my husband is a terrible gift giver and it bums me out each year
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Anonymous
Why didn't you marry your ex then? There must be something your DH is better at. Focus on that maybe? |
Anonymous
Agreed! I grew up watching my mom pout her way through Hannukah, Valentine's Day, her Anniversary and her birthday because my dad wasn't in mind reader in to know what to buy her. I vowed to always tell my husband exactly what I wanted and that has birthdays holidays and anniversaries a lot more pleasant. (Probably also helps that I really don't care about flowers. ) I also make him buy presents for his side of the family and now that our daughter is old enough to understand Hanukkah and Christmas he took it upon himself to buy her some of her presents. |
Anonymous
| Because some folks want surprises, and they think if DH doesn't come up with the perfect gift without being told it means he isn't thinking, paying attention, romantic, etc. Could be gifts are their love language, and they really also think it matters that he discover it without their help. |
Anonymous
| been married foe 13 years.. dated for 16. in all that times hes now remembered 4 birthdays. today, my birthday. he brings in a awful card to trish from XXX. and a cushion. a cheap shitty ugly too big for anything cushion. wasnt even wrapped. i know he loves me and he loves how i spoil him on his birthday, getting gifts suited to him, often spending many many hours and days searching to get the right gift. and I get usually nothing or a cheap shitty cushion. I can even joke to regift it as it came unwrapped. this year he will get a cheap card. and a bottle of sun tan lotion. (nope, he doesnt use it and never will-just like me and that god awful cushion) |
Anonymous
I tried telling my husband of 28 years exactly what I wanted for Christmas. He got me a cheaper version because it was on sale and in his mind was just as good as the one I asked for. No I’m not mute, but he’s obviously deaf to my requests and I suspect there’s other husbands like him out there buying crappy gifts as well. |
Anonymous
| Buy your own presents and also if necessary plan your own dates with friends and family. I waited for my DH to do anything besides what he wants to for 15 years and now I am much happier knowing my birthday and Christmas will also include me and that I will definitely get to go to dinner and that play I want to see, if I go with my SIL or my buddy. |
Anonymous
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I look after ensuring my husband’s children and grandchildren as well as my children have thoughtful gifts, I try really hard to give him gifts from the heart.
In return all he has to look after is me. I don’t ask for expensive things. However every birthday and Christmas I am more and more disappointed. He goes out of his way to blast how commercial Christmas is and to prove his point he doesn’t bother to shop for me until Dec 23/24 and goes to the cheapest stores like Walmart grocery stores to buy me random cheap things. Then tells me he didn’t spend very much, like 18.99 for a mans watch to give to me!! Or the tackiest 5.99 necklace. He is absolutely thoughtless and it devestates me over and over again. He has no issues with racking up bills that I always end up looking after but can’t be bothered to spend time to give me a gift that is meaningful to show any amount of true appreciation of me. In order to minimize his behaviour he tries to make me feel guilty by saying how commercial gift giving is. Well he does nothing to makes me something special, write me a special note, seek out things that are not expensive but meaningful to me, nothing. He then acts like a victim if I show my hurt. In a nutshell he is very selfish I feel by being completely thoughtless when it comes to showing any level of appreciation of me or caring enough to want to make my special days meaningful for me. I love Christmas all the things, people together, special gifts to show how much we care not how much money we have. He ruins it by making me feel shitty about liking it. I told him he wins- i’m Done, there no point to it anymore. I am not going to do anything next year. |
Anonymous
| Next year, buy your own gift and give it to him to wrap. I am *not* a terrible gift giver, but I have the fussiest DH alive. He literally sends me a picture of what he wants or he buys it himself and I wrap it. It's fine. In the scheme of a long, happy marriage, I am okay and he is okay with this quirk. I surprise him with stocking stuffers- mainly chocolate, warm socks, and/or a very nice bottle of wine that we open on New Years. |
Anonymous
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You are soo lucky guys .I have been with my for 6 years now going to 7 he is terrible with gifts that make me soo sad .no appraciation at all
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Anonymous
| I can tell you that after 35+ years, it won’t get any better. The love language book, yeah... went right over his head. The Christmas before last, he asked what I’d like. Ok. I told him exactly which bracelet I’d like. I ended up getting a totally different one that I specifically told him I did not want. How’s that for listening? So, this is what I do: Buy exactly what you want. To me! From me! A Toyota Tacoma Limited! I bet he wished he’d gotten the bracelet lol. |
Anonymous
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My husband is a really bad gift giver. It doesnt matter if I drop hints or flat out tell him what I want I will get something off the wall that Id never want or use. .Im very low maintenance I dont get it .He couldnt give worse,gifts if he was trying to.25 years of marriage and Ive given up hope on it honestly.I just smile say thank you and throw in the back of the closet or regift and move on.I dont want to h
urt his feelings .Its the thought that counts but there needd to be a thought beyond I'm going to buy her something. |
Anonymous
We gave up buying gifts for each other because we rarely got it right and neither of us need anything and if we do we just buy it. So, we travel! We agree on where to go next, one of us takes charge and we have a great time. |
Anonymous
| Jewelry, Lingerie, Trips, Flowers, Clothes all work for me. |
Anonymous
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I am a woman and not really into giving and receiving gifts from my DH either. I put effort into kids’ gifts but I don’t always want to have to be bothered to get something for him. While it is cheesy, the “love languages” thing is pretty accurate. Luckily my DH and I both prefer “acts of service” and “quality time” over gifts.
Some of the PPs sound like their husbands are generally just not that loving at all, in any way. If that’s true then that sucks. But, you need a bigger fix to your marriage than just a nice necklace. If you have a spouse who does show you he loves you in some ways, it would really help you to focus on those and just stop hoping he will become a good gift giver after 20+ years. |
Anonymous
Sorry to laugh. I’ve just received some bargain basement tat. We have been together 25 years. Split for 4 months this year due to his selfish behaviour. Honestly never bothered me about gifts until last 2 years. I’ve done everything for him over years, he hasn’t lifted a finger |