“Full time mom”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest question to those who feel the phrase "Full-time mom" is a dig at WOHMs --- what word do you wish the "full-time moms" would use for themselves?

"I don't work."

This is weird.

People define themselves by what they do, not what they don’t do. When people ask you about your job, do you say “I’m not a doctor” or do you say “I’m an engineer.” It’s really strange to want SAHMS/full time moms to be the only ones to list what they don’t do for a living.

YOU DONT HAVE A JOB.

So? And you’re not a doctor/lawyer/teacher/(whatever field you chose not to go into.)

Do you list all the things you DO NOT do or do you just tell people what you do when they ask?

To quote you, assuming you're PP:


When people ask you about your job, do you say “I’m not a doctor” or do you say “I’m an engineer.”

I'd say "I don't work."

lol okay. I’ll say “I’m not an Olympic skier, I’m not an astronaut, I’m not a waitress, etc!...” It will be like a fun game of charades every time someone asks an innocent question. All so that a certain group of insecure working moms don’t get offended. Understood.

Where are all these insecure working moms you keep going on about? You sound like a moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Listen, every choice has a cost. Nothing comes without a price. SAHM/full time moms give up paid employment to spend more time with their children. WOHM give up time with their children for a career. These are facts.

There is no free lunch. Nobody does it all. Anyone trying to claim otherwise is delusional.

Ha! To listen to the WOHM on this thread they gave up nothing to continue working.. They miraculously spend just as much as much time with their kids as SAHMs. To suggest anything else is OFFENSIVE!

Your level of incomprehension is honestly staggering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can say “I take care of my kids full time” as that is a counterpart for “I work full time”. Children need full-time care. That is a fact. That care can be provided by a parent, nanny, daycare, elementary school, karate class, etc.

Btw, “parenting” is not something that needs to happen 24/7.

How about working moms just stop getting so triggered about other women’s choices?

I’m not going to twist myself into pretzels trying to find a way to describe being home with my kids that doesn’t offend you. I’m also not going the self deprecating route and saying “I’m unemployed” just to placate you. Get over yourself.

How about stay at home moms just stop getting so triggered about people thinking they don't work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep,, there is not any perfect term for this (yet). "SAHM" is not accurate since we hardly "stay at home" most days. I think "full-time mom" is better, but if it's objectionable to other moms, I'd be happy to use some other term.

Suggestions? It would be so nice to have a term that doesn't diminish the real work we SAHMs do OR the real parenting of moms who do other work during the daytime.

Yes. I haven't ever found one word that conveys all this. I usually say something more wordy that I hope sounds neutral, like, "I don't work outside the home, I run the house and the family instead."

Let's all try on both sides not to look for offense when it's just semantics.

I see that you’re trying, but that doesn’t make sense. Because plenty of women both run the house and the family and work outside the home. There is no instead - it’s not either/or.

The above is cringeworthy.

You’re really invested in the idea that you do everything SAHMs do and you’re committed to getting offended at however they describe their days. “Full time mom” is offensive because you consider yourself a full time mom even though you’re at work during the day and outsourcing childcare. Acknowledging that reality upsets you. A longer explanation that someone doesn’t work outside the home and takes care of the family also offends you because you like to think you do all of that too. You are the special snowflake with infinite hours in the day who has time to take care of kids and family full time and work full time! It must be great to have more than 24 hours in a day!

But really just be honest and say you’re not going to be happy until SAHMs day they’re lazy and do nothing all day. Anything else, you’re going to find a way to get offended about.

Why so triggered?

When my my kids aren't with me (like now, because they're at school) I'm still their mom. I am their mom all day, every day.

I also still run my household and family, along with my husband.

Translation: I do EVERYTHING SAHMs do AND I work too! Someone give me a cookie because I’m desperate for validation of my choices!

Translation: I constantly need to prove that I do something all day long! Someone give me a cookie because I'm desperate for validation of my choices!

