NYT: "The Trouble with Men"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The basic problem is that a lot of women maybe most nowadays seem to think they should magically have access to their choice of what they feel is a desirable man. But there aren't enough to go around. It's supply and demand. If you're not getting the kind of man you want, maybe you yourself don't bring enough to the relationship table. After all, everyone complaining here CANT be all that. It's just statistics.

The thing is a lot of women are perfectly fine with the idea that they either get the type of man that they want or none at all.

+1 and it seems a lot of men would like to return to a time when “none at all” wasn’t (economically) an option.

It still kind of isn’t an option for most women who want kids. On one hand women have more economic freedom, but this has been negated by insane cost of living. You need to earn a top 2-3% income to comfortably have a kid on your own, and how many women of actual child bearing age are earning 250k+ outside of anecdotal stories of high earning girl bosses on these forums?

The average single woman under 35 can barely afford to sustain herself in a 1BR apartment. Raising kids and paying for child care is out of the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The basic problem is that a lot of women maybe most nowadays seem to think they should magically have access to their choice of what they feel is a desirable man. But there aren't enough to go around. It's supply and demand. If you're not getting the kind of man you want, maybe you yourself don't bring enough to the relationship table. After all, everyone complaining here CANT be all that. It's just statistics.

The thing is a lot of women are perfectly fine with the idea that they either get the type of man that they want or none at all.

And men who can’t get the type of American woman they want will become a passport bro and find a wife from another country.

+1. And everyone is happy. Not sure why some people keep insisting that people have to settle. Nothing wrong with being single, and plenty of women are happy single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The basic problem is that a lot of women maybe most nowadays seem to think they should magically have access to their choice of what they feel is a desirable man. But there aren't enough to go around. It's supply and demand. If you're not getting the kind of man you want, maybe you yourself don't bring enough to the relationship table. After all, everyone complaining here CANT be all that. It's just statistics.

The thing is a lot of women are perfectly fine with the idea that they either get the type of man that they want or none at all.

+1 and it seems a lot of men would like to return to a time when “none at all” wasn’t (economically) an option.

It still kind of isn’t an option for most women who want kids. On one hand women have more economic freedom, but this has been negated by insane cost of living. You need to earn a top 2-3% income to comfortably have a kid on your own, and how many women of actual child bearing age are earning 250k+ outside of anecdotal stories of high earning girl bosses on these forums?

The average single woman under 35 can barely afford to sustain herself in a 1BR apartment. Raising kids and paying for child care is out of the question.

Outside of your bubble, no one "needs" to earn 250k to be comfortable with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd love to know how many hours women spend while at their job arranging doctors appointments, filling out school paperwork, ordering groceries, online shopping for birthday presents, family travel planning, etc. I know I am in charge of a hell of a lot more than my DH. I'm lucky if he remembers how old they are.

Probably 3-4x longer than if they could do these things efficiently. Oh by the way you're not supposed to be doing this kind of thing at work anyway. Not beyond a minimal amount. It really shows an inability to prioritize. Birthday presents are not important.

Is this super dad posting? You clearly aren’t doing everything as well as you saying you don’t think birthday presents for your children are important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems to be a thematic series at the NYT:

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/21/magazine/men-heterofatalism-dating-relationships.html?unlocked_article_code=1.YU8.43pQ.EZ4bi1dHDtR_&smid=url-share

Men are just unable to operate in normal, grown up relationships - or at least that's what the these articles would have us believe.

Honestly, I think this is turning into a pretty tired trope. (guy here)

A lot of woman can't take the weaponized incompetence. "You told me to take down the xmas lights, but you did not tell me to put them away anywhere. How am I supposed to know??"

Men need to wash their own shiz and clean the house, too. They need to not say they are "babysitting" their own kids. They need to cook 50% of the time or more.

They need to hold the mental load of children's medical appts, dental appointments, school forms, field trip forms and dates, school volunteering possibilities, and carpooling if needed. They need to track the TeamSnap for the children's sports teams, bring the lasagna to the swim team potluck, and drive the kids back and forth to these events.

That's just a drop of what men need to start doing.

I researched ALL of the kid's summer camps, and it was very time consuming because I had to consider date, time, interests and distance for two kids with varying interests. Some of the camps were so popular that they'd fill up by January.

That was super time consuming, and then yea, the camp forms. I did this for 10+ years all while working FT.

Oh, and the birthday parties. I am not a good party planner; I don't like doing it, but I did it all. I start the discussions with my kids about what they want to do. I'd be happy with DH doing it but he doesn't think about these things until late.

I juggled kids' and my appointments, activities, etc.. DH just had to deal with himself.

