This Girl Scout cookie typifies my horrible marriage.

[Anonymous]

I'm really disturbed that people think it's okay to bilk someone because it's a "fundraiser". If people didn't want the cookies, they would have made a donation. Trust me, they want their cookies and there is something really wrong with OP's husband if he doesn't realize the problem here. If this is a pattern, then screwing up this important but easy task might be the final straw for me.

[Anonymous]

You're making a mountain over a mole hill. How this man is still with you is beyond me. Hopefully he isn't as critical of you as you are of him. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're making a mountain over a mole hill. How this man is still with you is beyond me. Hopefully he isn't as critical of you as you are of him. Wow.

So it's okay that he took money from the neighbors and ate their cookies? I swear some people are so rich that they've lost any respect for others.

[Anonymous]

There are some things that, as a spouse, you should let go. I've long stopped asking my husband to stop putting a wet towel on the bed. I don't even care if he takes money from my wallet without telling me. But, if he's selling stuff door to door and then drops the ball that badly, it's a mountain, not a molehill. He basically lost interest and quit the job before it was done, leaving OP to correct an uncorrectable problem. When other people are relying on you to deliver the goods, you have to deliver them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your dh have a disorder like adhd or dyslexia?

I don't know. That is a good question. Anything is possible I suppose. B/c, honestly, when things like this happen to us in our lives, and they do seem to happen with more regularity than I would have thought possible, I am often left wondering, "HOW could this HAPPEN?" I just don't get it.

And as I said, he is competent at work, so??? (?) I just don't know. . .

OP's exhaustion sounds so familiar to me. When you live with someone like this it's a constant parade of lost items, forgotten tasks and messes to untangle. It's easy to say, let him figure it out, but I often got pulled into these situations in some way either by my DH or by people who were dealing with him and turned to me or in order to protect my kids (whom DH frequently lost). The other option - just doing it myself is also not feasible. I cannot manage it all and him too.

It turns out that DH has bipolar depression. These clusterF$&#^ situations were often a product of mania, which also explained the irritability when he was confronted with having to untangle his messes.

He seemed functional and held down a job for a long time because his mania was also productive in some ways. But now, 15 years later, he is about to be let go from his 3rd job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I expect the orders to turn out perfectly. Yes. If my child sold 87 boxes, I expect her to go deliver and collect money for 87 boxes. Damn fucking straight.

There's really no reason to expect otherwise. It's Girl Scouts. They stand for principles like honesty, caring, fairness, consideration... Not cookie theft, screwing over neighbors, and gluttony. They're earning their cookie badges, not their organized crime badges. What the OP's DH is doing, aside from screwing up a simple, straightforward, albeit time consuming task, it teaching his DD the opposite of what she should be learning from the cookie sale.

I can't believe this and the 'how your marriage personifies a GS cookie' threads didn't take off. Other badges to earn here?

-deliberate incompetence to be saved menial domestic chores badge (watch me do laundry so terribly that DW/Mom takes the chore away...)
-helpless rage self-immolation badge (watch me get so angry with my spouse over a cookie snafu, admittedly an annoying mistake as detailed--but not Grade A abuse, gambling addiction, chronic unemployment, etc.--that I explode in actual fire...)
-hilarious Cookie Mom outrage badge (don't come near me with your crazy ass mess, you ordered cookies, you pay up even if it's out of your child's piggy bank or college fund...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I expect the orders to turn out perfectly. Yes. If my child sold 87 boxes, I expect her to go deliver and collect money for 87 boxes. Damn fucking straight.

There's really no reason to expect otherwise. It's Girl Scouts. They stand for principles like honesty, caring, fairness, consideration... Not cookie theft, screwing over neighbors, and gluttony. They're earning their cookie badges, not their organized crime badges. What the OP's DH is doing, aside from screwing up a simple, straightforward, albeit time consuming task, it teaching his DD the opposite of what she should be learning from the cookie sale.

I can't believe this and the 'how your marriage personifies a GS cookie' threads didn't take off. Other badges to earn here?

-deliberate incompetence to be saved menial domestic chores badge (watch me do laundry so terribly that DW/Mom takes the chore away...)
-helpless rage self-immolation badge (watch me get so angry with my spouse over a cookie snafu, admittedly an annoying mistake as detailed--but not Grade A abuse, gambling addiction, chronic unemployment, etc.--that I explode in actual fire...)
-hilarious Cookie Mom outrage badge (don't come near me with your crazy ass mess, you ordered cookies, you pay up even if it's out of your child's piggy bank or college fund...)

