I'm Jewish. Ask me anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hitler made a movie explaining the "Jewish look." I think that says it all when it comes to describing a look as Jewish. It's out right bigotry. I don't care if you don't mean anything by it. If you tell me, " you don't look Jewish," I think that you are an anti Semitic ignoramus. Period.

He was a racist and hated Jews because they were of a different race, a race that he hated partly because of esthetics and partly because of culture. It had nothing to do with religion for him, he was an athiest. That sociopath was evil, we know, but that does not mean that there is no Jewish look. It is real, I just wish that more Jews could be proud of it.

Judaism is not a race. Its a religion.

Actually it is both an ethnicity and a religion.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

"I can print them on my printer."

[Anonymous]

Not as funny as the last one, but then it does contain a quote I've probably heard 40 or 50 times in my life: "Dude, I Jewed him down. . . no offense."

[Anonymous]

New poster here with a genuine question for OP (and other Jews). My DH and his family are Jewish.

Can anyone explain to me why ANY invitation or request from my husband's family (MIL, SIL, Grandparents, cousins, etc.) is expected to be met with a YES? NO's are simply unacceptable.

My inlaws get bent out of shape anytime they want us to visit them (in NY) and we can't make it. They invite themselves for long stays at our house and get offended when we limit their stay to 5 days or so. Same with SIL - its like if she invites us for brunch we MUST come or we are rude! Where does this mentality come from?

Also, the notion that EVERY wedding, bris, bar/bat mitzvah and funeral MUST be attended, no matter the cost/inconvenience/distance, OR how little you know the relative in question.

What gives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here with a genuine question for OP (and other Jews). My DH and his family are Jewish.

Can anyone explain to me why ANY invitation or request from my husband's family (MIL, SIL, Grandparents, cousins, etc.) is expected to be met with a YES? NO's are simply unacceptable.

My inlaws get bent out of shape anytime they want us to visit them (in NY) and we can't make it. They invite themselves for long stays at our house and get offended when we limit their stay to 5 days or so. Same with SIL - its like if she invites us for brunch we MUST come or we are rude! Where does this mentality come from?

Also, the notion that EVERY wedding, bris, bar/bat mitzvah and funeral MUST be attended, no matter the cost/inconvenience/distance, OR how little you know the relative in question.

What gives?

That's not a Jewish thing. That's a "your in-laws" thing. There's nothing in the Tanakh or Talmud requiring perfect attendence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here with a genuine question for OP (and other Jews). My DH and his family are Jewish.

Can anyone explain to me why ANY invitation or request from my husband's family (MIL, SIL, Grandparents, cousins, etc.) is expected to be met with a YES? NO's are simply unacceptable.

My inlaws get bent out of shape anytime they want us to visit them (in NY) and we can't make it. They invite themselves for long stays at our house and get offended when we limit their stay to 5 days or so. Same with SIL - its like if she invites us for brunch we MUST come or we are rude! Where does this mentality come from?

Also, the notion that EVERY wedding, bris, bar/bat mitzvah and funeral MUST be attended, no matter the cost/inconvenience/distance, OR how little you know the relative in question.

What gives?

That's not a Jewish thing. That's a "your in-laws" thing. There's nothing in the Tanakh or Talmud requiring perfect attendence.

I'm the person you quoted. Its pretty systemic throughout my husband's entire extended family, as well as the family DH's sister married into (also Jewish.) You really think its "just them" and there is not a cultural component?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here with a genuine question for OP (and other Jews). My DH and his family are Jewish.

Can anyone explain to me why ANY invitation or request from my husband's family (MIL, SIL, Grandparents, cousins, etc.) is expected to be met with a YES? NO's are simply unacceptable.

My inlaws get bent out of shape anytime they want us to visit them (in NY) and we can't make it. They invite themselves for long stays at our house and get offended when we limit their stay to 5 days or so. Same with SIL - its like if she invites us for brunch we MUST come or we are rude! Where does this mentality come from?

Also, the notion that EVERY wedding, bris, bar/bat mitzvah and funeral MUST be attended, no matter the cost/inconvenience/distance, OR how little you know the relative in question.

What gives?

That's not a Jewish thing. That's a "your in-laws" thing. There's nothing in the Tanakh or Talmud requiring perfect attendence.

