This Girl Scout cookie typifies my horrible marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a note to say I'm with you OP. I have a similar DH who can't seem to handle even these "easy" tasks and it is maddening how I have to do everything.

I've decided that it is just because he doesn't care enough to get it right. If it mattered to him, he would do it (as evidenced by his excellent job performance). For some reason, in his mind, tasks like this don't require his full effort and attention. I don't know if he has admitted this to himself, but I see it clearly.

But don't think he can't tell me about the youtube video he watched today or what XYZ was posted on facebook or what fantasy sports are doing ...

Do you love him less because he can't do these "easy" task.

No, I don't love him less. I find it maddening, but I've mostly accepted it. If I want things done "right", I just take care of it myself or hire it out (i.e. that house maintenance item that is on his to-do list and he bought some parts, but didn't get the right ones, and its just been languishing). I no longer expend emotional energy fighting to get him to do these things, nor do I spend (much) emotional energy annoyed that he doesn't do them. I've tried the "relax and let him do it is own way and/or natural consequences will teach him next time" school of thought, but it didn't work for me. What resulted what laundry that was never done, clothes that were ruined, dishes put away in places where they couldn't be located when we needed them, etc. I got sick of dealing with the consequences, and these consequences never seemed to phase or "teach" DH.

Like OP I occasionally vent to the anonymous internet so that I can get it off my chest, but for our home life, I just don't really give into the emotional suck that this could be. DH is a wonderful person/soul, is kind and loving towards me and our children, and is the "fun" dad. I do hope to teach my son to not follow these patterns.

good luck with that. do you work full-time and deal with all of this?

PP here. Yes, I do work full time and deal with all of this, as I'm sure OP does too. Welcome to the paradox of a "successful" working mom with great kids, a nice house, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your dh have a disorder like adhd or dyslexia?

I don't know. That is a good question. Anything is possible I suppose. B/c, honestly, when things like this happen to us in our lives, and they do seem to happen with more regularity than I would have thought possible, I am often left wondering, "HOW could this HAPPEN?" I just don't get it.

And as I said, he is competent at work, so??? (?) I just don't know. . .

OP's exhaustion sounds so familiar to me. When you live with someone like this it's a constant parade of lost items, forgotten tasks and messes to untangle. It's easy to say, let him figure it out, but I often got pulled into these situations in some way either by my DH or by people who were dealing with him and turned to me or in order to protect my kids (whom DH frequently lost). The other option - just doing it myself is also not feasible. I cannot manage it all and him too.

It turns out that DH has bipolar depression. These clusterF$&#^ situations were often a product of mania, which also explained the irritability when he was confronted with having to untangle his messes.

He seemed functional and held down a job for a long time because his mania was also productive in some ways. But now, 15 years later, he is about to be let go from his 3rd job.

I have a husband with ADHD. It is NOT impossible to let him deal with his own stuff. I handle the kid stuff, but the rest of the crap is his. No clothes for work because you forgot to pick up your drycleaning? Not my problem. Forgot to pay your car registration? Not my problem. Made a mess of a cookie fundraiser? Not my problem.

Walk away from his messes. If other people involve you, tell them they have to talk to him because it is his deal, not yours. Refuse to be his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your dh have a disorder like adhd or dyslexia?

I don't know. That is a good question. Anything is possible I suppose. B/c, honestly, when things like this happen to us in our lives, and they do seem to happen with more regularity than I would have thought possible, I am often left wondering, "HOW could this HAPPEN?" I just don't get it.

And as I said, he is competent at work, so??? (?) I just don't know. . .

OP's exhaustion sounds so familiar to me. When you live with someone like this it's a constant parade of lost items, forgotten tasks and messes to untangle. It's easy to say, let him figure it out, but I often got pulled into these situations in some way either by my DH or by people who were dealing with him and turned to me or in order to protect my kids (whom DH frequently lost). The other option - just doing it myself is also not feasible. I cannot manage it all and him too.

It turns out that DH has bipolar depression. These clusterF$&#^ situations were often a product of mania, which also explained the irritability when he was confronted with having to untangle his messes.

He seemed functional and held down a job for a long time because his mania was also productive in some ways. But now, 15 years later, he is about to be let go from his 3rd job.

I have a husband with ADHD. It is NOT impossible to let him deal with his own stuff. I handle the kid stuff, but the rest of the crap is his. No clothes for work because you forgot to pick up your drycleaning? Not my problem. Forgot to pay your car registration? Not my problem. Made a mess of a cookie fundraiser? Not my problem.

Walk away from his messes. If other people involve you, tell them they have to talk to him because it is his deal, not yours. Refuse to be his mother.

I'm 12:42 and absolutely agree. I think OP was just venting about the frustration that comes when you do think "hey, they can handle this easy task. its just girl scout cookies. who could mess that up?" We are then reminded why we don't had anything over that matters. In this case, this problem extends past OP's DH because it goes to teaching her DD about responsibility and accountability. I'm sure OP will find a way to handle the situation, but I can see why she is frustrated.

