Millennial women are saying no thanks to parenthood

[Anonymous]

The movie Idiocracy now rings true like never before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's behind a paywall.

I just know I'm one of four millennial siblings and the only one to have kids. I supposed there's still time for my siblings to change their minds, but not much as they are approaching 40, and they are all pretty resolved not to have kids.

It's the local paper. Buy a subscription.

But yes, I think people will be facing population collapse in many areas around the world. I don't know what it will look like but I'm scared for my poor kids.

A global population collapse?!? No. There are literally millions of young Africans that will ensure global population keeps growing.

This is literally what demographers are predicting. This NYT piece shows peak world population predicted around 2085 and a steep decline after that. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/09/18/opinion/human-population-global-growth.html

Thank GOD. Mabye the Earth has a chance of surviving humans afterall.

[Anonymous]

My sister has never wanted kids but recently found out she has PCOS so kids will not be happening.
she and her husband are living their best lives and are traveling a ton. They see my parents far more than I do and are so happy the decision was medically made for them. Her inlaws were pressuring VERY hard for grandkids ASAP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so interesting! My sample is skewed because I live in a suburb where of course all of my neighbors are families and most of the millennials I know are my children's friends (I'm a Gen X mom in my late 40s with ES kids, the youngest is in 2nd - most of the other moms are early to mid 30s). I just assumed that millennial women are being competitive with gen X women and have upped the ante with children as social status - wealthy millennials are having more and more children because it's a status symbol. Having 4 kids means you can afford 4 kids. I had no idea millennials are actually having fewer kids, it seems like so many of them have 3+ whereas every person my own age and 10 years older than me have only 2 kids.

4 kids is a bit much by today’s standards. Im not talking Hollywood, different baby daddy standards. It's a bit much for working families who have their kids in activities. Not speaking from money standpoint but time. How can you attend to that many kids and maintain your life? Someone or something falls short. It’s not like back in the day whete people just played outside. I see 1-3 kids max in my suburban neighborhood.

I know a ton of families with 3+ kids. They're all very wealthy though - we're in North Arlington.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who says they can’t fathom why someone wouldn’t want kids, is a bad parent.

If you are doing it well, it is hard work, and you should be able to understand why someone would choose to opt out of that work.

I am an elder millennial (37) and childless. I am single so it hasn’t been an issue but if I were to marry I would be clear up front that I don’t want to be a mom. And I am a career nanny, so not like I don’t love kids and get why people want to be parents.

But
A) I have a family history of both physical and mental health issues and several learning disabilities. In my direct line: fatal heart attack at age 49, skin cancer, pancreatic cancer, type 2 diabetes, OCD, depression, ADHD and dyslexia. Anyone who brings a child into the world rolls the dice and I don’t like my odds of having an easy, healthy kid and also of remaining in good health myself long enough to raise them fully and participate in their young adulthood.

B) I am not wealthy (see: career nanny), and I do not have huge amounts saved. Like the majority of Americans, I am one major illness away from dire financial straits. Like if I were to have cancer and need chemo, there is a good chance I would not be able to afford rent bc I live alone and am the sole breadwinner and I don’t have enough in savings to cover both several months out of work (which realistically would probably include being fired) AND massive medical bills (I have health insurance but when I had a cancer scare a few years ago and needed a small surgery to remove a potential tumor it cost me $2,000 out of pocket ON TOP of the $500 a month I spend on insurance.

C) Pregnancy is a crapshoot aside from the outcome. I know many women who had permanent changes to their bodies, or hyperemesis so bad they LOST weight during pregnancy, or severe PPD/PPA that made it difficult to function at work for months. The US has a higher rate of maternal death and complications than any other developed country. I think many on this site are wealthy enough not to “get” how real this issue is because of course you can afford a wonderful OBGYN or hire a birth doula or midwife to attend your birth alongside your doctor to help advocate for you when you are in that vulnerable state. But for those of us with run-of-the-mill health insurance, birth means we are just another box for our doctor to check and we are very much at risk of neglect or errors by medical professionals who are overworked and micromanaged.

D) I could legitimately see society as I have experienced it in my lifetime collapsing. We are on a collision course with nature and if the massive uptick in wildfires, hurricanes, floods, etc. continues, the habitable parts of the globe will begin to shrink, and the arable land will also shrink. All of that will mean more competition for scarce resources.


The summary is that I can’t guarantee my child a safe life. It would be selfish to bring a child into the world in my circumstances. I love and invest in other’s children, including family members and my many nanny charges over the years, but I cannot see myself bringing a kid of my own into the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The movie Idiocracy now rings true like never before.

My thoughts exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cringe. Imagine the thousands of years of couples that got together and sacrificed to ultimately get you into this world (including your parents) only to have that genetic line come to an abrupt halt because you think you know better because you went to university and read Twitter. Sad world to live in.

Or only having a daughter who marries and rids the family name! The horror!!!

No, having a daughter is completely fine. At least you did your part to continue the unique history of your family tree. The tree didn’t just wither and die bc “I want to go to brunch for the rest of my life”. And this rant is only directed at people who are “childless by choice” or people who have just given up on family formation due to lifestyle. If you are medically unable that’s a tragic burden to bear and I feel for you.

Gen X here with two kids. You are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just got together with approximately 10 friends from all over the country and out of the 10 of us only 2 people had kids (that includes myself). So the one other person with a child has one kid and I have 3 kids. We range in age from 37-40. Kind of wild if you think about it.

Were there any friends who couldn't make it to the get together? A reunion that requires air travel may exclude friends with kids due to logistics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids and I adore them, but I can *fully understand* why someone might elect not to have children.