Anyone who doesn't see the hypocrisy in criticizing another mom should sit down.

lol

I think it’s hilarious that the same people who pay thousands in childcare every month insist they do everything SAHM/full time moms do. If that’s true why on earth are you wasting so much money on daycare???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can say “I take care of my kids full time” as that is a counterpart for “I work full time”. Children need full-time care. That is a fact. That care can be provided by a parent, nanny, daycare, elementary school, karate class, etc.

Btw, “parenting” is not something that needs to happen 24/7.

How about working moms just stop getting so triggered about other women’s choices?

I’m not going to twist myself into pretzels trying to find a way to describe being home with my kids that doesn’t offend you. I’m also not going the self deprecating route and saying “I’m unemployed” just to placate you. Get over yourself.

Most working moms don't want to be working as much as they do. They want to spend more time with their children, and silently resent the fact that there are other moms out there who do.

If this makes you feel better, keep thinking it. I don't know of any working moms who silently resent stay at home moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can say “I take care of my kids full time” as that is a counterpart for “I work full time”. Children need full-time care. That is a fact. That care can be provided by a parent, nanny, daycare, elementary school, karate class, etc.

Btw, “parenting” is not something that needs to happen 24/7.

How about working moms just stop getting so triggered about other women’s choices?

I’m not going to twist myself into pretzels trying to find a way to describe being home with my kids that doesn’t offend you. I’m also not going the self deprecating route and saying “I’m unemployed” just to placate you. Get over yourself.

Most working moms don't want to be working as much as they do. They want to spend more time with their children, and silently resent the fact that there are other moms out there who do.

Yeah most working moms don’t really have a choice to not work, without jeopardizing financial security of their families. My own dad got laid off at 50, never found another job, and my mom went back to work as a dental hygienist despite crippling migraines and arthritis to support us.

Disagree. I could easily quit. We could downsize from our $1.7m close-in home to a modest $1m one a little further out. We could do fewer and less luxe vacations. We could set aside a little less for their future nest eggs. Retirement and college tuition would still be perfectly fine.

I work because I enjoy using my analytical and problem-solving skills, because DH and I have enough seniority and flexibility to spend time with our kids, and because we have enough family and hired help to make everything flow smoothly. Also I don’t want my self-worth to be fully tied to the accomplishments of my children, and I could see that happening if I didn’t have anything outside them to occupy my time.

+1 I could have written this. I choose to work. So do my friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a good friend who is a SAHM. I am a WOHM. She has made it clear that she thinks most "working" moms neglect their children and leave the raising of those kids to daycare and SAHMs. She is always quick to add "but not you" - mostly because I volunteer a lot with the kids and she sees how much I put into their life. Plus my DH only works PT. There are a couple moms in our social circle who are very successful - and travel for work and work late etc. She has made it clear that she does not approve of them.
So depending on who is saying it really determines if it a dig or not.

Your friend is an awful person. And I honestly judge you for being good friends with her. I can't fathom being close to a SAHM who said things like that about WOHMs and I also can't imagine being friends with a WOHM who said the opposite about SAHMs. I don't care if you work or not, but I do care if you talk negatively about other people. Seriously, how can you not be a little upset with yourself for being friends with someone who doesn't "approve" of other people's life choices?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can say “I take care of my kids full time” as that is a counterpart for “I work full time”. Children need full-time care. That is a fact. That care can be provided by a parent, nanny, daycare, elementary school, karate class, etc.

Btw, “parenting” is not something that needs to happen 24/7.

How about working moms just stop getting so triggered about other women’s choices?

I’m not going to twist myself into pretzels trying to find a way to describe being home with my kids that doesn’t offend you. I’m also not going the self deprecating route and saying “I’m unemployed” just to placate you. Get over yourself.

Most working moms don't want to be working as much as they do. They want to spend more time with their children, and silently resent the fact that there are other moms out there who do.

Yeah most working moms don’t really have a choice to not work, without jeopardizing financial security of their families. My own dad got laid off at 50, never found another job, and my mom went back to work as a dental hygienist despite crippling migraines and arthritis to support us.

Disagree. I could easily quit. We could downsize from our $1.7m close-in home to a modest $1m one a little further out. We could do fewer and less luxe vacations. We could set aside a little less for their future nest eggs. Retirement and college tuition would still be perfectly fine.

