What is your deepest family secret?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad to hear about how many of us were sexually abused as children.

Almost universally by family members, I noticed. Whenever people get up in arms up about "stranger danger" and the possibility that posting pictures of one's children on facebook will enflame the pedophiles, I just want to scream at them. It's almost guaranteed that the perpetrator of eventual abuse of your kids is ALREADY in your life. Parents should look at the facts, and focus their energies in the right place.

I've posted in other threads about how no other male, except for DH and Grandpa will every be alone with DD. Sorry, I just don't care. The other males in the family can have a relationship with my DD when we're around, but it's just not going to happen. I've been flamed for that point of view, but maybe after reading this thread, people will understand why.

hmmm. #1, I think that is going to be impossible to enforce. teachers, coaches, babysitters, neighbors, family. come on. #2, it seems that the low likelihood that this strategy actually prevents a molestation from taking place is greatly outweighed by the damage (distrust of males, related anxiety) that you are instilling in your daughter. #3, what is your husband's opinion on this? #4, your kid, so do what you want. good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad to hear about how many of us were sexually abused as children.

Almost universally by family members, I noticed. Whenever people get up in arms up about "stranger danger" and the possibility that posting pictures of one's children on facebook will enflame the pedophiles, I just want to scream at them. It's almost guaranteed that the perpetrator of eventual abuse of your kids is ALREADY in your life. Parents should look at the facts, and focus their energies in the right place.

I've posted in other threads about how no other male, except for DH and Grandpa will every be alone with DD. Sorry, I just don't care. The other males in the family can have a relationship with my DD when we're around, but it's just not going to happen. I've been flamed for that point of view, but maybe after reading this thread, people will understand why.

I might understand why, with one modification: no male INCLUDING DH and Grandpa will be allowed access. You would do far better to be observant and rational, than to be issue blanket prohibitions that are riddled with holes. This thread is FULL of stories of fathers and grandfathers being the perpetrators of abuse. And a few mothers, sisters and aunts, too.
I have random cousins I would trust more than my own father with my child. Grandpa doesn't get a pass because he's grandpa. It's about knowing who's around, and paying attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad to hear about how many of us were sexually abused as children.

I'm a member of another women's board where a specific thread for that was started, and I was shocked by how many women were molested as children -- especially that so many were molested by female family members, sometimes not much older than them. Some women were molested over multiple periods during their childhood and by completely different people. Call me naive, but I just had no idea this was so rampant. It really makes me question who I can trust with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad molested his sister when they were young adults. He told me when I was about 17 because I saw her be really mean to him one day and he felt like he had to tell me why she was so angry with him. It changed my view of him forever.

It is pretty unforgivable.

everything is forgivable, especially if it was something that happened when the offender was a child himself.

Nope, not everything is forgivable for everyone. Please don't try to impose your views on others, making them feel worse about an already bad situation.

well, it is a fact that everything is forgivable. but sure, to each their own. personally I think it much easier to heal if you do find it in your heart to forgive.

I suppose you would forgive someone who raped you, am I right? I sure as hell wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad molested his sister when they were young adults. He told me when I was about 17 because I saw her be really mean to him one day and he felt like he had to tell me why she was so angry with him. It changed my view of him forever.

It is pretty unforgivable.

everything is forgivable, especially if it was something that happened when the offender was a child himself.

Nope, not everything is forgivable for everyone. Please don't try to impose your views on others, making them feel worse about an already bad situation.

well, it is a fact that everything is forgivable. but sure, to each their own. personally I think it much easier to heal if you do find it in your heart to forgive.

I suppose you would forgive someone who raped you, am I right? I sure as hell wouldn't.

hey, Jesus forgave those who nailed him to a piece of wood! so it is possible, but of course difficult. I tend to forgive too easily, so yes, I would if asked and if I thought it was sincere.

[Anonymous]

My birth mom was in a religious cult in the late 70's in california. I was taken from her and placed with my grandparents who raised me. I recently found out the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad molested his sister when they were young adults. He told me when I was about 17 because I saw her be really mean to him one day and he felt like he had to tell me why she was so angry with him. It changed my view of him forever.

It is pretty unforgivable.

everything is forgivable, especially if it was something that happened when the offender was a child himself.

Nope, not everything is forgivable for everyone. Please don't try to impose your views on others, making them feel worse about an already bad situation.

well, it is a fact that everything is forgivable. but sure, to each their own. personally I think it much easier to heal if you do find it in your heart to forgive.

