Do men really not care about a woman’s career?

[Anonymous]

On the one hand, who cares if a man cares or not? If the woman cares about her career, that should matter.

On the other hand, it’s hypocritical of a man to care about his career and not at all about what his wife does. Presumably he has some self respect and sense of his relative status due to his success. He should understand that many women want to be respected. It is very weird to think that a woman just needs to look pretty and be happy at home in the kids. Any man who thinks this way does not actually see women as people like him if he thinks such different things could satisfy her just because she isn’t a man. I’ll bet you anything none of these men want to stay home with their kids or spend the whole day thinking about how to please a woman.

[Anonymous]

I think you are being obtuse. The whole topic is do men care about women’s jobs. As in a high flying job with high earning potential, a big job, generally the same way women care about what career a man has. At certain income level, no the man does not care. He may care more about social status markers. Yes everyone would like a spouse that is happy and fulfilled. That may be a career, or it may be some other activity that is not a job, even *gasp* if it’s staying at home with children. But if your friends’ husbands cared about their spouses having big jobs, they wouldn’t have dated them. Maybe it is beyond your comprehension that they were attracted to them due to their looks, personalities and compatibility more than just a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the one hand, who cares if a man cares or not? If the woman cares about her career, that should matter.

On the other hand, it’s hypocritical of a man to care about his career and not at all about what his wife does. Presumably he has some self respect and sense of his relative status due to his success. He should understand that many women want to be respected. It is very weird to think that a woman just needs to look pretty and be happy at home in the kids. Any man who thinks this way does not actually see women as people like him if he thinks such different things could satisfy her just because she isn’t a man. I’ll bet you anything none of these men want to stay home with their kids or spend the whole day thinking about how to please a woman.

Well the topic at hand is not what they should be or should not be doing, is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The novelist, the human rights center director, and the scientist surely did not make 200k off the bat starting out in their career. They probably won’t have an umc class lifestyle unless they married high earning men - finance, consulting, private equity, tech. And definitely the novelist did not make money off the bat. So the topic of this discussion is do men care about womens job. Obviously to the men who married your friends, no.

DP here. This is surely one of the sillier posts on this thread. Most high-earning men didn't start off high-earning either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are being obtuse. The whole topic is do men care about women’s jobs. As in a high flying job with high earning potential, a big job, generally the same way women care about what career a man has. At certain income level, no the man does not care. He may care more about social status markers. Yes everyone would like a spouse that is happy and fulfilled. That may be a career, or it may be some other activity that is not a job, even *gasp* if it’s staying at home with children. But if your friends’ husbands cared about their spouses having big jobs, they wouldn’t have dated them. Maybe it is beyond your comprehension that they were attracted to them due to their looks, personalities and compatibility more than just a job.

Where to start… sigh.

It is relevant if men’s attitudes are shaped by patriarchy. Because if, say, men in very patriarchal societies don’t care at all what jobs the women have and men in less patriarchal societies do care, that’s significant. The reason the question is interesting is because society here and now is in a state of transition. The general consensus in this discussion has been that the more educated the man is, the more he cares that his wife has a serious career.

No woman I know was attracted to a man just because of his job either so I’m not sure why you are saying that. It’s all love matches — compatibility, character, attraction — but within the pool of eligible men. That includes men as educated and ambitious and capable as the women who are looking to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The novelist, the human rights center director, and the scientist surely did not make 200k off the bat starting out in their career. They probably won’t have an umc class lifestyle unless they married high earning men - finance, consulting, private equity, tech. And definitely the novelist did not make money off the bat. So the topic of this discussion is do men care about womens job. Obviously to the men who married your friends, no.

DP here. This is surely one of the sillier posts on this thread. Most high-earning men didn't start off high-earning either.

