“Full time mom”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. There is no school district where teachers are commonly referred to as co-parents. That is some bizarre fantasy world you are living in.

Never said it was public. Are you the poster with comprehension issues? It was a small private in Bethesda. Not going to name it here. Sorry.

No, I was a different poster. And now that you have clarified, your point is irrelevant. You can pay for small privates who will tell you anything you want to hear. Just because you are handing lots money to Miss Sarah's School For The Suffocatingly Hot-Housed doesn't mean the rest of us have to live with their nonsense.

You seem to be lost. No one told you with whom you should live.

You are the one who seems to be treating the use of the term "co-parent" to refer to teachers as some sort of rational thing, instead of the obviously absurd nonsense it is.

Enjoy your school for the children of the Delicate and Special.

You appear to be unhinged. Let it go.

Says the lady pushing for the use of co-parent to refer to teachers? I think you've got a few screws loose, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can say “I take care of my kids full time” as that is a counterpart for “I work full time”. Children need full-time care. That is a fact. That care can be provided by a parent, nanny, daycare, elementary school, karate class, etc.

Btw, “parenting” is not something that needs to happen 24/7.

How about working moms just stop getting so triggered about other women’s choices?

I’m not going to twist myself into pretzels trying to find a way to describe being home with my kids that doesn’t offend you. I’m also not going the self deprecating route and saying “I’m unemployed” just to placate you. Get over yourself.

Most working moms don't want to be working as much as they do. They want to spend more time with their children, and silently resent the fact that there are other moms out there who do.

Yeah most working moms don’t really have a choice to not work, without jeopardizing financial security of their families. My own dad got laid off at 50, never found another job, and my mom went back to work as a dental hygienist despite crippling migraines and arthritis to support us.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone here really know parents who don’t “work”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a stay at home mom. When forms ask my occupation I usually write “first wife”. I like what I do with my days, I value it and so does my family that’s all that matters to me. Call me whatever you want just don’t call me late for dinner.

Well put. My DW is this. Also volunteers a few times a week at kid's school. They seem to really like her there, as she is a former classroom teacher. We live modestly but have zero debt, and why go thru life stressing when 3 kids really benefit from mom being there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone here really know parents who don’t “work”?

Huh? In my suburban MD neighborhood there are tons of SAHPs. It’s fairly common.

You seriously don’t know anyone who decided to stay home with their children???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone here really know parents who don’t “work”?

Huh? In my suburban MD neighborhood there are tons of SAHPs. It’s fairly common.

You seriously don’t know anyone who decided to stay home with their children???

They mean they ‘work’ as childcare for their own kids. And when they are small it’s arguable that it’s equally exhausting as daycare drop off and WOH; but once they are 4, work drops precipitously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone here really know parents who don’t “work”?

Huh? In my suburban MD neighborhood there are tons of SAHPs. It’s fairly common.

You seriously don’t know anyone who decided to stay home with their children???

Stop being a moron. You knew exactly what the poster meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone here really know parents who don’t “work”?

Very, very rare to have parents who don't "work" in any sense of the word.

It occasionally exists in the two extreme tails of the income spectrum. There was once a poster here (who accused her roommate of killing her cat) that let her ex raise her kid and she didn't work and needed the ex to buy her food; she appeared to just complain here all day and collect animals she couldn't afford. There are also a couple "SAHMS" in very upper class circles in NYC that I've encountered who don't work but let nannies raise their kids full-time. That's about it.

[Anonymous]

It's a dig and one premised on privilege. But don't worry, once their kids hit middle school the moms go from privileged ladies of leisure to nervous middle aged losers with nothing to do and no skill set to find employment.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep,, there is not any perfect term for this (yet). "SAHM" is not accurate since we hardly "stay at home" most days. I think "full-time mom" is better, but if it's objectionable to other moms, I'd be happy to use some other term.

Suggestions? It would be so nice to have a term that doesn't diminish the real work we SAHMs do OR the real parenting of moms who do other work during the daytime.