I'm sure if I asked DH to do it, he would've, but the thing that bothers me is that I always had to ask. Doesn't appear to me that most dads think about kids stuff as much as moms do, or at least they only pickup things that interest them (which is like 5% of stuff that needs doing), like drivers' ed. DH did initiate that one because he likes cars.

I agree that moms take on more of the mental load than dads even if the dads do the cooking and other housechores. It's like they can just manage their own mental load, and that's about it. They certainly don't want to do the mundane things that are required. I don't even think a lot of dads even think about those mundane tasks.

Oh, and the college talk. More moms talk to their kids about the future and college than dads. That was also true in my case.

I am a man and I have always done everything you list here: summer activities, birthdays, appointments, extracurriculars, sports, schools, college, vacations, and more. Organized, planned, paid for.

It wasn't that hard. It wasn't exhausting. I didn't mind it at all.

This "mental load" stuff is just you deciding to be mad at your DH. If it wasn't this, it would be something else.

Who said it was hard? I said it's time consuming, but I never stated it was hard. You're making stuff up in your own head to excuse men.

And if it's not that hard, why don't more dads do it? They don't because, like I said, they don't want to do the mundane stuff.

Studies have shown that women, even those who work FT, still do the bulk of all that because men don't initiate. I think the only thing they want to initiate is sex. Everything else about life is left up to the wife to initiate.

Whoever said "They need to hold the mental load" said that it was hard. If a "mental load" is not a hard thing to bear then why do we hear so many complaints about it in this forum? Why are you all so mad at your DHs if increasing the mental load does not make life harder for you?

DNGAF what your (probably imaginary) "studies" have shown. I work FT and still did (and do) the bulk of the kid stuff. And yes I initiate it because if I left it up to DW then it would never get done or she'd half-ass it. I don't find it "time consuming" enough that it bothers me. Sounds like you're just bad at it.

The way you simultaneously put yourself on a pedestal for doing all these things that almost no husbands do, and disparage the women that do the exact same things is a crazy disconnect. Does it only count because you have a penis or is it the same responsibilities that almost every other mother in the us handles?

He didn’t put himself on any pedestal and you should be shamed for your misandrist trope. Literally, how dare you?

See you next Tuesday.

Wow name calling because someone disagrees with you? So mature, so manly. This is exactly why women shouldn’t settle for losers like yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The basic problem is that a lot of women maybe most nowadays seem to think they should magically have access to their choice of what they feel is a desirable man. But there aren't enough to go around. It's supply and demand. If you're not getting the kind of man you want, maybe you yourself don't bring enough to the relationship table. After all, everyone complaining here CANT be all that. It's just statistics.

The thing is a lot of women are perfectly fine with the idea that they either get the type of man that they want or none at all.

And men who can’t get the type of American woman they want will become a passport bro and find a wife from another country.

Oh great the sex tourist is back 🙄. Buying sex from impoverished foreign women is not the flex you think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The basic problem is that a lot of women maybe most nowadays seem to think they should magically have access to their choice of what they feel is a desirable man. But there aren't enough to go around. It's supply and demand. If you're not getting the kind of man you want, maybe you yourself don't bring enough to the relationship table. After all, everyone complaining here CANT be all that. It's just statistics.

The thing is a lot of women are perfectly fine with the idea that they either get the type of man that they want or none at all.

+1 and it seems a lot of men would like to return to a time when “none at all” wasn’t (economically) an option.

It still kind of isn’t an option for most women who want kids. On one hand women have more economic freedom, but this has been negated by insane cost of living. You need to earn a top 2-3% income to comfortably have a kid on your own, and how many women of actual child bearing age are earning 250k+ outside of anecdotal stories of high earning girl bosses on these forums?

The average single woman under 35 can barely afford to sustain herself in a 1BR apartment. Raising kids and paying for child care is out of the question.

I don’t think you know a lot of women, because that is not true. Quite a few of my girlfriends either rent or own their own home and are absolutely fine paying their bills. Maybe you mean under 25, but the average 30 year old woman is doing pretty well financially.

[Anonymous]

Yes you can have a kid on your own but depriving that kid of a mom or a dad is a selfish decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you can have a kid on your own but depriving that kid of a mom or a dad is a selfish decision.

So is saddling them with an awful father because some internet nobody said it was more important your kids be “in wedlock”.

Choosing to become a parent is an inherently selfish decision. Parenting itself tends to cure that selfishness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you can have a kid on your own but depriving that kid of a mom or a dad is a selfish decision.