Right. Because there is definitely no difference in starting salaries and earning trajectory between a finance or Silicon Valley worker vs a budding novelist or non profit worker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are being obtuse. The whole topic is do men care about women’s jobs. As in a high flying job with high earning potential, a big job, generally the same way women care about what career a man has. At certain income level, no the man does not care. He may care more about social status markers. Yes everyone would like a spouse that is happy and fulfilled. That may be a career, or it may be some other activity that is not a job, even *gasp* if it’s staying at home with children. But if your friends’ husbands cared about their spouses having big jobs, they wouldn’t have dated them. Maybe it is beyond your comprehension that they were attracted to them due to their looks, personalities and compatibility more than just a job.

Where to start… sigh.

It is relevant if men’s attitudes are shaped by patriarchy. Because if, say, men in very patriarchal societies don’t care at all what jobs the women have and men in less patriarchal societies do care, that’s significant. The reason the question is interesting is because society here and now is in a state of transition. The general consensus in this discussion has been that the more educated the man is, the more he cares that his wife has a serious career.

No woman I know was attracted to a man just because of his job either so I’m not sure why you are saying that. It’s all love matches — compatibility, character, attraction — but within the pool of eligible men. That includes men as educated and ambitious and capable as the women who are looking to get married.

I don’t know what to tell you. I am a millennial. Some tropes hold. Women target high earning men. My very educated social circle would not even look at someone who was not similarly highly educated or ambitious. Of course the man’s career wasn’t everything but that was a starting point. As for men wanting women with serious careers, that totally flips when children come into the picture. You can blame it on patriarchy or whatever you think the ideal utopia that men want should be but I also have a diverse widely educated social circle and in my experience that has just been the case.

[Anonymous]

Only a very, very stupid person doesn’t care what their spouse makes. This is truly ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my circle women’s college and profession matters but once married, it’s usually her decision if she wants to work or stay home after kids, men are okay with both choices. Men with high IQ tend to enjoy beauty but they crave intelligence.

Same.

This is what I've noticed. Career accomplishments optional, education not.

All things said "education"/ "intelligence"/ "success" is shorthand for other capacities and character traits that may come in handy when building a life with someone.

Love this. 40-year-old frumpsters convincing themselves that they are more of a catch than the hot, 24-year-old secretary because they have a Cornell degree. The delusion on DCUM is real!

[Anonymous]

You gotta love ugly women and their never-ending intellectual acrobatics that always have one goal: A desperate search for confirmation bias.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my circle women’s college and profession matters but once married, it’s usually her decision if she wants to work or stay home after kids, men are okay with both choices. Men with high IQ tend to enjoy beauty but they crave intelligence.

Same.

This is what I've noticed. Career accomplishments optional, education not.

All things said "education"/ "intelligence"/ "success" is shorthand for other capacities and character traits that may come in handy when building a life with someone.

Love this. 40-year-old frumpsters convincing themselves that they are more of a catch than the hot, 24-year-old secretary because they have a Cornell degree. The delusion on DCUM is real!

God you are so boring. Carry on mouth breathing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You gotta love ugly women and their never-ending intellectual acrobatics that always have one goal: A desperate search for confirmation bias.

Lotta bimbos in your neighborhood eh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You gotta love ugly women and their never-ending intellectual acrobatics that always have one goal: A desperate search for confirmation bias.

Sorry you couldn't land hot and smart in the same package. The alpha man can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The novelist, the human rights center director, and the scientist surely did not make 200k off the bat starting out in their career. They probably won’t have an umc class lifestyle unless they married high earning men - finance, consulting, private equity, tech. And definitely the novelist did not make money off the bat. So the topic of this discussion is do men care about womens job. Obviously to the men who married your friends, no.

DP here. This is surely one of the sillier posts on this thread. Most high-earning men didn't start off high-earning either.

Right. Because there is definitely no difference in starting salaries and earning trajectory between a finance or Silicon Valley worker vs a budding novelist or non profit worker.

1. That's not what PP said.
2. You don't think scientists make money can make a lot of money in the private sector?

-- SV tech exec with a science PhD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gotta love ugly women and their never-ending intellectual acrobatics that always have one goal: A desperate search for confirmation bias.

Sorry you couldn't land hot and smart in the same package. The alpha man can.

Or he did land smart. You know, not like women who hijack a thread about what men want to brag about their resumes, or how the 1% live, or JFK, or some other dingbattery.