DD Missed Try Outs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman/sophomore students frequently email me when they are going to miss class (for a funeral, wedding, medical appointment, when they wake up with an illness that morning). And that’s math class, there are 90 of them in a year and you can’t be kicked out.

I would expect anyone in high school to know to email ahead of time if they are going to miss try outs, regardless of the reason.

It sucks, but it’s a good lesson to learn now before she misses a medical appointment with a specialist with a 6 month wait, forgets to tell the court she’s out of town and can’t serve jury duty, or misses out on a job because she missed the interview. I’m sure there are tears and frustration, but it’s a learning moment where you can model how to handle big emotions and find alternative ways to access the sport she likes.

NP. I agree with you that this a good life lesson for OP’s dd, but there’s a difference between an event that was planned in advance or an appointment that you’ve scheduled versus the unexpected death of a loved one. Funerals are often held within 72 hours of a death. A high school student may not have ever lost a loved one before. Expecting them to handle their affairs like an adult is a stretch. OP, did you ask your dd about upcoming commitments and advise her on all the people she should notify that she’d be out of town for a funeral? Probably not because you were grieving and had your own commitments to take care of and people to notify. This is the kind of situation where people, especially young and inexperienced people, need a little extra grace.

What kind of "grace" do you recommend the coach show OP's kid? The team roster has been set. Let's say, for example, that the coach selected 15 students because the school has 15 sets of equipment/uniforms for this sport.
Do you suggest that the coach allow OP"s daughter to try out now, and if she is in fact better than one of the previously selected athletes, the coach should kick that girl off the team?

You actually are bringing up the double-standard that exists on basically all sports teams.

A coach will always find a place for a talented athlete. At the HS level at any reasonably competitive school, the coach knows about the good athletes at the school. If OP's kid was in this category, the coach would scratch their hid and wonder "where is Judy, the star 13u soccer player that I know is at the school?". If Judy then reached out and explained the situation, coach would find a way to add her to the team, and make the current #15 the 1st alternate. 1st alternate gets to practice, but only dresses for games if one of the players gets hurt. Kid isn't kicked off the team.

The only reason this thread exists is likely because OP's kid isn't in this category. Coach won't go through all this just to replace current #15 with a slightly better #15.

I agree, except the first alternate won't get to practice if it's a safety issue. In a sport that requires a helmet, the coach isn't going to let an alternate just practice without one and get seriously hurt.

This is DCUM...I don't what helmet you may be referring, but nearly every kid has their own helmet/equipment anyway. The team uniform is a different story.

Well, this probably isn't OP's daughter's sport, but football--the helmet and pads are provided by the team. My kid doesn't have his own helmet and shouder pads like that at home. Even in rec leagues he played as a kid, those things were provided by the team.

I hear you on football...but seems like in every other sport...LAX, baseball, softball, hockey, etc....most DCUM kids have their own helmets, pads, sticks, bats, etc.

Lax most High Schools provide helmets to ensure they meet appropriate standards and are in good order i.e. liability reasons. It is also done this way so that all the kids have the same helmet and look the same instead of a mismash of helmets. I'd imaginge some of the other contact sports are the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman/sophomore students frequently email me when they are going to miss class (for a funeral, wedding, medical appointment, when they wake up with an illness that morning). And that’s math class, there are 90 of them in a year and you can’t be kicked out.

I would expect anyone in high school to know to email ahead of time if they are going to miss try outs, regardless of the reason.

It sucks, but it’s a good lesson to learn now before she misses a medical appointment with a specialist with a 6 month wait, forgets to tell the court she’s out of town and can’t serve jury duty, or misses out on a job because she missed the interview. I’m sure there are tears and frustration, but it’s a learning moment where you can model how to handle big emotions and find alternative ways to access the sport she likes.

NP. I agree with you that this a good life lesson for OP’s dd, but there’s a difference between an event that was planned in advance or an appointment that you’ve scheduled versus the unexpected death of a loved one. Funerals are often held within 72 hours of a death. A high school student may not have ever lost a loved one before. Expecting them to handle their affairs like an adult is a stretch. OP, did you ask your dd about upcoming commitments and advise her on all the people she should notify that she’d be out of town for a funeral? Probably not because you were grieving and had your own commitments to take care of and people to notify. This is the kind of situation where people, especially young and inexperienced people, need a little extra grace.

What kind of "grace" do you recommend the coach show OP's kid? The team roster has been set. Let's say, for example, that the coach selected 15 students because the school has 15 sets of equipment/uniforms for this sport.
Do you suggest that the coach allow OP"s daughter to try out now, and if she is in fact better than one of the previously selected athletes, the coach should kick that girl off the team?

You actually are bringing up the double-standard that exists on basically all sports teams.