I work because I enjoy using my analytical and problem-solving skills, because DH and I have enough seniority and flexibility to spend time with our kids, and because we have enough family and hired help to make everything flow smoothly. Also I don’t want my self-worth to be fully tied to the accomplishments of my children, and I could see that happening if I didn’t have anything outside them to occupy my time.

+1 I could have written this. I choose to work. So do my friends.

Oh, come on, though. Surely both of you PPs realize that your lives are nowhere near the reality for most Americans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep,, there is not any perfect term for this (yet). "SAHM" is not accurate since we hardly "stay at home" most days. I think "full-time mom" is better, but if it's objectionable to other moms, I'd be happy to use some other term.

Suggestions? It would be so nice to have a term that doesn't diminish the real work we SAHMs do OR the real parenting of moms who do other work during the daytime.

Yes. I haven't ever found one word that conveys all this. I usually say something more wordy that I hope sounds neutral, like, "I don't work outside the home, I run the house and the family instead."

Let's all try on both sides not to look for offense when it's just semantics.

This is odd. Who do you think "runs the house and the family" when both parents work?

Are you really that insecure?

Have you just conveniently tuned out this entire thread and all the other annoying mommy-war threads that have come before? BOTH sides have insecurities, no matter how much they protest, or we wouldn't be having this discussion. There are just as many SAHMs as WOHM or WAHM who complain about the various monikers that apply to them.

Are you insecure or just a troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep,, there is not any perfect term for this (yet). "SAHM" is not accurate since we hardly "stay at home" most days. I think "full-time mom" is better, but if it's objectionable to other moms, I'd be happy to use some other term.

Suggestions? It would be so nice to have a term that doesn't diminish the real work we SAHMs do OR the real parenting of moms who do other work during the daytime.

Yes. I haven't ever found one word that conveys all this. I usually say something more wordy that I hope sounds neutral, like, "I don't work outside the home, I run the house and the family instead."

Let's all try on both sides not to look for offense when it's just semantics.

I see that you’re trying, but that doesn’t make sense. Because plenty of women both run the house and the family and work outside the home. There is no instead - it’s not either/or.

The above is cringeworthy.

You’re really invested in the idea that you do everything SAHMs do and you’re committed to getting offended at however they describe their days. “Full time mom” is offensive because you consider yourself a full time mom even though you’re at work during the day and outsourcing childcare. Acknowledging that reality upsets you. A longer explanation that someone doesn’t work outside the home and takes care of the family also offends you because you like to think you do all of that too. You are the special snowflake with infinite hours in the day who has time to take care of kids and family full time and work full time! It must be great to have more than 24 hours in a day!

But really just be honest and say you’re not going to be happy until SAHMs day they’re lazy and do nothing all day. Anything else, you’re going to find a way to get offended about.

Why so triggered?

When my my kids aren't with me (like now, because they're at school) I'm still their mom. I am their mom all day, every day.

I also still run my household and family, along with my husband.

Translation: I do EVERYTHING SAHMs do AND I work too! Someone give me a cookie because I’m desperate for validation of my choices!

Translation: I constantly need to prove that I do something all day long! Someone give me a cookie because I'm desperate for validation of my choices!

Anyone who doesn't see the hypocrisy in criticizing another mom should sit down.

lol

I think it’s hilarious that the same people who pay thousands in childcare every month insist they do everything SAHM/full time moms do. If that’s true why on earth are you wasting so much money on daycare???

Wow. The insecure SAHMs have taken over this thread. Come on ladies, no need to denigrate others to feel better about yourself and your choices. You are part of the problem, right here, right now.

Take a deep breath and think about how much better you would feel if you would approach other women with kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can say “I take care of my kids full time” as that is a counterpart for “I work full time”. Children need full-time care. That is a fact. That care can be provided by a parent, nanny, daycare, elementary school, karate class, etc.

Btw, “parenting” is not something that needs to happen 24/7.

How about working moms just stop getting so triggered about other women’s choices?