I'm the person you quoted. Its pretty systemic throughout my husband's entire extended family, as well as the family DH's sister married into (also Jewish.) You really think its "just them" and there is not a cultural component?

Yes. The plural of "anecdote" is not "data."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here with a genuine question for OP (and other Jews). My DH and his family are Jewish.

Can anyone explain to me why ANY invitation or request from my husband's family (MIL, SIL, Grandparents, cousins, etc.) is expected to be met with a YES? NO's are simply unacceptable.

My inlaws get bent out of shape anytime they want us to visit them (in NY) and we can't make it. They invite themselves for long stays at our house and get offended when we limit their stay to 5 days or so. Same with SIL - its like if she invites us for brunch we MUST come or we are rude! Where does this mentality come from?

Also, the notion that EVERY wedding, bris, bar/bat mitzvah and funeral MUST be attended, no matter the cost/inconvenience/distance, OR how little you know the relative in question.

What gives?

My DH is Jewish as well, and his family is like this. They place a very high value on family. Maybe it is cultural. Every bris, every bar/bat mitzvah, funeral etc. is a command performance.

OTOH, when our kids were baptized and confirmed, the ILs refused to hear about it much less attend.

[Anonymous]

Jew here. My family is like that too with the perfect attendance. It's two things: 1) what we like to call a "shtetl" mentality - like you're living in the shtetl (the old Jewish ghetto village in Europe) and family is EVERYTHING. 2) Guilt. Ok, mostly guilt. And more guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here with a genuine question for OP (and other Jews). My DH and his family are Jewish.

Can anyone explain to me why ANY invitation or request from my husband's family (MIL, SIL, Grandparents, cousins, etc.) is expected to be met with a YES? NO's are simply unacceptable.

My inlaws get bent out of shape anytime they want us to visit them (in NY) and we can't make it. They invite themselves for long stays at our house and get offended when we limit their stay to 5 days or so. Same with SIL - its like if she invites us for brunch we MUST come or we are rude! Where does this mentality come from?

Also, the notion that EVERY wedding, bris, bar/bat mitzvah and funeral MUST be attended, no matter the cost/inconvenience/distance, OR how little you know the relative in question.

What gives?

My DH is Jewish as well, and his family is like this. They place a very high value on family. Maybe it is cultural. Every bris, every bar/bat mitzvah, funeral etc. is a command performance.

OTOH, when our kids were baptized and confirmed, the ILs refused to hear about it much less attend.

This is a generalization. My family is fairly observant. If you can make it; great. If you can't, we're sad not to see you, but we'll see you at the next event. Now, if you're young and still in college or young and just starting out, my family will offer to take care of your air/hotel/food just as if you were still a child. Visiting sometimes can be very expensive. Money should not be a barrier to attendance (at least in my family)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here; Jew married to a Non-Jew. Responding to various points that have been brought up in this thread.

I belong to a reform synagogue that is accepting of interfaith marriage and very welcoming to all. I don't go to services but I am involved in other aspects of synagogue life, volunteering, participating in various educational opportunities etc. To me being a Jew is so much a part of my identity and I appreciate the values that Judism teaches, but the actual services or spiritual aspects do not move me. There are lots of "Jewish atheists" in my synagogue.

We have a tree and I have a Star of David topper. I'm irreverant that way. I also give a big holiday party every year and call it Chrismukka and serve brisket and latkes with candy canes and egg nog. (lots of other stuff too but you get the idea)

My friends come from all over. I don't exclusively hang out with Jews. As I mentioned above, my husband is not Jewish.

I bend over backwards to avoid the "cheap" stereotype. Eg. I never quibble about a restaurant bill and I tip well.

There is a "Jewish Look" because the grandparents and great grandparents of the majority of Jews in the U.S came from Eastern Europe and the former Soviet block countries during the years 1884-1924. My great grandparents and grandparents came from Russia and Poland.

There are many of us that don't necessarily support the current Israeli government, but all of us believe in Israel's right to exist and the need for a Jewish homeland. I didn't support the GWB administration here at home, but I was and still am proud to be an American. I don't think that being critical of the Israeli govt equates with being antisemitic. Sometimes it does, but it isn't automatic.

