Sad about no longer being attracted to DW

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

We have a live-in nanny/housekeeper and I do my fair share of chores/childcare. We both exercise regularly. I think it comes down to eating too much. Or not cutting back with metabolism being slower.

If she exercises regularly, then she's "not letting herself go". I can see being annoyed if she's not trying. Likely her hormones are causing it. You have no idea what women go through to bear children and dthen peri-menopause/menopause. Grow up and care about the important things.

I hear the menopause argument from my overweight (200+ pounds) perimenopausal wife. My question is why don't ALl women have significant weight problems post-menopause.

Women gain an average of 35 pounds post menopause.
Does your mom look like she did in her wedding photo? Did your grandmother when you were growing up? Have you ever followed any biography or documentary about a woman who isn’t a model or actress? Most people gain weight as they get older.

I am the OP. My wife gained 70 pounds over 18 years before even hitting perimenopause. Are you saying she has 35 more unavoidably coming?

I am curious - and I ask this without judgment, but just because your OP talked about frumpiness. If she was normal weight but still dressed “frumpily”, how would you feel? Is it mostly about the weight, or are there two different issues?

Sorry. I was referring to being the OP of a different post. I am not the thread starting OP.

My wife (70lbs/18 years) is not frumpy . She wears all black all the time to hide her fat...boring (black is choc, just not all the time ) but not frumpy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:here is what losing 70 pounds looks like

I feel like 70 pounds will be much more extreme- I lost 25 pounds and I feel like the change in the picture is what happened to me- 70 pounds is much more significant.

Agree, I had the same exact reaction to that pic. Looks like a 15 lb weight loss

That's way more than 15 pounds!

Yeah, that's 70ish. Left looks somewhat like she is now right somewhat like when she started ( though she was younger and doing triathlons)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I don't understand why people pretend attraction is controllable. You can control your behavior but you cannot control your basic physical responses.

I am 50 with three young kids. I weigh about 30 pounds over my wedding weight. I don't deny that I am fat and less attractive. If my DH is less attracted to me because of this, it is his own deal. I do not control his sexuality. I freely admit I gained weight because of various life stresses, less time to work out and eating as if I'm still thirty and a gym rat.

It is what it is. Your feelings are your own as long as you do your duty.

Yes people can control who they are attracted to. It’s highly socialized. Some societies are more attracted to fat people. Its all in your head.

Absolutely not. I don't find fat people attractive at all - wife here.

That’s because you were socialized to think that. You’ve been programmed to think that you can be deprogrammed

That's insane. What's next, showering weekly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:here is what losing 70 pounds looks like

I feel like 70 pounds will be much more extreme- I lost 25 pounds and I feel like the change in the picture is what happened to me- 70 pounds is much more significant.

Agree, I had the same exact reaction to that pic. Looks like a 15 lb weight loss

Well you are wrong.

She's still kind of fat from the back below the waist. Needs to loose another 25 lbs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course OP would never admit to acting like a manchild and thereby extinguishing his attractiveness to his wife, and her resulting lack of concern about the condition of her body because she's putting her energy where it might be appreciated - into her kids and her work.

That's the typical pattern I've observed in marriage of family, friends, colleagues and clients - and here on the DCUM board as well as other places on the internet.

Thank you sincerely, OP, for my daily dose of THANK GODDESSES I NEVER MARRIED.

You sound like you're making a lot of assumptions or projecting, BIG TIME.
This is really cringe, and embarrassing to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course OP would never admit to acting like a manchild and thereby extinguishing his attractiveness to his wife, and her resulting lack of concern about the condition of her body because she's putting her energy where it might be appreciated - into her kids and her work.

That's the typical pattern I've observed in marriage of family, friends, colleagues and clients - and here on the DCUM board as well as other places on the internet.

Thank you sincerely, OP, for my daily dose of THANK GODDESSES I NEVER MARRIED.

You sound like you're making a lot of assumptions or projecting, BIG TIME.
This is really cringe, and embarrassing to read.

