What is women’s obsession with “well-educated” men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:well educated is such an undefined term. People say they want well read but don't count sci fi / fantasy / sports as reading. People say they want advanced degrees but only in certain fields. People say they want schools but only certain names.

Its funny because I used to get into these conversations all the time, but found that those looking for a well educated man generally weren't educated themselves. I was just looking for somebody to discuss Name of the Wind with.

Well read is what I think most people like. They can be interesting, and can keep up with different topics.

My ex is from blue collar Baltimore family, and while, she has a degree, parents do not. They ingrained so crazy stuff in her, “ don’t be an organ donor, the hospital will check your wallet, and let you die on the table,so they can harvest”, didn’t want vaccines when kids young, Trump could do no wrong…

I’m recently divorced, if I can find a well read, in shape woman, I’d consider it a big success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin-off of another thread where a late 30s woman was asking how to meet men, and of course mentions the “well-educated” criterion multiple times.

I just don’t get this. And I should preface this by saying I’m a guy with an Ivy degree. But would you ladies not consider someone who owns his own construction business or a few Subway franchises and earns $150,000 per year? (Or we could make it 15 Subway franchises and an income of $600,000 if that is your requirement.) This is not about income – that part I understand.

But why the obsession with “well-educated” men? Do you not understand that for many people, going to college/graduate school is a terrible life decision? I mean, there was a recent article about NYU film grads coming out of the Master’s program with $30,000/year jobs and $250,000 in debt. Surely women in their late 30s recognize that the dating market is not skewed in their favor. Why add yet *another* filter that further winnows down your available options?

Op, thanks. I’ve been waiting for someone to address this. I have no degree but make 180 a year. I know that might not be a lot in this area but I’m happy with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a class issue. I have a graduate degree from a fancy school and grew up in a wealthy area, so I know a lot of UMC folks pretty well. But, my parents did not go to college, worked blue collar jobs, and were not into the whole UMC social scene. As a result, I know lots of people who are not "well educated" but read plenty, have diverse interests, and can hold their own in an intellectual conversation. They just did not go to college and do not work professional jobs. I also know lots of UMC women who would never consider dating any of those people, because they are not "well educated." The women will say it's about "ability to hold a conversation," but either they are ignorant or they are not being honest; plenty of these folks can hold a conversation. Instead, it really seems that they want someone who will fit in with their family and friends and is not too different. This is a class issue.

A degree is like a form of insurance.

If you are blue collar and the economy turns, you lose a job, etc. it’s harder to find work. Even Starbucks baristas have college degrees.

If you have a college degree it helps and if you have a graduate or professional degree it’s even more insurance (unless your loan debt is outrageous ).

It’s a tribe. Are you comfortable in a crowd with guys friends that didn’t finish high school or go to college and likely their girlfriends/wives too? I dated a few guys in 20s who never went to college and the women and crowd they hung out with I did not have much in common.

My husband came from a blue collar neighborhood, grew up very poor but got $ to go to a top university, speaks 3 languages fluently is well-read, Renaissance man that travels extensively. We can from different worlds.

I know more blue collar people with their own businesses than people with degrees.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have a degree but have been told that my emotional intelligence is off the charts. Does that count 😩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If you want to be realistic, you pick a *couple* of must-haves. My only two criteria are physical attractiveness and a salary of maybe $70,000/year.

Well if those are your two criteria, what's the problem? With some exceptions, most people making 70K in the DMV are not highly educated. What makes you think that's the issue where you're concerned? And lol at someone being angry a woman might prefer a well-educated partner when looks are his top criterion.

+1

Let’s start a “what is up with “physically attractive” women?” thread.

Oh wait, that would be ridiculous.

I absolutely want to know 'What is men’s obsession with “physical attractiveness” having women?'. I soo want to hear OP's response here or in that thread.

There are many different biological and sociological reasons why men value physical attractiveness. Since I was accused of being a mansplainer already, I won’t elaborate further. But it’s a fairly fundamental factor.

It’s kind of like income for men. I actually don’t fault women who only want to date six-figure earners or call them gold diggers. It’s logical that they want that, and there are many reasons for that.

