Why is it so acceptable to alienate Dad?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.

The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.

You totally missed the point.

No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.

You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.

Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.

Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?

Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?

If so you’re a garbage parent and person.

You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.

So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?

did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.

Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?

I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.

In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.

OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.

OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.

One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.

So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.

Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.

DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.

PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.

In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?

Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.

Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.

The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.

You totally missed the point.

No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.

You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.

Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.

Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?

Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?

If so you’re a garbage parent and person.

You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.

I don't care how hard it is to get a new job. Yes, I think ANY good father would go to his children, and do whatever it took to be with them. PERIOD.

A good mother would not cheat and take the kids away from dad.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.

The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.

You totally missed the point.

No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.

You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.

Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.

Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?

Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?

If so you’re a garbage parent and person.

You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.

So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?

did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.

Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?

I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.

In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.

But we can all agree that after 3 years a good father would walk away from his military career and go to his children, right? Because this prolific poster's husband did not do that. He retired with his fat pension and no relationship with his kids. He didn't do the bear minimum to maintain the relationship, and now his kids have no relationship with him. It's a bed he made himself.

No a good father stays in for the health care for the kids and other benefits. He can have a relationship if mom allows it. Even if he chases her she can refuse the relationship.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.

The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.

You totally missed the point.

No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.

You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.

Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.

Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?

Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?

If so you’re a garbage parent and person.

You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.

So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?

did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.

Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?

I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.

In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.

So what happened when the Dad asked the family court to intervene and stop the move?

Courts give dad visitation and have them split plane costs. Mom refuses to let the kids visit and courts just reprimand mom and tell her to do better. She still refuses and court still just tells her to allow visits. When he’s out there judge gives additional visits which she refuses.

Courts rarely do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.

The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.

You totally missed the point.

No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.

You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.

Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.

Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?

Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?

If so you’re a garbage parent and person.

You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.

I don't care how hard it is to get a new job. Yes, I think ANY good father would go to his children, and do whatever it took to be with them. PERIOD.

A good mother would not cheat and take the kids away from dad.

And as it had been stated endlessly in this thread, dad can and should petition the court to have her move back if necessary. Dad is not without power or resources. So please enough with that narrative. it's not the 50s

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.

The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.

You totally missed the point.

No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.

You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.

Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.

Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?

Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?

If so you’re a garbage parent and person.

You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.

So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?

did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.

Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?

I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.

In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.

So what happened when the Dad asked the family court to intervene and stop the move?

Courts give dad visitation and have them split plane costs. Mom refuses to let the kids visit and courts just reprimand mom and tell her to do better. She still refuses and court still just tells her to allow visits. When he’s out there judge gives additional visits which she refuses.

Courts rarely do anything.

Maybe in this instance but I seriously doubt you have knowledge of what "the courts" routinely do. Lawyers practising in this area disagree with you which should tell you that you're wrong.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.

The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.

You totally missed the point.

No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.

You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.

Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.

Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?

Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?

If so you’re a garbage parent and person.

You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.

So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?

did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.

Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?

I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.

In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.

OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.

Judge did not care she moved. Judge did not care she refused visits or phone calls. He can petition all he wants but no judge is going to move the kids after they are settled.

Funny how dad is always the bad guy and can do nothing right. Meanwhile mom has an affair, takes the kids without his consent to move cross country with AP and she’s such a good and loving mom. And your answer is he should quit and move.

[Anonymous]

Is dad an abuser?

My ex doesn't seem to understand that his harassing text messages send me into a PTSD spiral of literal physical symptoms that trigger the chronic health issues I have that are absolutely a result of the trauma I experienced as his primary victim.

If the kids want to call him, I'll help facilitate. He isn't a good father. A good father doesn't abuse the mother of his children. Did he really think that point would be lost on the kids? As he chases me all around the house and outside down the street screaming vile abuse and threatening me while the kids witness this crap, for years? If I walk in a room and he sneers at me to STFU, crawl under a rock and die. He's a mental case. Delusional as all get-out.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.

The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.

You totally missed the point.

No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.

You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.

Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.

Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?

Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?

If so you’re a garbage parent and person.

You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.

So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?

did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.

Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?

I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.

In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.

So what happened when the Dad asked the family court to intervene and stop the move?

Courts give dad visitation and have them split plane costs. Mom refuses to let the kids visit and courts just reprimand mom and tell her to do better. She still refuses and court still just tells her to allow visits. When he’s out there judge gives additional visits which she refuses.

