SAHMs: Stop complaining to me about how busy you are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have just one child (due to secondary infertility--we cannot have more) and I work from home very part-time (10 hours per week). My daughter is in full-day Kindergarten, so this is the first year that I have a lot of time to myself (previously she was in morning preschool 9:30-1 pm).

My husband has a job with crazy hours, and we have no local family/no childcare help. I do all drop offs, pick ups, sick days and snow days because my husband is in the type of field where he can't do any of this. I also do everything in the mornings (husband leaves for work at 5 am). I also do the dinner/bedtime routine myself at least twice a week, and do all childcare 2 weekends per month when my husband travels for work.

During the school day, when not doing my 10hours/week of work I:

-get all grocery shopping/errands during the week when it's not crowded
-clean the house daily, do all deep cleaning
-cook all meals from scratch (we eat out once per week)
-deal with all appointments, car stuff
-shop leisurely at the mall
-take care of personal grooming (hair cut/color every 6 weeks)
-take care of all Dr. appts in a timely fashion
-work out during the day
-meet friends for lunch/coffee during the day
-work on job certifications for my career

On weekends, since all the boring stuff is out of the day, we often do day trips or weekend trips. We also spend most of the weekends on our child's sports/activities, going out for lunch, meeting up with friends, and just relaxing

Are you saying all this to say your are busy? So confused. I'm a working mom and I have to do all of that sort of stuff, too, I mean besides meeting friends for lunch and working out during the day. What is your point?

+1. Please don't think WOHPs don't cook from scratch. I cook from scratch at least four times a week, and leftovers stretches that to seven. We dine out less than any family I know.

I get most of my "boring stuff" during the work week, too.

+1
I have a full-time job and do everything you do except shop leisurely at the mall because that sounds awful to me.

She didn’t say you didn’t do what she does. She explained what she does. Your trophy is in the mail, congratulations!

She wasn't looking for validation? Uh, ok.
- not pp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have just one child (due to secondary infertility--we cannot have more) and I work from home very part-time (10 hours per week). My daughter is in full-day Kindergarten, so this is the first year that I have a lot of time to myself (previously she was in morning preschool 9:30-1 pm).

My husband has a job with crazy hours, and we have no local family/no childcare help. I do all drop offs, pick ups, sick days and snow days because my husband is in the type of field where he can't do any of this. I also do everything in the mornings (husband leaves for work at 5 am). I also do the dinner/bedtime routine myself at least twice a week, and do all childcare 2 weekends per month when my husband travels for work.

During the school day, when not doing my 10hours/week of work I:

-get all grocery shopping/errands during the week when it's not crowded
-clean the house daily, do all deep cleaning
-cook all meals from scratch (we eat out once per week)
-deal with all appointments, car stuff
-shop leisurely at the mall
-take care of personal grooming (hair cut/color every 6 weeks)
-take care of all Dr. appts in a timely fashion
-work out during the day
-meet friends for lunch/coffee during the day
-work on job certifications for my career

On weekends, since all the boring stuff is out of the day, we often do day trips or weekend trips. We also spend most of the weekends on our child's sports/activities, going out for lunch, meeting up with friends, and just relaxing

Are you saying all this to say your are busy? So confused. I'm a working mom and I have to do all of that sort of stuff, too, I mean besides meeting friends for lunch and working out during the day. What is your point?

+1. Please don't think WOHPs don't cook from scratch. I cook from scratch at least four times a week, and leftovers stretches that to seven. We dine out less than any family I know.

I get most of my "boring stuff" during the work week, too.

+1
I have a full-time job and do everything you do except shop leisurely at the mall because that sounds awful to me.

She didn’t say you didn’t do what she does. She explained what she does. Your trophy is in the mail, congratulations!

She wasn't looking for validation? Uh, ok.
- not pp

Uh, I didn’t read it that way. We’re all different.

- not the earlier poster; I don’t have her life at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have just one child (due to secondary infertility--we cannot have more) and I work from home very part-time (10 hours per week). My daughter is in full-day Kindergarten, so this is the first year that I have a lot of time to myself (previously she was in morning preschool 9:30-1 pm).

My husband has a job with crazy hours, and we have no local family/no childcare help. I do all drop offs, pick ups, sick days and snow days because my husband is in the type of field where he can't do any of this. I also do everything in the mornings (husband leaves for work at 5 am). I also do the dinner/bedtime routine myself at least twice a week, and do all childcare 2 weekends per month when my husband travels for work.

During the school day, when not doing my 10hours/week of work I:

-get all grocery shopping/errands during the week when it's not crowded
-clean the house daily, do all deep cleaning
-cook all meals from scratch (we eat out once per week)
-deal with all appointments, car stuff
-shop leisurely at the mall
-take care of personal grooming (hair cut/color every 6 weeks)
-take care of all Dr. appts in a timely fashion
-work out during the day
-meet friends for lunch/coffee during the day
-work on job certifications for my career

On weekends, since all the boring stuff is out of the day, we often do day trips or weekend trips. We also spend most of the weekends on our child's sports/activities, going out for lunch, meeting up with friends, and just relaxing

Are you saying all this to say your are busy? So confused. I'm a working mom and I have to do all of that sort of stuff, too, I mean besides meeting friends for lunch and working out during the day. What is your point?

