I don't think I can be friends with moms who drive huge SUVs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you consider a huge SUV? A Toyota Highlander or Honda Pilot or are we talking Suburbans and Escalades?

Pilots drive like cars. If you have 3 teen boys 6 feet and above (I do and lets not forget the husband), and a large breed dog (90 pounds) that comes on family vacations something of this size is a must.

Are you opposed to Minivans too? We have the necessary third row given the size or our kids (size of men) and the dog and we often drive up to Maine so need the leg room.

I have to admit the Suburbans and Navigators that are inevitably in the wrong place at pick up blocking everyone else can be annoying as F, but if someone can actually drive it properly and obeys the same rules as everyone else that I could care less what they drive.

I tend to drive the small beater car in the city and we live in a walkable neighborhood so unless we are going to one of the many sports' events, we WAH and don't really drive.

Yeah. Try squeezing all of that into a Prius

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Enjoy your Prius

I no longer have a Prius. That was in high school and I pointed that out because that's how I grew up. It was very important to my parents that I don't contribute to global warming so hence the Prius. Big SUVs are so wasteful. That's a fact Americans love to ignore.

You and your family sound insufferable. We have a Prius AND a big big SUV. A Prius can’t tow my horses around a yes the horses fart and probably contribute to glow or warming too. You are ridiculous. Live your life and let other people live theirs. You have no idea why people do what they do or whether they tells you anything about their values. You just don’t.

Hit a nerve? Driving a huge suv does tell you something about people's values. "Live your life and let others waste, pollute, consume, blah blah. It's the American way. Go America!

And you know what. Yeah. Go America. It’s the best and most free country in the world and we are sending so much help and care to turkey right now so why don’t you just shut up for half a beat and be incredibly grateful that you are here and not there. If you don’t like the American way, leave.

This comment is ironic because last night when a man was shooting people at Michigan State for no freaking reason and college kids were cowering in their dorm rooms and parents where frantically trying to find out if they were okay, I thought to myself: this isn't freedom.

You think freedom is driving your giant SUV. I think freedom is not worrying about being hit by a giant SUV, or my kid being run over by one.

I'd freaking love to leave this stupid country.

You, I would be friends with !

+ 2. Our country encourages mindless zero-sum selfishness as we can see from the idiots who responded with a quickness to this thread to soothe themselves - falsely - that they aren’t dumb dongs driving around in their unnecessary tank cars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I drive a large SUV (downsized from a Suburban when first kid went to college). With 4 kids, it enabled me to have a friend for at least three of them in the car at the same time. I was able to transport many kids to birthday parties, games or playdates. I drove for people who "can't fit them all in my car." And yes, I felt like it was safer for my family. You do you, OP and I'll do me.

Its only safe because there are other SUVs on the road. Thats like saying I feel safer having a gun....but you only feel safer because other people have guns. If we remove the guns, you arent constantly trying to one up people for "SAFETY".

[Anonymous]

good for you, anything else you want to complain about?

[Anonymous]

If you cared about the environment, you'd still be living in an apartment in the city where you can walk everywhere. Hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care about the SUV’s specifically but yes these types of people are why I don’t really have good friends. I can’t relate to them at all - we are friendly acquaintances and that’s it.

I feel the same about the ski trips out west, home remodels, country clubs, private schools, etc. It’s just never ending for many of these families and I feel like an alien visiting a foreign land I don’t understand. And I’ve been here 15 years.

This, I don't get any of it. It's a values system I wasn't raised with and don't understand.

The thing in the OP I most relate to is that feeling when you notice that a bunch of the people around you all have the exact same thing, like there was a memo that went out. It reminds me of this one woman on my neighborhood listserv who sometimes posts things like, "Ok y'all, what shoes are we all buying for the littles now? Are Natives still in or have people found something better?" It is always extremely jarring to me because she's not asking for a recommendation, she wants to know what "everyone" is doing so that she can do it too. This is such a strange way to go through life, it would not occur to me. When I see her posts, I always click on them so I can read them and the responses, it's like being Jane Goodall or something. Fascinating, but something I observe from a distance.

PP and yes this exactly. It’s a whole mindset, not just the SUV. I feel like such an imposter and so out of place. I think “my people” are probably somewhere in rural New England but I hate the cold and winter so no idea where I will go when my kids finish HS. Thank goodness my DH gets it and gets me. If not I would be totally lost.

I sound like my mother but, with that kind of attitude you are destined to fail. There are all kinds of people everywhere. If you want to 'find' your people then you need to make yourself open and to a degree vulnerable. It sounds as if you are going in with a chip on your shoulder and judging people before you even speak to them. If you want people not to judge you on superficial things then you need to not judge others on superficial things. I am friends with all different kinds of people from the super fancy Real Housewives type to the no make up, leggings crowd. They are all good people and beneath our clothing choices, we have a lot of things in common and a lot of fun. I show up to their fancy things in what I can muster and they overdress for my BBQ - what bonds us is our interests, our kids, our passions, our experiences. You are missing a lot of joy in your life if you just write off a whole group of people based on assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you cared about the environment, you'd still be living in an apartment in the city where you can walk everywhere. Hypocrite.