Yes. I haven't ever found one word that conveys all this. I usually say something more wordy that I hope sounds neutral, like, "I don't work outside the home, I run the house and the family instead."

Let's all try on both sides not to look for offense when it's just semantics.

I see that you’re trying, but that doesn’t make sense. Because plenty of women both run the house and the family and work outside the home. There is no instead - it’s not either/or.

The above is cringeworthy.

You’re really invested in the idea that you do everything SAHMs do and you’re committed to getting offended at however they describe their days. “Full time mom” is offensive because you consider yourself a full time mom even though you’re at work during the day and outsourcing childcare. Acknowledging that reality upsets you. A longer explanation that someone doesn’t work outside the home and takes care of the family also offends you because you like to think you do all of that too. You are the special snowflake with infinite hours in the day who has time to take care of kids and family full time and work full time! It must be great to have more than 24 hours in a day!

But really just be honest and say you’re not going to be happy until SAHMs day they’re lazy and do nothing all day. Anything else, you’re going to find a way to get offended about.

+1
You can’t be watching your kids during the day AND working. You’re just not. And that’s OK.

I think the PP who objected was trying to say that moms who have jobs outside the home usually end up doing the exact same things that SAHMs do except for a period each day when they don't engage in childcare. We still run the household, pay bills, take kids to activities, cook meals, clean up, grocery shop, etc., etc.

So you're either mom with a job outside the home who sends your kids to another caregiver during those hours or a mom without a job outside a home who watches your kids during the hours you might otherwise be working. Otherwise, most of us take care of the same things.

The PP who said the response was "cringeworthy" protests too much. She gets extra penalty points for pulling out "special snowflake".

Words can be used as weapons and in these endless, numbing, stupid mommy-wars, people feel hurt, because we still, as a society, have the double-standard for moms. No dads think about this stuff. No one guilts dads for working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone here really know parents who don’t “work”?

Running your household, raising your children, etc - that's life. It's not work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep,, there is not any perfect term for this (yet). "SAHM" is not accurate since we hardly "stay at home" most days. I think "full-time mom" is better, but if it's objectionable to other moms, I'd be happy to use some other term.

Suggestions? It would be so nice to have a term that doesn't diminish the real work we SAHMs do OR the real parenting of moms who do other work during the daytime.

Yes. I haven't ever found one word that conveys all this. I usually say something more wordy that I hope sounds neutral, like, "I don't work outside the home, I run the house and the family instead."

Let's all try on both sides not to look for offense when it's just semantics.

I see that you’re trying, but that doesn’t make sense. Because plenty of women both run the house and the family and work outside the home. There is no instead - it’s not either/or.

The above is cringeworthy.

You’re really invested in the idea that you do everything SAHMs do and you’re committed to getting offended at however they describe their days. “Full time mom” is offensive because you consider yourself a full time mom even though you’re at work during the day and outsourcing childcare. Acknowledging that reality upsets you. A longer explanation that someone doesn’t work outside the home and takes care of the family also offends you because you like to think you do all of that too. You are the special snowflake with infinite hours in the day who has time to take care of kids and family full time and work full time! It must be great to have more than 24 hours in a day!

But really just be honest and say you’re not going to be happy until SAHMs day they’re lazy and do nothing all day. Anything else, you’re going to find a way to get offended about.

+1
You can’t be watching your kids during the day AND working. You’re just not. And that’s OK.

I think the PP who objected was trying to say that moms who have jobs outside the home usually end up doing the exact same things that SAHMs do except for a period each day when they don't engage in childcare. We still run the household, pay bills, take kids to activities, cook meals, clean up, grocery shop, etc., etc.

So you're either mom with a job outside the home who sends your kids to another caregiver during those hours or a mom without a job outside a home who watches your kids during the hours you might otherwise be working. Otherwise, most of us take care of the same things.

The PP who said the response was "cringeworthy" protests too much. She gets extra penalty points for pulling out "special snowflake".