I think that most would agree that there is a "Jewish Look" just as there is an Irish Look, a Swedish Look, an Italian Look, etc. The question is, why is it offensive to say "you don't look Jewish" or "she looks Jewish" whereas it is not offensive to say e.g. "you don't look Irish" or "she looks so Swedish"?

Because this "observation" is often associated with general stereotyping or outright bigotry. In earlier days, looking, e.g., Irish, was also associated with these things ("no Irish need apply"). Not so much anymore.

I'm Jewish, but I guess I didn't look it, at least when I was a teenager. I had several experiences with "friends" and acquaintances making blatantly antisemitic remarks to me -- about others. The best was one when one pretty girl whose pants I wanted to get into was talking about a particular family she didn't like, and I asked her why. She wrinkled her nose, and said under her breath in a drippingly contemptuous tone, "they're Jews." I guess my expression gave me away, and she started to apologize, but that was of course it for us. Happily, I went to the same college with her blonde, blue-eyed cousin, with whom I also had a mutual attraction, and who I fucked. We had a good laugh about her cousin as part of our pillow talk.

Living well isn't the best revenge; it's fucking their cousin and laughing about them with her.

But back to the original point, yeah, "you don't look Jewish" is up there with asking a black girl if you can touch her hair.

Sorry, not buying it. Just because it has been associated with bigotry over the years doesn't mean that everyone making that observation in the here and now is a bigot. As you say, not so much anymore. Reacting with offense at such a statement is just a knee-jerk, cry-antisemitism response. Not buying it.

Aside from that, you sound like a misogynistic jerk.

How often do you hear someone say, "oh you don't look Swedish," vs. "oh you don't look Jewish?" The reason is because being Jewish connotes a set of characteristics besides appearance, and so whether one is or is not Jewish matters to the speaker more than being Swedish does. When people say "you don't look Jewish," no doubt some have nothing more in mind than physical appearance. The frequency with which the look statement is made about Jewish rather than Swedish or Russian or French strongly suggests that many speakers are in fact saying, "oh you don't look like someone who would be cheap, pushy, clannish, and/or X."

You are attributing bigoted thoughts to everyone who makes such a statement. Everyone.

So, prohibiting such as statement as antiSemitic basically means that the burden is one all nonJewish people to refrain from saying anything that a Jewish person might experience as antiSemitic, as opposed to the burden being on the Jewish person not to take anything potentially antiSemitic as such. Just as, e.g. the burden is on nonJewish people to refrain from saying anything at all against Israel lest the speaker be misconstrued to be an antiSemite.

I get it.

I don't think you do get it. You are someone I would call anti semitic because you clearly are.

Actually, I am married to a Jew and in the process of converting to Judaism. So um, no, I'm not.

I sure hope you don't spew this stuff to your DH's family. Are you sure you want to convert? It sure doesn't sound like it. It sounds like it really pisses you off that Jews are calling a spade a spade. It sounds like you have anti Semitic views and it bugs that crap out of you that your beliefs are unacceptable among Jews. Why would you want to join a religion that finds your beliefs to be anti Jewish?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here with a genuine question for OP (and other Jews). My DH and his family are Jewish.

Can anyone explain to me why ANY invitation or request from my husband's family (MIL, SIL, Grandparents, cousins, etc.) is expected to be met with a YES? NO's are simply unacceptable.

My inlaws get bent out of shape anytime they want us to visit them (in NY) and we can't make it. They invite themselves for long stays at our house and get offended when we limit their stay to 5 days or so. Same with SIL - its like if she invites us for brunch we MUST come or we are rude! Where does this mentality come from?

Also, the notion that EVERY wedding, bris, bar/bat mitzvah and funeral MUST be attended, no matter the cost/inconvenience/distance, OR how little you know the relative in question.

What gives?

My DH is Jewish as well, and his family is like this. They place a very high value on family. Maybe it is cultural. Every bris, every bar/bat mitzvah, funeral etc. is a command performance.

OTOH, when our kids were baptized and confirmed, the ILs refused to hear about it much less attend.

