Sad about no longer being attracted to DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

We have a live-in nanny/housekeeper and I do my fair share of chores/childcare. We both exercise regularly. I think it comes down to eating too much. Or not cutting back with metabolism being slower.

If she exercises regularly, then she's "not letting herself go". I can see being annoyed if she's not trying. Likely her hormones are causing it. You have no idea what women go through to bear children and dthen peri-menopause/menopause. Grow up and care about the important things.

I hear the menopause argument from my overweight (200+ pounds) perimenopausal wife. My question is why don't ALl women have significant weight problems post-menopause.

Women gain an average of 35 pounds post menopause.
Does your mom look like she did in her wedding photo? Did your grandmother when you were growing up? Have you ever followed any biography or documentary about a woman who isn’t a model or actress? Most people gain weight as they get older.

I am the OP. My wife gained 70 pounds over 18 years before even hitting perimenopause. Are you saying she has 35 more unavoidably coming?

I am curious - and I ask this without judgment, but just because your OP talked about frumpiness. If she was normal weight but still dressed “frumpily”, how would you feel? Is it mostly about the weight, or are there two different issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it ever specified by OP what “quite a bit of weight” means? Are we talking 20lbs (which can seem like a large difference especially for a shorter woman) or like 75 pounds or something?

Thought he said 70 pounds?

70lbs is really a lot- especially for a woman- IMO. I can’t blame OP for feeling the way he does- and I am a woman.

Another woman, and I agree. That’s a completely different looking person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it ever specified by OP what “quite a bit of weight” means? Are we talking 20lbs (which can seem like a large difference especially for a shorter woman) or like 75 pounds or something?

Thought he said 70 pounds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men - the vast majority - are shallow ignorant sex obsessed a-holes.

My theory is that many wives just do not care anymore after years of realizing what a nasty selfish jerk they’re shackled to. They don’t really want to have sex with those jerks and likely let the weight pile on to keep him at bay.

A nice dish of creamy sauced pasta is 100x better than sex with a selfish jerk man child husband anyway.

A lot of men are really bad at sex. That is what is not getting discussed.

Truth.

[Anonymous]

here is a pounds of fat, wow

[Anonymous]

OP: is the bigger problem that you’re not sexually attracted to her, or that you’re embarrassed to be seen/associated with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

I know you're trying to be empathetic, but I honestly think some people just don't want to be healthy. It takes 2 minutes to open a can of tuna and dump it on a bed of kale.

NP. I find this so triggering. I’m dealing with multiple allergies and a pediatric feeding disorder. I’m already cooking multiple meals. So I throw tuna on kale. Not a single person in my family besides myself will eat tuna. Kids won’t eat kale. So now I’m cooking the meals. Pediatrics feeding disorder means I can’t just do classic cook one meal and everyone eats it or goes hungry. My kid had a BMI of 13.9.

Moral of the story: Anytime you’re tempted to say, “You can just X”, someone else literally cannot just do X. My kid would have died before eating tuna on kale. Nor can we afford to have the entire family eat the one dc’s expensive allergy diet. We have bills to pay, college to save for. For some families, food is exhausting in a way it never was for our parents. I imagine other special needs situations have similar demands in different spheres.

I posted previously that I have friends who eat well. MANY of them eat just salad for many meals. You don’t have to eat the food you cook your family.

In that friend group, I eat the worst. When we go out to dinner, they all order salad or something healthy like a grilled seafood. They don’t eat anything fried or obviously unhealthy like cake.

I won’t eat kale with tuna but I know people who would and do.

I'm like this. I have a super busy schedule and not a lot of time to exercise, so I'm really disciplined about eating. I'm 48, 5'7 and 125 lbs. Imo, breaking the cycle of emotional eating is the secret. People eat when they are sad, stressed, neglected.

Pp here. I genuinely love food. I don’t eat when I’m sad, stressed or neglected. Good tasting food brings me joy. I love to travel and eat different kinds of food. I’m Asian so relatively thin even though I eat a lot of high calorie foods. I do enjoy tofu and certain low calorie foods but in general, I love tasty food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:here is what losing 70 pounds looks like

I feel like 70 pounds will be much more extreme- I lost 25 pounds and I feel like the change in the picture is what happened to me- 70 pounds is much more significant.

[Anonymous]

There’s a lot of oversimplification and outdated information in this thread.

Such as:
1. Everyone can lose weight by dieting and exercise

2. You just need to burn more calories than you consume.

3. Fat people are fat because they can’t be bothered to be healthy.

These ideas are going to be turned upside down soon as further research is done and scientists better understand the human body.