+1. Please don't think WOHPs don't cook from scratch. I cook from scratch at least four times a week, and leftovers stretches that to seven. We dine out less than any family I know.

I get most of my "boring stuff" during the work week, too.

+1
I have a full-time job and do everything you do except shop leisurely at the mall because that sounds awful to me.

She didn’t say you didn’t do what she does. She explained what she does. Your trophy is in the mail, congratulations!

She wasn't looking for validation? Uh, ok.
- not pp

Uh, I didn’t read it that way. We’re all different.

- not the earlier poster; I don’t have her life at all.

so why on earth is she listing what she does all day? what's the purpose? also, it's all stuff everyone does.

[Anonymous]

This is my day. It isn't as busy as when I was working, but I don't feel bored or listless.

4 kids. Ages 4, 7, 9&10.
Three days a week I wake up at 4:30 and meet friends to workout. The other two days I sleep in.
6:45. Get DD7 up
While she’s getting dressed I also get dressed for the day.
7:15. Eat breakfast with DD7 and DS4. Wake up DS9 and DS10.
7:30 take DD to school.
7:45-8:15 Help boys get ready, pack lunches, clean up breakfast.
8:15- DS 9&10 to school. MWF, DS4 to preschool.
9:00 M&F go down to volunteer at a free clinic. W watch TV or shop. T have friends for coffee/play date. Th take DS4 to swim.
11:30 pick up DS4 from school MWF
12:00. Lunch. Usually out somewhere like the zoo or the playground
1:30. Home. Read to/with DS. Clean/fold laundry while he plays play dough. Sometimes he takes a nap.
3pm. Pick kids up from school
3:30-5pm. Play games, talk to kids about their day. Get dinner prepped.
5:30 dinner. DH home.
6:00 kids do homework and play.
6:30 activities. T, Th swimming, W music and religious Ed. Friday gymnastics and martial arts
8:00 kids get ready for bed, brush teeth, stories (we still read even to the older boys), kids read on their own
9:00 lights out for all kids
10:00 DH and I go to bed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my day. It isn't as busy as when I was working, but I don't feel bored or listless.

4 kids. Ages 4, 7, 9&10.
Three days a week I wake up at 4:30 and meet friends to workout. The other two days I sleep in.
6:45. Get DD7 up
While she’s getting dressed I also get dressed for the day.
7:15. Eat breakfast with DD7 and DS4. Wake up DS9 and DS10.
7:30 take DD to school.
7:45-8:15 Help boys get ready, pack lunches, clean up breakfast.
8:15- DS 9&10 to school. MWF, DS4 to preschool.
9:00 M&F go down to volunteer at a free clinic. W watch TV or shop. T have friends for coffee/play date. Th take DS4 to swim.
11:30 pick up DS4 from school MWF
12:00. Lunch. Usually out somewhere like the zoo or the playground
1:30. Home. Read to/with DS. Clean/fold laundry while he plays play dough. Sometimes he takes a nap.
3pm. Pick kids up from school
3:30-5pm. Play games, talk to kids about their day. Get dinner prepped.
5:30 dinner. DH home.
6:00 kids do homework and play.
6:30 activities. T, Th swimming, W music and religious Ed. Friday gymnastics and martial arts
8:00 kids get ready for bed, brush teeth, stories (we still read even to the older boys), kids read on their own
9:00 lights out for all kids
10:00 DH and I go to bed

Sounds like a pretty sweet gig. I hope you recognize how lucky you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my day. It isn't as busy as when I was working, but I don't feel bored or listless.

4 kids. Ages 4, 7, 9&10.
Three days a week I wake up at 4:30 and meet friends to workout. The other two days I sleep in.
6:45. Get DD7 up
While she’s getting dressed I also get dressed for the day.
7:15. Eat breakfast with DD7 and DS4. Wake up DS9 and DS10.
7:30 take DD to school.
7:45-8:15 Help boys get ready, pack lunches, clean up breakfast.
8:15- DS 9&10 to school. MWF, DS4 to preschool.
9:00 M&F go down to volunteer at a free clinic. W watch TV or shop. T have friends for coffee/play date. Th take DS4 to swim.
11:30 pick up DS4 from school MWF
12:00. Lunch. Usually out somewhere like the zoo or the playground
1:30. Home. Read to/with DS. Clean/fold laundry while he plays play dough. Sometimes he takes a nap.
3pm. Pick kids up from school
3:30-5pm. Play games, talk to kids about their day. Get dinner prepped.
5:30 dinner. DH home.
6:00 kids do homework and play.
6:30 activities. T, Th swimming, W music and religious Ed. Friday gymnastics and martial arts
8:00 kids get ready for bed, brush teeth, stories (we still read even to the older boys), kids read on their own
9:00 lights out for all kids
10:00 DH and I go to bed

Sounds like a pretty sweet gig. I hope you recognize how lucky you are.