This is a generalization. My family is fairly observant. If you can make it; great. If you can't, we're sad not to see you, but we'll see you at the next event. Now, if you're young and still in college or young and just starting out, my family will offer to take care of your air/hotel/food just as if you were still a child. Visiting sometimes can be very expensive. Money should not be a barrier to attendance (at least in my family)

Jew here -

I place a very high value on family and either me or DH tries to attend every celebration, even my nephew's 3rd birthday in another state (at considerable expense) bc there was a ritualistic aspect of getting his first haircut at 3. I was sad (though I totally understood) when my siblings were unable to attend our celebrations.

Also, after my brother had a baby, I debated whether to fly down for the bris (circumcision). Pretty much everyone I asked told me I should go, even though it was expensive, last minute, and totally inconvenient. My brother said he would absolutely understand if I couldnt make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here; Jew married to a Non-Jew. Responding to various points that have been brought up in this thread.

I belong to a reform synagogue that is accepting of interfaith marriage and very welcoming to all. I don't go to services but I am involved in other aspects of synagogue life, volunteering, participating in various educational opportunities etc. To me being a Jew is so much a part of my identity and I appreciate the values that Judism teaches, but the actual services or spiritual aspects do not move me. There are lots of "Jewish atheists" in my synagogue.

We have a tree and I have a Star of David topper. I'm irreverant that way. I also give a big holiday party every year and call it Chrismukka and serve brisket and latkes with candy canes and egg nog. (lots of other stuff too but you get the idea)

My friends come from all over. I don't exclusively hang out with Jews. As I mentioned above, my husband is not Jewish.

I bend over backwards to avoid the "cheap" stereotype. Eg. I never quibble about a restaurant bill and I tip well.

There is a "Jewish Look" because the grandparents and great grandparents of the majority of Jews in the U.S came from Eastern Europe and the former Soviet block countries during the years 1884-1924. My great grandparents and grandparents came from Russia and Poland.

There are many of us that don't necessarily support the current Israeli government, but all of us believe in Israel's right to exist and the need for a Jewish homeland. I didn't support the GWB administration here at home, but I was and still am proud to be an American. I don't think that being critical of the Israeli govt equates with being antisemitic. Sometimes it does, but it isn't automatic.

I think that most would agree that there is a "Jewish Look" just as there is an Irish Look, a Swedish Look, an Italian Look, etc. The question is, why is it offensive to say "you don't look Jewish" or "she looks Jewish" whereas it is not offensive to say e.g. "you don't look Irish" or "she looks so Swedish"?

Because this "observation" is often associated with general stereotyping or outright bigotry. In earlier days, looking, e.g., Irish, was also associated with these things ("no Irish need apply"). Not so much anymore.

I'm Jewish, but I guess I didn't look it, at least when I was a teenager. I had several experiences with "friends" and acquaintances making blatantly antisemitic remarks to me -- about others. The best was one when one pretty girl whose pants I wanted to get into was talking about a particular family she didn't like, and I asked her why. She wrinkled her nose, and said under her breath in a drippingly contemptuous tone, "they're Jews." I guess my expression gave me away, and she started to apologize, but that was of course it for us. Happily, I went to the same college with her blonde, blue-eyed cousin, with whom I also had a mutual attraction, and who I fucked. We had a good laugh about her cousin as part of our pillow talk.

Living well isn't the best revenge; it's fucking their cousin and laughing about them with her.

But back to the original point, yeah, "you don't look Jewish" is up there with asking a black girl if you can touch her hair.

You sound sick. Are you a fine example of a classy Jewish man? I hope our daughters (and yours) don't ever meet up with a man like you. Respect yourself first then you can respect others.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I used to make Xmas cookies and I would bring some to the office. I made stars and trees usually. The star cookie cutter I had was a 6 pointed star. I liked it b/c it was a little different than the usual 5 point star. Anyway, I sprinkled the trees with green sprinkles and the stars with yellow sprinkles b/c stars have yellow light -- right?. My closest friends at the office were all Jewish. I never thought that the yellow sprinkles on the 6 point stars might have a negative connection to the Holocaust, but I think someone (might not have been someone at work) told me that it was a bad idea and offensive.

Would you be offended by Christmas cookies that are 6 point stars with yellow sprinkles on white frosting? Am I so clueless that I'm anti-semetic by accident?