Neither AC wants kids. I can't help feeling like I failed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. My kids have grown up in a very stressful world. Their generation is rife with anxiety and depression. My kids are scared to raise kids in this era. I'm sad, but understand their positions.

How? There has never been a safer time to be alive. The greatest access to medications, food, technology etc.

For those that can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD has said she was a teen that she didn't want kids. Ha-ha ok you will change your mind is what everyone always told her. No, she's never wavered. She's in her late 20s and has been married for 3 years now (with her husband for 8 years total). She just told me that she found a doctor who was willing to do a tubal ligation so she could be done with birth control. It felt like a gut punch when she told me.

DS is in his early 30s and is getting married this fall. He's been with his fiancée for 4 years and they too have told us they have zero desire for kids. I thought for sure they would have kids as she's an elementary teacher and works at a kids camp in the summer.

How do I get over these feelings of failure? I know I raised great kids but at the same time, I feel like both are being selfish and it makes me angry. Is this something therapy helps with?

When my teenager said that, I told her matter-of-factly that she didn't need to make that decision at this point in time.

[Anonymous]

It's wild that people think having children is optional. One of the few things we require from our kids: grandchildren. Investing all that time and money for children to selfishly end your family is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this is one of the reasons I had eight kids. It’s the only sensible way to keep the species going. People who want kids should have lots so the DINKS can get on with it.

Good lord. It’s a vagina, not a clown car.

My uterus is holding up just fine, thank you very much. Your knowledge of anatomy is clearly on a level with your manners. Love how everyone is all about exercising one’s reproductive choices until someone exercises it in the other direction

Overpopulation has real consequences beyond you and your desires. Have all the kids you want, I won't try to stop you. But I'll sure as hell judge you, and that is my right as an American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not too late, at least with the son. He may change his mind or get someone pregnant or whatnot. DD might regret her operation later on but it will be too late, but overall she is a lost cause wrt grandkids. Concentrate on the son!

Yes, OP, pray that your son is a sloppy, irresponsible contraceptor, AND that the woman in question actually wants his baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's wild that people think having children is optional. One of the few things we require from our kids: grandchildren. Investing all that time and money for children to selfishly end your family is insane.

How exactly are you going to enforce this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD has said she was a teen that she didn't want kids. Ha-ha ok you will change your mind is what everyone always told her. No, she's never wavered. She's in her late 20s and has been married for 3 years now (with her husband for 8 years total). She just told me that she found a doctor who was willing to do a tubal ligation so she could be done with birth control. It felt like a gut punch when she told me.

DS is in his early 30s and is getting married this fall. He's been with his fiancée for 4 years and they too have told us they have zero desire for kids. I thought for sure they would have kids as she's an elementary teacher and works at a kids camp in the summer.

How do I get over these feelings of failure? I know I raised great kids but at the same time, I feel like both are being selfish and it makes me angry. Is this something therapy helps with?

Therapy stat. Your raised kids who know what they want. That is a good thing. Your kids are adults. Their choices have no reflection on you. Stop taking it personally. And get therapy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this at all. I want my kids to be happy. Whether or not they have children is irrelevant.

I have never in my life thought "wow, I can't wait until I have grandchildren."

Why did you have kids?

np What does it matter? It has nothing to do with op's not wanting kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this is one of the reasons I had eight kids. It’s the only sensible way to keep the species going. People who want kids should have lots so the DINKS can get on with it.

Good lord. It’s a vagina, not a clown car.

My uterus is holding up just fine, thank you very much. Your knowledge of anatomy is clearly on a level with your manners. Love how everyone is all about exercising one’s reproductive choices until someone exercises it in the other direction

Well my one aunt had seven and there are only like 3 grandchildren. Sure they had some but I'm sure the others were like no, thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would feel sad, too, Op. I think your feelings are normal.

+1 This is becoming sadly common with this generation. I have 21 cousins (aged 50-70) and between us, 40 kids, and yet there are only six grandchildren, and the ones young enough to still have kids all express some version of not wanting to marry or have kids. I'm hearing similar things from lots of friends.

What is going on?

Women are waking up that's what. They don't want to have to work a job and then take on the second job of raising kids and taking care of the home and emotional stuff. Society still expects women to care for the family. Men think because they are doing a tiny bit more they should get a medal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make the inheritance contingent upon having grandchildren to provide an incentive.

Bad idea. I would not accept your money with strings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's wild that people think having children is optional. One of the few things we require from our kids: grandchildren. Investing all that time and money for children to selfishly end your family is insane.

Lots of things are optional. Getting married is too! You are as bad as the op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's wild that people think having children is optional. One of the few things we require from our kids: grandchildren. Investing all that time and money for children to selfishly end your family is insane.

How exactly are you going to enforce this?

You don't "enforce" this, but you sure as heck raise your children to understand that the purpose of marriage is for a woman and man to raise children within the family unit. Also, when they start forming families, you support them financially with your savings from a lifetime of work. Any children who pursue a more selfish life are not assisted.

In short, if you want more of something, you subsidize it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would feel sad, too, Op. I think your feelings are normal.

+1 This is becoming sadly common with this generation. I have 21 cousins (aged 50-70) and between us, 40 kids, and yet there are only six grandchildren, and the ones young enough to still have kids all express some version of not wanting to marry or have kids. I'm hearing similar things from lots of friends.

What is going on?

Women are waking up that's what. They don't want to have to work a job and then take on the second job of raising kids and taking care of the home and emotional stuff. Society still expects women to care for the family. Men think because they are doing a tiny bit more they should get a medal.

Women are "waking up" to weeding themselves out of the gene pool. Know quite a few female professionals with no children or maybe one. Their values aren't being transmitted to the next generation while the moms who do the domestic work and have four kids have a much better shot of being represented in the future. This problem self-corrects in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's wild that people think having children is optional. One of the few things we require from our kids: grandchildren. Investing all that time and money for children to selfishly end your family is insane.

Lots of things are optional. Getting married is too! You are as bad as the op

I haven't met an adult man or woman without multiple kids I'd consider a success.