“Full time mom”

[Anonymous]

It’s just the truth. If you work, childcare is not your full time job. You are not a childcare provider during work hours, you have hired childcare providers.

Qould it make you feel better if she said “I’m a full-time childcare provider”? She just subbed in “mom”

Yes, every mom is a mom all the time, but not all moms are their child’s full-time childcare provider.

Would you prefer for stay at home parents to refer to themselves as moms who work as child care providers? Would that hurt your feelings less?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s just the truth. If you work, childcare is not your full time job. You are not a childcare provider during work hours, you have hired childcare providers.

Qould it make you feel better if she said “I’m a full-time childcare provider”? She just subbed in “mom”

Yes, every mom is a mom all the time, but not all moms are their child’s full-time childcare provider.

Would you prefer for stay at home parents to refer to themselves as moms who work as child care providers? Would that hurt your feelings less?

If your kids are in school, then you are not a full time mom anymore, according to this very emphatic answer, so I will look forward to hearing less of that, then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Earning the money that puts food on my kid's table, and a roof over my head is just as much part of being a parent as building legos with my kid.

It’s not though. And I’m saying this as a WOHM. I did SAH when my kid was 0-3, and there is a lot more parenting going on. A lot. As WOHMs we outsource an important part of parenting. It serves a purpose as kids get older bc they need socialization and structure but no one is ever going to convince me that going to an office and earning money is just as much a part of parenting. By those standards, why don’t you just send a check to your DH weekly? I choose to work but I’m self aware enough to know that someone else is doing the lion’s share of parenting from 9-6 daily.

I'm not following your logic of sending a check to DH.

I've been both a SAH mom and a WOH mom. It wasn't a choice. I did what was right for my family at various stages. My daycare provider didn't parent, any more than I'm parenting the kids in my classroom as a teacher Yes, I'm outsourcing important jobs, but a SAH parent who relies on someone else to provide all the income that puts food on the table is also outsourcing an important job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s just the truth. If you work, childcare is not your full time job. You are not a childcare provider during work hours, you have hired childcare providers.

Qould it make you feel better if she said “I’m a full-time childcare provider”? She just subbed in “mom”

Yes, every mom is a mom all the time, but not all moms are their child’s full-time childcare provider.

Would you prefer for stay at home parents to refer to themselves as moms who work as child care providers? Would that hurt your feelings less?

If your kids are in school, then you are not a full time mom anymore, according to this very emphatic answer, so I will look forward to hearing less of that, then.

I assume that all the parents here whining that their DH only does bedtime sometimes are also not full time parents by this reasoning.

[Anonymous]

What’s wrong with SAHM? And then housewife when your kids are in school?

The problem with full time mom is that you’re always 100% a mom. It’s just a title. It’s like grandparents are still grandparents even if they don’t live in the same city.

[Anonymous]

I don't say it, but I don't think it's a "dig". I think it's actually an acknowledgement that moms who aren't with their kids all day are still moms too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work full time.....Is that a dig too?

Work is not a relationship. Motherhood is.

[Anonymous]

It isn't a dig. It is just a colloquial term that people understand to mean you stay at home and you have children and that you don't go to paid employment. That is it. That is all it means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It tells you how they spend their day. Nothing more.

Yup. Sorry but if it’s ok to say you work full time it’s ok to say you’re a full time mom. Both are freaking hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s wrong with SAHM? And then housewife when your kids are in school?

The problem with full time mom is that you’re always 100% a mom. It’s just a title. It’s like grandparents are still grandparents even if they don’t live in the same city.

If someone did ask an elderly person what it is that they did all day (e.g. at a meeting where a lot of people spend their days volunteering in their communities) and they were actually the full time carers for their grandchildren, then I'm sure they would say "I look after my grandkids all through the week while my kids work", or "I'm a full time grandma", they wouldn't just say "oh I don't know. oh and I'm a grandparent too..."

Most SAHMs don't stay home all day. And housewife is a very outdated term and isn't even correct if someone volunteers at school and things like that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s wrong with SAHM? And then housewife when your kids are in school?

The problem with full time mom is that you’re always 100% a mom. It’s just a title. It’s like grandparents are still grandparents even if they don’t live in the same city.

Well, I sometimes leave the house/home so it feels disingenuous to call myself a SAH and/or housewife. I’m just momming hard all day long, everywhere I go. Call me whatever the heck you want. The insecurities are screaming through every one of these posts with a bent out of shape mom indignant over the words someone else uses to describe how that individual spends their days. Get a grip, people. You do you.

[Anonymous]

I think someone posts this once a month.

Some women say this out of insecurity. They don't want you to think they are lazy.

Other moms are putting down full-time working moms and implying that we don't parent our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Earning the money that puts food on my kid's table, and a roof over my head is just as much part of being a parent as building legos with my kid.

It’s not though. And I’m saying this as a WOHM. I did SAH when my kid was 0-3, and there is a lot more parenting going on. A lot. As WOHMs we outsource an important part of parenting. It serves a purpose as kids get older bc they need socialization and structure but no one is ever going to convince me that going to an office and earning money is just as much a part of parenting. By those standards, why don’t you just send a check to your DH weekly? I choose to work but I’m self aware enough to know that someone else is doing the lion’s share of parenting from 9-6 daily.

I'm not following your logic of sending a check to DH.

I've been both a SAH mom and a WOH mom. It wasn't a choice. I did what was right for my family at various stages. My daycare provider didn't parent, any more than I'm parenting the kids in my classroom as a teacher Yes, I'm outsourcing important jobs, but a SAH parent who relies on someone else to provide all the income that puts food on the table is also outsourcing an important job.

It’s just semantics. Parent is a relationship, not a job. So you are not the parent or parenting, but many of the jobs you are doing are those of a parent- and then some. It’s just like another pp noted- “full time mom” is just shorthand for “full time caregiver”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work full time.....Is that a dig too?

Work is not a relationship. Motherhood is.

Ok. So you work full time. But I can’t be a full time mom. And I don’t work. Do I have that right, according to you?

[Anonymous]

It’s a possibly offensive way to say “stay at home parent”. Often the speaker means no offense, but I wouldn’t use this language, as it implies that a parent who is not the primary care giver is not a full parent.