But what is interesting about that conundrum is because we don't tax the shite out of people coming into the city from the suburbs, there is an insane pollution effect for those who are walking. Because....most people are driving. When a city becomes easier to traverse and less expensive to walk/public transport then you can change it on a population level. Sure there will be super wealthy people who can afford the excess cost but we won't ever be able to tax them out of it anyways AND they don't have the same exposure to pollution so they don't really care. Theyve also decided that their accumulation of wealth will insulate them from the eventual fallout and/or that they will be dead by the time it happens soooo YOLO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The funniest thing about this thread is all the people patting themselves on the back for their perceived virtue, and castigating others for their lack of virtue, really and truly believe that individual changes matter one iota with respect to climate change. They don't. If it makes you feel better, fine, but if you really believe that driving an Accord as opposed to a Suburban changes anything at all, you don't have two brain cells to rub together.

I disagree. The thread isn't even just about SUVs and the environment. The thread is about how it's hard to be friends with people who engage in this kind of competitive consumerism and lifestyle. It's not that people drive SUVs, it's that ALL the families in this particular group drive the same SUVs. Their kids do the same activities to the same degree. They wear the same clothes. The go on the same vacations.

I don't want to be friends with people like that either. Because they are communicating to me that they value not only these specific things (large vehicles, travel sports, conspicuous consumption) but also that they value being part of the group that does it. And that makes me nervous. If I became friends with those women, would I suddenly feel like I needed an SUV or to dress my kids a certain way or to travel to certain places just to fit in? I don't want to do things just to fit in. On the other hand, I also don't want to constantly be the outlier in a group, the one person who doesn't do the thing that everyone else does. It's fine to be an outlier sometimes, everyone is. It sucks to be a permanent outlier, "the weird one."

Which is why I value a community where you don't see that kind of sameness. I bet if OP encountered a group of moms at the grocery store and one or two of them had SUVS, one one of them was talking about travel soccer while the others clearly didn't do it, where they were dressed differently for their various lives/jobs/hobbies, she wouldn't have had this reaction, even if she doesn't like SUVs in general. Maybe the two moms with SUVs have big families, maybe one of them is a florist and needs it for transport, who knows.

But when EVERYONE is doing the same thing, you know that some people are just doing it because it's what people do. It's off-putting. I wouldn't want to be friends with them either, and I have friends who drive SUVs, and friends who's kids are in travel sports. But I also have friends who aren't, and I can't imagine a situation where I would be around a group of moms I know and we'd all be driving the same car, talking about the same activity, wearing the same clothes, etc. First off, that sounds boring. But also I just seek out more diversity in my relationships than that.

[Anonymous]

I can't even imagine basing my friends on what kind of cars they drive. It is so incredibly shallow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enjoy your Prius

I no longer have a Prius. That was in high school and I pointed that out because that's how I grew up. It was very important to my parents that I don't contribute to global warming so hence the Prius. Big SUVs are so wasteful. That's a fact Americans love to ignore.

But a Prius does contribute to global warming. So does a Tesla, for that matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'd freaking love to leave this stupid country.

You, I would be friends with !

I wish you would both leave.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I drive an SUV because it's safer and I couldn't care less about what some neighborhood busybody thought about it.

It's safer FOR YOU. It's actually more dangerous for everyone else.

https://slate.com/business/2022/11/suv-size-truck-bloat-pedestrian-deaths.html

It's cute how you think I meant anything other than "IT'S SAFER FOR ME"

we are aware.

I'm sure everyone other than me buys a car thinking "geez, how would a pedestrian feel if my new car hit him/her." What a stupid premise. What I do care about is that if another huge SUV/Truck hits my car on the highway. I'd rather be protected. And so would you, but apparently, you're too much of a troll to admit it.

DP.

In my case, I care only about my kids’ safety. MY KIDS COME FIRST! I will do anything to protect my children.

Any mom who would not put their kids first, well - there is something seriously wrong with that mom.

So all the moms driving sedans have something wrong with them? Uh huh?

A friend used to bring kids to school in a Burly brand trailer, behind his e-bike, because that’s how he did it in Europe. Then he got hit by an SUV, which destroyed the e-bike.

You want to drive your kids around the DC area in a Smart Car? A Miata? Just bicycle everyplace?

OK - whatever.

It is your choice and your life (and your kids life). Feel free to make whatever judgements and decisions you like.

Driving at all is putting your kids lives' at significant risk. I walk my kids to school, much safer. You do you, though.