My only gripe is people who have an unreasonable number of non-negotiables on their “checklist“ and then complain about not finding a mate. And let’s be honest, it’s women who do that, not men.

You definitely don’t have an “only” gripe. No one on this thread is complaining about a lack of men. You are in an argument with yourself and the rest of us are just amused spectators.

Are you living under the dcum rock. I’m not the op, but he’s right. Women on here complain all the time about a lack of good men in this area.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who has completed all but her doctoral dissertation. She is a teacher. Her husband has a blue collar job and when he writes a post on Facebook, he can’t spell or punctuate. I feel embarrassed for him. They live in a low COL living and appear to have a nice comfortable life so I think he does well. (We all know teachers make a pittance.)

I don’t get it, but she seems happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well educated is such an undefined term. People say they want well read but don't count sci fi / fantasy / sports as reading. People say they want advanced degrees but only in certain fields. People say they want schools but only certain names.

Its funny because I used to get into these conversations all the time, but found that those looking for a well educated man generally weren't educated themselves. I was just looking for somebody to discuss Name of the Wind with.

Well read is what I think most people like. They can be interesting, and can keep up with different topics.

My ex is from blue collar Baltimore family, and while, she has a degree, parents do not. They ingrained so crazy stuff in her, “ don’t be an organ donor, the hospital will check your wallet, and let you die on the table,so they can harvest”, didn’t want vaccines when kids young, Trump could do no wrong…

I’m recently divorced, if I can find a well read, in shape woman, I’d consider it a big success.

I have an educated woman but I don't think she'd call me well educated despite my degrees. She doesn't like my stuff. Doesn't matter. We can talk about HGTV and parenting books / philosophies. It's not my ideal conversation but I'm game. If love to talk the read option or ultron-vision as a villain or just a hypothetical super hero conversion. But those aren't smart people things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If you want to be realistic, you pick a *couple* of must-haves. My only two criteria are physical attractiveness and a salary of maybe $70,000/year. I don’t care one iota whether she went to college. I don’t care if she’s a Democrat or a Republican. I don’t care if her career or hobbies are in areas in which I have no interest, for example if she is a vegan nutritionist or owns a ballet school.

Do you seriously not understand that if your checklist is an endless list of must-haves, that is going to be counterproductive? Do you seriously think you cannot get intellectual stimulation from someone that owns a successful construction business? Do you know how hard it is to run a business? That business owner is creating and winning bids for projects, coordinating with architects and subcontractors, maintaining a working knowledge of building codes and basic structural engineering. Do you think that business owner is incapable of doing anything when he comes home other than drinking beer and watching football? If so, then I have to agree with another poster who said you should just save yourself the time and buy some cats.

Dude, you might not be an incel, strictly speaking, but you’re a mansplainer through and through. You are talking to a bunch of adult women like we are idiots who don’t understand the concept of dating, marriage, education, or business ownership. You look truly absurd and the world does not need your dating advice. (Signed- happily married woman who didn’t think that a guy not being highly educated was a dealbreaker but that being a mansplainer was a dealbreaker)

NP nothing he said was wrong though

Well sure because a string of rhetorical questions along with “my wife must be hot” can never be wrong, no matter how condescending they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a class issue. I have a graduate degree from a fancy school and grew up in a wealthy area, so I know a lot of UMC folks pretty well. But, my parents did not go to college, worked blue collar jobs, and were not into the whole UMC social scene. As a result, I know lots of people who are not "well educated" but read plenty, have diverse interests, and can hold their own in an intellectual conversation. They just did not go to college and do not work professional jobs. I also know lots of UMC women who would never consider dating any of those people, because they are not "well educated." The women will say it's about "ability to hold a conversation," but either they are ignorant or they are not being honest; plenty of these folks can hold a conversation. Instead, it really seems that they want someone who will fit in with their family and friends and is not too different. This is a class issue.

A degree is like a form of insurance.

If you are blue collar and the economy turns, you lose a job, etc. it’s harder to find work. Even Starbucks baristas have college degrees.

