How can I get DW to work more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, who doesn't like leisure time? I always LOL when that card gets thrown out like it's some sort of insult.

Why yes I do like having the time to do things I like to do! You got me there

Leisure is for Sunday afternoons and retirement It's not fair for one spouse to have 20 hours a week of leisure time and for the other to have 5, now is it?

This is the truth. Regardless of whether time is spent working in or out of the home, there is no doubt that in the OP's family, his wife has a lot more leisure time than he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here stil laughing at the list - and I work full time.

--kids activities - you have to enroll every season, plan parties, organize carpools, participate in them, pay coaching fees, pay for coach gifts, buy equipment, buy more equipment when it gets lost

--kids clothes - my kid grew out of his sneakers in 6 weeks, so yeah, a 1x per year trip doesn't cut it

--you need ink to print the damn Amazon cards, you also needs to get bar/bat mitzvah clothes, cards, lots of carpooling too

PTA dues -- 1x per year. I also had to pay for school photos, yearbook, book of kids writing, books to read in class, science fair supplies, teacher gifts, fundraising bricks, field trips, auction donations, extra supplies b/c the teacher ran out of tissues, headphone per teacher, sports dues for bus, fair tickets, 8th grade grad events. That was this year.

I won't go on about other school obligation that aren't $ related - but thanks for the laugh.

A lot can be done online. Please. My boys are 15 and 17 and I work full time too.

And middle school students can be dropped at the mall or given budget and amazon login

[Anonymous]

Gotta love Amazon Prime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. DW works privately now and makes a good hourly rate, just doesn't work nearly enough hours. She either needs to find more clients or get a job working for someone where the hourly rate is less but she works more hours and sees a higher annual income. And to the PP saying get a higher paying job, even if I did make more, out of principle I believe DW should be working more now that kids are gone from 745-315 every day. That was what we always said before kids. To each their own, but I personally don't respect people as much if they aren't contributing, either by working or being s SAH parent to young children.

She is contributing. She's probably doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, most of the kids stuff like doctors, activities, and much more. Its sad you don't appreciate her. And, she is working and pulling in money. If she works full time are you going to do all the things she is doing from 7:45-315 - doubtful.

Who does all the planning? Who goes grocery shopping and plans the meals? Who takes the initiative to do things like sign the kids up for activities, make doctor's appointments, buy clothes that fit, schedules haircuts, buys birthday presents, pays PTA dues, schedule piano lessons, hires the lawn guy, hires the cleaners, hires the sitters, etc? Do you have the kids' dentists, pediatrician, teachers', school front desk, and kids' friends' parents numbers on your phone? Do you know who to call for emergency carpools? Do you know what size shoes your kids wear?

If you are truly 50-50, then you should be doing all of the above 50-50. Not just carrying out requests, but actively taking the initiative and managing your children's lives. Once you are there, you can ask your wife to up her hours to FT.

Let's break this down, like a professional:
Kids activities: 4x year (once a season)
Doctors appts: 4x year (lets say they need follow ups, but probably 1x)
Kids clothes: 4x year (seasonal and that is generous, really back to school is all you need), and has to happen when kids are home so weekend anyway
Schedule haircuts: You schedule a child's haircut??? Hello supercuts, then a movie after on the weekend.
Birthday presents: Amazon
PTA dues: OMFG you are reaching here. 1x year. Paypal.
Schedule Piano lessons: 1x year
Lawn guy, cleaners: 1x every 3 years (how often do people change their routine?)
Sitters: For middle schoolers???
Phone numbers: Hello iPhone Google and shared contacts.
"Emergency" carpool? For middle schoolers? they probably know which parents to call.
Shoe size: Again MIDDLE SCHOOLERS.

Did you even read the OP?

You clearly don't have kids in orthodontics! I work I a small office of women and with six kids in braces, we had about 1 appt every 10 days between us. We decidesd as a group to tell our DHs to take off to take them - so it is more equitable.

its a fine idea to have the DHs take them, but cmon you only have to worry about your kid. Iant it every 8 weeks or so?

[Anonymous]

Outsource everything, hire someone to make sure they do their homework after school and who can drive them to their games/practices and start dinner. Hire someone for the summer so they can be driven places and won't spend their days staring at a screen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glad you are not my husband. He decided we needed more money so he went out and got a better job. Instead of complaining, get a better job. Problem solved.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad you are not my husband. He decided we needed more money so he went out and got a better job. Instead of complaining, get a better job. Problem solved.

+1000

You do realize that this isn't always an option. What if OP is at the top of the income range for his field?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad you are not my husband. He decided we needed more money so he went out and got a better job. Instead of complaining, get a better job. Problem solved.

+1000

You do realize that this isn't always an option. What if OP is at the top of the income range for his field?

It's obvious that the +1000 PP doesn't work and just leaves it up to her breadwinner to sort out all that. No clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glad you are not my husband. He decided we needed more money so he went out and got a better job. Instead of complaining, get a better job. Problem solved.

