I'm Jewish. Ask me anything.

[Anonymous]

Re the attendance: another NP Jew here, and that's a close-knit family thing, not a Jewish thing. As for your SIL's family being similar and also Jewish, it doesn't surprise me that two people who came from families with similar emotional styles and ways of relating might get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hitler made a movie explaining the "Jewish look." I think that says it all when it comes to describing a look as Jewish. It's out right bigotry. I don't care if you don't mean anything by it. If you tell me, " you don't look Jewish," I think that you are an anti Semitic ignoramus. Period.

He was a racist and hated Jews because they were of a different race, a race that he hated partly because of esthetics and partly because of culture. It had nothing to do with religion for him, he was an athiest. That sociopath was evil, we know, but that does not mean that there is no Jewish look. It is real, I just wish that more Jews could be proud of it.

There is a gay look, I just wish more fags, er, gay people, could be proud of it.

As they should be.
I am African American and I have heard my share of comments and putdowns about the way AAs look. The response to me is not to say there is no AA look! I spend much of my time trying to get my kids to be proud of their looks and accentuate all of the positives. I have noticed that many white ethnic minorities like Jews, Italians, and Greeks try to blend in rather than confront the issue. Yes, they have larger handsome noses, rich dark hair that is full of body, thick dark eyelashes, and beautiful summer tans!
I could tell Hitler about what is not so positive about the Aryan look, but I have no desire to sink that low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think that most would agree that there is a "Jewish Look" just as there is an Irish Look, a Swedish Look, an Italian Look, etc. The question is, why is it offensive to say "you don't look Jewish" or "she looks Jewish" whereas it is not offensive to say e.g. "you don't look Irish" or "she looks so Swedish"?

Because this "observation" is often associated with general stereotyping or outright bigotry. In earlier days, looking, e.g., Irish, was also associated with these things ("no Irish need apply"). Not so much anymore.

I'm Jewish, but I guess I didn't look it, at least when I was a teenager. I had several experiences with "friends" and acquaintances making blatantly antisemitic remarks to me -- about others. The best was one when one pretty girl whose pants I wanted to get into was talking about a particular family she didn't like, and I asked her why. She wrinkled her nose, and said under her breath in a drippingly contemptuous tone, "they're Jews." I guess my expression gave me away, and she started to apologize, but that was of course it for us. Happily, I went to the same college with her blonde, blue-eyed cousin, with whom I also had a mutual attraction, and who I fucked. We had a good laugh about her cousin as part of our pillow talk.

Living well isn't the best revenge; it's fucking their cousin and laughing about them with her.

But back to the original point, yeah, "you don't look Jewish" is up there with asking a black girl if you can touch her hair.

You sound sick. Are you a fine example of a classy Jewish man? I hope our daughters (and yours) don't ever meet up with a man like you. Respect yourself first then you can respect others.

You sound defensive and probably pretty anti-semitic. The cousin and I wanted to be with each other. As we basked in post-coital glow, she joked about how she was much more aryan-looking than the anti-semitic cousin, and how aghast said anti-semitic cousin would likely be if she knew I'd fucked her. If your daughter is a stone cold bigot, you should be glad if the worst that happens to her is somebody to whom she makes a racist remark laughs about her after sex with her cousin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I used to make Xmas cookies and I would bring some to the office. I made stars and trees usually. The star cookie cutter I had was a 6 pointed star. I liked it b/c it was a little different than the usual 5 point star. Anyway, I sprinkled the trees with green sprinkles and the stars with yellow sprinkles b/c stars have yellow light -- right?. My closest friends at the office were all Jewish. I never thought that the yellow sprinkles on the 6 point stars might have a negative connection to the Holocaust, but I think someone (might not have been someone at work) told me that it was a bad idea and offensive.

Would you be offended by Christmas cookies that are 6 point stars with yellow sprinkles on white frosting? Am I so clueless that I'm anti-semetic by accident?

http://history1900s.about.com/od/holocaust/a/yellowstar.htm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here with a genuine question for OP (and other Jews). My DH and his family are Jewish.

Can anyone explain to me why ANY invitation or request from my husband's family (MIL, SIL, Grandparents, cousins, etc.) is expected to be met with a YES? NO's are simply unacceptable.

