Sad about no longer being attracted to DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prob an unpopular opinion but it might not be a bad thing to mention it - weight is mostly about food so if you can do healthy meals/snacks on the weekend for her? Tell her its for both of you, for healthy weights.

Also walk together?

In my case i was so busy with work, kids i never even noticed my figure and weight gain! My husband never said a word and loved me the same. It seems like he didnt care either way.

However, now at an older age, something happened (a year ago) that made me take note of my figure! Im now toned and fit! Too bad i didnt pay attention for all those years.

As an aside regarding all the ageism posts ive seen on here - men certainly do appreciate the (pretty, fit) older ladies

How did you do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men - the vast majority - are shallow ignorant sex obsessed a-holes.

My theory is that many wives just do not care anymore after years of realizing what a nasty selfish jerk they’re shackled to. They don’t really want to have sex with those jerks and likely let the weight pile on to keep him at bay.

A nice dish of creamy sauced pasta is 100x better than sex with a selfish jerk man child husband anyway.

A lot of men are really bad at sex. That is what is not getting discussed.

Truth.

+100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men - the vast majority - are shallow ignorant sex obsessed a-holes.

My theory is that many wives just do not care anymore after years of realizing what a nasty selfish jerk they’re shackled to. They don’t really want to have sex with those jerks and likely let the weight pile on to keep him at bay.

A nice dish of creamy sauced pasta is 100x better than sex with a selfish jerk man child husband anyway.

A lot of men are really bad at sex. That is what is not getting discussed.

Truth.

+100000

Yes, many women stop trying. No incentive to keep trying. It’s not like society really rewards you after a certain age. You’re just old. You can be fit and old or fat and old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course OP would never admit to acting like a manchild and thereby extinguishing his attractiveness to his wife, and her resulting lack of concern about the condition of her body because she's putting her energy where it might be appreciated - into her kids and her work.

That's the typical pattern I've observed in marriage of family, friends, colleagues and clients - and here on the DCUM board as well as other places on the internet.

Thank you sincerely, OP, for my daily dose of THANK GODDESSES I NEVER MARRIED.

You sound like you're making a lot of assumptions or projecting, BIG TIME.
This is really cringe, and embarrassing to read.

I don’t think op is a man child at all. He is being honest.

Pp was obviously upset at her own self.

Going to reiterate, OP won't be attracted to her after the weight loss either. It's not like she'll be Cindy Crawford when she loses 20 pounds.

[Anonymous]

In my, admittedly limited, experience, the high drive men are MUCH better at sex than the average drive ones. I also don’t think it’s easy for us (women) to truly understand what it’s like to be a high drive man. I honestly don’t think they go around trying to hurt anyone, and while I didn’t marry one, I do think society unfairly judges them in a way that is analogous to the unfair judgement of women who are highly sexual.

Sorry if this is getting too far off topic, it is in response to the PPs om the last fee pages.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, not eating tuna without my Blue Plate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men - the vast majority - are shallow ignorant sex obsessed a-holes.

My theory is that many wives just do not care anymore after years of realizing what a nasty selfish jerk they’re shackled to. They don’t really want to have sex with those jerks and likely let the weight pile on to keep him at bay.

A nice dish of creamy sauced pasta is 100x better than sex with a selfish jerk man child husband anyway.

A lot of men are really bad at sex. That is what is not getting discussed.

Truth.

+100000

Yes, many women stop trying. No incentive to keep trying. It’s not like society really rewards you after a certain age. You’re just old. You can be fit and old or fat and old.

I disagree with this. I notice when old people are fit. I am amazed at some of the people I see at the gym - it's inspiring. One of my mom's friends is fit and playing tennis in her 70s. Far more attractive than a woman that can't even sit on the floor and get up or whose arms flop around with fat when she moves. This is really about a person's ability to lead a healthy, active life. I assume OP's wife is in her early 40s. If it's all downhill from here, she could get a lot worse. Then, not only is he not attracted to her; she also will probably have diabetes, NASH, or some other health problem. A lot of people don't realize how bad being fat is on your liver. It's as bad as alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my, admittedly limited, experience, the high drive men are MUCH better at sex than the average drive ones. I also don’t think it’s easy for us (women) to truly understand what it’s like to be a high drive man. I honestly don’t think they go around trying to hurt anyone, and while I didn’t marry one, I do think society unfairly judges them in a way that is analogous to the unfair judgement of women who are highly sexual.

Sorry if this is getting too far off topic, it is in response to the PPs om the last fee pages.

I strongly disagree with this. In our culture masculinity is rewarded, and part of being stereotypically masculine is having a high sex drive. Men brag about it all the time. It's only in certain circles that high-drive men are judged for it.