Words can be used as weapons and in these endless, numbing, stupid mommy-wars, people feel hurt, because we still, as a society, have the double-standard for moms. No dads think about this stuff. No one guilts dads for working.

+1

And we're all still waiting for what a full-time mom becomes once the kids are school-age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's judgment both ways. Let's not pretend otherwise. As a WOHM, I have listened to sooooo many comments from non-WOHMs that are tiny little digs. How HARD it must be not to be able to raise my own children. How much my daughter must MISS me. How they could NEVER leave their kids ALONE WITH STRANGERS like that. Etc., etc.

It gets old, so the implication that one can be anything other than a full time mom does indeed grate on my nerves. I've never been a part-time mom. Did I have others helping care for my children between the ages of 1 and 5 yrs? Yep. I also contribute to my family's security by working. No "mom credit" for that though because it's viewed as a selfish choice.

Is financial security the only kind that matters?
What about emotional security?
How about the fact that little children require care that is 1) Stable 2) Competent 3) Loving. Few lucky parents can find that, even those who can well afford to buy it.

I didn't say that financial security is the only thing that matters. But I challenge you to tell me how you can provide stability (your #1 below) with no financial security. Food, clothing and housing are pretty important.

We were fortunate enough that we were able to find stable, competent and loving caregivers for our children. And, I think there are far more parents that find that than you might want to believe. Reading between the lines, it would seem you think the majority of non-parental childcare out there is this world is unstable and caregivers are incompetent and unloving (thus justifying the story that you tell yourself that only a PARENT at home can provide stable, competent, loving care).

Our kids all know exactly who mom & dad are and that mom & dad are always going to be around. Our kids also know that nanny Kayla adored them and came to visit for years, and that au pair Angela has returned from her home country twice to visit us because she loves them dearly. They also DON'T know what it's like to be hungry, cold, or uncertain where they'll sleep the next week, which can be a genuine reality when a single-earner family suffers a job loss. I grew up with a single parent (she worked, in order to feed us) and there was always a level of fear and uncertainty about what would happen if anything became of her job. Based on my own upbringing, knowing what an absolutely remarkable, committed, and amazing WORKING mother I had, and understanding financial insecurity from a young age, I've decided that one of the many ways I can be the best mother to my children is to provide them with financial security IN ADDITION TO my unconditional love and support.

Agree with first PP and above PP.

Any of SAHMs trying to foist the blame all on the working moms are out of line. There are jerks on both sides. There are nice live-and-let-live people on both sides. There are insecurities on both sides or these damn threads wouldn't fill up with responses time after time after time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who interpret this phrase as a dig are projecting their issues.

As an analogy, some people call themselves pro-life. Do we hear cries of protest from the other side of the abortion debate saying “that’s not fair! We’re not pro-death! You can’t call yourself pro-life!” No we don’t, because that would be silly.

The people who are actually in the situation get to name themselves. Not the opposite side. Sometimes I wonder what exactly WOHMs think is an appropriate term for a parent at home.

If this is supposed to be sarcastic, I'm missing the punchline. Yes? This is a thing that happens in the abortion debate with some regularity.

That said, full-time mom doesn't bother me. Even the SAHMs chiming in with digs in this thread, whether because they feel attacked or because attacking is their default, don't bother me. I know my family, I own my choices, I think we're all doing the best we can. Don't read other people Facebook descriptions of themselves and you can't be bothered by them!

Actually no, I didn’t intend it to be sarcastic. I am a pro-choice voter and have never heard of people freaking out and feeling defensive about their opponents calling themselves pro-life. But it seems like in general we agree on the the “full-time mom” thing.

I don't tolerate the phrase "pro-life." If the issue is abortion, you're either in favor of keeping abortion legal or you are anti-abortion. But there's nothing "pro-life" about it, especially given how many people who don't identify as "pro-life" don't give a shit about what happens to the kid after it is born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone here really know parents who don’t “work”?

Running your household, raising your children, etc - that's life. It's not work.

This statement devalues the unpaid work that is done mostly by women.