If you have a college degree it helps and if you have a graduate or professional degree it’s even more insurance (unless your loan debt is outrageous ).

It’s a tribe. Are you comfortable in a crowd with guys friends that didn’t finish high school or go to college and likely their girlfriends/wives too? I dated a few guys in 20s who never went to college and the women and crowd they hung out with I did not have much in common.

My husband came from a blue collar neighborhood, grew up very poor but got $ to go to a top university, speaks 3 languages fluently is well-read, Renaissance man that travels extensively. We can from different worlds.

I know more blue collar people with their own businesses than people with degrees.

DP. Why are you conflating these things? I don't care about finding someone who owns his own business, and I do care about education. I make plenty of money. I care about education for its own sake. (I'm married to my college boyfriend so I am not actually searching, but observing in the abstract).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a class issue. I have a graduate degree from a fancy school and grew up in a wealthy area, so I know a lot of UMC folks pretty well. But, my parents did not go to college, worked blue collar jobs, and were not into the whole UMC social scene. As a result, I know lots of people who are not "well educated" but read plenty, have diverse interests, and can hold their own in an intellectual conversation. They just did not go to college and do not work professional jobs. I also know lots of UMC women who would never consider dating any of those people, because they are not "well educated." The women will say it's about "ability to hold a conversation," but either they are ignorant or they are not being honest; plenty of these folks can hold a conversation. Instead, it really seems that they want someone who will fit in with their family and friends and is not too different. This is a class issue.

A degree is like a form of insurance.

If you are blue collar and the economy turns, you lose a job, etc. it’s harder to find work. Even Starbucks baristas have college degrees.

If you have a college degree it helps and if you have a graduate or professional degree it’s even more insurance (unless your loan debt is outrageous ).

It’s a tribe. Are you comfortable in a crowd with guys friends that didn’t finish high school or go to college and likely their girlfriends/wives too? I dated a few guys in 20s who never went to college and the women and crowd they hung out with I did not have much in common.

My husband came from a blue collar neighborhood, grew up very poor but got $ to go to a top university, speaks 3 languages fluently is well-read, Renaissance man that travels extensively. We can from different worlds.

I know more blue collar people with their own businesses than people with degrees.

DP. Why are you conflating these things? I don't care about finding someone who owns his own business, and I do care about education. I make plenty of money. I care about education for its own sake. (I'm married to my college boyfriend so I am not actually searching, but observing in the abstract).

It doesn’t have to be a degree, though. Many avid readers out there, that educate themselves without paying 100 k a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And I don't know any men who don't care about education in their female partners.

You lived a sheltered life. This is DC. No shortage of women are educated enough, are smart enough.

This. Most men in dc area men with advanced want a woman with advanced degrees (equal education) and vice versus. Both my DH and I have advanced degrees. All our peers are the same. Yes I live in a bubble.

[Anonymous]

It matters for the next generation. Maybe not going to college worked out for the husband but generally that decision doesn't set a good example for their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And I don't know any men who don't care about education in their female partners.

You lived a sheltered life. This is DC. No shortage of women are educated enough, are smart enough.

This. Most men in dc area men with advanced want a woman with advanced degrees (equal education) and vice versus. Both my DH and I have advanced degrees. All our peers are the same. Yes I live in a bubble.

You are living in a bubble in a bubble. I know two dozen male PhDs in the DC area, and the only one married to another PhD was me. And she was horrible.

[Anonymous]

My sister is a super smart engineer, and she married a guy with only high school education and a (successful) blue collar job. They were each other's match in different ways, they both love adventure/travel and value family foremost. They ended up combining their skill sets to form a company, and now they are very, very rich. I used to say this was on my sister's account, but I can see now that neither one of them could have done this without the other. I think it's a cool story. He was not "well educated" but he was interesting, good looking, open, shared her values.

[Anonymous]

I never thought about needing a well educated man but when I finished graduate business school and got my first job I was in a world of well educated people, especially men. We all were young and working like dogs so the dating pool was really limited to like minded people. I’m not complaining because I met a wonderful man and we were comfortably compatible. I wasn’t obsessed with finding a well educated man but I’m happy I did.