Of course they aren't going around trying to hurt people. But people don't get bonus points for not trying to hurt people. That's the bare minimum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

We have a live-in nanny/housekeeper and I do my fair share of chores/childcare. We both exercise regularly. I think it comes down to eating too much. Or not cutting back with metabolism being slower.

If she exercises regularly, then she's "not letting herself go". I can see being annoyed if she's not trying. Likely her hormones are causing it. You have no idea what women go through to bear children and dthen peri-menopause/menopause. Grow up and care about the important things.

I hear the menopause argument from my overweight (200+ pounds) perimenopausal wife. My question is why don't ALl women have significant weight problems post-menopause.

Women gain an average of 35 pounds post menopause.
Does your mom look like she did in her wedding photo? Did your grandmother when you were growing up? Have you ever followed any biography or documentary about a woman who isn’t a model or actress? Most people gain weight as they get older.

I am the OP. My wife gained 70 pounds over 18 years before even hitting perimenopause. Are you saying she has 35 more unavoidably coming?

I am curious - and I ask this without judgment, but just because your OP talked about frumpiness. If she was normal weight but still dressed “frumpily”, how would you feel? Is it mostly about the weight, or are there two different issues?

Sorry. I was referring to being the OP of a different post. I am not the thread starting OP.

My wife (70lbs/18 years) is not frumpy . She wears all black all the time to hide her fat...boring (black is choc, just not all the time ) but not frumpy.

So, we don’t know about the thread starting OP’s wife? Could be 70 lbs like your wife, could be 20 lbs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men - the vast majority - are shallow ignorant sex obsessed a-holes.

My theory is that many wives just do not care anymore after years of realizing what a nasty selfish jerk they’re shackled to. They don’t really want to have sex with those jerks and likely let the weight pile on to keep him at bay.

A nice dish of creamy sauced pasta is 100x better than sex with a selfish jerk man child husband anyway.

A lot of men are really bad at sex. That is what is not getting discussed.

Truth.

+100000

Yes, many women stop trying. No incentive to keep trying. It’s not like society really rewards you after a certain age. You’re just old. You can be fit and old or fat and old.

I disagree with this. I notice when old people are fit. I am amazed at some of the people I see at the gym - it's inspiring. One of my mom's friends is fit and playing tennis in her 70s. Far more attractive than a woman that can't even sit on the floor and get up or whose arms flop around with fat when she moves. This is really about a person's ability to lead a healthy, active life. I assume OP's wife is in her early 40s. If it's all downhill from here, she could get a lot worse. Then, not only is he not attracted to her; she also will probably have diabetes, NASH, or some other health problem. A lot of people don't realize how bad being fat is on your liver. It's as bad as alcohol.

Being fat is not as bad on your liver as alcohol. Who told you that?

And OP said that his wife has a regular exercise routine. It’s very possible to be fit, active, and healthy and be overweight. It’s also very possible to be thin and inactive. I, personally, can only lose weight if I don’t engage in strenuous exercise.

[Anonymous]

We are in our 60s and I can’t say that we are really physically attracted to each other but we still love each other. Thankfully, we both still enjoy sex so we just keep the lights on low. My husband recently started taking viagra and that has made a big difference. I can’t handle him the way I once did but there are plenty of ways to keep things going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men - the vast majority - are shallow ignorant sex obsessed a-holes.

My theory is that many wives just do not care anymore after years of realizing what a nasty selfish jerk they’re shackled to. They don’t really want to have sex with those jerks and likely let the weight pile on to keep him at bay.

A nice dish of creamy sauced pasta is 100x better than sex with a selfish jerk man child husband anyway.

A lot of men are really bad at sex. That is what is not getting discussed.

Truth.

+100000

Yes, many women stop trying. No incentive to keep trying. It’s not like society really rewards you after a certain age. You’re just old. You can be fit and old or fat and old.

I disagree with this. I notice when old people are fit. I am amazed at some of the people I see at the gym - it's inspiring. One of my mom's friends is fit and playing tennis in her 70s. Far more attractive than a woman that can't even sit on the floor and get up or whose arms flop around with fat when she moves. This is really about a person's ability to lead a healthy, active life. I assume OP's wife is in her early 40s. If it's all downhill from here, she could get a lot worse. Then, not only is he not attracted to her; she also will probably have diabetes, NASH, or some other health problem. A lot of people don't realize how bad being fat is on your liver. It's as bad as alcohol.

Being fat is not as bad on your liver as alcohol. Who told you that?

And OP said that his wife has a regular exercise routine. It’s very possible to be fit, active, and healthy and be overweight. It’s also very possible to be thin and inactive. I, personally, can only lose weight if I don’t engage in strenuous exercise.