A coach will always find a place for a talented athlete. At the HS level at any reasonably competitive school, the coach knows about the good athletes at the school. If OP's kid was in this category, the coach would scratch their hid and wonder "where is Judy, the star 13u soccer player that I know is at the school?". If Judy then reached out and explained the situation, coach would find a way to add her to the team, and make the current #15 the 1st alternate. 1st alternate gets to practice, but only dresses for games if one of the players gets hurt. Kid isn't kicked off the team.

The only reason this thread exists is likely because OP's kid isn't in this category. Coach won't go through all this just to replace current #15 with a slightly better #15.

+1

Coaches know the scene in their sport very well and are fully aware of any highly skilled “difference maker” kids that are coming in as freshmen. If your kid is not in this category it doesn’t mean they won’t make the team…but they don’t have any room to put a foot wrong either. Missing paperwork, iffy grades, not attending off-season workouts, injury, missing tryouts for any reason, attitude or interpersonal issues etc….they will just shrug and take the next best kid because it really doesn’t make much difference. My own freshman DS is in this category- and did make the team- but he and we are definitely fully aware of all of this.

Have your daughter continue with her travel team and try out again next year. And make sure to attend any offseason workouts. Keep in touch with any friends on the team so that she knows what is happening. She has every chance of making the team next year despite not making it this year.

Agree. My DD is in 7th grade and the coach of her sport at her future high school knows who she is already. Zero chance she would fail to email the coach before the tryout in OP's situation, though.

Zero chance? You keel over from an aneurysm and die and you think you're kid is going to be emailing the coach that she can't make it to tryouts? GTFOH.

+1

All these people bragging about their 14 yo old kid jumping on email after losing an immeiate family member have me convinced...... their kid has Aspergers. Talk about teaching your kid to be self absorbed; they don't groeve or commiserate with family members? Nope! My son emailed his coach within 11 minutes of learning mom died!

Seriously- you all shouldn't be bragging about it. I'd be mortified if that is what my kid first thought.

And the best part? Your kid is a C+ athlete that will never amount to .... anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman/sophomore students frequently email me when they are going to miss class (for a funeral, wedding, medical appointment, when they wake up with an illness that morning). And that’s math class, there are 90 of them in a year and you can’t be kicked out.

I would expect anyone in high school to know to email ahead of time if they are going to miss try outs, regardless of the reason.

It sucks, but it’s a good lesson to learn now before she misses a medical appointment with a specialist with a 6 month wait, forgets to tell the court she’s out of town and can’t serve jury duty, or misses out on a job because she missed the interview. I’m sure there are tears and frustration, but it’s a learning moment where you can model how to handle big emotions and find alternative ways to access the sport she likes.

NP. I agree with you that this a good life lesson for OP’s dd, but there’s a difference between an event that was planned in advance or an appointment that you’ve scheduled versus the unexpected death of a loved one. Funerals are often held within 72 hours of a death. A high school student may not have ever lost a loved one before. Expecting them to handle their affairs like an adult is a stretch. OP, did you ask your dd about upcoming commitments and advise her on all the people she should notify that she’d be out of town for a funeral? Probably not because you were grieving and had your own commitments to take care of and people to notify. This is the kind of situation where people, especially young and inexperienced people, need a little extra grace.

What kind of "grace" do you recommend the coach show OP's kid? The team roster has been set. Let's say, for example, that the coach selected 15 students because the school has 15 sets of equipment/uniforms for this sport.
Do you suggest that the coach allow OP"s daughter to try out now, and if she is in fact better than one of the previously selected athletes, the coach should kick that girl off the team?

You actually are bringing up the double-standard that exists on basically all sports teams.

A coach will always find a place for a talented athlete. At the HS level at any reasonably competitive school, the coach knows about the good athletes at the school. If OP's kid was in this category, the coach would scratch their hid and wonder "where is Judy, the star 13u soccer player that I know is at the school?". If Judy then reached out and explained the situation, coach would find a way to add her to the team, and make the current #15 the 1st alternate. 1st alternate gets to practice, but only dresses for games if one of the players gets hurt. Kid isn't kicked off the team.

The only reason this thread exists is likely because OP's kid isn't in this category. Coach won't go through all this just to replace current #15 with a slightly better #15.

+1

Coaches know the scene in their sport very well and are fully aware of any highly skilled “difference maker” kids that are coming in as freshmen. If your kid is not in this category it doesn’t mean they won’t make the team…but they don’t have any room to put a foot wrong either. Missing paperwork, iffy grades, not attending off-season workouts, injury, missing tryouts for any reason, attitude or interpersonal issues etc….they will just shrug and take the next best kid because it really doesn’t make much difference. My own freshman DS is in this category- and did make the team- but he and we are definitely fully aware of all of this.