Something like 25% of kids are being raised without a father. I hope you admonish every dead beat loser who puts a check in the mail instead of being a father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The basic problem is that a lot of women maybe most nowadays seem to think they should magically have access to their choice of what they feel is a desirable man. But there aren't enough to go around. It's supply and demand. If you're not getting the kind of man you want, maybe you yourself don't bring enough to the relationship table. After all, everyone complaining here CANT be all that. It's just statistics.

The thing is a lot of women are perfectly fine with the idea that they either get the type of man that they want or none at all.

+1 and it seems a lot of men would like to return to a time when “none at all” wasn’t (economically) an option.

It still kind of isn’t an option for most women who want kids. On one hand women have more economic freedom, but this has been negated by insane cost of living. You need to earn a top 2-3% income to comfortably have a kid on your own, and how many women of actual child bearing age are earning 250k+ outside of anecdotal stories of high earning girl bosses on these forums?

The average single woman under 35 can barely afford to sustain herself in a 1BR apartment. Raising kids and paying for child care is out of the question.

Which is why the birth rate is falling. If women can't find men they want to have kids with, and can't afford to have them on their own, many will just choose not to have kids.

I'm married and have a kid, but stopped at one for several reasons including discovering how unequal my marriage felt after having kids and not wanting to increase that inequity with more children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The basic problem is that a lot of women maybe most nowadays seem to think they should magically have access to their choice of what they feel is a desirable man. But there aren't enough to go around. It's supply and demand. If you're not getting the kind of man you want, maybe you yourself don't bring enough to the relationship table. After all, everyone complaining here CANT be all that. It's just statistics.

The thing is a lot of women are perfectly fine with the idea that they either get the type of man that they want or none at all.

And men who can’t get the type of American woman they want will become a passport bro and find a wife from another country.

+1. And everyone is happy. Not sure why some people keep insisting that people have to settle. Nothing wrong with being single, and plenty of women are happy single.

Narrator: the women are not, in fact, happy.


Depression prevalence in people age 12 and older, by sex and age group: United States, August 2021–August 2023

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you can have a kid on your own but depriving that kid of a mom or a dad is a selfish decision.

Something like 25% of kids are being raised without a father. I hope you admonish every dead beat loser who puts a check in the mail instead of being a father.

I hope you admonish every evil loser who denies her ex husband access to his kids just to spite him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The basic problem is that a lot of women maybe most nowadays seem to think they should magically have access to their choice of what they feel is a desirable man. But there aren't enough to go around. It's supply and demand. If you're not getting the kind of man you want, maybe you yourself don't bring enough to the relationship table. After all, everyone complaining here CANT be all that. It's just statistics.

The thing is a lot of women are perfectly fine with the idea that they either get the type of man that they want or none at all.

+1 and it seems a lot of men would like to return to a time when “none at all” wasn’t (economically) an option.

It still kind of isn’t an option for most women who want kids. On one hand women have more economic freedom, but this has been negated by insane cost of living. You need to earn a top 2-3% income to comfortably have a kid on your own, and how many women of actual child bearing age are earning 250k+ outside of anecdotal stories of high earning girl bosses on these forums?

The average single woman under 35 can barely afford to sustain herself in a 1BR apartment. Raising kids and paying for child care is out of the question.

I don’t think you know a lot of women, because that is not true. Quite a few of my girlfriends either rent or own their own home and are absolutely fine paying their bills. Maybe you mean under 25, but the average 30 year old woman is doing pretty well financially.

If single and childless, yes.

I know several women who decided to be SMBC. What they all have in common is very supportive families who live nearby. One even has her mom move in with her. Otherwise it doesn't work. In order to make enough money to support a household with kids, you need the kind of job that tends not to be super flexible or accommodate picking kids up from daycare at 5:59 on the dot. Also the kind of job that makes holiday breaks extra hard. So unless you are making really big money and can afford a nanny even once your kid is in school, you need a co-parent of some kind.

Basically, the grandparents perform the role of "wife" in these arrangements. How many people have parents who want to, or are capable, of doing that? PLUS the kind of career that will support them and their kids (and maybe their parents if the move in)? Not many. This choice remains pretty rare as a result. It's actually more cost effective to have a kid with someone you don't want to marry or live with, because then you share childcare costs and responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you can have a kid on your own but depriving that kid of a mom or a dad is a selfish decision.

Something like 25% of kids are being raised without a father. I hope you admonish every dead beat loser who puts a check in the mail instead of being a father.

I hope you admonish every evil loser who denies her ex husband access to his kids just to spite him.

Right right. If you were actually a good dad you wouldn’t be “denied access”. Time to face the music, youre the deadbeat we’re talking about NOT settling for.