[Anonymous]

The thing is, the incompetence is selective. It's like the guy who can restrain himself from hitting his boss but not his wife.

For years, my husband would claim he couldn't drive car pool because he couldn't find things like the soccer field -- except that he's an infantry officer who has led people into battle in the dark of night in unfamiliar terrain in a strange country! Gee, so you can find Baghdad, but you can't find the elementary school?

You can keep track of all of your investor's stock trades but you can't figure out how to deliver a bunch of girl scout cookies?

You can build a house but you can't run a rag over the kitchen counters?

there's something wrong ith that scenario!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why I'm laughing at this.

I'm trying to imagine what a marriage must be like where you just got bat shit crazy on your husband for screwing up the delivery of cookies.

I don't think I've ever yelled at my husband (except maybe in labor).

+1. I yell at my husband all the time but not for stupid crap like this. DCUM is putting way too much thought into cookie delivery. It's for the Girl Scouts- no one expects the orders to turn out perfectly. They're kids and it's a fundraiser. It's not a crisis if someone screws up a cookie order. And it certainly doesn't reflect badly on the family. Jeez!

Most people are expecting the cookies that they ordered and paid for. I'd would not assume a screw-up, especially when there's clearly an adult in charge.

I order cookies from everyone that shows up. and I don't really care if they never show up or if I get extra.

get a life women.

You don't deliver my do si dos and we will have words at minimum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why I'm laughing at this.

I'm trying to imagine what a marriage must be like where you just got bat shit crazy on your husband for screwing up the delivery of cookies.

I don't think I've ever yelled at my husband (except maybe in labor).

+1. I yell at my husband all the time but not for stupid crap like this. DCUM is putting way too much thought into cookie delivery. It's for the Girl Scouts- no one expects the orders to turn out perfectly. They're kids and it's a fundraiser. It's not a crisis if someone screws up a cookie order. And it certainly doesn't reflect badly on the family. Jeez!

Most people are expecting the cookies that they ordered and paid for. I'd would not assume a screw-up, especially when there's clearly an adult in charge.

I order cookies from everyone that shows up. and I don't really care if they never show up or if I get extra.

get a life women.

You don't deliver my do si dos and we will have words at minimum

Yup. PP sounds like a sucker.

[Anonymous]

Where is the sign up sheet with everyone's name and what they ordered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is the sign up sheet with everyone's name and what they ordered?

From the sound of things, it's probably just a sheet of construction paper upon which OP's husband hastily scrawled "COOKIEEESSSSS" in crayon.

[Anonymous]

In my dd's troop orders are rounded up by the case. So if you order 4 boxes of trefoils you'll have 8 leftover boxes. We had some of every kind left over. It's my understanding a lot of troops do that.

So OP if that is how your kid's troop works you are a huge bitch. (And I don't throw that around). Even if they don't round up you are still terrible. Really. He handled the entire cookies sale? The most annoying part of being a scout? You're giving he grief for extra boxes? You should kiss his feet.

The abundance can be managed by selling more. Giving as gifts. Eating them. They freeze beautifully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my dd's troop orders are rounded up by the case. So if you order 4 boxes of trefoils you'll have 8 leftover boxes. We had some of every kind left over. It's my understanding a lot of troops do that.

So OP if that is how your kid's troop works you are a huge bitch. (And I don't throw that around). Even if they don't round up you are still terrible. Really. He handled the entire cookies sale? The most annoying part of being a scout? You're giving he grief for extra boxes? You should kiss his feet.

The abundance can be managed by selling more. Giving as gifts. Eating them. They freeze beautifully.

This has already been addressed. The cookie mom of OP's troop orders the cases, and each individual scout only takes the boxes they sold.

I'm kind of amazed at the number of people here who think OP's husband deserves a participation trophy for taking people's money and then keeping their cookie orders for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my dd's troop orders are rounded up by the case. So if you order 4 boxes of trefoils you'll have 8 leftover boxes. We had some of every kind left over. It's my understanding a lot of troops do that.

So OP if that is how your kid's troop works you are a huge bitch. (And I don't throw that around). Even if they don't round up you are still terrible. Really. He handled the entire cookies sale? The most annoying part of being a scout? You're giving he grief for extra boxes? You should kiss his feet.

The abundance can be managed by selling more. Giving as gifts. Eating them. They freeze beautifully.

This has already been addressed. The cookie mom of OP's troop orders the cases, and each individual scout only takes the boxes they sold.

I'm kind of amazed at the number of people here who think OP's husband deserves a participation trophy for taking people's money and then keeping their cookie orders for himself.[/quote

Does she actually know he did that? Anyway she is still awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my dd's troop orders are rounded up by the case. So if you order 4 boxes of trefoils you'll have 8 leftover boxes. We had some of every kind left over. It's my understanding a lot of troops do that.