Seriously, NP? He's her husband, not her father. OP sounds reasonable and kind. This is partnership and he is approaching it as such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. DW works privately now and makes a good hourly rate, just doesn't work nearly enough hours. She either needs to find more clients or get a job working for someone where the hourly rate is less but she works more hours and sees a higher annual income. And to the PP saying get a higher paying job, even if I did make more, out of principle I believe DW should be working more now that kids are gone from 745-315 every day. That was what we always said before kids. To each their own, but I personally don't respect people as much if they aren't contributing, either by working or being s SAH parent to young children.

She is contributing. She's probably doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, most of the kids stuff like doctors, activities, and much more. Its sad you don't appreciate her. And, she is working and pulling in money. If she works full time are you going to do all the things she is doing from 7:45-315 - doubtful.

Who does all the planning? Who goes grocery shopping and plans the meals? Who takes the initiative to do things like sign the kids up for activities, make doctor's appointments, buy clothes that fit, schedules haircuts, buys birthday presents, pays PTA dues, schedule piano lessons, hires the lawn guy, hires the cleaners, hires the sitters, etc? Do you have the kids' dentists, pediatrician, teachers', school front desk, and kids' friends' parents numbers on your phone? Do you know who to call for emergency carpools? Do you know what size shoes your kids wear?

If you are truly 50-50, then you should be doing all of the above 50-50. Not just carrying out requests, but actively taking the initiative and managing your children's lives. Once you are there, you can ask your wife to up her hours to FT.

Let's break this down, like a professional:
Kids activities: 4x year (once a season)
Doctors appts: 4x year (lets say they need follow ups, but probably 1x)
Kids clothes: 4x year (seasonal and that is generous, really back to school is all you need), and has to happen when kids are home so weekend anyway
Schedule haircuts: You schedule a child's haircut??? Hello supercuts, then a movie after on the weekend.
Birthday presents: Amazon
PTA dues: OMFG you are reaching here. 1x year. Paypal.
Schedule Piano lessons: 1x year
Lawn guy, cleaners: 1x every 3 years (how often do people change their routine?)
Sitters: For middle schoolers???
Phone numbers: Hello iPhone Google and shared contacts.
"Emergency" carpool? For middle schoolers? they probably know which parents to call.
Shoe size: Again MIDDLE SCHOOLERS.

Did you even read the OP?

You clearly don't have kids in orthodontics! I work I a small office of women and with six kids in braces, we had about 1 appt every 10 days between us. We decidesd as a group to tell our DHs to take off to take them - so it is more equitable.

We picked an orthodontist within walking distance of our house so a parent didn't have to go to all the appointments.

Wow, what kind of a parent sends their kid alone to the orthodontist?
Never seen that in the orthos office.
I chose THE BEST orthodontist I could find. It's 50 min each way.
But yeah, my priorities are different.

[Anonymous]

OP, your wife may be nice and pretty and a good mom, but she's LAZY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad you are not my husband. He decided we needed more money so he went out and got a better job. Instead of complaining, get a better job. Problem solved.

Seriously, NP? He's her husband, not her father. OP sounds reasonable and kind. This is partnership and he is approaching it as such.

Yep. I outearn my husband by double, and if he told me he wasn't willing to work more and I should get a better job, I'd be looking at my options (and not those related to my job). I have dependents, and he isn't one of them. Being the primary support for your family is stressful. I lose my job, we can't pay the mortgage (once emergency savings is depleted). I can see why OP would like some of that pressure taken off of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad you are not my husband. He decided we needed more money so he went out and got a better job. Instead of complaining, get a better job. Problem solved.

Read the OP, she agreed to this plan before kids. As a 50+ Fed, getting more $$$ is unrealistic. Glad your DH is PW enough to hustle though, but it doesn't seem to improve your mood.

My husband is not PW and he is the one who wanted me to stay home and told me to. You leave being a fed. My husband would love an easy cushy job being a fed but he makes 2x as much being in private contracting so regardless of my income or employment status, it makes sense. Maybe you OP should care more about his family and stop being so lazy and get a higher paying job if they cannot live of his income and her part-time work. She is working! He probably isn't even willing to do 1/2 the stuff she does.

OP is not your husband. He doesn't want his wife to stay home. He didn't tell her to (WTF tells a grown woman what to do?)

Maybe the wife should care more about her family and not her coffees and yoga classes with similarly situated women. Her working part-time doesn't work for the family. It only works for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glad you are not my husband. He decided we needed more money so he went out and got a better job. Instead of complaining, get a better job. Problem solved.

In my language, we have a saying for women like you. "I don't want to think about things. I'm a girl and I want a new dress."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad you are not my husband. He decided we needed more money so he went out and got a better job. Instead of complaining, get a better job. Problem solved.

In my language, we have a saying for women like you. "I don't want to think about things. I'm a girl and I want a new dress."

What do we want? EQUALITY!

How do we want it? ON OUR TERMS!