[Anonymous]

You'd hate our cars too. Good thing I don't need your permission since you aren't buying them. I love a bigger SUV and plan to get one for our next car. Far more comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The funniest thing about this thread is all the people patting themselves on the back for their perceived virtue, and castigating others for their lack of virtue, really and truly believe that individual changes matter one iota with respect to climate change. They don't. If it makes you feel better, fine, but if you really believe that driving an Accord as opposed to a Suburban changes anything at all, you don't have two brain cells to rub together.

I disagree. The thread isn't even just about SUVs and the environment. The thread is about how it's hard to be friends with people who engage in this kind of competitive consumerism and lifestyle. It's not that people drive SUVs, it's that ALL the families in this particular group drive the same SUVs. Their kids do the same activities to the same degree. They wear the same clothes. The go on the same vacations.

I don't want to be friends with people like that either. Because they are communicating to me that they value not only these specific things (large vehicles, travel sports, conspicuous consumption) but also that they value being part of the group that does it. And that makes me nervous. If I became friends with those women, would I suddenly feel like I needed an SUV or to dress my kids a certain way or to travel to certain places just to fit in? I don't want to do things just to fit in. On the other hand, I also don't want to constantly be the outlier in a group, the one person who doesn't do the thing that everyone else does. It's fine to be an outlier sometimes, everyone is. It sucks to be a permanent outlier, "the weird one."

Which is why I value a community where you don't see that kind of sameness. I bet if OP encountered a group of moms at the grocery store and one or two of them had SUVS, one one of them was talking about travel soccer while the others clearly didn't do it, where they were dressed differently for their various lives/jobs/hobbies, she wouldn't have had this reaction, even if she doesn't like SUVs in general. Maybe the two moms with SUVs have big families, maybe one of them is a florist and needs it for transport, who knows.

But when EVERYONE is doing the same thing, you know that some people are just doing it because it's what people do. It's off-putting. I wouldn't want to be friends with them either, and I have friends who drive SUVs, and friends who's kids are in travel sports. But I also have friends who aren't, and I can't imagine a situation where I would be around a group of moms I know and we'd all be driving the same car, talking about the same activity, wearing the same clothes, etc. First off, that sounds boring. But also I just seek out more diversity in my relationships than that.

You are calling everyone weak-minded and conformist, and yet you are so afraid that you won't be able to resist the clarion call of the white SUV that you refuse to befriend people who drive them? Who is the sheep, yeesh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The funniest thing about this thread is all the people patting themselves on the back for their perceived virtue, and castigating others for their lack of virtue, really and truly believe that individual changes matter one iota with respect to climate change. They don't. If it makes you feel better, fine, but if you really believe that driving an Accord as opposed to a Suburban changes anything at all, you don't have two brain cells to rub together.

I disagree. The thread isn't even just about SUVs and the environment. The thread is about how it's hard to be friends with people who engage in this kind of competitive consumerism and lifestyle. It's not that people drive SUVs, it's that ALL the families in this particular group drive the same SUVs. Their kids do the same activities to the same degree. They wear the same clothes. The go on the same vacations.

I don't want to be friends with people like that either. Because they are communicating to me that they value not only these specific things (large vehicles, travel sports, conspicuous consumption) but also that they value being part of the group that does it. And that makes me nervous. If I became friends with those women, would I suddenly feel like I needed an SUV or to dress my kids a certain way or to travel to certain places just to fit in? I don't want to do things just to fit in. On the other hand, I also don't want to constantly be the outlier in a group, the one person who doesn't do the thing that everyone else does. It's fine to be an outlier sometimes, everyone is. It sucks to be a permanent outlier, "the weird one."

Which is why I value a community where you don't see that kind of sameness. I bet if OP encountered a group of moms at the grocery store and one or two of them had SUVS, one one of them was talking about travel soccer while the others clearly didn't do it, where they were dressed differently for their various lives/jobs/hobbies, she wouldn't have had this reaction, even if she doesn't like SUVs in general. Maybe the two moms with SUVs have big families, maybe one of them is a florist and needs it for transport, who knows.

But when EVERYONE is doing the same thing, you know that some people are just doing it because it's what people do. It's off-putting. I wouldn't want to be friends with them either, and I have friends who drive SUVs, and friends who's kids are in travel sports. But I also have friends who aren't, and I can't imagine a situation where I would be around a group of moms I know and we'd all be driving the same car, talking about the same activity, wearing the same clothes, etc. First off, that sounds boring. But also I just seek out more diversity in my relationships than that.

You have spun up this whole fantasy based on OP's account of a short observation she made of people she doesn't really know in a parking lot. Attributing values and beliefs to people you never met based on their appearance. Ironically, it's because you believe these women are shallow, but it's you making snap judgments based on superficial criteria.