SAHM's, What do you do all day?

[Anonymous]

To 21:58 - do the mothers you know not call "a spade a spade" and pretend that their ability (or not) to earn $$$ has nothing to do with their decision to work for pay or not?

I don't understand pretending that we don't WOH for the money. Our husbands sure do.

And knowing that childcare is not subsidized like it is in Scandinavia and western Europe just made me plan for a lucrative career. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

To 23:12 - not all of us feel the same way.

"I wanted to be there every day for my infant, to take care of him and love him and teach him and enjoy being a mom to this unbelievable little person. For me, it's the most important "job" there is."

I had post partum depression after my first, and I was bored shitless being AH. Frankly, I didn't care much for the first three years with either of my kids. I'm not a baby person. I love being a mom now that my kids are preteens. Love love love it.

[Anonymous]

Oh and to 23:12, on the point about being successful "later." I'll be 55 when my youngest goes to college. How much "later" is there to be successful, unless you think people reach the apex of their careers at 62? By 55, don't most people want to be downshifting a bit?

[Anonymous]

"Not with young children. Nothing is worth missing out on four days a week with my baby and preschoolers. "

Nothing? Does your DH miss out on that stuff?

"I farm out most of what you call "crap" too. "

Who pays for that?

"When I had my first child, I knew I was not going to hand him over to other people to raise. No "job" was worth that to me. I wanted to be there every day for my infant, to take care of him and love him and teach him and enjoy being a mom to this unbelievable little person. For me, it's the most important "job" there is. "

If it's so important, why doesn't your DH do it?

[Anonymous]

9:45 -- yes, the mothers I *know* recognize the money connection. However, I do find that people on this board frequently make idealistic arguments and don't mention it. Which brings up a question that freqeuntly pops into my head -- who is everyone on this board?!? I grew up here and am now raisng my own family here and I don't know ANYONE like some of the crazy posters on here!

[Anonymous]

Nice post, Adequate Parent.

[Anonymous]

""When I had my first child, I knew I was not going to hand him over to other people to raise. No "job" was worth that to me. I wanted to be there every day for my infant, to take care of him and love him and teach him and enjoy being a mom to this unbelievable little person. For me, it's the most important "job" there is. "


I can completely understand and share the thought that "I" would want to be the one to do this job but you need to be honest and admit that you are not the only person qualified for the job. I had a wonderful nanny who was great with the kids and I spent/spend lots of quality time with them. Both DH and I make six figures each and have flexible schedules. We also shift our schedules so we can spend more time with the kids. While I personally would love to just stay home, what would be nicest for me now would not be best for the rest of our family or even me in the long run.

[Anonymous]

to 22:52 6/22

Why? So long as there are ignorant people who look at me with google eyes as they say, "Oooh it must be soooo haaaarrrd to work full time when you have children" or "working parents aren't raising their children"," it's worth reminding people that working parents often have help that SAHPs don't need, but all parents raise their children.

[Anonymous]

""When I had my first child, I knew I was not going to hand him over to other people to raise. No "job" was worth that to me. I wanted to be there every day for my infant, to take care of him and love him and teach him and enjoy being a mom to this unbelievable little person. For me, it's the most important "job" there is. "

Is your DH raising the kids? Is a job worth it to him to hand over his kids to raise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:""When I had my first child, I knew I was not going to hand him over to other people to raise. No "job" was worth that to me. I wanted to be there every day for my infant, to take care of him and love him and teach him and enjoy being a mom to this unbelievable little person. For me, it's the most important "job" there is. "

Is your DH raising the kids? Is a job worth it to him to hand over his kids to raise?

I'm not the PP you are responding to but I'll share from my perspective -- DH was not interested in staying home with the babies. I asked him if he wanted to and he said, "Um.... no." He didn't find a day filled with doing baby/toddler/preschooler things to be fulfilling or interesting, and prefered to work at his job every day and just help raise the children on evenings and weekends.

[Anonymous]

"I'm not the PP you are responding to but I'll share from my perspective -- DH was not interested in staying home with the babies. I asked him if he wanted to and he said, "Um.... no." He didn't find a day filled with doing baby/toddler/preschooler things to be fulfilling or interesting, and prefered to work at his job every day and just help raise the children on evenings and weekends. "

I get it. The one with the penis "helps" to raise the kids, he's a hero. The one with the vagina does the same -she's missing out on "precious" moments, watching her kids grow up, and being an annoying martyr.

Thanks for clearing that up.

[Anonymous]

I'm a full time WOHM and I get it all the time from the other ladies on my cul-de-sac.....none of them work. Some don't have children, or some have grown children, and some have school age children. My neighbor is the worst --- she literally shudders when she sees my daughter and says "oh, I just couldn't IMAGINE putting my Susie in daycare". And yet.....Susie at age 4 spent 2-3 hours a day watching Scooby Doo movies. And then the 13 year old from next door would come over after school to "play" so my neighbor could "have some time to herself" and run errands.

So I don't get it. My child goes to school from 8-3 and spends from 3-5 in day care, but somehow, I'm a worse parent than one that plops her kid in front of the TV for several hours, and "farms out" the care to a 13 year old?

Yep, that 10 hours of day care a week is going to turn my kid into an ax murderer for sure, and the beloved little darling next door, who can't get along with any of the other neighborhood kids, is going to be a Nobel Peace Prize winner.

[Anonymous]

I'm twiddling my thumbs most of the day. No seriously, I plant DC in front of the TV for about 8 hours a day while I have a leisurely breakfast and lunch. I take a long hot shower, curl my hair, paint my toe nails, spent hours on the telephone with girlfriends catching up on gossip, surf the net, read a good book and drink a couple of lattes. What a life!!!!! Oh wait a minute, I'm a WOHM....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm twiddling my thumbs most of the day. No seriously, I plant DC in front of the TV for about 8 hours a day while I have a leisurely breakfast and lunch. I take a long hot shower, curl my hair, paint my toe nails, spent hours on the telephone with girlfriends catching up on gossip, surf the net, read a good book and drink a couple of lattes. What a life!!!!! Oh wait a minute, I'm a WOHM....

Do you really believe that a SAHM of small children does what you wrote during the day? Or that most SAHM's plop their kids in front of the tv for hours on end? Just because you work doesn't mean you have to tell yourself these kinds of stories about other people. Yes, maybe your (or the other posters) neighbor did this. I have some stories about some working parents around me, too. Doesn't mean most are like that. You are just bitter.

[Anonymous]

This thread is 9 months old, but no matter -- it's a fascinating topic, it never goes out of style.