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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]New poster here with a genuine question for OP (and other Jews).  My DH and his family are Jewish.

Can anyone explain to me why ANY invitation or request from my husband's family (MIL, SIL, Grandparents, cousins, etc.) is expected to be met with a YES? NO's are simply unacceptable.

My inlaws get bent out of shape anytime they want us to visit them (in NY) and we can't make it. They invite themselves for long stays at our house and get offended when we limit their stay to 5 days or so. Same with SIL - its like if she invites us for brunch we MUST come or we are rude! Where does this mentality come from?

Also, the notion that EVERY wedding, bris, bar/bat mitzvah and funeral MUST be attended, no matter the cost/inconvenience/distance, OR how little you know the relative in question.

What gives?[/quote]

My DH is Jewish as well, and his family is like this.  They place a very high value on family.  Maybe it is cultural.  Every bris, every bar/bat mitzvah, funeral etc. is a command performance.

OTOH, when our kids were baptized and confirmed, the ILs refused to hear about it much less attend.[/quote]

This is a generalization.  My family is fairly observant.  If you can make it; great.  If you can't, we're sad not to see you, but we'll see you at the next event.  Now, if you're young and still in college or young and just starting out, my family will offer to take care of your air/hotel/food just as if you were still a child.  Visiting sometimes can be very expensive.  Money should not be a barrier to attendance (at least in my family)[/quote]

Jew here -

I place a very high value on family and either me or DH tries to attend every celebration, even my nephew's 3rd birthday in another state (at considerable expense) bc there was a ritualistic aspect of getting his first haircut at 3.  I was sad (though I totally understood) when my siblings were unable to attend our celebrations.

Also, after my brother had a baby, I debated whether to fly down for the bris  (circumcision). Pretty much everyone I asked told me I should go, even though it was expensive, last minute, and totally inconvenient.  My brother said he would absolutely understand if I couldnt make it.[/quote]

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