Do men really not care about a woman’s career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This^. Its not like everyone is doing meaningful work, enjoying doing it, loves their work environment, has life-work balance and making great money. Its quite the opposite for majority. Humans were conned by capitalism into thinking their jobs define them and make them a worthy human being.

If you’re UMC these jobs are within reach. Happy wife, happy life. You might find one of very few women who is content to spend her life as a SAHP putting her dreams aside so you can realize yours. That’s usually not the story.

If you are UMC those jobs are only within reach if you have a trust fund or married a high earning guy. Yet again, point made, he doesn’t care about your job.

+1 he doesnt care about your job unless it’s something that makes other men envious when he name drops it - but also isn’t tawdry. “When Sarah first joined the principal corps at the American Ballet Theatre …”

Absolutely not true for the guys I know. They are proud as hell of their wives’ accomplishments. It’s definitely a status thing to have a wife who is doing something fascinating and ambitious for many UMC people.

UC is different.

being a principal ballerina in the american ballet theatre IS fascinating and ambitious

[Anonymous]

^ and harder + more interesting than law school

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Education is a status symbol. It’s separate from actually holding a job. The UMC guy marries a highly educated woman as a status symbol. Whether she continues working is another matter.

As a status symbol? How about because you want to spend time with someone who is well educated. You will have to talk to this person over many dinners, long car rides and vacations. They will be co- raising your children. to my way of thinking, education is not a status symbol, but you are probably the type of person who would choose your kid's college based upon having a bumper sticker that will impress the neighbors.

Obviously compatibility is a given. Does not negate that a high educated wife that may not choose to work is a status symbol. It makes moving in certain social circles easier. What the woman does with her education after is not important, a woman with a high powered career doesn’t make her a more interesting partner.

That's true to some extent, except having a career is shorthand for a lot of things that do make someone a more interesting partner. Having your own life and passions, having a world of people and projects, challenging yourself to meet externally defined goals, being involved in something that is of value and benefit to society, developing your own skills and talents, learning new things, defining your own path... sure, you could volunteer a bit here and there and take up yoga, but that's usually not going to satisfy someone who has any fire in the belly. I see a lot of wealthy women in my circle who did not have careers or dropped out and they are restless. They dabble here and there in old hobbies and take up temporary causes, but they are all a bit dissatisfied with tennis in the morning and dinner planning in the afternoon. They would not admit it because it's not considered acceptable, but you can't educate women to the level that they could be astronauts or judges and then stick them in a car to do drop off/ pick up. It just doesn't work that way.

Let’s be real. Many of these high powered careers aren’t that interesting. My eyes glaze over when a man or woman start talking about their legal work. It’s much more interesting talking to someone who took an alternate path or cultivated their own interests that does not involve work.

Choose one that is, then! My women friends do everything from run ICU units to make human rights policy. They study RNA, write novels, go on archaeological digs, and are at the top of their fields. They are also devoted to their families. Maybe you are of an older generation, but there are lots of interesting things for women to do nowadays besides stay home and have a hobby. As one of my women teachers once said "we can't let men do all the fun stuff."

You just mentioned a whole bunch of careers that don’t earn a lot of money. Maybe asides from running icu units. They could very well be hobby jobs. Yet again another example that men don’t care about high powered careers. They are pretty much doing hobbies, just a definition of is it a job earning some money or not.

Really? My scientist friend makes $200k and so does the one running a human rights center. No idea what the novelist makes, she’s on many bestseller lists so definitely not a hobby job. Not sure if you are clear on the difference between a career and a hobby job.

The novelist, the human rights center director, and the scientist surely did not make 200k off the bat starting out in their career. They probably won’t have an umc class lifestyle unless they married high earning men - finance, consulting, private equity, tech. And definitely the novelist did not make money off the bat. So the topic of this discussion is do men care about womens job. Obviously to the men who married your friends, no.

Have you heard of earning potential?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This^. Its not like everyone is doing meaningful work, enjoying doing it, loves their work environment, has life-work balance and making great money. Its quite the opposite for majority. Humans were conned by capitalism into thinking their jobs define them and make them a worthy human being.

If you’re UMC these jobs are within reach. Happy wife, happy life. You might find one of very few women who is content to spend her life as a SAHP putting her dreams aside so you can realize yours. That’s usually not the story.

If you are UMC those jobs are only within reach if you have a trust fund or married a high earning guy. Yet again, point made, he doesn’t care about your job.