My inlaws get bent out of shape anytime they want us to visit them (in NY) and we can't make it. They invite themselves for long stays at our house and get offended when we limit their stay to 5 days or so. Same with SIL - its like if she invites us for brunch we MUST come or we are rude! Where does this mentality come from?

Also, the notion that EVERY wedding, bris, bar/bat mitzvah and funeral MUST be attended, no matter the cost/inconvenience/distance, OR how little you know the relative in question.

What gives?

That's not a Jewish thing. That's a "your in-laws" thing. There's nothing in the Tanakh or Talmud requiring perfect attendence.

I'm the person you quoted. Its pretty systemic throughout my husband's entire extended family, as well as the family DH's sister married into (also Jewish.) You really think its "just them" and there is not a cultural component?

Yes. The plural of "anecdote" is not "data."

NP. I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I used to make Xmas cookies and I would bring some to the office. I made stars and trees usually. The star cookie cutter I had was a 6 pointed star. I liked it b/c it was a little different than the usual 5 point star. Anyway, I sprinkled the trees with green sprinkles and the stars with yellow sprinkles b/c stars have yellow light -- right?. My closest friends at the office were all Jewish. I never thought that the yellow sprinkles on the 6 point stars might have a negative connection to the Holocaust, but I think someone (might not have been someone at work) told me that it was a bad idea and offensive.

Would you be offended by Christmas cookies that are 6 point stars with yellow sprinkles on white frosting? Am I so clueless that I'm anti-semetic by accident?

Not the OP- but I would not be offended. I would think, "Oh, stars of david" or "That Christian lady has a Jewish cookie cutter and didn't even notice."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hitler made a movie explaining the "Jewish look." I think that says it all when it comes to describing a look as Jewish. It's out right bigotry. I don't care if you don't mean anything by it. If you tell me, " you don't look Jewish," I think that you are an anti Semitic ignoramus. Period.

He was a racist and hated Jews because they were of a different race, a race that he hated partly because of esthetics and partly because of culture. It had nothing to do with religion for him, he was an athiest. That sociopath was evil, we know, but that does not mean that there is no Jewish look. It is real, I just wish that more Jews could be proud of it.

There is a gay look, I just wish more fags, er, gay people, could be proud of it.

As they should be.
I am African American and I have heard my share of comments and putdowns about the way AAs look. The response to me is not to say there is no AA look! I spend much of my time trying to get my kids to be proud of their looks and accentuate all of the positives. I have noticed that many white ethnic minorities like Jews, Italians, and Greeks try to blend in rather than confront the issue. Yes, they have larger handsome noses, rich dark hair that is full of body, thick dark eyelashes, and beautiful summer tans!
I could tell Hitler about what is not so positive about the Aryan look, but I have no desire to sink that low.

The problem is that what you wrote above applies to people who aren't Jewish. I Jewish and am pale as could be with blond hair, blue eyes, a small nose and freckles. I don't have thick eye lashes. You have described a stereotype.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I used to make Xmas cookies and I would bring some to the office. I made stars and trees usually. The star cookie cutter I had was a 6 pointed star. I liked it b/c it was a little different than the usual 5 point star. Anyway, I sprinkled the trees with green sprinkles and the stars with yellow sprinkles b/c stars have yellow light -- right?. My closest friends at the office were all Jewish. I never thought that the yellow sprinkles on the 6 point stars might have a negative connection to the Holocaust, but I think someone (might not have been someone at work) told me that it was a bad idea and offensive.

Would you be offended by Christmas cookies that are 6 point stars with yellow sprinkles on white frosting? Am I so clueless that I'm anti-semetic by accident?

http://history1900s.about.com/od/holocaust/a/yellowstar.htm

Yes, PP I AM aware of the yellow star of David being used during WWII to identify the Jews. I was aware of that at the time I made the cookies. I just never connected making Christmas cookies in the shape of a star with the Holocaust b/c I don't think about the Holocaust much. I just looked at it as a star cookie and I sprinkled it yellow b/c stars are yellow. My question is not whether yellow six-pointed stars are connected to the Holocaust, but whether OP (or others) would have made that connection upon seeing a plate of cookies -- some of which were trees sprinkled in green -- and whether OP (or others) would take offense at seeing said cookies.