Already we know:

not all calories consumed are the same
Gut biome, genetics, and possibly more makes weight loss individual, or at least not 1 size fits all
Some foods cause some people to gain weight faster than other people, while those same people may gain weight slower than other people from other foods
Individuals need different mix of nutrients, foods, etc from each other to be healthy
Exercise doesn’t necessarily burn an easily calculable number of calories (ie pulse and weight is too simple)

All of the answers aren’t in, but we know enough to know that losing weight is easier for some and very elusive for others, even if they exercise a lot and eat well.

In 5 years we may very well have a totally different view of what people should do to lose weight/stay healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:here is what losing 70 pounds looks like

I feel like 70 pounds will be much more extreme- I lost 25 pounds and I feel like the change in the picture is what happened to me- 70 pounds is much more significant.

Agree, I had the same exact reaction to that pic. Looks like a 15 lb weight loss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:here is what losing 70 pounds looks like

I feel like 70 pounds will be much more extreme- I lost 25 pounds and I feel like the change in the picture is what happened to me- 70 pounds is much more significant.

Agree, I had the same exact reaction to that pic. Looks like a 15 lb weight loss

I think the point is, so let's say she loses 70 lbs. Her boobs will be to the floor and face will look like a super old woman. He's going to suddenly be attracted to that? Doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a lot of oversimplification and outdated information in this thread.

Such as:
1. Everyone can lose weight by dieting and exercise

2. You just need to burn more calories than you consume.

3. Fat people are fat because they can’t be bothered to be healthy.

These ideas are going to be turned upside down soon as further research is done and scientists better understand the human body.

Already we know:

not all calories consumed are the same
Gut biome, genetics, and possibly more makes weight loss individual, or at least not 1 size fits all
Some foods cause some people to gain weight faster than other people, while those same people may gain weight slower than other people from other foods
Individuals need different mix of nutrients, foods, etc from each other to be healthy
Exercise doesn’t necessarily burn an easily calculable number of calories (ie pulse and weight is too simple)

All of the answers aren’t in, but we know enough to know that losing weight is easier for some and very elusive for others, even if they exercise a lot and eat well.

In 5 years we may very well have a totally different view of what people should do to lose weight/stay healthy.

Sure, okay, but we all need to know what works for our bodies and what does not. I know that I have my dad’s body type that is athletic, but more prone to gain weight than my mother’s side, which my brother inherited. He is skinny, and can eat whatever he wants and does not exercise heavily. I, on the other hand, watch what I eat and exercise (cardio/weights) intensely because I know my body type. You still can’t blame genetics for being fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:here is what losing 70 pounds looks like

I feel like 70 pounds will be much more extreme- I lost 25 pounds and I feel like the change in the picture is what happened to me- 70 pounds is much more significant.

Agree, I had the same exact reaction to that pic. Looks like a 15 lb weight loss

That's way more than 15 pounds!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a lot of oversimplification and outdated information in this thread.

Such as:
1. Everyone can lose weight by dieting and exercise

2. You just need to burn more calories than you consume.

3. Fat people are fat because they can’t be bothered to be healthy.

These ideas are going to be turned upside down soon as further research is done and scientists better understand the human body.

Already we know:

not all calories consumed are the same
Gut biome, genetics, and possibly more makes weight loss individual, or at least not 1 size fits all
Some foods cause some people to gain weight faster than other people, while those same people may gain weight slower than other people from other foods
Individuals need different mix of nutrients, foods, etc from each other to be healthy
Exercise doesn’t necessarily burn an easily calculable number of calories (ie pulse and weight is too simple)

All of the answers aren’t in, but we know enough to know that losing weight is easier for some and very elusive for others, even if they exercise a lot and eat well.

In 5 years we may very well have a totally different view of what people should do to lose weight/stay healthy.

Sure, okay, but we all need to know what works for our bodies and what does not. I know that I have my dad’s body type that is athletic, but more prone to gain weight than my mother’s side, which my brother inherited. He is skinny, and can eat whatever he wants and does not exercise heavily. I, on the other hand, watch what I eat and exercise (cardio/weights) intensely because I know my body type. You still can’t blame genetics for being fat.

Your entire allegory supports the concept that some people can be skinny/fat despite their habits because of genetics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:here is what losing 70 pounds looks like

I feel like 70 pounds will be much more extreme- I lost 25 pounds and I feel like the change in the picture is what happened to me- 70 pounds is much more significant.

Agree, I had the same exact reaction to that pic. Looks like a 15 lb weight loss

Well you are wrong.