Of course I do.

[Anonymous]

If only there were a prize for people who are “busiest!” You might win OP! You would be the winner and get all the attention!!! We get it, you are the most important and hard working person and you can’t imagine that someone might actually have more on their plate than you do.

There is a reason that there is no prize for being the “busiest.” It’s a stupid way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh look. Another whiny WOHM.

OP, you can't handle working and parenting then quit.

Oh I can handle it fine. I just can't handle listening to SAHMs who have school aged kids complain they are busy. Especially when it's to get out of helping out on things like school functions or girl scout activities.

There it is!!! You’re mad because the SAHMs aren’t providing as much free labor as you would like them to.

Guess what? Nobody owes you free labor regardless of work status. Grow up OP. Read some threads about how so many people hate school functions and room parents make insane demands for class parties, don’t even get me started on the PTA...

Hahahaha free labor?? You are a free LOADER if your child participates in any school activities, field trips, lunch program, carline, after school enrichment like scouts or sports, if you never help out in any way. All of these activities require volunteers to make it happen. I think perhaps you are the one who needs to grow up for the sake of your children. Sad that your child never has your participation in these things yet benefits from them.

SAHMs calling others freeloaders. The ultimate irony.

This is such an interesting dynamic. Working moms denigrate SAHMs all the time, yet feel entitled to these women's unpaid labor. I wonder how these women keep a job with such terrible social skills.

In what sense? I’ve never used a SAHM for anything. All the class volunteers in my kids classrooms work. What exactly is this labor? And are they forced to do it? *tiny violin

I often get called on snow days or other days off school to babysit and its annoying. They aren't offering to pay and I want those days with my kids. If I wanted their kid, I'd invite them. And, when I take their kids, I get stuck paying for the outing so their free babysitting costs me money. Our school doesn't have classroom volunteers. Will not allow it. There is a strong expectation that SAHM's help out with child care and other stuff because they are home and people think we are bored. I have plenty to do.

That's ridiculous, and I have only asked my SAHM friend one time to watch my kid and it was for an hour, because my partner wasn't going to be home in time, and she was "paid" with nice gifts.

On snow days, I just stay home. I know this is a privilege, but everyone in this discussion has the privilege of considering work for pay a choice.

[Anonymous]

I pay for excellent childcare and have the flexibility to stay home, no problem whatsoever, if needed for snow days when the center would be closed.

So no, I don't use my SAHM neighbors/friends for favors. In fact, I as a WOHM have done more favors for them than they ever have for me. That's fine; I have a good home/work/childcare scenario, I have a few local family members. I'm lucky, and I also don't like to ask for favors generally.

I just dislike the myth that WOHMs are constantly bugging SAHMs. And by the way, I volunteer for PTA stuff/give to PTA stuff all the time. So you can't ding me on that count, either.

-np

[Anonymous]

I was surprised to read that so many SAHMs provide free sitting. I've never heard of this. I work and have many friends who stay at home. I would never think of asking them to watch my kid, unless it were a serious emergency.

I'm just curious, how do SAHMs get into this predicament? I'm not really trying to sound snarky...I'm really just curious to learn if this starts out as a favor and then turns into a problem. Rather than complaining about it, why would it be so difficult to tell the parents that you won't watch their kids anymore?

[Anonymous]

Lol. I have never heard of a sahm being asked to babysit for free anywhere but here. I genuinely think it is an internet myth. I'd believe in bigfoot first.

[Anonymous]

My physician friend has definitely used me for babysitting and it got really old. When I started working PT, she would still occasionally ask me to watch her kid on my days off. Never offered to pay. I ended up giving her the number of a sitter I had used. She often talked about how she was so thankful to be part of such a great "village."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My physician friend has definitely used me for babysitting and it got really old. When I started working PT, she would still occasionally ask me to watch her kid on my days off. Never offered to pay. I ended up giving her the number of a sitter I had used. She often talked about how she was so thankful to be part of such a great "village."

Have you ever called or texted her for medical advice? Asked her for a quick perscription on a Saturday or Sunday?

If you needed any of the above, I bet she'd help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was surprised to read that so many SAHMs provide free sitting. I've never heard of this. I work and have many friends who stay at home. I would never think of asking them to watch my kid, unless it were a serious emergency.

I'm just curious, how do SAHMs get into this predicament? I'm not really trying to sound snarky...I'm really just curious to learn if this starts out as a favor and then turns into a problem. Rather than complaining about it, why would it be so difficult to tell the parents that you won't watch their kids anymore?

I've been a SAHM for 18 years and, while I have helped out other parents with last minute childcare emergencies, I have never made myself the "go to" for their childcare needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol. I have never heard of a sahm being asked to babysit for free anywhere but here. I genuinely think it is an internet myth. I'd believe in bigfoot first.

I’m a SAHM and no one has ever asked me to babysit.

If anything, my middle child used to go over to another house all the time. My kid would go over there 10:1 but I just had a baby. It seemed like the baby was always sleeping.

I have a friend who stays home and she is the default person everyone in her family asks for babysitting. Rides. All favors.