Yep this. My sister has no kids. She has a pretty awesome life.

I think the lifestyle would be awesome until you hit like your 70s/80s. I see these childless old people, and it's very sad to see how no one visits them. Their friends have mostly died off, and they have very few friends left.

Hopefully your sister will be close to her nieces/nephews. My SIL is childless, and I've told my kids to remain connected to her.

I don't tell my kids that at all. My sister is vehemently child free. No way are my children obligated to take care of her later on. She made her own choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister has never wanted kids but recently found out she has PCOS so kids will not be happening.
she and her husband are living their best lives and are traveling a ton. They see my parents far more than I do and are so happy the decision was medically made for them. Her inlaws were pressuring VERY hard for grandkids ASAP

I know it’s not the point of the thread but PCOS does not always lead to fertility challenges. It’s a leading cause of infertility but some women with pCOS ovulate regularly and can get pregnant easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister has never wanted kids but recently found out she has PCOS so kids will not be happening.
she and her husband are living their best lives and are traveling a ton. They see my parents far more than I do and are so happy the decision was medically made for them. Her inlaws were pressuring VERY hard for grandkids ASAP

I feel very sorry for the said in-laws

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who says they can’t fathom why someone wouldn’t want kids, is a bad parent.

If you are doing it well, it is hard work, and you should be able to understand why someone would choose to opt out of that work.

I am an elder millennial (37) and childless. I am single so it hasn’t been an issue but if I were to marry I would be clear up front that I don’t want to be a mom. And I am a career nanny, so not like I don’t love kids and get why people want to be parents.

But
A) I have a family history of both physical and mental health issues and several learning disabilities. In my direct line: fatal heart attack at age 49, skin cancer, pancreatic cancer, type 2 diabetes, OCD, depression, ADHD and dyslexia. Anyone who brings a child into the world rolls the dice and I don’t like my odds of having an easy, healthy kid and also of remaining in good health myself long enough to raise them fully and participate in their young adulthood.

B) I am not wealthy (see: career nanny), and I do not have huge amounts saved. Like the majority of Americans, I am one major illness away from dire financial straits. Like if I were to have cancer and need chemo, there is a good chance I would not be able to afford rent bc I live alone and am the sole breadwinner and I don’t have enough in savings to cover both several months out of work (which realistically would probably include being fired) AND massive medical bills (I have health insurance but when I had a cancer scare a few years ago and needed a small surgery to remove a potential tumor it cost me $2,000 out of pocket ON TOP of the $500 a month I spend on insurance.

C) Pregnancy is a crapshoot aside from the outcome. I know many women who had permanent changes to their bodies, or hyperemesis so bad they LOST weight during pregnancy, or severe PPD/PPA that made it difficult to function at work for months. The US has a higher rate of maternal death and complications than any other developed country. I think many on this site are wealthy enough not to “get” how real this issue is because of course you can afford a wonderful OBGYN or hire a birth doula or midwife to attend your birth alongside your doctor to help advocate for you when you are in that vulnerable state. But for those of us with run-of-the-mill health insurance, birth means we are just another box for our doctor to check and we are very much at risk of neglect or errors by medical professionals who are overworked and micromanaged.

D) I could legitimately see society as I have experienced it in my lifetime collapsing. We are on a collision course with nature and if the massive uptick in wildfires, hurricanes, floods, etc. continues, the habitable parts of the globe will begin to shrink, and the arable land will also shrink. All of that will mean more competition for scarce resources.


The summary is that I can’t guarantee my child a safe life. It would be selfish to bring a child into the world in my circumstances. I love and invest in other’s children, including family members and my many nanny charges over the years, but I cannot see myself bringing a kid of my own into the world.

You, like nobody else, need to watch Idiocracy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister has never wanted kids but recently found out she has PCOS so kids will not be happening.
she and her husband are living their best lives and are traveling a ton. They see my parents far more than I do and are so happy the decision was medically made for them. Her inlaws were pressuring VERY hard for grandkids ASAP

I know it’s not the point of the thread but PCOS does not always lead to fertility challenges. It’s a leading cause of infertility but some women with pCOS ovulate regularly and can get pregnant easily.

X2 I have PCOS and am a IVF doctor's dream. Except I also have an unidentified issue that causes me to miscarry every normal fetus conceived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's behind a paywall.

I just know I'm one of four millennial siblings and the only one to have kids. I supposed there's still time for my siblings to change their minds, but not much as they are approaching 40, and they are all pretty resolved not to have kids.

It's the local paper. Buy a subscription.

But yes, I think people will be facing population collapse in many areas around the world. I don't know what it will look like but I'm scared for my poor kids.

A global population collapse?!? No. There are literally millions of young Africans that will ensure global population keeps growing.

This is literally what demographers are predicting. This NYT piece shows peak world population predicted around 2085 and a steep decline after that. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2023/09/18/opinion/human-population-global-growth.html

Thank GOD. Mabye the Earth has a chance of surviving humans afterall.

We will already see so much of the impact on climate change by then

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you had a crappy home life as a child and your parents got divorced you’re often predisposed to not want the cycle to continue. Just be sure that when you get married that your spouse to be is aware of your feelings.

We now know so much more about mental health and genetics than we ever did before. My kids are older and I am realizing how much my parents personality disorders are partly genetic in origin and I am thinking that if I had known some of the stuff in my family history and the statistics about inheritance I seriously might not have had kids. I had kids because I had such a strong biological drive to do so around 29 to 30 years old but if I had waited and been better informed and rational I am not sure where I would have landed. (They only sequenced the human genome after all my kids were born.)