Reply to Millennial women are saying no thanks to parenthood

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[quote=Anonymous]Anyone who says they can’t fathom why someone wouldn’t want kids, is a bad parent.

If you are doing it well, it is hard work, and you should be able to understand why someone would choose to opt out of that work.

I am an elder millennial (37) and childless. I am single so it hasn’t been an issue but if I were to marry I would be clear up front that I don’t want to be a mom.  And I am a career nanny, so not like I don’t love kids and get why people want to be parents.

But 
A) I have a family history of both physical and mental health issues and several learning disabilities.  In my direct line: fatal heart attack at age 49, skin cancer, pancreatic cancer, type 2 diabetes, OCD, depression, ADHD and dyslexia.  Anyone who brings a child into the world rolls the dice and I don’t like my odds of having an easy, healthy kid and also of remaining in good health myself long enough to raise them fully and participate in their young adulthood.

B) I am not wealthy (see: career nanny), and I do not have huge amounts saved.  Like the majority of Americans, I am one major illness away from dire financial straits.  Like if I were to have cancer and need chemo, there is a good chance I would not be able to afford rent bc I live alone and am the sole breadwinner and I don’t have enough in savings to cover both several months out of work (which realistically would probably include being fired) AND massive medical bills (I have health insurance but when I had a cancer scare a few years ago and needed a small surgery to remove a potential tumor it cost me $2,000 out of pocket ON TOP of the $500 a month I spend on insurance.

C) Pregnancy is a crapshoot aside from the outcome.  I know many women who had permanent changes to their bodies, or hyperemesis so bad they LOST weight during pregnancy, or severe PPD/PPA that made it difficult to function at work for months.  The US has a higher rate of maternal death and complications than any other developed country.  I think many on this site are wealthy enough not to “get” how real this issue is because of course you can afford a wonderful OBGYN or hire a birth doula or midwife to attend your birth alongside your doctor to help advocate for you when you are in that vulnerable state.  But for those of us with run-of-the-mill health insurance, birth means we are just another box for our doctor to check and we are very much at risk of neglect or errors by medical professionals who are overworked and micromanaged.

D) I could legitimately see society as I have experienced it in my lifetime collapsing.  We are on a collision course with nature and if the massive uptick in wildfires, hurricanes, floods, etc. continues, the habitable parts of the globe will begin to shrink, and the arable land will also shrink.  All of that will mean more competition for scarce resources.

The summary is that I can’t guarantee my child a safe life.  It would be selfish to bring a child into the world in my circumstances.  I love and invest in other’s children, including family members and my many nanny charges over the years, but I cannot see myself bringing a kid of my own into the world.[/quote]

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