From the following website: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/nonalcoholic-fatty-liver-disease#:~:text=If%20you%20just%20have%20fat,%25%20to%205%25%20have%20NASH.

Health care providers don’t know the exact cause of fatty liver disease. But they think that obesity is the most common cause. Obesity in the U.S. has doubled in the last decade, and health care providers are seeing a steady rise in fatty liver disease. Although children and young adults can get fatty liver disease, it is most common in middle age.

Risk factors include:

Being overweight

Having high blood fat levels, either triglycerides or LDL (“bad”) cholesterol

Having diabetes or prediabetes

Having high blood pressure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men - the vast majority - are shallow ignorant sex obsessed a-holes.

My theory is that many wives just do not care anymore after years of realizing what a nasty selfish jerk they’re shackled to. They don’t really want to have sex with those jerks and likely let the weight pile on to keep him at bay.

A nice dish of creamy sauced pasta is 100x better than sex with a selfish jerk man child husband anyway.

A lot of men are really bad at sex. That is what is not getting discussed.

Truth.

+100000

Yes, many women stop trying. No incentive to keep trying. It’s not like society really rewards you after a certain age. You’re just old. You can be fit and old or fat and old.

I disagree with this. I notice when old people are fit. I am amazed at some of the people I see at the gym - it's inspiring. One of my mom's friends is fit and playing tennis in her 70s. Far more attractive than a woman that can't even sit on the floor and get up or whose arms flop around with fat when she moves. This is really about a person's ability to lead a healthy, active life. I assume OP's wife is in her early 40s. If it's all downhill from here, she could get a lot worse. Then, not only is he not attracted to her; she also will probably have diabetes, NASH, or some other health problem. A lot of people don't realize how bad being fat is on your liver. It's as bad as alcohol.

Being fat is not as bad on your liver as alcohol. Who told you that?

And OP said that his wife has a regular exercise routine. It’s very possible to be fit, active, and healthy and be overweight. It’s also very possible to be thin and inactive. I, personally, can only lose weight if I don’t engage in strenuous exercise.

From the following website: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/nonalcoholic-fatty-liver-disease#:~:text=If%20you%20just%20have%20fat,%25%20to%205%25%20have%20NASH.

Health care providers don’t know the exact cause of fatty liver disease. But they think that obesity is the most common cause. Obesity in the U.S. has doubled in the last decade, and health care providers are seeing a steady rise in fatty liver disease. Although children and young adults can get fatty liver disease, it is most common in middle age.

Risk factors include:

Being overweight

Having high blood fat levels, either triglycerides or LDL (“bad”) cholesterol

Having diabetes or prediabetes

Having high blood pressure

My overweight relative, she is a non-drinker, was just diagnosed with NASH and has cirrhosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men - the vast majority - are shallow ignorant sex obsessed a-holes.

My theory is that many wives just do not care anymore after years of realizing what a nasty selfish jerk they’re shackled to. They don’t really want to have sex with those jerks and likely let the weight pile on to keep him at bay.

A nice dish of creamy sauced pasta is 100x better than sex with a selfish jerk man child husband anyway.

A lot of men are really bad at sex. That is what is not getting discussed.

Truth.

+100000

Yes, many women stop trying. No incentive to keep trying. It’s not like society really rewards you after a certain age. You’re just old. You can be fit and old or fat and old.

I disagree with this. I notice when old people are fit. I am amazed at some of the people I see at the gym - it's inspiring. One of my mom's friends is fit and playing tennis in her 70s. Far more attractive than a woman that can't even sit on the floor and get up or whose arms flop around with fat when she moves. This is really about a person's ability to lead a healthy, active life. I assume OP's wife is in her early 40s. If it's all downhill from here, she could get a lot worse. Then, not only is he not attracted to her; she also will probably have diabetes, NASH, or some other health problem. A lot of people don't realize how bad being fat is on your liver. It's as bad as alcohol.

Being fat is not as bad on your liver as alcohol. Who told you that?

And OP said that his wife has a regular exercise routine. It’s very possible to be fit, active, and healthy and be overweight. It’s also very possible to be thin and inactive. I, personally, can only lose weight if I don’t engage in strenuous exercise.

🙄 that’s because you are losing muscle mass and not fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my wife and I love our family. We have 2 beautiful children, common values, and compatible parenting styles. DW is smart and has a successful career. I respect her and I am grateful to her for giving us our children.

That being said, she let herself go after the kids were born. She is an attractive woman, but she put on quite a bit of weight (the youngest is 8 by now), and she frequently looks frumpy. Of course I would never dare to say anything and would never cheat, but I am just sad and an anonymous forum is the only place I can admit it.

Flame away.

You have my sympathy.
In same boat