[Anonymous]

17:17 --- I think you are right -- I probably bought it from the Haunukah section and didn't even notice. I just thought it was a little bit different star and I liked it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I used to make Xmas cookies and I would bring some to the office. I made stars and trees usually. The star cookie cutter I had was a 6 pointed star. I liked it b/c it was a little different than the usual 5 point star. Anyway, I sprinkled the trees with green sprinkles and the stars with yellow sprinkles b/c stars have yellow light -- right?. My closest friends at the office were all Jewish. I never thought that the yellow sprinkles on the 6 point stars might have a negative connection to the Holocaust, but I think someone (might not have been someone at work) told me that it was a bad idea and offensive.

Would you be offended by Christmas cookies that are 6 point stars with yellow sprinkles on white frosting? Am I so clueless that I'm anti-semetic by accident?

http://history1900s.about.com/od/holocaust/a/yellowstar.htm

Yes, PP I AM aware of the yellow star of David being used during WWII to identify the Jews. I was aware of that at the time I made the cookies. I just never connected making Christmas cookies in the shape of a star with the Holocaust b/c I don't think about the Holocaust much. I just looked at it as a star cookie and I sprinkled it yellow b/c stars are yellow. My question is not whether yellow six-pointed stars are connected to the Holocaust, but whether OP (or others) would have made that connection upon seeing a plate of cookies -- some of which were trees sprinkled in green -- and whether OP (or others) would take offense at seeing said cookies.

I wouldn't describe you as racist so much as clueless. Yeah, yellow is a pretty color, and the sun is a star, and it's yellow, and 6 point stars are a nice change from 5 points, but then the yellow six-point star was used to mark 6 million or so Jews for gassing and burning. So yeah, if you don't see how using yellow 6 point stars as pretty Christmas decorations is insensitive, you are pretty fucking clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here with a genuine question for OP (and other Jews). My DH and his family are Jewish.

Can anyone explain to me why ANY invitation or request from my husband's family (MIL, SIL, Grandparents, cousins, etc.) is expected to be met with a YES? NO's are simply unacceptable.

My inlaws get bent out of shape anytime they want us to visit them (in NY) and we can't make it. They invite themselves for long stays at our house and get offended when we limit their stay to 5 days or so. Same with SIL - its like if she invites us for brunch we MUST come or we are rude! Where does this mentality come from?

Also, the notion that EVERY wedding, bris, bar/bat mitzvah and funeral MUST be attended, no matter the cost/inconvenience/distance, OR how little you know the relative in question.

What gives?

My DH is Jewish as well, and his family is like this. They place a very high value on family. Maybe it is cultural. Every bris, every bar/bat mitzvah, funeral etc. is a command performance.

OTOH, when our kids were baptized and confirmed, the ILs refused to hear about it much less attend.

My DH is Jewish too and this describes his family to a T. It might be anecdotal, but even most Jews I know joke about this facet of their family dynamic. We have had endless fights over his parents' demands that we drive to New York to celebrate minor family get togethers. When we first got married, his parents tried to use guilt on us every time, but to their credit they finally realized that guilt is counterproductive when dealing with someone who wasn't raised in a culture of guilt. It actually made me dig my heels in and be less willing to show up to things. We have come to a much more pleasant detente after fifteen years. I try harder to understand why they want to celebrate every event as a group, and they have learned to respect that I am much more independent. We show up on our terms now, but keep in mind that they genuinely want us there and try to make an effort even when we would rather stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I used to make Xmas cookies and I would bring some to the office. I made stars and trees usually. The star cookie cutter I had was a 6 pointed star. I liked it b/c it was a little different than the usual 5 point star. Anyway, I sprinkled the trees with green sprinkles and the stars with yellow sprinkles b/c stars have yellow light -- right?. My closest friends at the office were all Jewish. I never thought that the yellow sprinkles on the 6 point stars might have a negative connection to the Holocaust, but I think someone (might not have been someone at work) told me that it was a bad idea and offensive.

Would you be offended by Christmas cookies that are 6 point stars with yellow sprinkles on white frosting? Am I so clueless that I'm anti-semetic by accident?

http://history1900s.about.com/od/holocaust/a/yellowstar.htm

Yes, PP I AM aware of the yellow star of David being used during WWII to identify the Jews. I was aware of that at the time I made the cookies. I just never connected making Christmas cookies in the shape of a star with the Holocaust b/c I don't think about the Holocaust much. I just looked at it as a star cookie and I sprinkled it yellow b/c stars are yellow. My question is not whether yellow six-pointed stars are connected to the Holocaust, but whether OP (or others) would have made that connection upon seeing a plate of cookies -- some of which were trees sprinkled in green -- and whether OP (or others) would take offense at seeing said cookies.

