Reply to I don't think I can be friends with moms who drive huge SUVs

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The funniest thing about this thread is all the people patting themselves on the back for their perceived virtue, and castigating others for their lack of virtue, really and truly believe that individual changes matter one iota with respect to climate change.  They don't.  If it makes you feel better, fine, but if you really believe that driving an Accord as opposed to a Suburban changes anything at all, you don't have two brain cells to rub together.  [/quote]

I disagree. The thread isn't even just about SUVs and the environment. The thread is about how it's hard to be friends with people who engage in this kind of competitive consumerism and lifestyle. It's not that people drive SUVs, it's that ALL the families in this particular group drive the same SUVs. Their kids do the same activities to the same degree. They wear the same clothes. The go on the same vacations.

I don't want to be friends with people like that either. Because they are communicating to me that they value not only these specific things (large vehicles, travel sports, conspicuous consumption) but also that they value being part of the group that does it. And that makes me nervous. If I became friends with those women, would I suddenly feel like I needed an SUV or to dress my kids a certain way or to travel to certain places just to fit in? I don't want to do things just to fit in. On the other hand, I also don't want to constantly be the outlier in a group, the one person who doesn't do the thing that everyone else does. It's fine to be an outlier sometimes, everyone is. It sucks to be a permanent outlier, "the weird one."

Which is why I value a community where you don't see that kind of sameness. I bet if OP encountered a group of moms at the grocery store and one or two of them had SUVS, one one of them was talking about travel soccer while the others clearly didn't do it, where they were dressed differently for their various lives/jobs/hobbies, she wouldn't have had this reaction, even if she doesn't like SUVs in general. Maybe the two moms with SUVs have big families, maybe one of them is a florist and needs it for transport, who knows.

But when EVERYONE is doing the same thing, you know that some people are just doing it because it's what people do. It's off-putting. I wouldn't want to be friends with them either, and I have friends who drive SUVs, and friends who's kids are in travel sports. But I also have friends who aren't, and I can't imagine a situation where I would be around a group of moms I know and we'd all be driving the same car, talking about the same activity, wearing the same clothes, etc. First off, that sounds boring. But also I just seek out more diversity in my relationships than that.[/quote]

You have spun up this whole fantasy based on OP's account of a short observation she made of people she doesn't really know in a parking lot.  Attributing values and beliefs to people you never met based on their appearance.  Ironically, it's because you believe these women are shallow, but it's you making snap judgments based on superficial criteria.  [/quote]

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