What to do...friend disrespected me.

[Anonymous]

Where to start...

Last Friday, a friend (that I've known since September) and I went out with another couple while my boyfriend was the DD.
Before we met up I told my friend (we'll call her Z) that if she was too drunk to drive home that night, she could stay in our guest room. As the night went on, she easily took the offer and we were headed home by 12:30p. She has my boyfriend stop once so she could puke while we were heading home..she was very sloshed. She kept asking to drink wine once we got home and she even asked out of no where if my boyfriend would ever do a threesome. I was very offends about the question but blew it off, giving her a pass because she was so drunk.

When we got home, I gave her a bottle of water and asked her if she needed anything else. Everyone was in bed within twenty minutes and I was out within thirty. I had to wake up early the next morning to take her to her car because she had to work. I wake up and use the guest bathroom so I do not wake my boyfriend and notice the bathroom smells horrible and I notice a huge smear on the toilet seat. I didn't say anything to her at the moment because I didn't want to embarrass her. I mean, what do you say in that instant?

In the car ride home, she kept saying that she just wanted to shower and the conversation was very weird...we usually talk with no effort because we've clicked so fast. When we get to her car, she thanks me and hops out and that's when I notice the nasty poop smell again..it literally gagged me and I had to ride home with my windows down.

As soon as I got home, I rushed upstairs to inspect the toilet because I had a hunch of what the smear was. Sure enough, my toilet seat was smeared with a grown woman's feces..all over it. The rug that was placed below the toilet even had a chuck of feces on it. I put on gloves and began to clean and lysol the crap out of the toilet and even after lifting the seat up, there was MORE feces all over the toilet bowl. I was disgusted!

I completely understand that people get sick but when you are in a persons house..you clean up your mess. I don't know if and how I approach her about this..it's sad because she is a good friend but I think she may have crossed the line of disrespect. My boyfriend insists that I never allow her to come over and I totally understand why but how do I do that?

Am I overreacting?

FYI: the reason I know about this forum is bc I am a nanny and read regularly. This is a bit off topic but I need as much advice as I can get.

[Anonymous]

This all sounds very trashy.

[Anonymous]

I think if you invite a known drunk to stay in your guest room, you probably are going to have to clean up a mess.

Do the rules of ettiquete say that guest should have cleaned up? Absolutely.

Does your friend have a problem that inhibits her from realizing her ettiquete obligations? Absolutely.

(1) I think this is one mess you clean up. (2) You don't invite Z to stay again. and (3) Z has serious problems that she needs to address and maybe you can point her in that direction.

Z has bigger problems than following ettiquete right now.

[Anonymous]

Seriously?
Issue 1: she is a good friend you've known since when again? September? That can still be measured in days or weeks.
Issue 2: she inquired about a threesome?
Issue 3: She defecated all over your bathroom and you think your boyfriend is being too rough on her?

Your boyfriend is right and how you do it is you don't call her, and if/when she calls you, you say, "listen, I don't mean mean to embarrass you but the night you spent at our house revealed a side of you that surprised me and I think it would be best if we just took a step back." If she really doesn't know what you are talking about, feel free to lay it out there. I predict the call should end soon after that.

[Anonymous]

This is all disgusting. The friend, the drunkenness, the question about the boyfriend, the need to stay over because of extreme drunkenness.

You invited a very drunk woman you have known for a short time to stay in your home overnight. What you got was predictable. I won't say it was what you deserved, but you should not have been surprised.

[Anonymous]

So easy. She's not your good friend and no more going out with her where alcohol may be present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So easy. She's not your good friend and no more going out with her where alcohol may be present.

Yep. She was too drunk to understand she was making a mess. Literally.

[Anonymous]

Op here,

I do not think my bf is being rough on her at all. I am just as angry and flat out disgusted. I wasn't really sure how to approach her about the situation.

To the PP, trashy it does sound which is why I came here to ask for advice. She's stayed at our house before on NYE with no messy issues.


I have clicked with her in the past few months..not yo call her a super close friend or anything but I was enjoying making a new friend in a new town.

I do however do not want this type of person in my life..one that disrespects me and one that can't go out and have a few drinks..one that hammers s ton gown to get thrashed..it's not college anymore.

[Anonymous]

What? are you old enough to be posting on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Sorry tor the typos.

..one that hammers a ton of drinks down just to get trashed..it's not college anymore.

But, I just wasn't sure how to handle the situation being that we have a few mutual friends and will probably see each other when our "group"has dinner together..etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What? are you old enough to be posting on DCUM?

Yes, I am. My tablet auttocorrects weirdly. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So easy. She's not your good friend and no more going out with her where alcohol may be present.

Yep. She was too drunk to understand she was making a mess. Literally.

Wouldn't she have seen it in the morning? It sounds like she was pretty coherent the next morning.

[Anonymous]

Is this a class thing or racial/ethnic thing, DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So easy. She's not your good friend and no more going out with her where alcohol may be present.

Yep. She was too drunk to understand she was making a mess. Literally.

Wouldn't she have seen it in the morning? It sounds like she was pretty coherent the next morning.

I think she would have known she made a mess by morning.

Honestly, she sounds like she needs to grow up. It's fine to have a night out and have fun, but seriously trashing your bathroom sounds like frat boy behavior.

I would also question if such a good friend would be so selfish as to make such a spectacle and not clean up after herself. Personally, I think she's lost her place as a guest at your house at the very least.

[Anonymous]

I don't get the title of this post. Your friend has an alcohol problem. It has nothing to do with lack of respect for you.