I’m not going to twist myself into pretzels trying to find a way to describe being home with my kids that doesn’t offend you. I’m also not going the self deprecating route and saying “I’m unemployed” just to placate you. Get over yourself.

Most working moms don't want to be working as much as they do. They want to spend more time with their children, and silently resent the fact that there are other moms out there who do.

If this makes you feel better, keep thinking it. I don't know of any working moms who silently resent stay at home moms.

Well, read some of the responses in this thread!

So. MUch. Resentment.

That said, it’s great that you don’t feel that way. But the dozen pages of bitter comments on this thread suggest that many people disagree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can say “I take care of my kids full time” as that is a counterpart for “I work full time”. Children need full-time care. That is a fact. That care can be provided by a parent, nanny, daycare, elementary school, karate class, etc.

Btw, “parenting” is not something that needs to happen 24/7.

How about working moms just stop getting so triggered about other women’s choices?

I’m not going to twist myself into pretzels trying to find a way to describe being home with my kids that doesn’t offend you. I’m also not going the self deprecating route and saying “I’m unemployed” just to placate you. Get over yourself.

Most working moms don't want to be working as much as they do. They want to spend more time with their children, and silently resent the fact that there are other moms out there who do.

If this makes you feel better, keep thinking it. I don't know of any working moms who silently resent stay at home moms.

+1


What's the point in speaking in such absolutes if only to make yourself feel better?


Everyone stop speaking on behalf of all WOHM or SAHMs just to shame the other group. The hyperbole makes us all look like fools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep,, there is not any perfect term for this (yet). "SAHM" is not accurate since we hardly "stay at home" most days. I think "full-time mom" is better, but if it's objectionable to other moms, I'd be happy to use some other term.

Suggestions? It would be so nice to have a term that doesn't diminish the real work we SAHMs do OR the real parenting of moms who do other work during the daytime.

Yes. I haven't ever found one word that conveys all this. I usually say something more wordy that I hope sounds neutral, like, "I don't work outside the home, I run the house and the family instead."

Let's all try on both sides not to look for offense when it's just semantics.

I see that you’re trying, but that doesn’t make sense. Because plenty of women both run the house and the family and work outside the home. There is no instead - it’s not either/or.

The above is cringeworthy.

You’re really invested in the idea that you do everything SAHMs do and you’re committed to getting offended at however they describe their days. “Full time mom” is offensive because you consider yourself a full time mom even though you’re at work during the day and outsourcing childcare. Acknowledging that reality upsets you. A longer explanation that someone doesn’t work outside the home and takes care of the family also offends you because you like to think you do all of that too. You are the special snowflake with infinite hours in the day who has time to take care of kids and family full time and work full time! It must be great to have more than 24 hours in a day!

But really just be honest and say you’re not going to be happy until SAHMs day they’re lazy and do nothing all day. Anything else, you’re going to find a way to get offended about.

Why so triggered?

When my my kids aren't with me (like now, because they're at school) I'm still their mom. I am their mom all day, every day.

I also still run my household and family, along with my husband.

Translation: I do EVERYTHING SAHMs do AND I work too! Someone give me a cookie because I’m desperate for validation of my choices!

Translation: I constantly need to prove that I do something all day long! Someone give me a cookie because I'm desperate for validation of my choices!

Anyone who doesn't see the hypocrisy in criticizing another mom should sit down.

lol

I think it’s hilarious that the same people who pay thousands in childcare every month insist they do everything SAHM/full time moms do. If that’s true why on earth are you wasting so much money on daycare???

It's really hard to take someone seriously when they start a post with lol but I'll try. Any working mom who says she does everything a stay at home mom does is incorrect, unless she only works at home while her children are sleeping. However, any stay at home mom who acts like working moms don't do anything but go to their jobs is also incorrect. If you actually read what most of the posts say, working moms are reacting to stay at home moms acting like they are the only ones who take care of children and run a house. Working moms do that to, just to a different extent. But anyone who acts like things are black and white is wrong, and that's what some of the posts say. If you don't understand that, then there's no point in having a conversation with you and you've obviously just trying to stir the pot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can say “I take care of my kids full time” as that is a counterpart for “I work full time”. Children need full-time care. That is a fact. That care can be provided by a parent, nanny, daycare, elementary school, karate class, etc.