+1 he doesnt care about your job unless it’s something that makes other men envious when he name drops it - but also isn’t tawdry. “When Sarah first joined the principal corps at the American Ballet Theatre …”

Absolutely not true for the guys I know. They are proud as hell of their wives’ accomplishments. It’s definitely a status thing to have a wife who is doing something fascinating and ambitious for many UMC people.

UC is different.

being a principal ballerina in the american ballet theatre IS fascinating and ambitious

+1 a job that is a conversation starter is interesting. But no one cares about how much money is being made, that is being pushed down young women’s throats in college to go into finance, law, medicine etc. yet again, the career is just about social status. It’s more interesting to be married to a ballet dancer than a law partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Education is a status symbol. It’s separate from actually holding a job. The UMC guy marries a highly educated woman as a status symbol. Whether she continues working is another matter.

As a status symbol? How about because you want to spend time with someone who is well educated. You will have to talk to this person over many dinners, long car rides and vacations. They will be co- raising your children. to my way of thinking, education is not a status symbol, but you are probably the type of person who would choose your kid's college based upon having a bumper sticker that will impress the neighbors.

Obviously compatibility is a given. Does not negate that a high educated wife that may not choose to work is a status symbol. It makes moving in certain social circles easier. What the woman does with her education after is not important, a woman with a high powered career doesn’t make her a more interesting partner.

That's true to some extent, except having a career is shorthand for a lot of things that do make someone a more interesting partner. Having your own life and passions, having a world of people and projects, challenging yourself to meet externally defined goals, being involved in something that is of value and benefit to society, developing your own skills and talents, learning new things, defining your own path... sure, you could volunteer a bit here and there and take up yoga, but that's usually not going to satisfy someone who has any fire in the belly. I see a lot of wealthy women in my circle who did not have careers or dropped out and they are restless. They dabble here and there in old hobbies and take up temporary causes, but they are all a bit dissatisfied with tennis in the morning and dinner planning in the afternoon. They would not admit it because it's not considered acceptable, but you can't educate women to the level that they could be astronauts or judges and then stick them in a car to do drop off/ pick up. It just doesn't work that way.

Let’s be real. Many of these high powered careers aren’t that interesting. My eyes glaze over when a man or woman start talking about their legal work. It’s much more interesting talking to someone who took an alternate path or cultivated their own interests that does not involve work.

Choose one that is, then! My women friends do everything from run ICU units to make human rights policy. They study RNA, write novels, go on archaeological digs, and are at the top of their fields. They are also devoted to their families. Maybe you are of an older generation, but there are lots of interesting things for women to do nowadays besides stay home and have a hobby. As one of my women teachers once said "we can't let men do all the fun stuff."

You just mentioned a whole bunch of careers that don’t earn a lot of money. Maybe asides from running icu units. They could very well be hobby jobs. Yet again another example that men don’t care about high powered careers. They are pretty much doing hobbies, just a definition of is it a job earning some money or not.

Really? My scientist friend makes $200k and so does the one running a human rights center. No idea what the novelist makes, she’s on many bestseller lists so definitely not a hobby job. Not sure if you are clear on the difference between a career and a hobby job.

The novelist, the human rights center director, and the scientist surely did not make 200k off the bat starting out in their career. They probably won’t have an umc class lifestyle unless they married high earning men - finance, consulting, private equity, tech. And definitely the novelist did not make money off the bat. So the topic of this discussion is do men care about womens job. Obviously to the men who married your friends, no.

Have you heard of earning potential?

If a man cared about earning potential he won’t be marrying a person working in a non profit such as human rights or a budding novelist. Please. It took your friends years to make 200k. Lucrative careers make near that right out of grad school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This^. Its not like everyone is doing meaningful work, enjoying doing it, loves their work environment, has life-work balance and making great money. Its quite the opposite for majority. Humans were conned by capitalism into thinking their jobs define them and make them a worthy human being.

If you’re UMC these jobs are within reach. Happy wife, happy life. You might find one of very few women who is content to spend her life as a SAHP putting her dreams aside so you can realize yours. That’s usually not the story.

If you are UMC those jobs are only within reach if you have a trust fund or married a high earning guy. Yet again, point made, he doesn’t care about your job.

+1 he doesnt care about your job unless it’s something that makes other men envious when he name drops it - but also isn’t tawdry. “When Sarah first joined the principal corps at the American Ballet Theatre …”

Absolutely not true for the guys I know. They are proud as hell of their wives’ accomplishments. It’s definitely a status thing to have a wife who is doing something fascinating and ambitious for many UMC people.