I suppose you would forgive someone who raped you, am I right? I sure as hell wouldn't.

hey, Jesus forgave those who nailed him to a piece of wood! so it is possible, but of course difficult. I tend to forgive too easily, so yes, I would if asked and if I thought it was sincere.

supposedly. . .who knows if that story is true.

[Anonymous]

I really think that PPs with childhood "experiences" [NOT involving adults or much older people than they, of course!] are terribly hard on themselves. Any counselor worth their weight will tell you if it was between young children, it is perfectly normal to experiment.

I am truly sorry for those who were violated by older people, especially relatives, and that of course is an entirely different situation. I hope you talk to someone who can help you work it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

hey, Jesus forgave those who nailed him to a piece of wood! so it is possible, but of course difficult. I tend to forgive too easily, so yes, I would if asked and if I thought it was sincere.

supposedly. . .who knows if that story is true.

And on a thread where grieving people are discussing their coping mechanisms, this was necessary ... why??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

hey, Jesus forgave those who nailed him to a piece of wood! so it is possible, but of course difficult. I tend to forgive too easily, so yes, I would if asked and if I thought it was sincere.

supposedly. . .who knows if that story is true.

And on a thread where grieving people are discussing their coping mechanisms, this was necessary ... why??

17:00 is an a$$hole, that's why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad molested his sister when they were young adults. He told me when I was about 17 because I saw her be really mean to him one day and he felt like he had to tell me why she was so angry with him. It changed my view of him forever.

It is pretty unforgivable.

everything is forgivable, especially if it was something that happened when the offender was a child himself.

Nope, not everything is forgivable for everyone. Please don't try to impose your views on others, making them feel worse about an already bad situation.

well, it is a fact that everything is forgivable. but sure, to each their own. personally I think it much easier to heal if you do find it in your heart to forgive.

I suppose you would forgive someone who raped you, am I right? I sure as hell wouldn't.

hey, Jesus forgave those who nailed him to a piece of wood! so it is possible, but of course difficult. I tend to forgive too easily, so yes, I would if asked and if I thought it was sincere.

We are all fallible humans and not the Son of God. For those of us who believe in Jesus, we are to emulate his life because we cannot live a perfect life. Many of us have traumatic experiences and it colors our lives forever. I agree that we need to forgive the wrong deeds of others, not for their sake, but for ourselves because it frees us of them and whatever has been done to hurt us. In time, most of us do forgive but that does not mean that we forget or that there is not still pain, anger, and even fear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad molested his sister when they were young adults. He told me when I was about 17 because I saw her be really mean to him one day and he felt like he had to tell me why she was so angry with him. It changed my view of him forever.

It is pretty unforgivable.

everything is forgivable, especially if it was something that happened when the offender was a child himself.

Nope, not everything is forgivable for everyone. Please don't try to impose your views on others, making them feel worse about an already bad situation.

well, it is a fact that everything is forgivable. but sure, to each their own. personally I think it much easier to heal if you do find it in your heart to forgive.

I suppose you would forgive someone who raped you, am I right? I sure as hell wouldn't.

Forgiving isn't forgetting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

hey, Jesus forgave those who nailed him to a piece of wood! so it is possible, but of course difficult. I tend to forgive too easily, so yes, I would if asked and if I thought it was sincere.

supposedly. . .who knows if that story is true.

And on a thread where grieving people are discussing their coping mechanisms, this was necessary ... why??

Actually, someone coming into the thread telling everyone to forgive their molester uncles, rapists, and abusers is pretty unnecessary...

Can we please go back to the secret-spilling and support, without discussions on race, forgiveness, and Jesus?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

hey, Jesus forgave those who nailed him to a piece of wood! so it is possible, but of course difficult. I tend to forgive too easily, so yes, I would if asked and if I thought it was sincere.

supposedly. . .who knows if that story is true.

And on a thread where grieving people are discussing their coping mechanisms, this was necessary ... why??

Actually, someone coming into the thread telling everyone to forgive their molester uncles, rapists, and abusers is pretty unnecessary...

Can we please go back to the secret-spilling and support, without discussions on race, forgiveness, and Jesus?

Of course. Let's just not diss anybody else's race, personal coping mechanism, or beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad to hear about how many of us were sexually abused as children.

I'm a member of another women's board where a specific thread for that was started, and I was shocked by how many women were molested as children -- especially that so many were molested by female family members, sometimes not much older than them. Some women were molested over multiple periods during their childhood and by completely different people. Call me naive, but I just had no idea this was so rampant. It really makes me question who I can trust with my kids.

Are you a pea?