I would not have associated it with the Holocaust. The context was a holiday celebration and many people color stars yellow because they give off light. It's not as if you wrote JUDE on it. If someone was sensitive to it, they were overreacting and I would chalk it up to someone being overly sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I used to make Xmas cookies and I would bring some to the office. I made stars and trees usually. The star cookie cutter I had was a 6 pointed star. I liked it b/c it was a little different than the usual 5 point star. Anyway, I sprinkled the trees with green sprinkles and the stars with yellow sprinkles b/c stars have yellow light -- right?. My closest friends at the office were all Jewish. I never thought that the yellow sprinkles on the 6 point stars might have a negative connection to the Holocaust, but I think someone (might not have been someone at work) told me that it was a bad idea and offensive.

Would you be offended by Christmas cookies that are 6 point stars with yellow sprinkles on white frosting? Am I so clueless that I'm anti-semetic by accident?

http://history1900s.about.com/od/holocaust/a/yellowstar.htm

Yes, PP I AM aware of the yellow star of David being used during WWII to identify the Jews. I was aware of that at the time I made the cookies. I just never connected making Christmas cookies in the shape of a star with the Holocaust b/c I don't think about the Holocaust much. I just looked at it as a star cookie and I sprinkled it yellow b/c stars are yellow. My question is not whether yellow six-pointed stars are connected to the Holocaust, but whether OP (or others) would have made that connection upon seeing a plate of cookies -- some of which were trees sprinkled in green -- and whether OP (or others) would take offense at seeing said cookies.

I would not have associated it with the Holocaust. The context was a holiday celebration and many people color stars yellow because they give off light. It's not as if you wrote JUDE on it. If someone was sensitive to it, they were overreacting and I would chalk it up to someone being overly sensitive.

Sorry. Not the OP but Jewish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious to see what questions you may have.

Do you consider the Old Testament the word of God?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I used to make Xmas cookies and I would bring some to the office. I made stars and trees usually. The star cookie cutter I had was a 6 pointed star. I liked it b/c it was a little different than the usual 5 point star. Anyway, I sprinkled the trees with green sprinkles and the stars with yellow sprinkles b/c stars have yellow light -- right?. My closest friends at the office were all Jewish. I never thought that the yellow sprinkles on the 6 point stars might have a negative connection to the Holocaust, but I think someone (might not have been someone at work) told me that it was a bad idea and offensive.

Would you be offended by Christmas cookies that are 6 point stars with yellow sprinkles on white frosting? Am I so clueless that I'm anti-semetic by accident?

http://history1900s.about.com/od/holocaust/a/yellowstar.htm

Yes, PP I AM aware of the yellow star of David being used during WWII to identify the Jews. I was aware of that at the time I made the cookies. I just never connected making Christmas cookies in the shape of a star with the Holocaust b/c I don't think about the Holocaust much. I just looked at it as a star cookie and I sprinkled it yellow b/c stars are yellow. My question is not whether yellow six-pointed stars are connected to the Holocaust, but whether OP (or others) would have made that connection upon seeing a plate of cookies -- some of which were trees sprinkled in green -- and whether OP (or others) would take offense at seeing said cookies.

I wouldn't describe you as racist so much as clueless. Yeah, yellow is a pretty color, and the sun is a star, and it's yellow, and 6 point stars are a nice change from 5 points, but then the yellow six-point star was used to mark 6 million or so Jews for gassing and burning. So yeah, if you don't see how using yellow 6 point stars as pretty Christmas decorations is insensitive, you are pretty fucking clueless.

The six-pointed star is called the "Star of Creation" in Christianity and is associated with the six days of creation. It is often used in religious paintings of Jesus to signify his divinity as part of the Holy Trinity. The star that appeared over Bethlehem is also often depicted as a six-pointed star for this reason. Our Christmas tree at church is topped by a six-pointed yellow star. I imagine that this is the reason that the PP found a Christmas cookie cutter with six points. Symbols can mean different things to different people and in different contexts, so I don't think it is necessary to call the PP "pretty fucking stupid" for using a well-known symbol of Christmas to celebrate Christmas.