UVA Gang rape

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see this thread has strayed from violent gang rape, skipped over the consensual sex discussion and has jumped to teaching boys (but no mention of girls) the finer art of a meaningful relationship.

Not that there's anything wrong with a meaningful relationship, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see this thread has strayed from violent gang rape, skipped over the consensual sex discussion and has jumped to teaching boys (but no mention of girls) the finer art of a meaningful relationship.

Not that there's anything wrong with a meaningful relationship, of course.

Well the hookup culture is a breeding ground for men treating women like objects to be used and discarded. Add lots of alcohol and some group mentality and it is not many steps away from gang rapes. College men need to stop binge drinking and start treating women with respect. Sadly, the exact opposite is happening on most college campuses.

[Anonymous]

And the fact that the hook up culture now begins in middle school has no doubt exacerbated an already bad situation on college campuses...and particularly in the frat atmosphere where spoiled alpha males tend to congregate.

[Anonymous]

And if girls and women did not participate in this hookup culture . . . .

[Anonymous]

Having no experience as a victim, I wonder - do you ever desire vengeance on the man/men who raped you? I'll hopefully never know, but I feel like I would either exact my revenge personally or have someone help me ruin their life like they'd done to mine. Do you think about 'evening the score' even if it's been many years since the incident?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having no experience as a victim, I wonder - do you ever desire vengeance on the man/men who raped you? I'll hopefully never know, but I feel like I would either exact my revenge personally or have someone help me ruin their life like they'd done to mine. Do you think about 'evening the score' even if it's been many years since the incident?

I was date-raped in high school and never told anyone. Found out ten years later that the guy was dead and I was glad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And if girls and women did not participate in this hookup culture . . . .

Young women want relationships with men but they get to college and see that people no longer date so they go with the flow and end up very disappointed. It does not help that other women call them trashy for wanting relationships before they are thirty (see 26 year old birthday thread).
It will take an entire generation of young women to stand up and say "this hookup culture sucks and yes I do want to date and get to know someone slowly".

[Anonymous]

I hope the perpetrators' names come to light. Somebody's probably pooping a brick tonight knowing they've become a symbol for all that's wrong with rape and men and colleges that let it slide. I pray media stays focused and doesn't let this story slide into oblivion.

[Anonymous]

The governor needs to move in ASAP . There are people in leadership positions that will be trying to protect themselves and not helpful in exposing the rot. That will hurt the school prolong the misery and may end up with the problem unsolved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And if girls and women did not participate in this hookup culture . . . .

Young women want relationships with men but they get to college and see that people no longer date so they go with the flow and end up very disappointed. It does not help that other women call them trashy for wanting relationships before they are thirty (see 26 year old birthday thread).
It will take an entire generation of young women to stand up and say "this hookup culture sucks and yes I do want to date and get to know someone slowly".

It also needs to be okay for boys to say they don't like the hook up culture and want a relationship first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously boys need to be taught how to behave. But I'm a little concerned that most posters here seem to shy away from teaching girls basic behavior as well.

I don't have any daughters (just a handful of sons), but if I did, I would strive to instill in her not only basic safety steps, but also sufficient self esteem so that she wouldn't buckle under pressure to put out or put herself in a dangerous position just because a boy she hardly knows has shown a little interest in her.

Before I get flamed for blaming the victim (which I'm not), let me explain. Some posters have essentially written off parental responsibility by saying that kids away at college are going to do whatever the hell they want. True, but hopefully your kid will have a good moral compass, good self esteem, and a sense of personal responsibility when you send them off. And hopefully they'll be a good judge of character and surround themselves with good people...and not rent friends for four years and opt to be a lemming.

I posted about my rape back toward the beginning of this thread. It was on my 21st birthday. I was a college student, but home on summer break. The rapist was a college student, someone one of my two closet friends knew from school. We ran into him out at the bar where we were celebrating my birthday. He bought me a beer. I wasn't interested in him. I didn't go home with him. The two women he was with drove my friend and I home, and somehow, he ended up coming back to my parents' house with us. My parents were home and awake when we got there - I remember my dad and my sister sitting out on the back deck with us. I don't remember going up to bed, but I have flashes of what happened after that. He raped me on the floor of my bedroom, while my friend slept in the same room, and my parents slept 30 feet away.

My parents taught me good judgement. My lapse: I accepted a beer from a friend of a good friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The governor needs to move in ASAP . There are people in leadership positions that will be trying to protect themselves and not helpful in exposing the rot. That will hurt the school prolong the misery and may end up with the problem unsolved.

Governor should have the state police take over the investigation. Local police are too cozy with the school officials.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously boys need to be taught how to behave. But I'm a little concerned that most posters here seem to shy away from teaching girls basic behavior as well.

I don't have any daughters (just a handful of sons), but if I did, I would strive to instill in her not only basic safety steps, but also sufficient self esteem so that she wouldn't buckle under pressure to put out or put herself in a dangerous position just because a boy she hardly knows has shown a little interest in her.

Before I get flamed for blaming the victim (which I'm not), let me explain. Some posters have essentially written off parental responsibility by saying that kids away at college are going to do whatever the hell they want. True, but hopefully your kid will have a good moral compass, good self esteem, and a sense of personal responsibility when you send them off. And hopefully they'll be a good judge of character and surround themselves with good people...and not rent friends for four years and opt to be a lemming.

I posted about my rape back toward the beginning of this thread. It was on my 21st birthday. I was a college student, but home on summer break. The rapist was a college student, someone one of my two closet friends knew from school. We ran into him out at the bar where we were celebrating my birthday. He bought me a beer. I wasn't interested in him. I didn't go home with him. The two women he was with drove my friend and I home, and somehow, he ended up coming back to my parents' house with us. My parents were home and awake when we got there - I remember my dad and my sister sitting out on the back deck with us. I don't remember going up to bed, but I have flashes of what happened after that. He raped me on the floor of my bedroom, while my friend slept in the same room, and my parents slept 30 feet away.

My parents taught me good judgement. My lapse: I accepted a beer from a friend of a good friend.

Was the beer spiked?

Why didn't your friend wake up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And if girls and women did not participate in this hookup culture . . . .

Young women want relationships with men but they get to college and see that people no longer date so they go with the flow and end up very disappointed. It does not help that other women call them trashy for wanting relationships before they are thirty (see 26 year old birthday thread).
It will take an entire generation of young women to stand up and say "this hookup culture sucks and yes I do want to date and get to know someone slowly".

It also needs to be okay for boys to say they don't like the hook up culture and want a relationship first.

Most boys will not say this. They are walking raging hormones that will sleep with anyone. Young women need to take control and just say no or they will continue to let the hookup culture thrive. This is not the same as the rape victim in the article. She was not given the chance to say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another parent of a son who is going to be educating him consistently and repeatedly on the concept of consent.

Likewise. So horrified by the stories of the parents threatening to sue the accusers. I assume the parents believe their sons are innocent? I pray that I can teach my child to treat women with respect. I agree that all moms should caution their daughters about the real dangers that are out there, but let's not pretend that the real problem and the critical education lies with those of us raising the men who grow up to either treat women well or abuse them.

Boys need to be taught girls giving up sex freely may signal an issue. They should not take every offer, to be selective with sexual partners. I think this is where the fine line starts and it is a moving line.

Well said! My son is 3 at this point I'm ready to go all celebrity lawyer on him and counsel him to execute a consent contract with a witness and notarized signature. In addition if the woman seems in anyway impaired- walk / run away with witness