So if someone isn't abusive, we need to suck it up and fix any problems they create and refuse to handle? I'll be sure to start teaching the little girls that at the meetings, along with the concept that they're not obligated to actually deliver orders that people expect and have paid for. Thanks for pointing that out. I'd been doing it wrong until now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You don't exactly sound like a nice person yourself. I mean, from the first sentence I could tell you were one of "those" women.

Do you also nag and micromanage? Are you big on telling him not only what to do but how to do it?

She's right. He fucked it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a note to say I'm with you OP. I have a similar DH who can't seem to handle even these "easy" tasks and it is maddening how I have to do everything.

I've decided that it is just because he doesn't care enough to get it right. If it mattered to him, he would do it (as evidenced by his excellent job performance). For some reason, in his mind, tasks like this don't require his full effort and attention. I don't know if he has admitted this to himself, but I see it clearly.

But don't think he can't tell me about the youtube video he watched today or what XYZ was posted on facebook or what fantasy sports are doing ...

Do you love him less because he can't do these "easy" task.

No, I don't love him less. I find it maddening, but I've mostly accepted it. If I want things done "right", I just take care of it myself or hire it out (i.e. that house maintenance item that is on his to-do list and he bought some parts, but didn't get the right ones, and its just been languishing). I no longer expend emotional energy fighting to get him to do these things, nor do I spend (much) emotional energy annoyed that he doesn't do them. I've tried the "relax and let him do it is own way and/or natural consequences will teach him next time" school of thought, but it didn't work for me. What resulted what laundry that was never done, clothes that were ruined, dishes put away in places where they couldn't be located when we needed them, etc. I got sick of dealing with the consequences, and these consequences never seemed to phase or "teach" DH.

Like OP I occasionally vent to the anonymous internet so that I can get it off my chest, but for our home life, I just don't really give into the emotional suck that this could be. DH is a wonderful person/soul, is kind and loving towards me and our children, and is the "fun" dad. I do hope to teach my son to not follow these patterns.

good luck with that. do you work full-time and deal with all of this?

[Anonymous]

This would be for next year, but why wouldn't you organize everything on the living room floor first? That's your dry run. Rubberband and bundle orders together, bag them, etc. put sticky notes on each bundle. Only then do the delivery, after you know your orders were perfectly fulfilled and each box has a name on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would be for next year, but why wouldn't you organize everything on the living room floor first? That's your dry run. Rubberband and bundle orders together, bag them, etc. put sticky notes on each bundle. Only then do the delivery, after you know your orders were perfectly fulfilled and each box has a name on it.

Chances are, the husband is mad about being called out and will likely refuse the job ever again. I know that one. Husband does a job so poorly that it has to be redone. He gets his feelings hurt that his terrible work wasn't good enough, and he refuses to do it again because I'm so picky about making sure the job is done acceptably well. Classic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be for next year, but why wouldn't you organize everything on the living room floor first? That's your dry run. Rubberband and bundle orders together, bag them, etc. put sticky notes on each bundle. Only then do the delivery, after you know your orders were perfectly fulfilled and each box has a name on it.

Chances are, the husband is mad about being called out and will likely refuse the job ever again. I know that one. Husband does a job so poorly that it has to be redone. He gets his feelings hurt that his terrible work wasn't good enough, and he refuses to do it again because I'm so picky about making sure the job is done acceptably well. Classic.

^^ Yes. This is my husband. I call it "Take my ball and go home."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be for next year, but why wouldn't you organize everything on the living room floor first? That's your dry run. Rubberband and bundle orders together, bag them, etc. put sticky notes on each bundle. Only then do the delivery, after you know your orders were perfectly fulfilled and each box has a name on it.

Chances are, the husband is mad about being called out and will likely refuse the job ever again. I know that one. Husband does a job so poorly that it has to be redone. He gets his feelings hurt that his terrible work wasn't good enough, and he refuses to do it again because I'm so picky about making sure the job is done acceptably well. Classic.

^^ Yes. This is my husband. I call it "Take my ball and go home."

So you punish him by doing the work for him....brilliant!

[Anonymous]

It's very annoying for sure, OP, but your level of outrage is over the top. We all make mistakes. Calmly explain the situation again so that it will be clear he has to remedy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be for next year, but why wouldn't you organize everything on the living room floor first? That's your dry run. Rubberband and bundle orders together, bag them, etc. put sticky notes on each bundle. Only then do the delivery, after you know your orders were perfectly fulfilled and each box has a name on it.

Chances are, the husband is mad about being called out and will likely refuse the job ever again. I know that one. Husband does a job so poorly that it has to be redone. He gets his feelings hurt that his terrible work wasn't good enough, and he refuses to do it again because I'm so picky about making sure the job is done acceptably well. Classic.

^^ Yes. This is my husband. I call it "Take my ball and go home."

So you punish him by doing the work for him....brilliant!

I did not say what I do. I only said what he does.