So OP if that is how your kid's troop works you are a huge bitch. (And I don't throw that around). Even if they don't round up you are still terrible. Really. He handled the entire cookies sale? The most annoying part of being a scout? You're giving he grief for extra boxes? You should kiss his feet.

The abundance can be managed by selling more. Giving as gifts. Eating them. They freeze beautifully.

This has already been addressed. The cookie mom of OP's troop orders the cases, and each individual scout only takes the boxes they sold.

I'm kind of amazed at the number of people here who think OP's husband deserves a participation trophy for taking people's money and then keeping their cookie orders for himself.

I know, it's ridiculous. And the people who think every troop does everything the same way are showing how little they know about Girl Scouts. There are basic guidelines from each level (national, council, service unit, troop and family), but every time you drop down a level, there's more variation in the rules. I'm not in DC, and our council does cookies on demand. It's so much easier. We estimate how many cookies we'll sell, order them, sell them-exchange cookies for $ at the same time, return the extra cases by the return date, and boom. Finished. No more preorders, deliveries, and trying to track people down and they can pay for the cookies at that moment.

However, I've done preorders and have been cookie momming for many years, and they messed up such a simple task. Yes, i can see how it happened, but there's really no excuse for it. And yes, it's not the end of the world, but that doesn't mean it's not a problem.

And for those of you saying DH needs to solve it, op said he's eating the cookies and saying it's not a problem, and blowing up at her when the tries to discuss it. How is that solving anything? I would imagine most people don't know how to contact them to let them know their order is missing or wrong. So he has to reach out to them, or he stole ~$80 of cookies from neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my dd's troop orders are rounded up by the case. So if you order 4 boxes of trefoils you'll have 8 leftover boxes. We had some of every kind left over. It's my understanding a lot of troops do that.

So OP if that is how your kid's troop works you are a huge bitch. (And I don't throw that around). Even if they don't round up you are still terrible. Really. He handled the entire cookies sale? The most annoying part of being a scout? You're giving he grief for extra boxes? You should kiss his feet.

The abundance can be managed by selling more. Giving as gifts. Eating them. They freeze beautifully.

This has already been addressed. The cookie mom of OP's troop orders the cases, and each individual scout only takes the boxes they sold.

I'm kind of amazed at the number of people here who think OP's husband deserves a participation trophy for taking people's money and then keeping their cookie orders for himself.

Has it been covered that the customer should pay only upon delivery of the cookies? (GSNCR RULE blah blah). So no one is "taking people's money". I order cookies from anyone who asks. If you don't deliver them? Bless you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my dd's troop orders are rounded up by the case. So if you order 4 boxes of trefoils you'll have 8 leftover boxes. We had some of every kind left over. It's my understanding a lot of troops do that.

So OP if that is how your kid's troop works you are a huge bitch. (And I don't throw that around). Even if they don't round up you are still terrible. Really. He handled the entire cookies sale? The most annoying part of being a scout? You're giving he grief for extra boxes? You should kiss his feet.

The abundance can be managed by selling more. Giving as gifts. Eating them. They freeze beautifully.

This has already been addressed. The cookie mom of OP's troop orders the cases, and each individual scout only takes the boxes they sold.

I'm kind of amazed at the number of people here who think OP's husband deserves a participation trophy for taking people's money and then keeping their cookie orders for himself.

Has it been covered that the customer should pay only upon delivery of the cookies? (GSNCR RULE blah blah). So no one is "taking people's money". I order cookies from anyone who asks. If you don't deliver them? Bless you.

Yes, that's also been covered. However, for whatever reason, that's not how her troop was taught to do it, and the parents don't usually know enough to challenge the people teaching them how to do cookie sales. So regardless of what's the right way to do it, we have the situation at hand where OP's DH screwed up and people are saying it's fine and dandy, and that he did a good job being involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my dd's troop orders are rounded up by the case. So if you order 4 boxes of trefoils you'll have 8 leftover boxes. We had some of every kind left over. It's my understanding a lot of troops do that.

So OP if that is how your kid's troop works you are a huge bitch. (And I don't throw that around). Even if they don't round up you are still terrible. Really. He handled the entire cookies sale? The most annoying part of being a scout? You're giving he grief for extra boxes? You should kiss his feet.

The abundance can be managed by selling more. Giving as gifts. Eating them. They freeze beautifully.

This has already been addressed. The cookie mom of OP's troop orders the cases, and each individual scout only takes the boxes they sold.

I'm kind of amazed at the number of people here who think OP's husband deserves a participation trophy for taking people's money and then keeping their cookie orders for himself.

Has it been covered that the customer should pay only upon delivery of the cookies? (GSNCR RULE blah blah). So no one is "taking people's money". I order cookies from anyone who asks. If you don't deliver them? Bless you.

OP's husband collected the money up front, so yeah, he's "taking people's money". Read the thread, people.