Courts rarely do anything.

Maybe in this instance but I seriously doubt you have knowledge of what "the courts" routinely do. Lawyers practising in this area disagree with you which should tell you that you're wrong.

Actually I do. A lawyer can say what ever they want but lawyers are usually a big money grab and not helpful or make things worse. Tell me what would a judge do?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.

The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.

You totally missed the point.

No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.

You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.

Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.

Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?

Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?

If so you’re a garbage parent and person.

You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.

So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?

did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.

Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?

I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.

In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.

OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.

Judge did not care she moved. Judge did not care she refused visits or phone calls. He can petition all he wants but no judge is going to move the kids after they are settled.

Funny how dad is always the bad guy and can do nothing right. Meanwhile mom has an affair, takes the kids without his consent to move cross country with AP and she’s such a good and loving mom. And your answer is he should quit and move.

I call BS in your whole story. Especially the part where you say "no judge will".... because plenty will. You simply don't have a clue.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.

The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.

You totally missed the point.

No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.

You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.

Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.

Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?

Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?

If so you’re a garbage parent and person.

You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.

So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?

did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.

Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?

I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.

In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.

So what happened when the Dad asked the family court to intervene and stop the move?

Courts give dad visitation and have them split plane costs. Mom refuses to let the kids visit and courts just reprimand mom and tell her to do better. She still refuses and court still just tells her to allow visits. When he’s out there judge gives additional visits which she refuses.

Courts rarely do anything.

Maybe in this instance but I seriously doubt you have knowledge of what "the courts" routinely do. Lawyers practising in this area disagree with you which should tell you that you're wrong.

Actually I do. A lawyer can say what ever they want but lawyers are usually a big money grab and not helpful or make things worse. Tell me what would a judge do?

How do you know? Because your BF told you while trying to make himself look better?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.

The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.

You totally missed the point.

No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.

You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.

Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.

Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?

Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?

If so you’re a garbage parent and person.

You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.

So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?

did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.

Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?

I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.

In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.

OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.

OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.

One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.

So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.

Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.

DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.

PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.

In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?

Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.

Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.

This is COMPLETELY untrue. Your husband never tried to use any of his power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is dad an abuser?

My ex doesn't seem to understand that his harassing text messages send me into a PTSD spiral of literal physical symptoms that trigger the chronic health issues I have that are absolutely a result of the trauma I experienced as his primary victim.

If the kids want to call him, I'll help facilitate. He isn't a good father. A good father doesn't abuse the mother of his children. Did he really think that point would be lost on the kids? As he chases me all around the house and outside down the street screaming vile abuse and threatening me while the kids witness this crap, for years? If I walk in a room and he sneers at me to STFU, crawl under a rock and die. He's a mental case. Delusional as all get-out.

Nope, mom was to the AP kids and they got removed from the home but not dads kids. Your ex may be terrible but not all men are. Mom was extremely religious and had to blame dad to cover it all up to her parents. Two families were hurt. The AP and theirs. AP and mom were horrible to his kids. After they went to their mom, he never paid child support and mom would not let her AP see his kids. Ex would call us for money for the basics for her kids and we’d help when we could.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.

The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.

You totally missed the point.

No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.

You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.

Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.

Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?

Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?

If so you’re a garbage parent and person.

You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.

So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?

did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.

Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?

I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.

In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.

OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.

OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.

One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.

So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.

Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.

DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.

PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.

In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?

Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.

Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.

This is COMPLETELY untrue. Your husband never tried to use any of his power.

Court documents say otherwise.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.

You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.

Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.

The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.

You totally missed the point.

No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.

You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.

Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.

Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?

Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?

If so you’re a garbage parent and person.

You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.

So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?

did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.

Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?

I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.

In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.

So what happened when the Dad asked the family court to intervene and stop the move?

Courts give dad visitation and have them split plane costs. Mom refuses to let the kids visit and courts just reprimand mom and tell her to do better. She still refuses and court still just tells her to allow visits. When he’s out there judge gives additional visits which she refuses.

Courts rarely do anything.

Maybe in this instance but I seriously doubt you have knowledge of what "the courts" routinely do. Lawyers practising in this area disagree with you which should tell you that you're wrong.

Actually I do. A lawyer can say what ever they want but lawyers are usually a big money grab and not helpful or make things worse. Tell me what would a judge do?

You said before your husband couldn't afford a lawyer. Sounds like he just didn't feel like paying for one so now created a narrative that it would not have helped.