Reply to NYT: "The Trouble with Men"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This seems to be a thematic series at the NYT:

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/21/magazine/men-heterofatalism-dating-relationships.html?unlocked_article_code=1.YU8.43pQ.EZ4bi1dHDtR_&smid=url-share

Men are just unable to operate in normal, grown up relationships - or at least that's what the these articles would have us believe.

Honestly, I think this is turning into a pretty tired trope.  (guy here)[/quote]

A lot of woman can't take the weaponized incompetence. "You told me to take down the xmas lights, but you did not tell me to put them away anywhere. How am I supposed to know??"

Men need to wash their own shiz and clean the house, too. They need to not say they are "babysitting" their own kids. They need to cook 50% of the time or more.

They need to hold the mental load of children's medical appts, dental appointments, school forms, field trip forms and dates, school volunteering possibilities, and carpooling if needed. They need to track the TeamSnap for the children's sports teams, bring the lasagna to the swim team potluck, and drive the kids back and forth to these events.

That's just a drop of what men need to start doing.

[/quote]
I researched ALL of the kid's summer camps, and it was very time consuming because I had to consider date, time, interests and distance for two kids with varying interests. Some of the camps were so popular that they'd fill up by January.

That was super time consuming, and then yea, the camp forms.  I did this for 10+ years all while working FT.

Oh, and the birthday parties. I am not a good party planner; I don't like doing it, but I did it all.  I start the discussions with my kids about what they want to do.  I'd be happy with DH doing it but he doesn't  think about these things until late.

I juggled kids' and my  appointments, activities, etc.. DH just had to deal with himself.

I'm sure if I asked DH to do it, he would've, but the thing that bothers me is that I always had to ask.  Doesn't appear to me that most dads think about kids stuff as much as moms do, or at least they only pickup things that interest them (which is like 5% of stuff that needs doing), like drivers' ed. DH did initiate that one because he likes cars.

I agree that moms take on more of the mental load than dads even if the dads do the cooking and other housechores.  It's like they can just manage their own mental load, and that's about it.  They certainly don't want to do the mundane things that are required.  I don't even think a lot of dads even think about those mundane tasks.

Oh, and the college talk.   More moms talk to their kids about the future and college than dads.  That was also true in my case. [/quote]

I am a man and I have always done everything you list here: summer activities, birthdays, appointments, extracurriculars, sports, schools, college, vacations, and more. Organized, planned, paid for.

It wasn't that hard. It wasn't exhausting. I didn't mind it at all.

This "mental load" stuff is just you deciding to be mad at your DH. If it wasn't this, it would be something else.[/quote]

Who said it was hard?  I said it's time consuming, but I never stated it was hard.  You're making stuff up in your own head to excuse men.

And if it's not that hard, why don't more dads do it?   They don't because, like I said, they don't want to do the mundane stuff.

Studies have shown that women, even those who work FT, still do the bulk of all that because men don't initiate. I  think the only thing they want to initiate is sex. Everything else about life is left up to the wife to initiate.[/quote]

Whoever said "They need to hold the mental load" said that it was hard. If a "mental load" is not a hard thing to bear then why do we hear so many complaints about it in this forum? Why are you all so mad at your DHs if increasing the mental load does not make life harder for you?

DNGAF what your (probably imaginary) "studies" have shown. I work FT and still did (and do) the bulk of the kid stuff. And yes I initiate it because if I left it up to DW then it would never get done or she'd half-ass it. I don't find it "time consuming" enough that it bothers me. Sounds like you're just bad at it.[/quote]
The way you simultaneously put yourself on a pedestal [b]for doing all these things that almost no husbands do, [/b]and disparage the women that do the exact same things is a crazy disconnect. Does it only count because you have a penis or is it the same responsibilities that almost every other mother in the us handles?[/quote]

He didn’t put himself on any pedestal and you should be shamed for your misandrist trope. Literally, how dare you?

See you next Tuesday. [/quote]
Wow name calling because someone disagrees with you? So mature, so manly. This is exactly why women shouldn’t settle for losers like yourself. [/quote]

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