s never going to see any part of this business he’s playing the long game in.
She’s better off staying married and hiring out the chores.

No one is going to see any of this “long game”. Its going to be *that* long.

Shes better off getting a killer lawyer with the $60,000/year subsidy for her husbands laziness. Lazy men are bad in bed.

[Anonymous]

If all other issues are addressed, how should restart an active and fulling sex life? My wife was brought up in the south, in a social conservative environment. Even more, she drive is on the lower side and not adventurous. Thus, have options are limited. I assume if sex is pleasurable, it she’ll want it. Since she hasn’t expressed any desire or preferences, I’m stuck.