UC is different.

being a principal ballerina in the american ballet theatre IS fascinating and ambitious

Yes, it is. Just responding to the idea that it has to be exotic and celebrity-level for a guy to care. I’ve noticed that many guys are extremely proud of their wives’ careers even if they aren’t principal ballerina.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my circles, men marry the hot women with the great career. If you are in a highly educated professional group, you will see many of these women have it all: smoking hot, athletic, smart as a whip and a career to match (even if they mommy track or step back a bit when kids come along).

Those are the type of genetics intelligent men look for in a mate.

Now--if we are talking about a no-strings thing or frivolous temporary girlfriends, they don't care if they are as dumb as a bunch of rocks.

GD can we please retire smart as a whip? It makes you sound stupid, it is only used for women and never men, and is about as old and dusty as calling a women a "badass." You might as well use the term rockstar while you're at it.

Haha this post had a lot of buzzwords: “my circles,” “genetics,” “mate,” and yes, “smart as a whip”….

You silly broads .

You useless piece of crap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed the only men who are “into” a woman’s career are insecure themselves and intelligensia-type status seeking. For example, the one who has a middling career and lives in the least expensive house in a hoity neighborhood and needs to bring up 47 times that his wife is an NPR reporter.

This is oddly specific.

I know the type of men pp is talking about.

They also have androgynous voices aka “neoliberal voice”

Low T

Straight but you are really not quite sure.

The ladies in your neighborhood wonder why your wife puts up with you, they would never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Education is a status symbol. It’s separate from actually holding a job. The UMC guy marries a highly educated woman as a status symbol. Whether she continues working is another matter.

As a status symbol? How about because you want to spend time with someone who is well educated. You will have to talk to this person over many dinners, long car rides and vacations. They will be co- raising your children. to my way of thinking, education is not a status symbol, but you are probably the type of person who would choose your kid's college based upon having a bumper sticker that will impress the neighbors.

Obviously compatibility is a given. Does not negate that a high educated wife that may not choose to work is a status symbol. It makes moving in certain social circles easier. What the woman does with her education after is not important, a woman with a high powered career doesn’t make her a more interesting partner.

That's true to some extent, except having a career is shorthand for a lot of things that do make someone a more interesting partner. Having your own life and passions, having a world of people and projects, challenging yourself to meet externally defined goals, being involved in something that is of value and benefit to society, developing your own skills and talents, learning new things, defining your own path... sure, you could volunteer a bit here and there and take up yoga, but that's usually not going to satisfy someone who has any fire in the belly. I see a lot of wealthy women in my circle who did not have careers or dropped out and they are restless. They dabble here and there in old hobbies and take up temporary causes, but they are all a bit dissatisfied with tennis in the morning and dinner planning in the afternoon. They would not admit it because it's not considered acceptable, but you can't educate women to the level that they could be astronauts or judges and then stick them in a car to do drop off/ pick up. It just doesn't work that way.

Let’s be real. Many of these high powered careers aren’t that interesting. My eyes glaze over when a man or woman start talking about their legal work. It’s much more interesting talking to someone who took an alternate path or cultivated their own interests that does not involve work.

You really missed the point of pp's post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are lots introvert people who prefer sanctity if home and feel their best among loved ones, spending their day making small talk with randos can get old very fast for them.

ie, there are a lot of people who just don't want to work and would rather stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Many man don’t care about women’s careers … but they do care about status and socioeconomic class.

Good lord. Shove your “status”.

You can't always have a long fun interesting conversation with "status".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This^. Its not like everyone is doing meaningful work, enjoying doing it, loves their work environment, has life-work balance and making great money. Its quite the opposite for majority. Humans were conned by capitalism into thinking their jobs define them and make them a worthy human being.

If you’re UMC these jobs are within reach. Happy wife, happy life. You might find one of very few women who is content to spend her life as a SAHP putting her dreams aside so you can realize yours. That’s usually not the story.

If you are UMC those jobs are only within reach if you have a trust fund or married a high earning guy. Yet again, point made, he doesn’t care about your job.

+1 he doesnt care about your job unless it’s something that makes other men envious when he name drops it - but also isn’t tawdry. “When Sarah first joined the principal corps at the American Ballet Theatre …”

Absolutely not true for the guys I know. They are proud as hell of their wives’ accomplishments. It’s definitely a status thing to have a wife who is doing something fascinating and ambitious for many UMC people.

UC is different.

Also my experience. I have heard my DH brag about my job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are lots introvert people who prefer sanctity if home and feel their best among loved ones, spending their day making small talk with randos can get old very fast for them.

