Confused about all the gender bending

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05/13/2021 08:39

Subject: Re:Confused about all the gender bending

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Anonymous wrote:Yes i agree that coming out as young teens is ubiquitous now. Our dd identifies stridently as bisexual - and yet the vast majority of her ever changing crushes appear to be boys. Despite being married to a man for many many years, she tells me that i am obviously bi because i prefer shorts/ jeans, don’t wear much makeup and exercise 😂. Okie dokie! Also that Gen Z is the greatest generation of all time because they accept so many different gender identifies. 😂 Gotta love the self confidence but reality checks are in order - who do they think paved the way for all these progressive ideals? Every single generation that came before them.

I tell our dd that we will love her and accept her whatever her sexuality may be -/ but that she still needs to work hard at school and become a responsible independent adult. All these fancy gender labels don’t change the need to work hard and do mundane chores. I also believe that negative stereotypes around feminine women are Misogynistic. We need to respect different forms of womanhood. There is a lot of mixed messaging going on in social media.

i agree with whoever said a lot of this is the way this generation is rebelling/finding themselves. That can be a good thing as long as they stay grounded.

But they are not grounded. They are the most confused generation in history. Exhibit A- the child you described above.

+10000. I can give you Exhibit B-Z as well, to include OP's child.

Minus 10,000

Thanks Captain Obvious but the confusion of exhibit A was implied 😜 - Of course they are confused: They are young teens getting through a Pandemic with way too much screen time. Our job is to provide unconditional love and common sense by keeping things in perspective.

And yes, regarding more recent question about concerns around narcissism - we are concerned about that part of this gender bender phenomenon - i talk about being too self involved often with my kid but in a light hearted way - eg poking fun at the endless selfies. She knows our family values are kindness, service and volunteering.

It was bad enough being a teen when i was young but now the pressures and isolation must be almost unbearable. It is important to listen to our teens, and a privilege for them to share sensitive identity questions with us. I wish i could have talked through confusing parts of growing up with my parents but it was all glossed over back then.

My main goal for my teen is mental health, sense of spiritual and personal connection, self acceptance and keeping academic motivation. I don’t pretend to understand all the new gender categories/ nuances but i let my kid know she is loved as she is. We are church going family usually and we beiieve that God made all of us in her image - especially the weird and broken ones.

It’s just that my understanding of unconditional love would be to say, “larla, I love you unconditionally. Which is why I’m not going to pretend this confusion and self absorption is anything but injurious to your mental health (if you’re devoting mental space to your gender, you’re not healthy), self-acceptance (people who obsess over who they are never quite figure it out), personal connection (narcissists connect only with themselves), academic success (wtf? But anyway, that requires a LOT of clear thinking, focus). If you continue down this path, God will still love you, I will still love you, but you will be unhappy.” Because THIS is not bringing ANY of our children happiness or peace.

Sorry but These talking points are not my idea of communicating unconditional love. It sounds judgmental and would probably result in loss of trust and shutting you out (if your kid is like mine).

And How do you know that feeling accepted as bi or Pan or non binary or whatever will not lead to happiness down the road?

I believe that teens who feel connected to their parents are much less likely to engage in risky behaviors that lead to great unhappiness. Also, the pressures of real life (getting into a decent college/ work politics etc) will probably temper much of the way they obsess over gender labels.

You do have a point about the self absorption and selfishness being potentially harmful. We talk about the need to be mindful
Of the needs of others quite regularly.

God help us all to get the balance right and appreciate the precious lives entrusted to us.

I assume people know this, but this isn’t just a belief. There is tons of evidence that this is the case, for all kids.

For LGBTQ kids, the consequences of non-acceptance or the kind of fake acceptance the PP is talking about are pretty dire. There is a much higher risk of anxiety, depression, poor school performance, STDs, and suicide.

Completely agree with your main point. Minor quibble - even justified scientific beliefs are still beliefs. Whether they are justifiable beliefs depends on credible evidence and being accepted by some kind of reputable consensus process. Verified true belief = descriptive knowledge. How we know what we know (epistemology) is far from black and white —/ but i agree with you that the belief that parental acceptance and good communication with all youth, especially LGBTQ youth, is central to avoiding stepping on many common teenage psycho-social landmines.