Btw, “parenting” is not something that needs to happen 24/7.

How about working moms just stop getting so triggered about other women’s choices?

I’m not going to twist myself into pretzels trying to find a way to describe being home with my kids that doesn’t offend you. I’m also not going the self deprecating route and saying “I’m unemployed” just to placate you. Get over yourself.

Most working moms don't want to be working as much as they do. They want to spend more time with their children, and silently resent the fact that there are other moms out there who do.

Yeah most working moms don’t really have a choice to not work, without jeopardizing financial security of their families. My own dad got laid off at 50, never found another job, and my mom went back to work as a dental hygienist despite crippling migraines and arthritis to support us.

Disagree. I could easily quit. We could downsize from our $1.7m close-in home to a modest $1m one a little further out. We could do fewer and less luxe vacations. We could set aside a little less for their future nest eggs. Retirement and college tuition would still be perfectly fine.

I work because I enjoy using my analytical and problem-solving skills, because DH and I have enough seniority and flexibility to spend time with our kids, and because we have enough family and hired help to make everything flow smoothly. Also I don’t want my self-worth to be fully tied to the accomplishments of my children, and I could see that happening if I didn’t have anything outside them to occupy my time.

+1 I could have written this. I choose to work. So do my friends.

Oh, come on, though. Surely both of you PPs realize that your lives are nowhere near the reality for most Americans.

This isn't the point, though. Read the post that was responded to where the PP said most working moms don't want to be working and they silently resent stay at home moms. My data sample is certainly not indicative of most of America, and I never said it was, but acting like all working moms resent stay at home moms is pernicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep,, there is not any perfect term for this (yet). "SAHM" is not accurate since we hardly "stay at home" most days. I think "full-time mom" is better, but if it's objectionable to other moms, I'd be happy to use some other term.

Suggestions? It would be so nice to have a term that doesn't diminish the real work we SAHMs do OR the real parenting of moms who do other work during the daytime.

Yes. I haven't ever found one word that conveys all this. I usually say something more wordy that I hope sounds neutral, like, "I don't work outside the home, I run the house and the family instead."

Let's all try on both sides not to look for offense when it's just semantics.

I see that you’re trying, but that doesn’t make sense. Because plenty of women both run the house and the family and work outside the home. There is no instead - it’s not either/or.

The above is cringeworthy.

You’re really invested in the idea that you do everything SAHMs do and you’re committed to getting offended at however they describe their days. “Full time mom” is offensive because you consider yourself a full time mom even though you’re at work during the day and outsourcing childcare. Acknowledging that reality upsets you. A longer explanation that someone doesn’t work outside the home and takes care of the family also offends you because you like to think you do all of that too. You are the special snowflake with infinite hours in the day who has time to take care of kids and family full time and work full time! It must be great to have more than 24 hours in a day!

But really just be honest and say you’re not going to be happy until SAHMs day they’re lazy and do nothing all day. Anything else, you’re going to find a way to get offended about.

Why so triggered?

When my my kids aren't with me (like now, because they're at school) I'm still their mom. I am their mom all day, every day.

I also still run my household and family, along with my husband.

Translation: I do EVERYTHING SAHMs do AND I work too! Someone give me a cookie because I’m desperate for validation of my choices!

Translation: I constantly need to prove that I do something all day long! Someone give me a cookie because I'm desperate for validation of my choices!

Anyone who doesn't see the hypocrisy in criticizing another mom should sit down.

lol

I think it’s hilarious that the same people who pay thousands in childcare every month insist they do everything SAHM/full time moms do. If that’s true why on earth are you wasting so much money on daycare???

Wow. The insecure SAHMs have taken over this thread. Come on ladies, no need to denigrate others to feel better about yourself and your choices. You are part of the problem, right here, right now.

Take a deep breath and think about how much better you would feel if you would approach other women with kindness.

+1