I don’t think op is a man child at all. He is being honest.

Pp was obviously upset at her own self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:here is what losing 70 pounds looks like

I feel like 70 pounds will be much more extreme- I lost 25 pounds and I feel like the change in the picture is what happened to me- 70 pounds is much more significant.

Agree this doesnt look like 70 pound loss

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Hairy men make me ill but if Burt Reynolds and George Clooney were the archetype for most leading men across genres and that was who modeled clothing and what I saw in ads since I was a kid, I might not have any problem with it.

This made me laugh! I did grow up with it and think men shaving their bodies is ridiculous.

Love hairy chests and tummies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hairy men make me ill but if Burt Reynolds and George Clooney were the archetype for most leading men across genres and that was who modeled clothing and what I saw in ads since I was a kid, I might not have any problem with it.

This made me laugh! I did grow up with it and think men shaving their bodies is ridiculous.

Love hairy chests and tummies

Which goes to show that beauty is not a standard. You decide what you like. not being attracted to someone you love because of weight is a choice.

[Anonymous]

I could easily be Op's wife. Two kids, menopause and had a lot of household support until recently. I am easily 70 pounds overweight and my body is failing with the rapid shift in hormones messing me up. Trust me OP she feels your vibe and also is hurting inside. I feel sorry for her and your very vapid view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could easily be Op's wife. Two kids, menopause and had a lot of household support until recently. I am easily 70 pounds overweight and my body is failing with the rapid shift in hormones messing me up. Trust me OP she feels your vibe and also is hurting inside. I feel sorry for her and your very vapid view.

Odd to say his view is vapid when you also say that it is also a sign that you are hurting and that your body is failing. Who would find that attractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could easily be Op's wife. Two kids, menopause and had a lot of household support until recently. I am easily 70 pounds overweight and my body is failing with the rapid shift in hormones messing me up. Trust me OP she feels your vibe and also is hurting inside. I feel sorry for her and your very vapid view.

I feel sorry for OP's wife (and you) and anyone else struggling with their weight. If I were OP I'd be really worried about my spouse's health and wellbeing moreso than I'd be worried about not being attracted to them anymore. If you feel like your body is failing, that is a very scary thing. Instead of feeling sad about not being attracted to his wife, OP should be concerned about his wife's health and future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my wife and I love our family. We have 2 beautiful children, common values, and compatible parenting styles. DW is smart and has a successful career. I respect her and I am grateful to her for giving us our children.

That being said, she let herself go after the kids were born. She is an attractive woman, but she put on quite a bit of weight (the youngest is 8 by now), and she frequently looks frumpy. Of course I would never dare to say anything and would never cheat, but I am just sad and an anonymous forum is the only place I can admit it.

Flame away.

I'm sure you maintained you good looks and hair too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hairy men make me ill but if Burt Reynolds and George Clooney were the archetype for most leading men across genres and that was who modeled clothing and what I saw in ads since I was a kid, I might not have any problem with it.

This made me laugh! I did grow up with it and think men shaving their bodies is ridiculous.

Love hairy chests and tummies

Why did you have to give me a mental image of a furry belly. That sounds so gross to me. I don't mind women who don't shave at all though and I'm not pro-shaving. I just wouldn't find a naturally hairy guy attractive, even if they shaved because it'd still be there ready to spring. I don't think I'm as obnoxious as op though since dh has gotten some more hair in places (and gained some pounds) and I still think he is devastatingly handsome 25 years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my wife and I love our family. We have 2 beautiful children, common values, and compatible parenting styles. DW is smart and has a successful career. I respect her and I am grateful to her for giving us our children.

That being said, she let herself go after the kids were born. She is an attractive woman, but she put on quite a bit of weight (the youngest is 8 by now), and she frequently looks frumpy. Of course I would never dare to say anything and would never cheat, but I am just sad and an anonymous forum is the only place I can admit it.

Flame away.

I'm sure you maintained you good looks and hair too?

Great hair is genetic, loser.

Lack of hormones and prescriptions can mess with it, but it is what it is.