Have your daughter continue with her travel team and try out again next year. And make sure to attend any offseason workouts. Keep in touch with any friends on the team so that she knows what is happening. She has every chance of making the team next year despite not making it this year.

Agree. My DD is in 7th grade and the coach of her sport at her future high school knows who she is already. Zero chance she would fail to email the coach before the tryout in OP's situation, though.

Zero chance? You keel over from an aneurysm and die and you think you're kid is going to be emailing the coach that she can't make it to tryouts? GTFOH.

I said in this situation. OP did not keel over from an aneurysm. Her daughter’s grandfather died. Maybe it was super traumatic. If OP comes back and says they didn’t call or email to report absences from school and work—then I will agree they were not in a state to contact the coach either. But I’d be willing to bet OP and/or her spouse DID call out of work and that they reported OP’s and any siblings absences from school. I’d also be willing to bet if they had a doctor’s appt, they would have managed to cancel it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the injured girls were on the team previously that was why their spots were held.

That's not how try outs work. Being on a team one season is not a promise to be on the team another season. You'd think someone on a sports forum would know that.

Yeah, but if the two girls were some of the top players the previous year...clearly, the coach knows their capability and will reserve slots for them.

OP, I don't know what to say. My kid's tryouts were 1 day and the roster was posted that night. HS teams have limitations on how many kids are on the roster at least for my kid's division.

I don't know what my kid's coach would do in your situation, as they would have to cut somebody that they said made the team to allow your DD to participate.

That isn't true with most sports. I've seen baseball teams carry as little as 20 and as many as 40.

Totally depends on the school and the sport. Sometimes the sport and coach can keep a lot of kids who know going into they will be bench warmers but gives them a chance to develop. Sometimes there are space constraints to this and it is disruptive/takes too much oversight. Sometimes the AD sets roster limits. If the school is fairly small, they need to field several sports teams and can't afford to have players languishing on the bench in a sport with limited spots (think crew, hockey, basketball to name a few)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman/sophomore students frequently email me when they are going to miss class (for a funeral, wedding, medical appointment, when they wake up with an illness that morning). And that’s math class, there are 90 of them in a year and you can’t be kicked out.

I would expect anyone in high school to know to email ahead of time if they are going to miss try outs, regardless of the reason.

It sucks, but it’s a good lesson to learn now before she misses a medical appointment with a specialist with a 6 month wait, forgets to tell the court she’s out of town and can’t serve jury duty, or misses out on a job because she missed the interview. I’m sure there are tears and frustration, but it’s a learning moment where you can model how to handle big emotions and find alternative ways to access the sport she likes.

NP. I agree with you that this a good life lesson for OP’s dd, but there’s a difference between an event that was planned in advance or an appointment that you’ve scheduled versus the unexpected death of a loved one. Funerals are often held within 72 hours of a death. A high school student may not have ever lost a loved one before. Expecting them to handle their affairs like an adult is a stretch. OP, did you ask your dd about upcoming commitments and advise her on all the people she should notify that she’d be out of town for a funeral? Probably not because you were grieving and had your own commitments to take care of and people to notify. This is the kind of situation where people, especially young and inexperienced people, need a little extra grace.

What kind of "grace" do you recommend the coach show OP's kid? The team roster has been set. Let's say, for example, that the coach selected 15 students because the school has 15 sets of equipment/uniforms for this sport.
Do you suggest that the coach allow OP"s daughter to try out now, and if she is in fact better than one of the previously selected athletes, the coach should kick that girl off the team?

You actually are bringing up the double-standard that exists on basically all sports teams.

A coach will always find a place for a talented athlete. At the HS level at any reasonably competitive school, the coach knows about the good athletes at the school. If OP's kid was in this category, the coach would scratch their hid and wonder "where is Judy, the star 13u soccer player that I know is at the school?". If Judy then reached out and explained the situation, coach would find a way to add her to the team, and make the current #15 the 1st alternate. 1st alternate gets to practice, but only dresses for games if one of the players gets hurt. Kid isn't kicked off the team.

The only reason this thread exists is likely because OP's kid isn't in this category. Coach won't go through all this just to replace current #15 with a slightly better #15.

+1

Coaches know the scene in their sport very well and are fully aware of any highly skilled “difference maker” kids that are coming in as freshmen. If your kid is not in this category it doesn’t mean they won’t make the team…but they don’t have any room to put a foot wrong either. Missing paperwork, iffy grades, not attending off-season workouts, injury, missing tryouts for any reason, attitude or interpersonal issues etc….they will just shrug and take the next best kid because it really doesn’t make much difference. My own freshman DS is in this category- and did make the team- but he and we are definitely fully aware of all of this.

Have your daughter continue with her travel team and try out again next year. And make sure to attend any offseason workouts. Keep in touch with any friends on the team so that she knows what is happening. She has every chance of making the team next year despite not making it this year.