ITA, it's so personal. I'm a type A, hard core person and I love working. I'm an expert witness and one of my biggest joys in life is fighting with others; I get a mental high from confrontation. As you can imagine, my H and kids are very thankful that I work. I can't imagine SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This^. Its not like everyone is doing meaningful work, enjoying doing it, loves their work environment, has life-work balance and making great money. Its quite the opposite for majority. Humans were conned by capitalism into thinking their jobs define them and make them a worthy human being.

If you’re UMC these jobs are within reach. Happy wife, happy life. You might find one of very few women who is content to spend her life as a SAHP putting her dreams aside so you can realize yours. That’s usually not the story.

If you are UMC those jobs are only within reach if you have a trust fund or married a high earning guy. Yet again, point made, he doesn’t care about your job.

+1 he doesnt care about your job unless it’s something that makes other men envious when he name drops it - but also isn’t tawdry. “When Sarah first joined the principal corps at the American Ballet Theatre …”

Absolutely not true for the guys I know. They are proud as hell of their wives’ accomplishments. It’s definitely a status thing to have a wife who is doing something fascinating and ambitious for many UMC people.

UC is different.

Also my experience. I have heard my DH brag about my job.

+1. Have heard mine brag to his family and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Education is a status symbol. It’s separate from actually holding a job. The UMC guy marries a highly educated woman as a status symbol. Whether she continues working is another matter.

As a status symbol? How about because you want to spend time with someone who is well educated. You will have to talk to this person over many dinners, long car rides and vacations. They will be co- raising your children. to my way of thinking, education is not a status symbol, but you are probably the type of person who would choose your kid's college based upon having a bumper sticker that will impress the neighbors.

Obviously compatibility is a given. Does not negate that a high educated wife that may not choose to work is a status symbol. It makes moving in certain social circles easier. What the woman does with her education after is not important, a woman with a high powered career doesn’t make her a more interesting partner.

That's true to some extent, except having a career is shorthand for a lot of things that do make someone a more interesting partner. Having your own life and passions, having a world of people and projects, challenging yourself to meet externally defined goals, being involved in something that is of value and benefit to society, developing your own skills and talents, learning new things, defining your own path... sure, you could volunteer a bit here and there and take up yoga, but that's usually not going to satisfy someone who has any fire in the belly. I see a lot of wealthy women in my circle who did not have careers or dropped out and they are restless. They dabble here and there in old hobbies and take up temporary causes, but they are all a bit dissatisfied with tennis in the morning and dinner planning in the afternoon. They would not admit it because it's not considered acceptable, but you can't educate women to the level that they could be astronauts or judges and then stick them in a car to do drop off/ pick up. It just doesn't work that way.

Let’s be real. Many of these high powered careers aren’t that interesting. My eyes glaze over when a man or woman start talking about their legal work. It’s much more interesting talking to someone who took an alternate path or cultivated their own interests that does not involve work.

Choose one that is, then! My women friends do everything from run ICU units to make human rights policy. They study RNA, write novels, go on archaeological digs, and are at the top of their fields. They are also devoted to their families. Maybe you are of an older generation, but there are lots of interesting things for women to do nowadays besides stay home and have a hobby. As one of my women teachers once said "we can't let men do all the fun stuff."

You just mentioned a whole bunch of careers that don’t earn a lot of money. Maybe asides from running icu units. They could very well be hobby jobs. Yet again another example that men don’t care about high powered careers. They are pretty much doing hobbies, just a definition of is it a job earning some money or not.

Really? My scientist friend makes $200k and so does the one running a human rights center. No idea what the novelist makes, she’s on many bestseller lists so definitely not a hobby job. Not sure if you are clear on the difference between a career and a hobby job.

The novelist, the human rights center director, and the scientist surely did not make 200k off the bat starting out in their career. They probably won’t have an umc class lifestyle unless they married high earning men - finance, consulting, private equity, tech. And definitely the novelist did not make money off the bat. So the topic of this discussion is do men care about womens job. Obviously to the men who married your friends, no.

Have you heard of earning potential?

If a man cared about earning potential he won’t be marrying a person working in a non profit such as human rights or a budding novelist. Please. It took your friends years to make 200k. Lucrative careers make near that right out of grad school.

I’m sorry, I don’t understand your logic. Yes, men care about their wives having careers that befit their talents and abilities. No, money isn’t everything — nor is it everything for the women in these kinds of careers. But all of these women were highly educated and accomplished when they met their husbands, and had plans and dreams to do more. Achieving those dreams makes them fulfilled in their lives. That’s a huge deal if you are a man who sees himself similarly. To be able to share that kind of understanding of what it takes and to respect your partner as someone who can do what they set out to do is an important factor in the dynamic of these relationships. Maybe you don’t see it that way?