Agree. My DD is in 7th grade and the coach of her sport at her future high school knows who she is already. Zero chance she would fail to email the coach before the tryout in OP's situation, though.

Zero chance? You keel over from an aneurysm and die and you think you're kid is going to be emailing the coach that she can't make it to tryouts? GTFOH.

+1

All these people bragging about their 14 yo old kid jumping on email after losing an immeiate family member have me convinced...... their kid has Aspergers. Talk about teaching your kid to be self absorbed; they don't groeve or commiserate with family members? Nope! My son emailed his coach within 11 minutes of learning mom died!

Seriously- you all shouldn't be bragging about it. I'd be mortified if that is what my kid first thought.

And the best part? Your kid is a C+ athlete that will never amount to .... anything.

Wow.

(You're lecturing people on what to be mortified about, with that post?)

[Anonymous]

A coach is supposed to read the room. If he is sh*tting on a kid who just lost their grandpa he is a POS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A coach is supposed to read the room. If he is sh*tting on a kid who just lost their grandpa he is a POS.

Calm down. The coach did not do that to OPs kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A coach is supposed to read the room. If he is sh*tting on a kid who just lost their grandpa he is a POS.

Calm down. The coach did not do that to OPs kid

Yeah he did. He displayed zero compassion to a child that lost a family member. That is a horrible way to be to kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A coach is supposed to read the room. If he is sh*tting on a kid who just lost their grandpa he is a POS.

Calm down. The coach did not do that to OPs kid

Yeah he did. He displayed zero compassion to a child that lost a family member. That is a horrible way to be to kids.

It doesn’t sound like he displayed zero compassion. What makes you say that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A coach is supposed to read the room. If he is sh*tting on a kid who just lost their grandpa he is a POS.

Calm down. The coach did not do that to OPs kid

Yeah he did. He displayed zero compassion to a child that lost a family member. That is a horrible way to be to kids.

I don’t know that you can say the coach had no compassion. Just because there isn’t a way to give OPs kid what they want doesn’t mean there is no compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A coach is supposed to read the room. If he is sh*tting on a kid who just lost their grandpa he is a POS.

Calm down. The coach did not do that to OPs kid

Yeah he did. He displayed zero compassion to a child that lost a family member. That is a horrible way to be to kids.

If the coach says he filled the roster, then he filled the roster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A coach is supposed to read the room. If he is sh*tting on a kid who just lost their grandpa he is a POS.

Calm down. The coach did not do that to OPs kid

Yeah he did. He displayed zero compassion to a child that lost a family member. That is a horrible way to be to kids.

If the coach says he filled the roster, then he filled the roster.

Except, when he hasn't, as evidenced by multiple posters above claiming inside knowledge about secret spots being held and knowing the roster top to bottom before try outs etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A coach is supposed to read the room. If he is sh*tting on a kid who just lost their grandpa he is a POS.

Calm down. The coach did not do that to OPs kid

Yeah he did. He displayed zero compassion to a child that lost a family member. That is a horrible way to be to kids.

What would compassion look like in your mind? Give the OP's child a spot on the roster because she went through a traumatic event? How did the coach sh*t on the kid? By telling them that the roster is full? The coach was not aware of the death in the family and filled the roster with kids who showed up for tryouts (and apparently held some spots for star athletes who communicated about their injuries). What is the coach supposed to do when an athlete asks to be given another chance after the roster is full?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A coach is supposed to read the room. If he is sh*tting on a kid who just lost their grandpa he is a POS.

Calm down. The coach did not do that to OPs kid

Yeah he did. He displayed zero compassion to a child that lost a family member. That is a horrible way to be to kids.

If the coach says he filled the roster, then he filled the roster.

Except, when he hasn't, as evidenced by multiple posters above claiming inside knowledge about secret spots being held and knowing the roster top to bottom before try outs etc.

So you think he should hold a special tryout just for her, only to likely say sorry, not this year? Wouldn’t that make the kid feel even worse? Some sports don’t have a hard cap but the reality is lots of coaches don’t like to carry past a certain amount. It changes the dynamics of practice and of the team to carry tons of people that won’t ever dress or play. It’s definitely an unfortunate situation for OPs kid but the reality is this was not the sudden death of a parent. There was 5 minutes for the teenager to email the coach or AD. As others said, OP very likely called the school to report the absence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A coach is supposed to read the room. If he is sh*tting on a kid who just lost their grandpa he is a POS.

Calm down. The coach did not do that to OPs kid

Yeah he did. He displayed zero compassion to a child that lost a family member. That is a horrible way to be to kids.

So compassion to you has nothing to do with manner, language, or empathy, but is merely defined by letting you get what you want regardless of how it affects others.